Take Good Care of the Poor Boy
by sloanne
Summary: Jack Kelly never wanted a brother, and Sean Conlon didn't want any friends. Neither boy got what he wanted. Cowritten by Funkiechick and Studentnumber24601. Prequel to Everything You've Done Wrong. Slash, drugs, language. COMPLETE.
1. Passing Go

**Sloanne is not a single person, but is a writing team made up of Funkiechick and Studentnumber24601. This is the prequel to our fic _Everything You've Done Wrong,_ but it takes place first, so it can be read alone. _Newsies_ belongs to Disney, not us, sadly.**

_**Take Good Care of the Poor Boy**_

Everybody sees me  
But it's not that easy  
Standing in the light field  
Standing in the light field  
Waiting for some actionWaiting for some action  
-The Strokes, _Juicebox_

**_Chapter One: Passing Go_**

Jack dropped his backpack, and it landed on his foot. He swore, and jumped away, his mother giving him a tired look. He always reacted to things like this. She knew it was coming, but _still._

"Jack, _really_."

"But..." Jack whined, sitting down across from her at the kitchen table and nursing his foot. "But you never said you were going to _take_ him. You said you were iffy because his records said he had 'serious behavioral problems'."

She raised her eyebrows. "Well, I changed my mind."

"Without telling me!"

"You know why I'm doing it, Jack."

Jack looked a little hurt at that, and he looked back down at his foot. His long hair fell in his face, and Denise clucked her tongue. She always wanted him to get it cut. "Jack..."

"Whatever, you're the one who has to deal with him."

"_Jack_."

"_Mom_."

"Jack, come on. I want you to be okay with this. He's a special case."

Jack glared at her. He'd had a few foster siblings before and didn't want another. They were always annoying and screwed up, and they certainly screwed up _his_ life. It always went from being such a nice, almost-normal, fun existence to... Well, bad. Someone in his space all the time, space neither of them wanted to share...

His mother sighed. "Okay, I know you're not thrilled about the idea. But Jack, he needs our help. He's..."

"'Special,'" Jack repeated. "With 'severe behavioral disorders.' Mom, why do we need someone like that--"

"We don't need him, Jack. He needs _us_."

Jack rolled his eyes, but didn't argue with her. She was like that... After all, that was why she'd adopted _him_. He'd needed a home and needed a mother, and she'd given him both.

"Fine," he finally muttered. "I don't like the idea, but _fine_."

"Good." She smiled. "He'll be here tomorrow afternoon."

"So what's his name, anyway?" Jack asked, still annoyed.

"Sean," she answered. "Sean Conlon."

Jack huffed. "Sounds stupid," he said childishly.

"Would you just pick up your backpack and go to school?" Denise snapped. "Please, you're more mature than this."

"Am _not_." Jack grabbed his backpack. "So...can David still come to dinner tomorrow?"

Denise sighed. "Well, I don't know, we'll see how Sean's doing." She stood up and finished up her coffee. "Listen, Jack, please try to be civil about this."

Jack watched her rinse her coffee cup out in the sink and once again couldn't get over how much he loved his mother, despite her not...technically being his mother.

"Yeah..." Jack trailed off, embarrassed that he'd been a brat. "I'll be civil."

She smiled at him from the sink. "Go on, you'll be late. And you need gas for the van."

"Okay."

"And pick up some milk on your way home."

"Yeah."

"And Dutchy wants you to give him a ride." She jerked her thumb towards the phone. "He called while you were showering."

Jack grumbled in annoyance as he walked out the door.

Jack found school that day to be... Well, bad. He was trying to ignore the news he'd gotten, but couldn't get it out of his mind. He didn't want a foster brother. This Sean Conlon person sounded pretty rotten, from what Denise had told him. He'd been thrown out or pulled out of his last few foster homes after causing too much trouble for people to handle. According to Denise, his file said he smoked and drank and swore too much.

She'd raised an eyebrow at Jack. 'Sounds like he'll fit right in.'

Jack hadn't answered. Usually, his mother pretended she didn't know about the drinking or the smoking, though he messed up and swore in front of her too often to pretend she didn't know about that.

So the day had started out bad enough--and then he'd run into his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, and saw her flirting with some guy on the basketball team and found himself insanely jealous; they were broken up, but then, they broke up once every few months, so it wasn't like she had a reason to flirt with anyone else...

He angrily shlumped his way through school, avoiding most of his friends. The only friend he wanted to talk to didn't go to his school anymore. Stupid David had been too smart for his own good and had a scholarship to some freaking private school across town... And that meant he was never around anymore when Jack needed him.

And Jack _needed_ him today.

Which was why Jack promptly told his friend, Itey, to tell his chem teacher that he was sick, because he sure as hell was skipping fourth period chem to go get David out of his preppy ass school to console him.

Jack was a bad driver, and he couldn't help but notice that when he got into the richer areas of town, he got the finger _more_, especially from little old ladies sitting in the back of their limos.

Jack casually flipped off an old lady right back and made a right turn, parking smack in front of the school.

And when he jumped out of the car, realized how far he'd parked from the curb. "Oh, well..." he muttered, and hurried inside.

He stood just inside the foyer and _gaped_.

David's new school was... Well, not _totally_ new to him, as he'd been there a few times since David had transferred. That had been at the beginning of ninth grade, a full two and a half years previously. But it never failed to shock him. This school had serious money, and it showed in every way possible. The school shone like janitors maybe actually _polished_ instead of sweeping, and the architecture was all high arches and marble and felt kind of like some cathedral more than a school.

A sign hung nearby that said 'main office.' He debated where to go, since he had no idea where to _find_ David... But didn't have to approach the office because the bell rang and the hallway flooded with students, all in the same navy and gray uniform. People gave him strange looks and avoided him; after all, he was clearly an outsider. He stuck out like a sore thumb.

But it made it all the easier for David to find _him_.

David saw him across the crowded hall and waved, picked his way over to where Jack stood, flanked by two guys: a short Italian boy who was scowling, and a much more pleasant looking boy with dark skin and a nice smile.

"Jack!" David said, surprised, once they reached him. He touched Jack's arm a little, and then pulled back. The friendly look kind of evaporated. "Why aren't you in class?"

"Skipped, Davey," Jack continued, cutting David off before he could scold Jack about skipping. Because he always did. "Davey, I have to talk to you."

"I'm kind of at school," David said, then noticed that his nice-looking friend was clearing his throat. "Oh, uh... Jack this is Michael. And--"

"Yeah, I have English," the Italian kid snapped, giving Jack's clothes the once-over. "_Bye_." With that, he briskly walked by Jack, bumping Jack's elbow with his own as he went.

Jack stared after him. "Fine, _dick_."

"Tony is _not_ a dick," Michael defended firmly, then he smiled. "He's had a bad day, uh, well, you two talk and I'll go catch up with Tony." He touched Jack's arm, and it was then that Jack was positive this kid was gay. "Okay, nice meeting you, see you, Dave. _Tony, wait_!" Michael ran off.

Jack looked angrily at David.

"Tony _is_ kind of a dick..." He trailed off. "So, what's wrong? I have class, Jack, I--"

"This is important, Davey, come on..."

David sighed. "Jack..."

"Dave, Mom decided to take the foster kid after all."

"Oh." David sighed. "Well... Okay, _fine_. Let's go talk in the van, I've got lunch the period after this so we've got awhile..."

"Thanks, Davey." Jack managed a slight smile and almost put an arm around David as they walked out of the school building, David glancing around guiltily. He wasn't usually the skipping class type, but just having him there made Jack feel a little better. David was like that.

"So _those_ are the guys you're friends with?" Jack asked as they walked.

"Yeah," David agreed. "They're pretty cool, really. I mean..." He shrugged. "Tony's spoiled and all, but he's not so bad underneath. He just, uh, _acts_ like he is. But Mush--Michael--well, he's a sweet guy. You'd like him a lot."

"Yeah, sure." But somehow, Jack doubted that. He didn't like them sort of as a concept--he didn't like David being friends with people he didn't know, it just reminded him that there was a whole part of David's life where he didn't belong. He hated that feeling.

They reached the van and Jack unlocked it. David wrinkled his nose as they climbed inside. "Did something die in here?"

"I think there's an old cheeseburger in the back somewhere that Dutchy left."

"Jack, that's disgusting."

"Blame him, not me."

David made another slight 'ught' noise, and settled in to the familiar shotgun seat, then looked expectantly at Jack. "Well?" he asked.

Jack sighed and didn't say anything. It always took him awhile to gather his thoughts.

David knew that, and waited patiently, fiddling with the buttons on his grey vest. Jack looked at him fondly. Jack always noticed that David fiddled constantly, usually making himself look more _clean_. David was a very clean looking teenager. He was a clean looking person in general.

Jack sighed. "Apparently the guy has...'behavioral disorders'."

"So did you, for awhile."

"That was a long time ago!" Jack protested. "And has nothing to do with this _Sam_ or _Sean_ or whatever his name is. Mom is all gung ho and being Santa Claus and we're stuck with some bad little boy without a family." There was a silence after this and then Jack wrinkled his nose. "Oh man, Davey, I sound like an asshole."

"A...bit..." David smiled a little. "But Jack, come on, it's to be expected for you to be jealous--"

"I'm not _jealous_, I am concerned for the family's _welfare_ with the asshole kid!"

"--but you should give him a chance. You didn't have it easy and I bet you anything he hasn't either. Foster homes aren't fun."

"Yeah, well..." Jack pouted. "Davey, he'll be no more related to Mom than I am."

"So?" David asked.

"So... I don't know." Jack groaned. "Just, you know. It's weird to think of some stranger calling her Mom, and... Like, if she tries to help him but he's as bad as everything says he is, and she _can't_ help him she'll be really upset."

"Well, that's true," David said, smiling slightly. At least Jack was upset _mostly_ for the right reasons. "But she's a grown woman, Jack. I know how much you love her, but you can't protect her, if anything, she's supposed to protect _you_. She wants to do this, and if she can't make a difference... Then she'll deal with it, because that's what she has to do."

Jack shrugged. "Yeah, but--"

"Anyway, she's had experience dealing with problem children, _if_ you recall, Mister I-like-to-spraypaint-swearwords-on-the-front-of-the-house."

Jack laughed a little. "Davey, I was _eleven_. I grew out of it."

"Right. Because she helped you--so she actually knows what she's doing, and maybe she _can_ help this kid out."

"Yeah, but..." Jack groaned again. "But my life is gonna suck in the meantime. Like it always does when she does this."

"Well...think of _his_ life." Jack looked at David and raised his eyebrows skeptically. "Come on, I bet you ten dollars he doesn't want to be at your house anymore than you want him to be at your house. It's not easy, going from place to place like that. It probably just reminds him over and over again that...none of those families are actually _his_."

Jack blinked, and stared at his best friend. "David, how can you know this when you don't know him?"

"I read books."

"Well, I read comic books, and this is sounding more and more like the plot of one of the cheesy ones."

"One of the cheesy ones?"

"You know, the really bad ones."

David paused. "I'm going to class now."

"Daveeeeyyy..."

"Jack--"

"I'll buy hamburgers if you'll just come with me and let me whine."

"I did let you whine!" David exclaimed, but then Jack was pouting again. "_Fine_, but you can't expect me to skip class every time things suck."

"Yes, I can," Jack said, grinning, as he started up the van.

David opened his mouth to protest, but then didn't say anything because really, Jack was right and they both knew it.

* * *

When Sean first arrived at the Kelly household, Jack wasn't home from school yet. Jack discovered his spot in the driveway was being used by some random car, and scowled as he parked by the curb, ushered the people he'd driven home out of his car, and grabbed his bag. He usually gave a few guys a ride home--they lived within a couple blocks of his house anyway, and really, they were the people he spent most of his time with. Well, them plus David, who lived only three houses away.

Suspiciously, he let himself into the house--usually his mother wouldn't be home yet either, but he could hear her voice. He made his way to the dining room, and then stared--and then glared.

Sean had arrived. He, Denise, and someone who Jack assumed was a social worker were sitting at the table. The social worker was smiling and looked like, well, every other social worker Jack had ever seen, and Jack had seen quite a few. He was a little frazzled and probably vastly underpaid.

On the other hand, Sean was glaring back at Jack even more darkly. His hair was too long and got ratty at the ends. It had clearly been dyed black at some point, but had faded to a scraggly brown color. Sean's face was pretty, almost like a girl, but the look on it was just plain mean. His clothes hung off him, too large--Jack noticed he was abnormally skinny--and his t-shirt proudly proclaimed, 'Fuck you,' in bright red letters on black background.

"Jack!" Denise greeted him quickly. "Come in, sit down. Jack, this is Sean; Sean, my son, Jack."

"Hi," Jack said, pulling out a chair for himself.

"Fuck you," Sean answered, glaring at Jack almost challengingly--wanting to see if Jack would take that.

Jack narrowed his eyes, but took it. With his mother right there, he didn't have much of a choice.

The social worker let out a nervous laugh and adjusted his shirt nervously. "Well...as we spoke about, Sean isn't very comfortable in conversation. He likes his privacy. And uh...well, I know you're interested in making him as comfortable as possible. But he does have to develop some sort of relationships with people, do you understand?"

Denise was clearly not impressed with the way the man was speaking of Sean as if he weren't there. It was written all over her face, and this also seemed to be making the social worker nervous.

"Well," Denise said. "We all have our ways of dealing with things."

"Yes, but--"

"And our own time for accepting others."

The man cleared his throat. "I know that; it's my job to know that. No need to tell me."

A long pause followed. The tension could have been cut with a knife.

"Uh..." Jack finally said. "Anyone want coffee...or...anything?" Jack looked at Sean tentatively. "Want anything?"

"I _said,_ fuck you."

"I'll have a root beer, thanks, Jack," Denise said. "Can I interest you in some coffee before you leave?" she added to the social worker, as Jack stood up again.

"No thanks, I--"

"Then that'll be all." Denise smiled, and Jack knew she'd just won some kind of argument. He walked off to the kitchen, by the time he got back Denise had left to walk the guest to the door. Sean sat exactly where he'd been before.

"So, uh..." Jack set down Denise's soda and looked over at Sean. "What's... up?"

Sean turned to look at him, and Jack expected another 'fuck you.' Instead, though, Sean just gave him a long, measuring look, then snorted with disdain and looked away.

He hadn't said anything, but the message was pretty clear. Jack had a lot of experience with rejection, but rarely had it ever been so... flatly dismissive before. Usually girls at least pretended to feel bad.

But then, Sean may have been pretty, but he was definitely not a girl.

"You're getting a good room," Jack said, sticking his hands in his pockets. "It gets most of the sun. More than mine does."

Nothing.

"You hungry or anything?"

Sean didn't reply this time either, but he did move. He moved his hand up and bit a little at his knuckle. It was obviously a habit, because his knuckles were a little red and scarred. Probably like biting nails.

Jack wrinkled his nose a little, and stared up at the ceiling. He hated awkward situations. He usually pretended they weren't happening by talking. Jack really liked to hear himself talk.

But not now. This was too awkward even for him.

Fuck, this guy was so _skinny_...

Jack opened his mouth and was about to start talking again when Denise breezed back into the room. "Everyone getting along?" she asked, picking up the rootbeer and popping the tab. Neither of the boys answered, and she continued, "So, Sean, the ground rules: you get a key and lock the house when you leave. You leave a note on the pad in the kitchen telling me where you are, who you're with, the phone number, and when you'll be back. You call if plans change, and your curfew is ten on school nights and two on weekends unless you've checked with me first. Okay?"

He stared at her, and said nothing.

"Come on," she sighed. "I shouldn't let you have _that_ much freedom but I want to do it. So just let me know you understand."

Again, nothing but a stare.

"_Sean_--"

"_Answer_ her, asshole!" Jack snapped, not able to just sit there and watch anymore.

Sean's gaze snapped back to Jack. "Why the fuck should I?"

"Because she's letting you--"

"Jack," Denise said quickly. Jack lost his steam, and collapsed back in the chair, glaring furiously at the floor. "So, Sean, we'll show you to your room. Grab your stuff."

Sean made no movement towards his duffle bag, which was in a careless heap by his feet.

Denise shrugged. "It's down the hall--come on."

Sean _did_ stand at that, but Jack assumed he probably wanted his own room as soon as possible so he could shut the door on him and Denise.

They walked off, and Jack was left staring at the bag.

He swore, picked it up, and followed them down the hall.

"So." Denise pushed the door open. "It's not the biggest room in the world, but it should suffice."

Sean looked in and didn't say or do anything else. The room was bare--it had been a guest room, but then, this wasn't the first time it had been converted to bedroom for a foster kid. There was a bed under the window, a dresser, a desk, and a full bookshelf without decorations. "So... Okay?" she asked.

"Fucking _spiffy_."

"Hey--" Jack started, but Denise reached out to take the bag from him.

"_Thank_ you, Jack," she said, and tossed it in to the empty room. "Well, it's not much, but we can go shopping for posters if you want. I figure you'd rather decorate it yourself than have me do it for you."

Jack glared at Sean as he looked over the room again, then muttered, "It's _fine_."

"Good!" She smiled enthusiastically. "Well, I need to get back to the office, but I'll pick up Chinese on the way home, and in the mean time, Jack can help you with anything you need."

"_Great,_" they both said at exactly the same time, and it infuriated Jack so much that he almost screamed. But since Sean didn't seem to react in any other way but glaring at Jack, Jack was none to shy to return the stare.

"Well," Denise said, smiling. "Call me at the office if you need anything." She smiled at Sean and touched Jack slightly on the back. Reassuring him. Silently giving him strength that he really needed.

Where did she get her patience?

She left the room, and Jack was left standing there, while Sean sat down on the bed, staring out the window.

"You sure you don't want food or anything?"

"_No_."

Jack gritted his teeth. "Do you--"

"She's gone; you can fuck off now."

"You fuck off!" Jack yelled a little, and then stormed out of the room.

Once out, he swore at himself. He was such an _idiot_. Why did such a loser bother him anyway?

He knew the answer. Because it was important to Denise.

So he grudgingly went back to the kitchen and poured Sean a glass of water anyway.

* * *

Sean stared out the window and tried not to think. He heard Jack's footsteps walking away, and smirked to himself; he didn't want to deal with anyone right then. Not the damn social worker, not some crazy woman who wanted to be his mother, and not some asshole teenager.

_Some crazy woman who wants to be my mother_... he thought vaguely, and snorted. Like she could be crazier than his actual parents... Well, maybe. She'd taken him in by _choice_, after all. His actual parents had been stuck with him.

At least, until his dad was arrested and he was taken away from his mom.

Sean sneezed and realized at once what caused it; the room smelled all sanitary, but over the background scent of cleaners was potpourri. He looked around and saw a small basket of it on the top of the dresser, and sneezed again, and felt sick. It was supposed to make the room smell good--it really just made him sick to his stomach.

His mother had used potpourri at home. In every room. His house had this smell to it... His father brought in a sort of insane, unidentifiable smell, and there was always the overwhelming stench of alcohol and vomit and cat piss, and instead of _doing_ something about it, his mother just put out more potpourri.

He hated the stuff. It smelled like _home_. And it made him want to puke.

He bit his tongue, wrapped his arms around himself. He wasn't about to puke. No way. He couldn't. He'd look like a dick if he did.

Not that he cared what these shitheads thought. Not the crazy woman or her bratty kid.

He felt the bile in his throat and he knew he was going to hurl whether he wanted to or not. He heard footsteps again as he stood up to look for a bathroom.

"I got you some--" Jack had a glass of water, and Sean purposefully walked up to him.

"Where's the bathroom?" he asked, sounding as mean as possible. Jack blinked and scowled as he led him down two or three rooms.

"I--"

Sean didn't listen to him. He just pushed by him inside, lifted the toilet seat and puked. Hard and disgustingly and painfully.

Jack heard it, and had to wince. But he wasn't about to check in on him.

So he didn't.

It was a few minutes before Sean recovered enough to straighten up and flush the toilet. He wiped his mouth with his hand and spat in the sink, trying to rid his mouth of the disgusting taste, but it didn't work.

On the other hand, when Jack handed him the glass of water. That helped a little. Not that he was going to say thank you or anything. Instead, he just glared.

"Are you okay?" Jack finally asked. "I'll call Mom's office, when she gets back they'll--"

"I'm _fine_." Spot took some more water, swished it around in his mouth and spat into the sink again.

"But you--"

"I'm fucking... I'm fucking allergic to the goddamn potpourri."

Sean glared at him, daring Jack to challenge him. Daring Jack to call him a pussy for being allergic to something so girly, really.

But Jack just shrugged. "Well, uh, we can air it out or--"

"Fine, whatever. Fuck off." Spot thrust the empty cup into his hand and stalked off down the hallway, back to the living room. Because damned if he was going back into a room that smelled like that.

Jack swore when Sarah answered the door, and once again he was painfully reminded that his best friend was related to his ex-non ex-ex girlfriend...currently _really_ ex, because the fight that had caused _this_ break up had been particularly bad.

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"I called. David knows I'm here. I'm here to see David. _David_!" Jack called over her shoulder. Sarah snorted and pushed him away.

"You have some nerve, Jack, coming over here to--"

"_Daaaaaave_--"

"--ignore me like what you did never happened and--"

"DAAAAAVE--"

"I'm _here_!" David shouted, pushing in next to Sarah. "Would you both please shut up?" David looked at Sarah. "Go _away_."

"Pussy," she shot back, and stalked off, glaring at Jack as she went.

David grumbled. "Sorry," he said. "I was on the computer."

"Yeah, well, I want to die."

"Uh oh..." David closed the door and went outside with him. Their ritual was walking each other home and back whenever the other needed to talk. "Is it bad?"

"_Yes_. I need someone sane to talk to. Talk to me."

"I am, Jack."

"He's so fucked up and weird and Mom is all talking about how we have to keep him comfortable and he puked and I don't know if..." Jack trailed off, after seeing the look on David's face. "If...I'm...sorry, Davey."

David blinked. "Sorry?"

"I'm complaining and being an idiot."

"Well--"

"And I'm done."

David smiled fondly. "No, you're not; you're a complainer, complain all you want."

"No, really," Jack said, looking at David, closely. "I really am fine. Just as long as you know...you're here to cheer me up, I don't want to complain."

There was a very awkward silence to follow that statement. Neither knew what to say exactly.

It sounded extremely and totally gay.

Finally, David snickered slightly and reached for his backpack. "Come on. Pizza, and you can play videogames while I do my homework. We'll kick out Sarah."

"We can do that?"

"Hang on. Let me try." He leaned out into the hallway. "_Sarah_, Missy and Chrissy called while you were in the shower and said they'd be at the mall and you should meet them!"

"'Kay, bye, then! Tell Jack to drop dead!"

And the sound of a door slamming shut.

"..._Did_ they--"

"No." David snorted. "Pizza, come on."

Jack grinned. "I _like_ you this way."

"Enough homosexual comments, please."

"Sorry." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Can I ask Les to play? He's really good at Tekken."

David shot him a disgusted look. David hated it when Jack and Les played video games together.

"Or you know, not."

"Extra cheese," David said, as they reached the kitchen. David gave him a piece of pizza with a napkin, on a very nice plate. David ate pizza wrong, Jack decided.

He looked over at his best friend, who was indeed, grabbing a knife and fork to eat his pizza with, and grinned.

Now he felt better.

David set about cutting his pizza and commented, "Dutchy says you picked up a new..." he coughed in that way that meant he was too embarrassed to say it, "_video_."

"It's porn, Davey," Jack laughed. "Normal guys _like_ it."

David glared at him. Jack looked sheepish. David wasn't really the type who watched porn.

"Anyway, he said people were going to your house this weekend to... to check it out."

"Yeah... Fuck, goddamnit."

"I had wondered. As though it wasn't weird enough for you to get people together and watch _that_ as a _group_ when it's meant to be _private_." David coughed again. "Anyway. Plans canceled?"

"Yes. Maybe. I don't know..." Jack groaned. "I don't wanna think about it anymore, I wanna play video games. For once don't be a nerd and play _with_ me."

"But you always win."

Jack shot him a grin. "I _know_."

"Well, _some_ of us are responsible, _some_ of us have homework to do."

"Bullshit, you just hate losing."

David narrowed his eyes. Jack smiled.

"I-have-homework-to-do."

"Okay, okay." Jack left his piece of pizza in his mouth, grabbed the whole box of it, and looked at David. "Lead the way!" Only it came out impaired due to the pizza.

David grinned, shook his head, and they walked together to David's room, where David did homework, and Jack ate a lot of pizza and played a lot of video games.

No school, no stressed mother, and no _Sean_.

* * *

B: We're baaaa-aaaaack! Did you miss us? You knew we couldn't stay away!

F: This world has consumed us. This is good and bad.

B: Mostly bad. But writing makes for some great escapism.

F: We're both very busy, but our love of the boys hasn't weakened. And nooowww, we get to learn a little bit about Spotty.

B: We love him and Jack. This is a very different fic from EYDW, though. Very brotherly, not so much romance, very little Race. But we like it anyway.

F: It's a big emotional trek, and I hope it's worth the big read. We realllyyy love writing this, guys.

B: Speaking of how much we love writing this, and writing these characters, if you haven't looked at our LJ community, you should. It's packed with extra scenes and shows you what happens to all of the boys, after EYDW ends... it's hot. But not in a skanky Paris Hilton way. The link is in our profile.

F: It's hot in the Special Collectors Edition DVD EYDW type way.

B: So that's it for now. Updates will be kind of slow... She's in college and I work full time. Retail. Ught. So we'll see you... in awhile. As soon as we can!

F: We work when we can and we still love each other, so there's a bond either way.

B: Ta! waves


	2. The Boys Next Door

_**Take Good Care of the Poor Boy**_

Well I woke up this morning  
On the wrong side of the bed  
And how I got to thinkin'  
About all those things you said  
About ordinary people  
And how they make you sick  
And if callin' names kicks back on you  
Then I hope this does the trick  
'Cause I'm a sick of your complainin'  
About how many bills  
And I'm sick of all your bitchin'  
Bout your poodles and your pills  
And I just can't see no humour  
About your way of life  
And I think I can do more for you  
With this here fork and knife  
Eat the Rich: there's only one thing they're good for  
Eat the Rich: take one bite now - come back for more  
Eat the Rich: I gotta get this off my chest  
Eat the Rich: take one bite now, spit out the rest  
-Aerosmith, _ Eat the Rich_

_**Chapter Two: The Boys Next Door**_

David was making slight scoffing noises and staring very hard at his pre-calculus textbook. Jack glanced over at him and smirked, because he caught David looking up and kind of... _staring_.

Jack glanced around at his other friends. There was Blink, who was only there because Jack had provided junk food and he thought porn was funny, because really, it wasn't _gay_ porn and Blink was... well, very, very gay. Something about his habit of wearing girls' flared jeans and sparkly t-shirts, though the look was somewhat upset by his eyepatch. Jack didn't even notice the flamboyance at this point, though; he'd known Blink since he'd moved in when he was ten, and Blink had _always_ been pretty flamboyant.

Itey was eating popcorn, legs crossed a little too tightly--Jack hid a snicker--and he was blushing a bright shade of red. It was really funny to watch Itey watch porn, because Itey always seemed so asexual that sometimes Jack wondered if _he_ was gay, too--girls flirted with him a surprising amount, considering how quiet he was, but Itey always turned them down. Jack didn't think he'd ever even _kissed_ someone.

So watching Itey watch someone have sex was kind of funny.

Dutchy was almost frighteningly into it, though. He was literally leering from behind his glasses, leaning forward a bit, couch cushion on his lap for rather obvious reasons. The only reason Jack thought Dutchy hadn't lost it entirely and run home to his own room and rather extensive collection of girlie mags was that he'd had another nose bleed; they were becoming more and more common. So while he stared, transfixed, he also held a tissue up to his nose to stop the bleeding.

It was kind of gross, but Jack was also kind of used to it. Dutchy seemed to have a lot of problems with the dry, February air, and so it was no longer unusual for him to just start bleeding.

Jack glanced back towards the hallway, but there was no sign of Sean. Sean had barely left his room, except for meals, and that was more than fine with Jack, who finally turned his attention back to the sort of hot but sort of disgusting things that were going on on the television.

David snorted at the screen. "Oh come on, that is _ridiculously_ improbable!"

"Shut up, David," they all said mechanically. Except Blink. He was snickering.

"Jack, would you turn that OFF?"

"No!"

"Turn it off, Jack."

_"No!"_

"Is that any way to talk to your wife, Jack?"

"Go masturbate, Dutchy," Jack growled. Dutchy seemed to be considering this option for a moment, but luckily no one knew the results because the door jerked open.

Jack jumped to cover the TV (no matter how much Denise knew about him, he really didn't want her to see him and his friends getting stiffies from a porno), but stopped when he saw it wasn't Denise. It was Sean.

Everyone did slight double takes when they saw who it was. Then took turns observing him, except for Dutchy, who was folding up his kleenex to get a fresher side to continue aiding his nose.

Sean sneered at everyone, stalked into the kitchen, and returned a moment later with a popsicle. He turned back, taking off the wrapper. "These your stupid friends, Jack-off?"

"Fuck you, Shawna." Yeah, he and Sean had been getting along _great._

"No thanks, you keep to your video watching gang bang."

At this point, Dutchy heard the words 'gang bang' and his head peeked up from the kleenex, which lay withered in his palm. He glanced at Sean, looked back at the TV, and then did a double take, a good long one. And his eyes widened when Sean took a nice suck of the popsicle.

Spot glanced at him and then down at the couch cushion on his lap and snorted.

"Uh..." Jack said, and shook his head. He'd try this again. "Sean, this is--" he started, gesturing at Itey, who was sitting next to him.

"Yeah, don't care that much." Sean started to walk off, then stopped, dropped his popsicle wrapper in David's hair, and started walking again.

"Hey, asshole!" Jack yelled. "Treat David with some respect, goddamnit!"

"You mean do him up the ass like you do?" Sean shot back, glancing over his shoulder and smirking.

Jack glared at him, not quite having a ready reply, while David looked slightly shocked and began picking popsicle juice out of his hair. Itey also looked pretty shocked, and Dutchy... well, Dutchy was grinning like an idiot watching porn with a couch cushion on his lap.

The silence lasted.

And finally, Blink snickered.

"Something funny?" Sean demanded.

"_That_ was," Blink answered.

Sean didn't say anything, just raised an eyebrow. Then glanced at Dutchy and gave his popsicle a long, almost obscene lick.

Dutchy half-whimpered.

Sean walked out of the room.

There was an awkward silence that followed Sean's departure. Itey cleared his throat, finally, and said, "I don't think he likes us."

Jack snorted.

"Oh my god, he's _so_ fucking..." Dutchy started dreamily, but Jack cut in.

"DON'T you even go there, pervert!"

"Whaaaaat?" Dutchy asked un-apologetically. "He _is_. Wasn't he hot, Blink?"

Blink shrugged. "If you like pretty boys."

"Man oh man, if he was licking my dick instead of that--"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Jack, settle down..." David said uneasily. "All of you just...go back to your porn, okay? No fighting please."

"You are such a woman, Davey," Blink said.

"He was _hot_."

"Oh for the love of CHRIST, Dutchy, go jerk off!"

"Okay." Dutchy stood and kind of embarrassedly set down the pillow, and Jack didn't mean to look, but Dutchy's jeans were rather loose so it _showed_ and he really hadn't wanted to know that much about Dutchy's anatomy, ever. But Dutchy fled the room quickly.

Itey shook his head a little, amused, and Blink snickered again.

"You just think everything is fucking hysterical tonight, don't you, _Ryan_?" Jack snapped.

Blink took the rare usage of his actual name in stride. "Sure is, _Francis_."

"Oh, fuck off."

"Guys..." David whined.

"What's his problem anyway?" Itey asked, not un-kindly.

Jack glared. "Who the fuck cares? GOD, I'm turning this off." Jack switched off the VCR, then the television, grumbling. Itey looked at David, guiltily, and David shrugged.

"Jack's in a bad mood, don't worry," David said.

"So is he nice to Denise?" Blink asked.

Jack, looked long and hard at Blink. "I _don't_ want to talk about this anymore."

Blink rolled his eye, but canned it.

Still though. He wouldn't admit it, but Sean had been...kind of cool.

But kind of cool by making him look so incredibly _uncool_ that... He shook his head. Sean wasn't cool. Sean was _psycho_.

People would realize that as soon as they saw him at school, Jack figured. Because unless Sean changed rather drastically, school was not going to go well at _all_.

* * *

Dutchy's kitchen was shabby and looked like no one cleaned it, because no one did, but it wasn't really _gross_ because no one really used it, either. Jack leaned back in his chair and sighed; he knew this was something his mother would not be happy about at all, but he needed to freaking _relax_.

He glanced over at Dutchy, who looked kind of depressed and whose hand was shaking very slightly, though Jack honestly had no idea _why_. They didn't smoke up that often; he and Blink had no problems with it.

But nonetheless, Dutchy's hand was shaking, while Blink lit up.

"I hate Sean so goddamn much," Jack mused.

"It shows," Blink said, letting air puff out from his nose. Dutchy grinned.

"I love it when you do that."

"He should just go back to the fuckhole he came from," Jack continued, smoking hard on his toke, letting little spurts of air out. Excitement over took his body; relaxation was none too far away.

"This is _good_," Blink mused, looking at his doobie. "Where'd you get this, Dutch?"

Dutchy shrugged. "You know."

"It's _good_," Blink repeated.

"Would you guys fucking _listen_ to me?" Jack snapped.

"Ooohh, Jack's _mad_." Blink smiled. It always _had_ gone to his head rather quickly.

"Come on, man, relax," Dutchy said, though he was still jittery. "None of us wanna talk about how much you hate someone. Let's talk about tits."

"No thanks," Blink piped.

"AND dicks."

"No, really, I'm good," Jack said.

Blink and Dutchy smirked at each other, but didn't say anything.

Jack sighed. "I do though, I hate him." He inhaled again. "Well. Maybe a little less _now_."

"Attaboy," Blink answered.

Dutchy tapped his fingers against the table, then took a long toke, exhaled slowly, and sighed.

"I'd totally do him, though."

"Dutch, shut up."

Blink was smirking again, but Jack minded less now. This was kind of... nice. He glanced around at Blink and Dutchy as he handed the joint to Blink.

It was like their own club. Neighborhood Kids With Issues. It was about the only thing Jack did without wanting David there; this wasn't a David _thing_. David didn't do drugs any more than he watched porn. Neither did Itey, who claimed it was because he didn't want to do anything to risk getting kicked off the basketball team, but really everyone knew that was his way of saying he just didn't want to.

Blink was laughing to himself over nothing as Jack found himself musing that they were the fucked up kids. He'd been in foster homes for years before Denise adopted him, and it had messed with his head. Blink had a glass eye beneath the eyepatch, and his mom had screwed him up royally by walking out when he was a kid and never coming back. And Dutchy had never met his dad, had no idea who he was, even; and his mom was kinda psycho.

Normal kids like David and Itey didn't need this shit.

He took another toke and kind of wondered if maybe Sean would be easier to deal with if he was getting high with them.

But that thought vanished quickly. He wasn't THAT mellow.

"Oh god, you know what sounds good?" Blink asked, after about fifteen minutes.

Dutchy and Jack grinned. "What?"

"Oh shit, it sounds so good, of fuck, man, I want a brownie, I want a really gooey brownie..." He leaned back on the counter. "Shiiiitttt that sounds good."

"You know, Jack..." Dutchy mused, looking at him. "When your hair is falling just right, and you aren't being a total dickweed, you're super hot."

"Shut uuuupp," Jack shoved away Dutchy's face with his hand. "Cocksucker."

"Hey!" Blink said. "None of that!"

"I _am_," Dutchy pointed out. "Among other things." He chuckled at some inner thought the others weren't privy to.

"Dutch... You got any food?" Blink demanded, changing the subject.

"Uh... no."

"Why noooot?"

Dutchy shrugged. "Forgot to shop."

"You would," Jack snorted.

"I want a brownie," Blink sulked. "Or like... Fritos."

"Fritos," Jack repeated, sounding kind of dreamy.

"I'd totally do Sean," Dutchy commented.

"Nice subject change," Blink giggled.

"Dutchy, shut up. I seriously... can't, like, deal with him. I need you guys to back me up 'cause he's such an _asshole_."

"Sure, Jack," Blink agreed. "We got your back."

Dutchy giggled at a dirty comment that was only in his head.

"This is some good shit..." Jack said. "Who hooked you up?"

"Some guy I wanted to sleep with." He snorted. "I said I'd give him head if he'd give me quality."

"And?"

"It's quality."

"That's so sick." Jack shook his head. "You're so messed up, Mardoslavic."

"Yeaaaaaah..." Dutchy shrugged.

"FROSTED FLAKES!"

And Blink dove into the pantry, pulled out the box, and ate frosted flakes dry and straight from the box.

Jack took a long breath and checked his watch. "Shiiittt...I gotta head home sooner or later. Can't go like this man."

"You'll be fine!" Dutchy smacked him on the shoulder. "You know what you should do? It's relaxing, promise."

"What should I do?"

"It's sooo relaxing."

"What is?"

"A blow job from Dutchy!"

"Go AWAY, ass."

Blink giggled as he ate. "Dutchy's pathetic!"

"Smoke more pot then," Dutchy offered.

"Can't, going home..." Jack trailed off. "Whooooooooaahh, gotta get home."

Jack didn't really want to go home, because Denise was home, and Sean was home, and... Well, avoiding Sean had become his number one priority in life, and Denise was never thrilled when he came home like this. He hoped she was asleep... But as he walked down the block to his own house, cold starting to get to him, he saw the light in the front room was on.

Damn it.

He blinked a few times, wishing he'd had eye drops, but figured it didn't matter. The scent was enough to tip her off; she wasn't stupid.

He probably could have thought it out better, he realized, as he let himself in.

"Hey," he called.

"Jack, it's a school night, you--" Denise walked into the room, stopped, and rolled her eyes. "Whose?" she demanded.

"No one's, Mom."

"_Jack_, you come home stoned and you can't really expect me to _not_ look into what happened."

"Mom..."

"I think," another voice put in, "he's too stoned to care what you do."

Jack's head snapped around and he saw Sean, leaning in the doorway from the hall, a paperback novel dangling loosely from one hand.

Denise sighed. "Sean, not right--"

"Whatever."

"Jack." She shook her head. "I don't know what to say I haven't already. I'm disappointed. Go to bed."

"Sorry, Mom," he mumbled, and started towards the hall, pushed past Sean.

Sean didn't say anything a moment, but finally shifted his position, leaned against the wall. "Not too good of an influence."

Denise shot her head up. Part of her wanted to snap at him, but she wasn't about to. It was hardly his fault.

"Sean, I..." she paused. Then sighed. Looked over his frail frame. "You want a bite to eat? Snack before you go to bed?"

He studied her, rolled his eyes. "No."

"Then go to bed."

He snorted, not about to take any orders. "Not sleepy."

"Well, my rules," she said simply, shrugging. "What else exactly are you gonna do?"

Sean looked frustrated, obviously without come back, and finally snorted and stormed off. Towards his bedroom.

* * *

Sean was sitting shotgun in Jack's van as they pulled up to pick up Itey, Dutchy, and Blink. Itey would normally drive himself (and Dutchy) but his car was in the shop for an inspection, and since Jack could fit everyone...

It was oddly silent as people climbed in. "So, uh... 'Morning," Blink finally said.

"Hey," Jack answered.

Awkward silence. Sean didn't look at any of them, just stared at the window.

"So, Sean, do you have a schedule yet?" Itey tried.

Sean turned and stared at him. Like he was impressed Itey knew how to speak.

Itey coughed a little, turning red.

Finally, Sean said, "Fuck off," and went back to staring out the window.

Itey unhappily looked at Blink, with a look that said 'is it _me_?'. Blink gave him a comforting pat on the back. Dutchy, meanwhile, had his mouth hanging slightly open, and his face a little flushed. Which usually meant he was horny.

So he looked like that a lot.

"I'm hungry," Blink said. "Jack, can we stop for McDonalds' or something?"

"I can't be late!" Itey insisted. "I have Phys Ed first!"

"You can be late for gym," Dutchy scoffed.

"No, I can't!"

"Why _not_?"

"It's fun..."

"No, it's..." Dutchy stopped, then nodded his head. "No, gym _shorts_ are fun."

"I can't be late, anyway," Jack mumbled. "Mom's pissed."

Blink winced. "Damn, really?"

"Yeah."

"Why, what'd you do?" Itey asked curiously.

"Nothing."

Sean snorted but didn't say anything. Jack glowered at the road ahead of them.

"I thought she'd be asleep..." Blink said finally.

"Me, too."

"Sorry."

Sean snorted again, and Jack turned to glare at him. "Something you want to _say_, Sean?" he demanded.

Sean glared right back. "It's your own goddamn fault," was all he said, then, "Truck."

"Wha--"

A truck horn blared at them and Jack frantically spun the wheel, realizing that while glaring at Sean, he'd drifted into the oncoming traffic lane. But the truck blared past, inches shy of the van, and everyone was shaken around inside.

Finally, Sean laughed. "Brilliant move, Jack-off."

"Fuck off and _die_," Jack answered.

"Your mom sure wants you to," Sean said meanly.

"Shut the hell up!"

"Jack, just drive..." Itey said weakly.

No one in the van spoke for awhile, too intimidated by Sean (who was staring out the window and picking at a scab on his knuckle), and the tension in the air was awkward.

Finally, Dutchy yawned. "I'm gonna smoke up during first period. Anyone wanna skip with me?"

"Uh, do you even remember what I just said about my mom?" Jack snapped.

"Okay, okay, geeze..." Dutchy turned his head. "Blink?"

"I shouldn't, man, I suck enough at math as it is."

Itey was giving Dutchy an angry look. "You smoke too much pot."

"I do not smoke too much pot."

"Yes, you do!"

Dutchy patted Itey's head. "I _like_ how you worry about me, Gabey-baby."

Itey shook his head, and crossed his arms. Cleared his throat. "So, Sean, you like your stay so far?"

Sean didn't even answer that one.

No one said anything for a minute, and Sean reached into his bookbag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lit one up.

Jack faked a cough. "Excuse me, don't smoke in my van."

Sean exhaled a plume of smoke directly at him.

"I fucking _said_--"

"Jack, just drive," Itey said tiredly from the back, then, "Um... Sean, maybe you could roll down a window? To compromise?"

Sean didn't respond, just smoked, and mercifully they arrived at the school shortly after.

Jack really just wanted to growl and hit something, but he parked and they walked in. "The office is--"

"I can read." Sean ignored Jack's intended helpful comment and walked away, following the signs for the main office.

Jack turned back to his friends. "I really, _really_ want him to drop dead," he said, before stomping off to his locker.

"Slightly understandable, but try and be less irritable," Itey said weakly, walking part way with him. "I'm going to the locker room..."

Dutchy perked up. "Ooooh, can I _come_?" He and Itey started off towards the gym.

Blink and Jack walked off together to the staircase, Jack looking miserable. Blink sighed. "Don't worry about it, Jack. He's not being like that because of _you_. I'm sure he's just like that."

"What, an asshole?"

"Just let it go." Blink gave him a pat on the shoulder, and turned to his locker. Jack stood next to him, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. "And don't worry about your mom either. How many times has she let you off the hook?"

"That's not the point, I--"

"Jack?"

Jack and Blink looked away from each other. Sarah was standing there, looking very pretty indeed in tight jeans and a v-necked, long sleeved shirt. Her hair was all done and everything.

Jack stared. "Hey. Sarah. Hey."

She glanced at Blink. "Hi, Ryan."

"Hi." He smiled.

She turned back to Jack. "Can I talk to you, Jack?"

"Uh... I'm sorry David told you to go to the mall last night to get rid of you," he said.

"Um... Not about that." She laughed and reached out to brush hair off of his face.

Blink coughed. "Yeaaaah, I have a class to get to. First period, Intro to Not Being a Third Wheel." He disappeared down the hall, and Jack and Sarah kind of stared at each other.

"So, um..." Jack said.

"I miss you," she cooed. "I was thinking about all the reasons we were fighting and I kind of think they're silly, really, don't you?"

"Uh... Yes, definitely." They probably _were_, Jack decided. Since he couldn't actually remember what any of them were.

"Do you want to... you know, hang out sometime?" she asked timidly.

"Yeah... yeah." He smiled. "I'd love to. C'mere." He reached out for her, wrapped her into a quick hug and kissed her tenderly. "We can do dinner tonight, if you want."

"That would be wonderful." She grinned.

And Jack actually felt a tiny bit better about the day, with that in mind.

* * *

Sean was being stared at by not just the principal, but the vice principal, the school guidance counselor, and the school nurse.

He glared, puffed away at his cigarette.

The principal, a man named Mr. Thibbs, cleared his throat. "You know, Sean, we don't allow smoking in school."

"I don't give a fuck."

That caused quite the unpleasant silence.

"Well," the guidance counselor spoke up. "You're very welcome in this school, Sean, don't you mistake that. We want you to be comfortable." He waited for a reply and did not get one. "And...we want to put you in a healthy environment. Perhaps you'd like some classes with your foster brother? Mr. Kelly? Would that make you more comfortable?"

"Well, gee," Sean said, and took a puff (noting the unpleasant cough he got in response with a kind of satisfaction), "you sure you want to _stabilize_ me by putting me with a _pothead_ all day?"

"Uh..." The authority figures looked at each other, and finally the guidance counselor said, "Well, if you prefer to not have classes with him, that's fine too, of course. We all know that not all brothers get along, right?" He laughed weakly.

Sean looked at him like he was amazed the man managed to walk erect. Which he was, really. It was amazing how stupid the majority of people were, and how much bullshit they'd spew to try and cover that up.

"I've got your transcript from your last school," the vice principal said finally. "We realize you weren't very happy in your last school, and your grades reflected it."

"Not really." He extinguished his cigarette on a table, watching as it singed the metal. "I just don't like school very much."

"Well!" Mr. Thibbs said excitedly. "You've never been to our school, have you, Mr. Conlon?" The fact he was calling Sean 'Mr. Conlon' showed that he meant business. Sean liked that he'd gotten a rise out of him so quickly. "I expect your attitude and behavior to be quite different in a few weeks."

"I doubt it."

He acted as if he hadn't heard Sean at all, and turned to the school nurse. "Well, you can weigh him in, check his allergies, get his records, and we'll get Sean's schedule all ready for him."

"Right away," the nurse agreed, and she turned to Sean. She was a skinny woman, young, with red hair. "Follow me, Sean?"

Sean didn't answer her, but stood up reluctantly and walked slowly with her towards the nurse's room, his arms crossed. Glaring. He didn't want to weigh in, or any allergy tests. He wanted everyone to leave him alone.

He was led to the nurse's office, stepped on the scale when she told him to, and she actually gasped a little bit.

"Sean, what kind of diet do you keep?" she asked, sounding far too concerned for his liking. "Someone your age and height, really, you should weigh more..."

He just stared at her dully, until finally she sighed.

"Well, I mean, I suppose you just have a very fast metabolism. Now, what kind of allergies do you have? They're supposed to fax us your records, but the social worker's office seems a bit behind today, so..."

He stared at her some more.

"Well, I suppose if you don't have any allergies..."

"Potpourri," he finally said. Which was close to true.

"Any medicines?" she asked, hoping to seize the moment of his very, very brief cooperation.

He shook his head no.

"Okaaayy..." She wrote it down. "How about your eye-sight? We should..." she trailed off, seeing his glare. "Well uh... you don't have glasses. You see all right, I'm sure. Let's get you to your schedule."

Sean rolled his eyes and started out the door.

"Sean?"

_"What?"_

She cleared her throat. "I'll be weighing you monthly, all right?"

He left the office without saying anything.

Back at the office, the guidance counselor sighed and printed out a schedule. "Well, I'm disappointed to say your classes are mostly remedial, Sean. But I'm sure once you settle in to your new house and new school, you'll realize that it's not as bad as you think. I'll bet you start doing better right away."

"I'll bet I don't."

"Well, if you're going to take an attitude like that..."

"And I'll bet you really fucking think that your sweetness and sunshine attitude makes all the fucking difference."

It was, he thought, the longest sentence he'd said since moving into Denise's house. He felt proud, really. He glanced down at his schedule. "Can I _go_?"

"I'll call down someone to bring you to your first class."

Sean didn't say anything.

* * *

"Ryan, go down to the office."

Blink shot his head up and stared at the teacher. "What'd I do?"

"Just _go_."

Blink grumbled as he left the classroom. He'd just been about to cut and find Dutchy, but now someone had probably snitched on him for smoking pot behind the bleachers last Friday. He walked down the steps, recognized the blondest, most attractive teenager he'd ever seen, and winced. Steve Olsen was also skipping the study hall they'd usually have together. And Steve didn't like him very much.

Blink avoided eye contact, but in a second, was shoved against the wall. "Faggot!" Steve spat.

Blink ignored him, pulled away, and kept walking. Steve called out, "I'll be here when you get back! _Fag_!"

Blink found it interesting how none of the teachers ever seemed to hear Steve calling him that at the top of his lungs.

He walked warily into the office and the secretary gestured towards the guidance room. This was new. At least he wasn't in trouble with the principal for a change.

The guidance officer greeted him with a surprisingly friendly, "Good morning, Mr. Ballatt."

"Hi, Mr. Thompson." He shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced past the guidance counselor. Sean was standing in the back, his bag slung over one shoulder, schedule in hand.

"Ryan, I'd like you to meet someone. This is--"

"We've met," Sean interrupted darkly.

"Hi, Sean." Blink tried not to be intimidated by the glare he got in return, but it was a little difficult.

"Oh, good then! Where, might I ask?"

"Jack's house."

"Oh--oh, right." Mr. Thompson tried to smile charmingly, but failed. He didn't like Blink very much, and really, they both knew it. "I keep forgetting Mr. Kelly is friends with people like you."

Blink bit his lip and didn't say anything in response to that. There was really nothing _to_ say.

"Well, anyway, Sean's schedule is quite similar to yours, so I thought perhaps you could show him around--show him the ropes for the day, you know."

"Sure." Blink shrugged.

"Well, good then! You two can just run along back to class."

"Yeah, we'll just fucking _scamper_ off." Spot rolled his eyes and stomped past them both, back into the hall. Blink hurried to catch up.

"So--" he started.

"'People like you'?" Sean quoted.

"He means gay," Blink murmured, almost ashamed. Not with himself, just that someone else had overheard the way Mr. Thompson talked to him. It was kind of degrading.

"Yeah, figured _that_." Sean actually looked him over then, instead of just glaring at him, and then did that annoying smug half-snort thing again. "Nice jeans. Where do you shop, the Junior Miss department?"

"_Yes_," Blink answered testily.

And to his great surprise, Sean didn't say anything else about it.

Sean didn't say anything else at all, actually, just wished the stupid fascists in the office hadn't taken away the only other cigarette he'd had with him.

"You really hate it here, huh?" Blink asked, walking quickly to walk in stride.

Sean snorted. "Don't _you_?"

"A valid point," Blink agreed as they neared the stairs. "But--"

"Ohhh, the faggot's returned!"

Blink winced. "_Fuck_..."

Sean glanced up, saw about two or three boys standing at the top of the staircase. The one closest to them was singularly one of the hottest males Sean had ever seen. Blond, thick hair, amazing body... Sean grinned.

"You bring a little boyfriend with you?" the guy said.

Blink ignored him as he climbed the stairs with Sean. "Run away, little girl! _Fudgepacker_!"

Sean stared hard at Blink as they walked on, closer to the classroom, farther away from Steve. Sean grinned. "Who was _that_?"

"Steve Olsen. Captain of the basketball team."

"Fuckin' hot," Sean said, glancing over his shoulder.

Blink glared. "He's an asshole!"

Sean shrugged, making eye contact again with Blink. "Obviously. And still hot."

"Well, yeah, but..." Blink trailed off, putting it together. "Wait, you're _gay_?"

"Fag city," Sean said, and he walked on by Blink. Blink, confused, quickly followed.

"No way..." Blink trailed off.

"And I hate flamers, so don't get any fucking ideas."

"I'm not a flamer," Blink said easily, believing it was true even when all of his mannerisms—not to mention clothes—proved otherwise. "And you're not my type, so don't worry." They stopped outside of the classroom, Blink facing Sean. "I like my men _big_." Then he turned and walked inside, feeling very cool. After all, he'd just managed to have some kind of conversation with Sean. Who was definitely an asshole, but still..._so_ cool.

Sean rolled his eyes but smirked a little as he followed Blink inside. The students stared at him, and immediately the smirk was gone.

"Hello, Mr. Conron," the teacher said.

Sean narrowed his eyes at the teacher. "Con_lon_, you fucking dick."

"Excuse me?" the teacher repeated, squawking slightly.

Sean raised an eyebrow.

Blink sighed. "Mr. James, this is Sean, he's new, they just got him a schedule."

"_Thank_ you, Mr. Ballatt, I was already informed. Take your seat, please."

Blink shrugged slightly at Sean and walked over to go sit down, and the teacher looked Sean over. "Well, I suppose you should sit down, too, anywhere that's free."

Blink noted there was a desk next to him, and tried to make eye contact, hoping Sean would get the message and sit next to him, but instead Sean skulked to the back of the room and sat.

Blink wasn't shocked, though. Just because they had an almost-conversation didn't mean Sean didn't hate him still.

* * *

It took exactly fifty-three minutes (which put them into second period) for Sean to get in trouble for cursing at a teacher. He was sent to the office, where they actually looked surprised to see him. But all he got was a lecture, since it was his first day, after all.

When Sean stepped out of the office and saw the flamer waiting for him with a look on his face that suggested he was trying _very_ hard not to seem to eager, he snorted, "You lost?"

"Hey," Blink said, sheepish. "Uh, I'll walk you to your next class. Did you know our schedules are identical?"

"Great."

But Sean didn't say anything negative as Blink walked beside him, so Blink took that as a good sign.

"So uh...what did they say to you?"

"Who?"

"In the office."

"Nothing."

"Cool!" Blink cleared his throat. "Uh...that is..."

"Hey, faggot alert! Cover your cracks, boys!"

Sean and Blink glanced up, neither shocked to see Steve and his cronies walk by them and up on ahead, turning a corner, all holding their hands over their butts.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Nice ass," Sean supplied.

"Yeah, which is why no one cares he's such a dick," Blink sighed.

"No one?"

"Well, I care, but if I had access to his ass, I probably wouldn't." Blink shoved his hands in to his pockets and half-scowled. "I hope you're not in the market because, swear to god, the only gay kids in the whole damn school are me and Dutchy and you. And Dutchy's not even gay."

"Who the hell is Dutchy?"

"Blond kid, you met him at Jack's."

Sean thought for a second. "The guy with the hard on for me?"

Blink laughed at that. "Well, yes."

"Isn't gay?"

"He's bi." Blink shrugged. "And he wants Steve, too. Everyone does." He rolled his eyes. "He's got a girlfriend, though. Of course."

"Yeah." Sean had pretty clearly stopped caring, but they were still walking through the halls, and, Blink reasoned, Sean had no idea where he was going without Blink's help. So Sean wasn't ditching him—at least, not yet.

But it didn't stop Blink from talking. "He's so bad to her, too, and no one cares because he--"

They were interrupted by the sound of someone sobbing. Everyone in the hallway froze, except for one girl, who was crying and running down the hall, not quite able to weave out of everyone's way, and so she kept half-hitting people as she ran and cried.

"That her?" Sean asked, amused.

Blink let out a bit of a sigh. "Yeah. That's her."

The girl made her way through the throng of people and walked towards her locker. Dutchy wasn't far behind her, and had seemed to appear out of nowhere, with a lovesick expression on his face as he went to _his_ locker, which was next to hers.

"Jessica?" he said quietly. "Uh, Jess," his voice broke then. "Are you oka--oh _shit ow_!"

Jessica had opened her locker and, oblivious to Dutchy's presence, slammed the door hard into Dutchy's face.

Sean snorted and actually laughed. "Fucking moron!" he muttered. Blink doubted Sean ever laughed unless it was at someone else's expense.

"Oh!" Jess yelped. "I'm sorry, uh... Dennis, right?"

And he stopped yelling and put a hand to his cheek, where her locker had caught him, and felt a very slight line of blood. "Yeah... Dennis..." he said.

Blink rolled his eyes. "He so doesn't even feel that," he said to Sean. "He's in love with her, it's sad."

"Yeah, seeing that."

"Are you okay?" Jess was asking, as she hurriedly pulled a tissue out of her locker and began to dab at her running mascara, getting tears under control.

"What, me? I, uh, yeah, never better!" He laughed stupidly. "You okay? You, uh--"

"Fine, really." She picked up her bag and shut her locker, hurried off.

Dutchy stared after her, started to take a step, and tripped.

Blink just shook his head. "Need help, Dutch?" he asked, stepping forward and looking down on the crumpled Dutchy.

"Yesplease," Dutchy said quickly.

Blink hoisted up Dutchy on his own, while Sean watched with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. When his mood wasn't too, too bad, morons were _funny_.

Usually though, they pissed him off.

"She talked to me, did you see?" Dutchy said to Blink, much like a five year old would say to his mommy after he'd made a spectacular splash in the pool.

"I saw, Dennis," Blink said sweetly, patting him on the head.

"Oh, shut up.

"So, uh... Dutchy, this is--"

"Still don't care that much," Sean interrupted, leaning against the row of lockers, and Dutchy did a double take, gaped at him, then went to close his locker and slammed his hand in it. He let out a string of swear words and began jumping up and down, waving his hand frantically, and Blink shot a glance at Sean.

Sean snorted. "Nice one, blondie." He started to walk off.

Blink hesitated, then shrugged. "See you after school, Dutch," he said quickly, then broke into a jog to keep up with Sean.

* * *

They were both silent, lying on the hood of Jack's van, staring up at the sky. Jack was frowning, but only a little. David hummed lightly under his breath, waiting for Jack to talk.

"It's not like I'm mad," Jack said quietly.

"I know."

"It's just, _I_ would have gotten in trouble."

"I know, Jack."

"I get in trouble for getting sent to the office once a _month_, and she doesn't blink an eye when he gets sent four times in one day!" Jack calmed himself then, sighed. Sean's first day of school had not gone well at all. "He must be pretty fucked up for everyone to let him off so easy."

David looked at Jack, smiled a little. Was silent. Jack looked over at David when the quiet got to be a little too long and raised his eyebrows.

"What?"

"That was very mature of you," David said.

"What was?"

"Saying that, about Sean, instead of just outright complaining. Or...well, complaining more." David nodded his head, satisfied. "It was good of you to say."

Jack, without realizing it, had almost been _empathetic_ about Sean's situation.

He had planned on going on for hours, ranting about Sean. But David almost looked proud of him for what he had said by accident.

So Jack kind of smiled, said, "Yeah, well," and went back to staring at the sky. Thinking rather then speaking. Which Jack didn't do very often.

Complaining about Sean all night would have ruined his evening anyway.

* * *

F: We've already said how busy we are, so I won't sing that song again. I WILL sing the 'WE UPDATED WITH A COOL CHAPTER' song though.

B: We're very special. It's true.

F: I'm actually proud of this chapter. Spot is hard work for both of us and it's cool how he was beginning to flesh out naturally.

B: I'm proud of this chapter because I love that the boys all watch porn together.

F: No one can even guess how horny this crew is.

B: But they really, really are. Especially Dutchy. And we love that about them.

F: We hope you like this chapter. B and I are doing so much with ourselves right now and I kind of wish we were still just starting Poor Boy.

B: Instead, we're actually in the process of writing the last chapter. Sniff! We love this universe so much, we never want to leave. Speaking of which, don't forget the LJ community, for more bits and pieces of the story.

F: Yeah, the LJ is kind of like the jackpot.

B: And so, until next time... good evening.

F: Bye lovelies!


	3. Peer to Peer

**Sloanne is not a single person, but is a writing team made up of Funkiechick and Studentnumber24601. This is the prequel to our fic **_**Everything You've Done Wrong,**_** but it takes place first, so it can be read alone. **_**Newsies**_** belongs to Disney, not us, sadly.**

_**Take Good Care of the Poor Boy**_

With a faith of a snake handler you approached him with no caution.  
A belief in high school hierarchy left no room for precaution.  
You had thought that it would be a simple task to grab and toss him.  
With the faith of a snake handler you approached him with no caution.

Now it seems that you are going down like dead weight on the gym mat.  
On the gym mat you are going down it certainly appears that you are dead weight  
And it seems that you are falling towards the gym mat.  
Well it seems that you are going down like dead weight on the gym mat.

Because the myth your friends create for you can only go so far.

-Local Rabbits, _High School Hierarchy_

_**Chapter Three: Peer to Peer**_

He sat on the couch, which was comfy, in a dirty way, and didn't pause to think what that meant. Sean had never found a couch comfy in his life.

Sean wasn't thinking about the things in this house he may or may not like, though. He couldn't sleep. Thinking was to be avoided entirely or things might get ugly. Sean had two escape hatches out of his head; reading and writing.

And right now, he was lying on a comfy couch, reading _The Shipping News_, the lamp flickering light on and off the page. He glanced up and saw the VCR had a clock with a dim orange display on it. It was two-thirty in the morning. He went back to his book. Denise had sent him to bed at a quarter to twelve, gone to bed herself shortly thereafter, and he'd given up on sleeping and come out here to read.

His room was mostly aired out, but when the breeze blew in--which it did a lot, because the window frame was old and shitty--he could still smell the potpourri, and damned if he'd just stay there and want to puke every five minutes.

So instead, he was lying on his stomach on the couch, reading.

He wondered if this was what normal people did when the couldn't sleep, but shook the question out of his head. It was too much like thinking, which he was dead set not to do.

But then there were footsteps in the hall.

"Hello?"

He recognized Denise's voice and sat up. "Hey."

She walked into the living room, wearing an old robe, and sighed. "I thought you went to bed."

"Couldn't sleep."

She crossed her arms. "Are you feeling okay?"

Sean shrugged. She stepped towards him and pressed one of her hands on his forehead before he could flinch away.

Denise clucked her tongue, which caused Sean to flinch away anyway, and glare at her irritably. "You don't have a temperature."

Sean went back to his book. She grabbed it from him quickly. "Hey!" Spot snapped.

"Why aren't you in bed?" she asked, concerned this time. He didn't answer. "Sean?"

"Couldn't sleep," he mumbled, and grabbed his book back.

"Sean..."

"What the hell do you _want_ from me?" he snarled. "I can't fucking sleep, the room still fucking smells, so I fucking came out here."

"Sean, you need your sleep."

"What part of 'I couldn't sleep' do you not _understand_?"

"Did you try? Honestly?"

He rolled his eyes.

"_Did_ you?" she questioned again.

"_Yes_, okay? Jesus, yes, I did, and..." He hesitated, then decided that he'd had about enough of this. If she were going to worry about something stupid, well, he'd give her something to worry about. "Every time... Every time I close my eyes, I just see _him_ and I can't..."

"Sean?" she asked quietly.

Oh, she was eating this up. Sean kept his face totally pathetic, rather than smirking, though he _felt_ like smirking. Some people were so easy to get to.

"I just, I kept seeing my dad. I dream him sometimes." He pulled his knees up to his chest. "I don't sleep a lot."

Denise's face fell to a heart-wrenched expression, and Sean almost felt like he'd done something wrong. But then he remembered he didn't like it here. He didn't like anywhere.

So he shrugged it off.

"Oh, Sean..." she sighed, sitting down next to him. "Didn't know you were scared, I'm sorry. That was stupid of me."

Sean shrugged sadly. "I just don't like talking about it..." he mumbled, as sadly as he possibly could.

She rubbed his back, and even though Sean wasn't comforted by it, he didn't _mind_ it. It was warm at least.

"If you're having trouble," Denise said finally. "I could get you a prescription for sleeping pills. Jack had some trouble sleeping when he first came here, too. Nothing to be frightened about."

Sean snapped his head to look at her. "I'm not taking any fucking pills."

"Sean--"

"I'm not taking any _fucking pills_."

"Sean, please, calm down!" she yelped, sound a little desperate. "I... I only suggested it because I know that they can help, and really, sleep is important. I'm sure your therapist would--"

"My therapist is an asshole." Sean glared at her, the false patheticness gone, now all confrontation. "And I don't fucking take pills, so go to hell."

But to his surprise, she matched him; if she was upset when he was pathetic, she was calm when he was angry.

"Well, I suppose that's up to you. Of course, the state does require you stick with your therapy, but if you'd rather look for a new doctor, I understand."

"Yeah, right," he scoffed.

"I really do; I know that your psychiatrist has to be someone you're comfortable with, and obviously if you aren't, something is wrong."

Sean scowled in the dark. Why did she have to be so freaking _nice_ about it?

"Yeah, well, I don't take pills. Ever."

She shrugged, and they didn't talk.

When Sean woke up the next morning, he was on the couch still, a blanket draped over his body. He didn't remember Denise leaving the night before.

He didn't mention it.

* * *

Jack and Sean didn't talk on the drive to school. Itey was giving rides to Blink and Dutchy that morning, as Jack had been late to wake up.

Sean was a little surprised that Jack wasn't scowling like the dick he was, provoking him in a way that seemed mindless but probably was just some spoiled thing that he would do.

Still, though. Jack seemed to be in a good mood, almost. Probably why he didn't want to talk; Sean could ruin moods in an alarmingly fast fashion.

Jack did pull to a stop outside of one house, though. Sean didn't comment, but a second later a girl came running out, and he flung open his door. "Jack!"

There was a silence, as she seemed to notice someone was already sitting in the shotgun seat.

"Hey, babe," Jack said, smiling. "Sarah, this is Sean. He's, uh... Staying with us for awhile."

"Oh."

Sean didn't say anything, just raised an eyebrow.

Long pause.

"I thought I had shotgun reserved," she finally said.

"Fuck off," Spot answered.

She glared and got in the back, and that was the end of it. But whoever she was, Spot decided he didn't particularly like her.

Jack and Sarah talked the entire ride, and oddly enough, Jack seemed a bit more likable when he was talking with someone he cared about. Which just reminded Sean of how he brought out the worst in people. Which wasn't so satisfying at the moment.

Finally, Jack pulled into his parking space in the school lot, and he and Sarah walked slightly ahead of Spot, Jack's arm slung over Sarah's shoulder. Sean sneered. He wasn't fucking invisible.

Oh right. He was, as far as Jack was concerned.

To top that off, he was in a terrible, awful, roaringly angry mood at this point. For some reason, he was a lot more pissed off than he'd been in a while. Pissed off enough to punch someone real hard.

"Heyyyy," Blink said, coming up next to him the moment he stepped inside the school. He turned to Jack and Sarah immediately. "Jack! Party this weekend! At Shelby Longsteen's!"

"No way!" Jack replied. "She has a _hot tub!" _Jack turned to Sarah, put his hands on her hips, close to her ass. "Come with me?"

"If you won't flirt with other girls," she said seriously.

"I swear." It was a blatant lie, but Jack seemed to think he meant it. She smiled anyhow and gave him a kiss, before pulling on his hand to start walking off. "See ya, Blink," Jack said. And he nodded at Sean instead of glaring.

Which put Sean in a worse mood for some reason. "Yeah, fuck off," he said, to make up for the lack of insults exchanged between them.

Sarah had pulled Jack off before he could reply.

Blink had the good sense not to say anything, so they walked to homeroom in silence. Sean hadn't been in homeroom the day before, as he'd been getting his schedule in the office, and the first thing he noticed upon walking in was that the incredibly beautiful Steve Olsen was sitting in the back of the room, feet kicked up on a desk, a few of his cronies around him.

Collectively, they broke into a laugh at something Steve said, and Blink sunk down into a seat before anyone really noticed he was there.

Sean wasn't so quick, though.

"Hey, Ballatt! Is the new kid your little faggot boyfriend or _what_?" Steve roared.

Blink looked away and down and tried to sink further into his chair.

Sean sized up Steve, and smirked. "Him? And me?" He shook his head. "Nah, he's not man enough for me." He raised an eyebrow. "_You_ have a hot ass, though."

It took a second for that to sink in. Steve stood up abruptly. "What the FUCK did you just say?"

Sean smirked. "You heard me."

"What the fuck do you think I am, a fag like him?"

Blink crossed his arms over his ribs and hunched over, really, _really_ wishing Sean had just let it drop. This kind of thing never, ever ended well for him. And just taking the abuse was a lot less painful in the long run...

He imagined Sean would figure that out pretty quickly, though. Which was kind of depressing.

But Sean just kept smirking. "What, are you afraid you'd like it?"

Steve's expression _was_ kind of funny though, once Blink got the courage to actually _look_...

Funny, but scary.

And beautiful.

Blink sighed, going back to wishing he were invisible. He needed to get a boyfriend.

"You have ten seconds to fucking sit down, and shut up, fag," Steve said in a dangerously low voice.

"Sit down? Or bend over?"

Steve stared, didn't reply.

"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Shut the FUCK UP! You skinny fucking fag!"

Sean, still smirking, had a change of tone at that point. "MAKE me," he snarled.

Blink decided Sean was pretty fucking scary too, even up against someone twice his weight, packing a lot more muscle.

Steve didn't wait the promised ten seconds before vaulting over his desk and half-running to where Sean stood, waiting, looking light on his feet and none too nervous. Blink decided to finally risk drawing attention to himself, but only by jumping out of his chair and backing up a few feet, wanting to stay the hell away from this.

Steve swung at Sean, who ducked easily, and came back up by driving an elbow into Steve's stomach, up towards his ribcage. His breath was knocked out and Sean got in a good punch at his face before he got it back, and shoved Sean hard. Sean stumbled back a few steps and nearly tripped over the chair Blink had vacated, but caught himself.

Not in time to dodge the blow from Steve, though. The punch caught his stomach and he did fall, landing hard on his ass on the floor, but before Steve could so much as smirk, Sean had somehow gotten a leg up and kicked one of Steve's knees. There was an awful sound like some sort of bone crunching thing out of a movie and Steve fell, yelling in pain.

The second he hit the floor, Sean was on top of him, throwing hit after hit into his perfect face.

Everyone was gaping so hard at the spectacle that no one noticed the homeroom teacher finally arriving, until a coffee mug slammed down on a desk loudly. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Sean didn't stop, though, and luckily the teacher was large enough to get a grip on him, yelling for someone to call the principal's office. One of the students sprang up to do so as the teacher forcibly pulled Sean off of Steve, getting elbowed hard in the gut as he did so.

Steve scrambled up, and fell again, clutching his knee, which was clearly pretty messed up. Sean had hit it _hard_ and seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

Blink was suddenly very glad he was on Sean's good side, in as much as anyone seemed to be.

The room was suddenly flooded with teachers and disciplinary aids and the principal and nurse and both Sean and Steve were ushered out, Steve still yelling in pain with every step.

Blink tried to bite back a smirk, and failed. That had been kind of satisfying to watch. Steve had turned making his life into a living hell into an art form, and no one had ever actually picked a fight with him before, and seeing him go down like that...

Blink smirked, and let out a slight laugh, knowing he shouldn't. Particularly because the next thing he knew, Andrew--one of Steve's idiot friends--was in front of him.

"Something _funny_, Ballatt?"

Blink was in too good of a mood to care what was going to happen. He kind of smiled. "You know, the look on Steve's face when he hit the floor? _That_ was funny."

And Blink was just smart enough to brace himself as Andrew punched.

* * *

Before, when Sean had been in the office, the principal had looked at him like he was a poor, badly behaved puppy. A poor, badly behaved puppy who simply needed guidance and love to learn the ways of right and wrong.

Now he just looked at him as if Sean was starting to be a real pain in the ass.

Which he kind of was.

Mr. Thibbs glared, trying to enforce the seriousness of the situation onto Sean. Who, of course, didn't give a shit.

"I hope you understand what you've done, Mr. Conlon."

"Gave the shithead what he deserved?"

"I'll be having NONE of that language!" Mr. Thibbs snapped. "I understand your condition, Mr. Conlon. However, you don't seem at all capable of handling your temper." Mr. Thibbs opened a drawer in his desk, and began flipping through papers, pulling out stacks of files.

"What, you're expelling me already?" Sean asked, sarcasm dripping in every word. "But I _love_ it here."

Mr. Thibbs slammed the drawer shut, hard, and gave Sean a steady gaze. A gaze that said he meant business. "No, Mr. Conlon. We are not. We're here to help you, not to condemn you for your behavioral disabilities."

"Fuck, even _you_ don't believe that."

Mr. Thibbs didn't answer, and instead started opening files, looking through sheets and sheets of records. He mumbled under his breath, until finally he pulled out a stack of stapled papers, and adjusted his glasses.

"From now on, Mr. Conlon," Mr. Thibbs said over the rims of his glasses, "you'll be taking part in peer counseling."

Sean's smirk faltered. "_What_?"

"It is a program," Mr. Thibbs said, flipping through the stack, "designed to make students such as yourself feel more comfortable about expressing their emotions."

Sean did not reply. Merely stared, a disgusted sneer on his face.

"You will be attending these sessions twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 3:30 until 4:15."

"Why the fuck would I go?" Sean snapped.

"Oh believe me, Mr. Conlon." Mr. Thibbs leaned forward, his patience running thin. "You'll go." He looked back down at the papers. "Your peer counselor will be waiting outside of your last class of the day, she'll take you down to the Guidance Office. If you skip, an immediate call will be made to your fam-" He cleared his throat. "Residence."

"I don't have a choice?! Why the fuck should I go to some fucking--"

"Your peer counselor will be Miss Jessica Stein," Mr. Thibbs continued, ignoring Sean's rants. "She's a very social young girl, very sweet. I'm sure you'll have no trouble opening up to her."

Sean was then quite sure that Mr. Thibbs had no clue at all that Sean like to fuck boys. A lot. A pretty girl wasn't about to make him 'express his emotions', that was for sure.

"Great." Sean rolled his eyes. "Can I go?"

"You'll also be serving detention after school on Wednesday and Friday."

"Fabulous. Can I fucking _go_?"

"You may go to the nurse's. My secretary will walk you there."

Sean raised an eyebrow. So they didn't trust him to go where he was supposed to.

That meant they were learning. He stood, shoved his hands in his pockets, and stomped out, ignoring the secretary as she chased after him. He glanced outside and saw an ambulance parked in front of the school, and smirked; he hadn't thought the kick would _hospitalize_ Steve, but he also didn't care too much that it did. The fucker deserved it; no one should be both that hot and that much of a prick. And straight.

He stomped to the nurse's office and she made a slight squeaking noise, and he glanced around, then slid into a chair along the wall, Blink in the chair next to him, who was holding an icepack up to his good eye.

"Hey, Sean," he said, glancing over.

"Hey." The nurse scurried off to find another ice pack; Sean suspected he looked a little worse for wear, too. "So... You..."

"Got punched in the face by one of Steve's friends." Blink lowered the ice pack and Sean noted a really nasty looking bruise. But Blink was grinning, a smile almost too wide for his face. "So worth it, though. You're, like, my _hero_ for that, it's about goddamn time someone--"

"Stop talking now." Sean looked away, then glanced back. "And don't think I did it for _you,_ anyway. I don't let people talk to me like that."

"Okay. I figured." Blink shrugged, replacing the ice on his bruise, but added without looking at Sean, "You're not quite as hard to figure out as you think."

Sean turned to snap a glare on Blink. "Mind your own business, Cyclops."

Blink shut up.

Sean snorted, and leaned against the wall, away from Blink, who looked slightly out of sorts now that he'd been insulted. Still, he didn't say anything about it, and soon was all for talking in a moment.

"So you definitely like guys?"

Which had been the wrong thing to say.

"Don't even THINK about it--"

"No, no, that's not what I meant at ALL," Blink assured him, meaning it. Blink had to admit, sure, Sean was really, really good-looking. And sexy, too. But Blink would rather be thrown off a cliff then engage in any sort of sexual activity with him. He wondered if that was weird.

Still though. Sean was his hero now, kind of.

"I just, you know...wondered. Just kind of surprising at first, but then not at all once it sinks in."

Sean rolled his eyes.

"Besides, Dutchy is always horny and he seriously wants you."

"What the hell kind of a name is Dutchy?" Spot demanded. "Or... Blink, for that fucking matter?"

"I dunno. It's... stupid kid nicknames. Pretty dumb, huh?"

"Yes."

Blink sighed. He reminded himself to stop giving Sean openings to shoot him down, because Sean always would. "Well, anyway, we've known each other, like... since we could walk, so it just sort of happened."

"And you never grew out of it."

"Yeah, well... Bite me."

"You _wish_." Sean snorted.

"I do _not_," Blink insisted. "That's Dutchy."

Sean gave Blink a look. "What's his real name?"

"I'm not allowed to say. Mine's Ryan, though."

"Fucking stupid name."

"It's kind of _more_ stupid to take shots at someone's _name_, Sean."

And Sean kind of smirked. He wouldn't let on that Blink was quite bearable when he wasn't trying to impress him.

"So, what the fuck is peer counseling?"

Blink's eye widened, and then he burst out laughing.

"Great," Sean muttered, getting the gist of it, as the nurse scurried back in and handed him an icepack.

"Sean, let me get you some Tylenol--"

"No." He glowered at her. "I'm fine."

"Well, you're certainly not--"

"I. Am. Fine."

"You're all bruised, and--"

"And since I'm not the one on the hospital stretcher, and he is, you sure you care that much?"

She blinked at him. "Well, if you change your mind--"

"I won't, fuck off."

She scurried away again, and Sean began to ice one of his bruises.

"So peer counseling is, like... They take the popular, pretty kids and get them to spend an hour talking to us poor, socially inept kids and hope that it'll make us less likely to bring a gun to school or something."

Sean gave him an unreadable look. "Would you?"

"Would I what?"

"Shoot up the school?"

"No." Blink snorted. "You're the psycho, not me."

Sean didn't say anything.

Finally, Blink continued, "It's really stupid, and none of the counselors want to be there any more than we do..."

"You did it?"

"Yeah. About the fifth time Steve got me sent _here_," he gestured around kind of flamboyantly, "they decided I just 'didn't fit in,' or something like that. 'Cause it's totally my fault he's a bigot. And the advice I got was to not be gay, so you know, that _totally_ worked." He rolled his eye behind the ice pack. "Anyway, it's only good if you get, like, Jess or someone, because at least she cares. And apparently is hot."

"If you like breasts?" Sean asked wryly.

"If you like breasts," Blink nodded. "Which I don't, but, you know, she's nice. So who have you got?"

"Jess."

"Hah!" Blink snorted when he laughed outright. "Dutchy's gonna shit himself. The two people he wants most in a room together. He'll probably have wet dreams."

"Time to shut up."

"Yeah, shouldn't have said that." Blink wrinkled his nose. "Oh god, imagery..."

Sean smirked a little again. Blink wasn't so bad. Tolerable. Definitely tolerable.

* * *

As Mr. Thibbs had sentenced, Jessica Craig was waiting outside of Sean's English class just as the bell rang. Blink gave him a bit of a nudge in the ribs, and grinned.

"She's nice, honest," Blink assured.

"Like I give a shit," Sean snapped.

When he stepped out of the room, she looked at him uneasily. She could obviously tell that Sean was hardly thrilled about this.

"Hi," she smiled. "I'm Jessica."

"Yeah."

"You're Sean, right?"

"Yeah."

"I--"

"You know I put your boyfriend in the hospital this morning?"

She paled. "I... I heard about that."

"So you can just fuck off."

"Hey, listen!" she said. "I know you are only doing this because you have to, but really, I want to _help_ you."

He stared at her. She shifted nervously, big blue eyes desperately seeking approval. Sean just stared at her. She was, he supposed, okay. If you liked breasts, which she certainly had, as her light blue sweater showed them off quite nicely, but oddly, without making her look like she _wanted_ to show them off.

"You want to help me?" he finally said. "You want to help me... _what_, exactly?"

She coughed nervously, flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Come on, let's talk in the library." She smiled brightly.

This, he thought, was going to _suck_.

* * *

"He has _peer counseling_?" Jack snorted, then burst out laughing. "Oh GOD, am I having a good day."

Blink doubted Jack would be laughing once he found out just whom Sean had it with. He wasn't about to be the messenger for that news. Besides, Sarah was with them, and he didn't want Jack's obvious attraction to Jessica Craig (Jack had an attraction to all girls, really, though) to get him and Sarah in a fight so soon after they'd made up.

"Anyway, we're going back to the school for the basketball game anyway," Blink continued as he climbed into Jack's van after Dutchy. "So we can we go early and--"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Jack brushed him off. Sarah was staying at school before the game started; she was a cheerleader. And she was tugging at sleeve, eager to give him a goodbye kiss. Jack slammed Blink's door, and took his time getting into the drivers seat.

"I want shotgun," Dutchy whined.

"It's reserved for Davey," Blink scolded. The plan was to pick up David and bring him back to watch Itey's game. Itey and the rest of the basketball team were in the locker rooms, prepping. And probably panicking, what with the loss of one of their star players.

"Man, I'm gonna make a move on Jess at the party this weekend," Dutchy stated, nodding his head.

"You always say that."

"I mean it this time!"

"You always say that too."

"Believe what you want. I _will_ have a good time at that party."

Blink gave his arm a pat. "Of course you will, _Dennis_."

"Shut UP!"

"Well, let's _go_," Jack said, ushering everyone into the van. "Davey's got newspaper things at school so we're picking him up there, and it's 40 minutes across town."

Blink managed to snag shotgun and Dutchy sat in the middle of the seat behind them. "So..." Dutchy said finally. "Uh... You've talked to Sean and stuff, then?"

"Kind of." Blink shrugged. "He doesn't exactly... like, _talk_. But he's stopped telling me to fuck off every other sentence."

"You're the only one," Jack growled, turning angrily onto the main street. "I swear to god, every time he yells at Denise I just want to _pummel_ him."

"I wouldn't try that," Blink put in, cutting off Jack's brewing rant. "I mean, I didn't think he'd beat Steve in a fight, but from what Itey says, Steve's knee is fucked and he's out for, like, at least a week."

"Well... Good," Dutchy answered. "I mean, uh... No, I pretty much mean that."

"Yeah." Blink nodded. "Swear to god, it was awesome to watch."

"Sean," Jack snapped, "is _not_ awesome. In any way."

"Actually, Jack..." Dutchy trailed off. "Heh..."

"Shut up now."

"Don't worry about it, Jack," Blink said. "He'll come around."

"I don't want him to."

"Well..." Blink started to talk, but then just shrugged. He didn't want to make Jack too upset about Sean. Not when Jack had obviously been at least trying not to complain about him every single minute.

"So who's his peer counselor?" Dutchy asked. "If it's Barry I'll fucking die happy. I'd love to see Sean scare him away."

"Uh... He didn't say," Blink lied.

"You're a crappy liar," Dutchy noted.

"Shut up, Hans."

Dutchy glared. But Jack said, "You _are_ a crappy liar."

"I'm not..." Blink protested weakly.

"So... who is it?" Dutchy asked, as if Blink hadn't spoken. "Not Barry?"

"Not Barry."

"Damn."

"Come on, let's not talk about Sean," Blink tried. "It makes Jack angry."

"Blink..." Jack said, and gave his friend a weird look. "Sean is all you've talked about for two days. Why do you want to change the subject now?"

Blink said nothing.

"..._Who_ is his peer councilor?"

"Um, well..."

"_Ryan_, come on!" Dutchy whined.

"Jess!" Blink finally burst out. "Jess, okay, it's Jess." He winced, and waited for the fall out.

"He WHAT? How the hell does that bastard--"

"Oh my GOD that is so hot--"

"--and not only doesn't get in trouble for anything, he practically gets a reward and--"

"--like, what if they hooked up? Oh my GOD--"

"--stupid idiot fucking--"

"Oh my GOD..."

"SHUT UP," Blink snapped, and to his surprise, they both did. "Jack," Blink snapped. "It's no reward; he doesn't like her. At all. He doesn't like _anyone,_ and I promise he'll be miserable, okay?" He ignored Jack and turned in his seat to look at Dutchy. "And trust me, they will never, ever hook up."

Dutchy didn't respond, just grinned happily in a daze.

"Great, now he's in his happy place..." Blink mumbled.

"God, Jess is like, so fucking hot and Sean won't even appreciate it because he's such a headcase," Jack growled.

"Look on the bright side," Blink piped. "You'll see David soon! That always puts you in a good mood." Blink started to laugh a little mid sentence. Dutchy, who had regained technical consciousness, snorted.

"Yeah, Jack. Davey will make it all better."

"Good old Davey."

"There to kiss the troubles away--"

"SHUT UP."

Dutchy and Blink just snickered. "Hey, do think Sean would want to go to the party on Saturday?" Dutchy asked.

"Uh...I'll ask him," Blink said, eying Jack warily.

"I wouldn't care, I'll be too drunk to notice," Jack said. "And Dutch... No matter how drunk you get..." Jack sighed. "Some day you're going to have to learn that some guys are _straight_."

"Please," Dutchy said disdainfully.

"I'm serious. Not all guys are going to randomly change their sexuality because you're hot and easy."

"You think I'm hot?" Dutchy fluttered his eyelashes. Jack took his hand off the wheel to smack Dutchy upside the head, though kind of gently.

"NO, I do NOT, I'm... Oh, fuck you both," he muttered as both Blink and Dutchy began to laugh.

"Hey, look at it like this," Dutchy said finally. "Sean hasn't told anyone he _doesn't_ like boys, right? So..."

Blink started to giggle and turned it into a coughing fit at last second. Maybe, he thought, he should tell them Sean was gay. But he also thought maybe watching Dutchy figure that out himself would be amusing.

"Sean? Gay?" Jack snorted. "Yeah, right. The day Sean Conlon's gay is the day I blow David."

Then Blink _really_ started coughing.

"It could happen..."

"Come on, Dutchy. He kicked Steve's ass, he didn't mount it." Jack frowned. "Geeze, Blink, you feeling okay?"

Blink just nodded and continued coughing.

* * *

Sean stared hard at Jessica across the library table. She sat there, looking pretty, but slightly disappointed. Like she was failing him or something.

"So what is it you don't like about school?" she asked, then shrugged. "Besides the usual stuff."

He stared at her.

"Sean, come on, just talk a little. It's not going to hurt you, honest." She giggled.

"I really fucking think it might."

"Sean--"

"No, serious." This was going to be mean. He knew that, and tried to care, but just didn't. Denise had totally gone for his poor lost puppy performance, and he had every reason to believe Jess would, too. So he continued casually, "I mean... what do you _think_ happened when I decided to talk too much growing up?"

She made a little "ooh!" noise, soft and scared and sympathetic, and he tried to look upset instead of amused.

Mind games were so much _fun_.

She looked sad, and stared, waiting for him to continue.

"I mean..." Sean stared off, blinking away fake tears. "Fuck him anyway, who needs a father? I got on fine without one."

"Did he hurt you badly?" Jess asked, sounding pretty professional. She reached over the table and placed her hand on his, held it.

Sean bit his lip. "_Yeah_."

"Oh...Sean..."

He laughed mentally, and took his hand away. "So you probably don't want to get too involved in my problems," he continued. "Everyone who gets close to me always..."

He left a dramatic pause.

"Always what, Sean?"

Sean wondered if he was a really terrible person. Yes, most definitely.

He bit his lip and stared down at the table.

"Sean, you can... You can tell me anything."

"It's nothing." He shook his head, and sighed. "I just wish I had a cigarette, you know. I know they're bad and all, but... I mean, the only thing my old man ever gave me was my fist cigarette."

She made that little squeaky noise again.

What was ironic was if he had talked about what had _actually_ happened, he wouldn't have wanted her sympathy. He'd have screamed at her and made her cry probably, because he hated having people feel sorry about all the shit he'd been through. But on the other hand, lying to fit some stupid teenage girl's idea of a terrible, angsty childhood was kind of fun.

In a really, really wrong way.

"I know I should stop," he said. "I just... I feel like..."

"Like what?" she prompted when he trailed off.

"Like I don't deserve to, you know? Like... I mean, it's killing me slowly, that's what they say about smoking." He shook his head. "And I just, I feel like that's _right_."

"Oh, _Sean_," she cooed. "Oh, you poor, poor sweetie. You don't have to feel like that. I know things were bad for you, Sean, but you... You have to believe, there are people who care about you."

"No there aren't." He pulled away from her abruptly. That much, at least, was true. She started to object, but he snapped, "There fucking _aren't_ and there shouldn't be. I don't need anyone, okay? I don't... I don't _deserve_ anyone who cares about me."

He shifted uncomfortably. Had to change topics.

"Is it...is it wrong to..."

She was sitting next to him now, rubbing his back. Sean really wished that hand was a guy's, and it had lotion on it, and that they were both naked...

"Sean?"

"Uh," Sean said quickly. "Yeah, is it wrong to...to hate Steve because he's got so fucking much and I've got nothing, and I could just kill him because of it?"

"No, jealousy is very common," Jess said. "And me too, I get jealous all the time. You just have to think of things about yourself that you admire and are proud of, and remember that--"

"He has everything and I have shit," Sean continued. "He's got all the _friends_, all the _looks_ and he even..." Sean looked at her. "Even has _you_."

Jess turned red and averted her gaze.

Sean, in the meantime, wondered if she should say something about an obese cocaine addict for a mother and a brother who liked to wear dresses...

"Oh, Sean," she sighed, and actually wrapped her arms around him in something like a hug. He tried not to pull away from it, because he didn't want to break character, but she already had a strike against her in that she was female, another in that she had the awful taste to date Steve, and a third in that Sean _hated_ being hugged. Not breaking his facade was hard.

"Sean, listen to me, please?" she half-begged, and he nodded, silent. She sat down next to him and squeezed his hand. "I... I know you don't believe you're worth anything, but you have to understand that you _are_. You've only been at this school for a few days, and it's very hard to make friends and Steve can definitely be... be hard to deal with, I know. But you have to know that people _do_ care about you and _will_ care about you." She looked at him seriously, made eye contact. "_I_ do."

And he wanted to tell her that was bullshit, because she'd known him for less than half an hour, but instead he stammered, "I... I want to believe that, but... I just _can't_."

"You won't right away, and that's _okay_." She hugged him again and Sean tried to think of something pleasant. It was very difficult. "You will though, in time. You'll see."

Finally she pulled away, and Sean said, "What time is it?" rather abruptly.

She blinked, then checked her watch. Then swore. "Shit! I have to be in the locker room!" She looked at Sean. "It's 4:30. Wow, fifteen minutes longer than the appointed time." She smiled. "I'm really glad you can talk to me, Sean. And I can't wait until Thursday when we can talk more."

"Uh huh," Sean said. "Yeah."

"So uh..." she cleared her throat, giggled a little. "There's a basketball game. Want to come watch?"

Sean hated sports, and he hated social gatherings, and he hated high school. On the other hand, boys wearing shorts.

"Sure."

She grinned at him. "Thanks, Sean. It'll be nice to have you there... See, look, you'll fit right in in no time!"

She seemed to think that was reassuring, he noted, as she hurried out of the room. He shook his head a little.

Playing with her was so _easy_. He really should feel bad taking advantage of someone so naive.

But he didn't.

At all.

Instead, he was just kind of sad that Steve in all of his hotness wouldn't be there wearing those tight little shorts, for him to stare at. Especially because he knew how much that would piss Steve off.

And that would be even more fun than making Jess freak out.

He smirked to himself as he walked out. The day hadn't been a total loss.

* * *

"Have I mentioned I love sporting events?" Dutchy asked.

"Dutch, shut up."

"I really, really do."

"Dutchy, shut up."

"I mean it. Just think. All those cheerleaders in their short skirts... all those boys in their short shorts..."

"Dutchy, SHUT UP!" Jack yelled, as they pulled back into the school parking lot. "And go get _laid_."

"Are you making an offer?" Dutchy asked, and blew Jack a kiss.

Jack made a face. "David, make him _stop_," he whined.

David sighed.

"Hurry, Jacky, we have to get seats together!"

"Daveeeeyy!"

David, mechanically, said, "Dutchy, stop it."

"Only because he likes it so much," Dutchy said, grinning. Jack snarled in a way that was very much like Sean, but no one was about to tell him that.

"Hey, since Steve isn't playing, does that mean Itey is the starting point guard now?" Dutchy asked.

"That'd be great!" Blink grinned.

"Why, what happened to Steve?" David asked Jack.

"Sean busted up his knee in a fight."

"Sean hurt his knee?"

"No, no," Blink cut in. "Sean beat the shit out of Steve Olsen! And he busted up Steve's knee. It was singularly the most amazing thing that I've ever seen."

"Uh..." David glanced at them, confused. "We're talking the Sean who lives with Jack, right? Weighs maybe 110 when soaking wet?"

"Yep."

"And, um... Steve the bigot who is about three times Sean's size?"

"Yes! Fuck, it was so awesome."

David looked him over, noted the black eye, and sighed. "Was this before or after he punched _you_?"

"No, that was Andrew. It couldn't be helped, though." For a change, Blink seemed psyched, not depressed, about having been in a fight. David shook his head in wonder. Things were just _odd_ since Sean had appeared.

Dutchy skipped inside, everyone following him, and paid his two bucks to get in to the game, found seats near the top of the bleachers, glanced around, and gaped. "Oh my god."

"What?"

He pointed.

Sean was sitting at the bottom of the bleachers, in the middle of all of the cheerleaders. Jessica was sitting next to him, _very_ close to him indeed.

"Oh my _god_," Blink repeated, and blinked. Well, he hadn't expected _that_.

David and Blink both looked nervously at Jack and Dutchy.

"That motherfucker!" Jack yelled. "What the fuck is he gonna do next?"

Dutchy seemed to have lost the idea of Sean and Jess being _hot_, and immediately started to mope. "But...he doesn't even like her..."

"Oh, shut up," David said promptly. "Both of you. Or I'm going home."

Which shut Jack up straight away.

"Should we go sit with him?" Blink asked uneasily.

"Yes, that would ease my broken heart right away," Dutchy replied, scanning the basketball court. "Where's _Itey_...aha! Haha, look at him in his shorts. NICE LEGS, GABE!" Dutchy hollered.

Itey flipped him off from down on the court, but was smiling as he did so. Itey wasn't usually a starter.

Yet another reason why people should appreciate Sean crippling Steve's knee, Blink noted.

"...Should we go down there?" David asked. "Or will he just tell us to fuck off?"

"Probably."

"I'll go," Blink said quickly. "And... let you guys know if there's space," he added lamely.

"Blinky boy has a _crush_!" Dutchy cooed.

"Fuck you, I do _not_."

"Uh huh." Dutchy grinned. "That's so _cute_!"

"Shut the fuck up." He rolled his eye, and began to pick his way through people, down to the bottom of the stands, getting lots of odd looks.

Semi-flamboyantly gay kids did not often show up at basketball games.

"Sean," he said, finally squeezing in between people down at the bottom.

Sean glanced around. "Hey," he said tonelessly.

"Uh... What's up? How was peer counseling?"

Sean rolled his eyes, but Jess giggled. "Oh, it was _wonderful_," she said. "Sean, have you met Ryan?"

"Yeah."

Jess giggled again and leaned against him. The look Sean gave Blink clearly said 'rescue me, goddamnit.'

Blink coughed. "Um... Sean, uh, Jack said he had a message from Denise? You should go talk to him."

"Oh. Well." Sean looked caught between being pissed off, and almost kind of... Relieved? "Yeah, uh... _Bye_." He stood quickly and pushed past Blink, back up to the stands.

Blink coughed a little, then grinned at Jess. "Dutchy says hi," he added.

"Who?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Never mind." And he followed Spot back up into the bleachers.

"You didn't get us seats next to the skirts?" Dutchy whined. "Bliiinnnkk."

"You're bugging the crap out of me today, Dennis."

"Shut up."

Jack looked uncomfortably at Sean. "You gonna stay? Or do you need me to drive you home or something?"

Which was probably the nicest action towards Sean that Jack could ever offer. Sean knew this. Stared, and shrugged.

"Not in the mood for a midnight ride with you, cowboy."

Jack glared. "I was just--"

"Look, it's gonna start soon!" David cut in quickly, sitting down between Jack and Sean. "Hi, Sean, remember me? David?"

"Jack's lover." Sean nodded. "Yeah. Got ya."

"MAKE ME PROUD, GABE!"

"Why is Itey even friends with Dutchy?" David wondered aloud.

Jack snorted. "Why are any of us friends with Dutchy?"

"Because I give good head," Dutchy answered without thinking. "And someday, you'll take advantage of that."

Jack made a face. "Gross." He buried his head in David's shoulder and David put an arm around him comfortingly. Then they realized what they'd done and both abruptly straightened up, David blushing and Jack scowling. And even _Sean_ laughed at that.

"Seriously." Jack kicked Dutchy. "You're so worse than usual lately."

"I'm _horny_."

"How do you think _I_ feel?" Blink demanded. "At least you get some with girls, an option I do not have. God, I swear if I don't get some relief soon, I will go insane."

"That's what your hand is for, Blinken," Dutchy answered.

"Oh, sure, so you'll do anyone else in the room, but not me?"

"You _want_ me to?"

"Well, no, but it's the principle of the thing."

"Now _I'm_ offended," Dutchy sulked.

"Good, maybe now you'll shut your fucking mouth," Sean said glancing at Dutchy's lips as he said this. On purpose. To be a tantalizing dick.

"Uhh?" Dutchy eeped as Sean gave him a very sexy, mean look, before turning away.

"You're an awful person, Sean," Blink said, observing him.

"Yeah, well. You're a flaming homo."

Blink almost snapped 'so are YOU', but the dream of Sean's secret being revealed in a most uncompromising situation for Dutchy was too irresistable for Blink to bare. So he shrugged.

With Sean not being a complete dickhead (he was ignoring everyone more than anything), Jack's mood had improved incredibly. Sarah's cheerleading outfit might have helped, but none the less, Jack was quite fun to be around. When in a good mood.

Soon, the players were all out on the court and Sean was wondering why the hell he was tolerating this. Sitting with a room full of people he hated, watching a sport that only had skinny legs to offer him anyway.

Finally, he just shook his head and stood up, walked out, and groped for the cigarette he _knew_ he had in his pocket.

"What's _his_ problem?" David asked.

Blink shrugged. "He hates everything? I dunno."

"He doesn't seem to hate _you_," Jack accused.

"Yeah, well... I'm cooler than you are." Blink smirked.

"Yeah. _Cooler_. That's one word for it, ya freaking flamer."

"_Why_ do people keep calling me a flamer?" Blink sulked.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and finally Dutchy just said, "Nice pants, Blink."

"Fuck off, Mardoslavic."

"Oh, oh, look! Cheerleading!"

Blink rolled his eyes. "So I'm flamboyant, at least I'm not _desperate_."

"Hey now," Dutchy snapped.

Blink grinned.

David rolled his eyes.

Jack watched the cheerleaders.

Jack watched Sean go, for a second, even wondering if he should go after him or something, but he shook off the feeling and concentrated back on the cheerleaders.

"So uh...what position is Itey?" David asked.

"Point guard."

"So is it his job to guard everyone?"

Jack blinked. "Yes, Davey."

"Oh, okay."

Jack concentrated on David, too. Who was really cute when he didn't know something. Which wasn't very often. Then Jack shook that thought out of his head too. Since when was David cute?

He was having a weird night.

"Heeey," Dutchy said, nodding. "Itey is doing really good!"

"Really _well_," David corrected, but Dutchy ignored him.

"Look at him, he knows what he's doing!" Dutchy grinned. "I'm so proud. Look how much he's grown. My little Itey."

"You're _really_ embarrassing..." Blink mumbled as people around them started giving Dutchy strange looks.

Jack's mind drifted again. What if Sean had gone and tried to walk home alone? What if he got hurt or something? He was puny, and then Denise would totally freak out. Freak out and panic and get upset, and that was the last thing Jack wanted.

He craned his neck, and saw Sean was by the back doors, having a tough time getting rid of the door stopper, a cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth. Sean kicked the door, which eventually started to swing closed. Then Sean stuffed his hands in his pockets, and the door closed, Sean out of sight.

Jack took that as a sign that Sean wouldn't do anything stupid.

When he turned back to the game, he saw Itey had the upper hand against two guys on his back, and was running in for a left handed lay up.

"Shit!" Jack grinned. "YAH ITEY!"

"What's happening?" David asked, oblivious. "Did we get a touchdown?"

"Oh... Davey..." Jack burst into laugher and buried his face in David's shoulder again--AFTER watching to make sure Itey sunk the shot, which he did.

"What? _What_?" David sulked.

"Nothing, you're awesome."

"And he wuuuuuuvs you," Dutchy added, then jumped to his feet and began yelling, "GABRIEL, I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!"

"Oh, sit DOWN!" Blink yelled. "Honestly, I'm not even _flamboyant_ compared to you."

"What?" Dutchy asked innocently, as he sat back down. "Just letting Itey know I appreciate him."

"Yeah... Whatever." Blink rolled his eye, and glanced towards the back doors.

* * *

Sean could hear people cheering, he noted as he slid down to sit on the cold asphalt. There was a slight overhang from the building so at least it wasn't snow covered, and as he was only wearing a light jacket--the only jacket he owned--that was a good thing.

Still, though, it was cold.

Sean closed his eyes and inhaled and the smoke calmed him down.

More screaming inside. People clapping wildly, the cheerleaders yelping something congratulatory because someone had just done something good. People enjoying themselves, people having a good time.

Sean snorted, opened his eyes, and stared up at the moon. This time of year, the sun set early. He shivered, and took another puff.

The cigarette was kind of warm. Relative to having nothing at all.

Which was what he had. A goddamn cigarette, a jacket for another season, and a pair of sneakers with holes in them were what was keeping the February air off him.

Sean flicked ash off the end of his cigarette, and it started to snow.

* * *

**A/N**

Funkie: And you may all rejoice as I return from the dead. crickets... :(

B: Who let the insects in here?!

Funkie: Stupid crickets.

B: sigh Well, anyway, here's your yearly chapter.

Funkie: Hahahaha, it's funny because it's PAINFULLY true. I'm busy, yadda yadda, B is extremely busy, yadda yadda. You all know how it is.

B: But there are many other things you can read while you wait (patiently, right? Right?) for us to update. Like "Vaudeville!" by Hilby, which has returned from the dead after a too-long hiatus.

Funkie: EXCITED!!!

B: I also have to highly, highly recommend "Behind Blue Eyes" by clio21000. Look it up if you haven't run across it yet; it's fantastic.

Funkie: I recommend eating donuts.

B: Oooh. Donuts.

Funkie: We hope you enjoy the chapter. I read it this morning and it had been so long I had forgotten what was happening in the story, so it was like reading something that WASN'T ours!

B: Yeah, we wrote it like...two and a half years ago. EYDW itself turns four this summer. Crazy!

Funkie: OH MY GOD I'M TWENTY NOW.

B: Yeah, well I'm nearly twenty-FOUR.

Funkie: ...weird.

B: Man, we write the most self-indulgent ANs _ever_.

Funkie: That's why I like writing them.

B: Of course...g'night, everybody.


	4. Party Boy Blues

**_Take Good Care of the Poor Boy_**

But you must drink it down  
And what do you make of the nights  
When you thought you'd make much more  
Than being too drunk to turn the lights out  
And too tired to drink more?  
And what does it take to not hear the cynics at your door saying  
"It's time the turn the lights out, and you'll want to keep it down!"  
- _The High Party_, Ted Leo and The Pharmacists

**_Chapter Four: Party Boy Blues_**

"Did you SEE?" Dutchy exclaimed, giving Itey a noogie after the game, where they were swarming Itey on the court. "Did you see this little fucker? He fucking won the game!"

"_We_ won the game, Dutchy," Itey said, embarrassed. "The tea-"

"Gabe! You did soooo good!" A cheerleader popped up next to Itey, grabbing hold of his arm.

"Uh, thanks," Itey said.

"Yeah, _really_ good," another said on his other side, pushing Dutchy over.

"Did _well_, damn it, well..." David muttered under his breath. Jack gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

One of the girls giggled. "It's real sad about Steve and all, but you kind of rocked." She whispered loudly, "You could be the starter."

"Uh... Thanks?"

She laughed and hung on his arm and really, Itey just looked confused.

"Gabriel," the other girl said, glaring at the cheerleader hanging on his other arm, "are you going to Shelby's party this weekend? You should so totally come."

"Uh..."

"Yeah," the first girl said. "You could come with _me_."

"Um..."

Dutchy broke in. "Gabe, wow, awesome game, come on, your team is waiting to congratulate you." He grabbed Itey's arm and dragged him away from the two girls.

"Thanks," Itey hissed gratefully.

"More cheerleaders for _me_."

"Yeah, if you can get them to touch you."

"Hey, why not? I'm the superstar's best friend." Dutchy gave his arm an affectionate punch, but then added, sounding kind of needy, "...Right?"

Itey rolled his eyes. "Duh, Dutchy. Always have been. Now go get_laid_."

"Gladly." Dutchy pounded his back a little. "Seriously, though. You did good. Well."

Itey gave him a weird look and walked off to go change out of his sweaty uniform.

* * *

Dutchy sat alone in his kitchen. Alone in his house. Alone.

_You're a loser._

He shook his head, shook the hair out of his eyes, and laughed. "I know, I knooooow."

_And you're needy too._

"No freaking kidding!" he laughed, even though it wasn't funny, it was pathetic. That was kind of what his life was lately, just pathetic. And here he was, talking to himself--as far as he knew, the voices were really just himself--and laughing about it because he couldn't help himself, and no one could help him, either.

He giggled.

Itey was such a good guy, too, was the thing. Itey really believed they were still best friends; that the fact that Itey played basketball and made good grades and got hit on by cheerleaders didn't at all affect their friendship. Even though Dutchy was just a pathetic, sad loser who only prided himself on his abilities in bed. Which were getting rusty, because he hadn't been laid in what felt like forever.

Something about that thought was really, really funny. It was odd, because Dutchy knew it should have upset him, but it just made him laugh. Which was good. He needed to laugh.

Itey was popular now, and Jack had David and Sarah, and even Blink was suddenly, like, best friends with Sean.

And Dutchy was just some loser sitting alone in his house, unable to stop laughing even when his nose started bleeding.

It was all so fucking hysterical.

* * *

"I hope you guys aren't gonna smoke up..." Itey warned, his hands shoved in his pockets. "Or I'm gonna leave."

"Don't _leave_," Jack said. "It's nothing that'll get us too stoned."

"_Don't_, please, for me." Itey rarely ever begged. And he'd never say out loud that he really hated his friends when they were stoned. They just got so..._mean_ and rude. He wondered if all people were when they were stoned.

"Okay, okay, _I_ won't," Blink said. He looked up at the sky. "Look how bright the stars are..."

Dutchy snorted. "That was the lamest thing you've ever said."

"Shut up..."

The stars _were_ bright. Nights like these were really nice for the four of them. Out in Jack's back alley, past midnight. When none of them could sleep, Jack usually went and rounded them all up quietly. They lived so close to each other.

And he couldn't sleep tonight. He'd been thinking. Sean, Denise. They were both in his head.

Itey had been thinking too. Troubled, a little. Unsure of whether or not he should bring it up with his friends.

Blink had been scattered, his mind was all over. A new friend in someone he didn't think even liked him.

And Dutchy...well, Dutchy hardly ever slept at all.

"This is depressing," Itey said finally, shivering. "All of us standing out here, looking upset."

"Who's upset?" Dutchy bit back a giggle. "This is just fanTAStic."

"Dude, are you already high?" Blink asked.

Dutchy nodded.

"Did you bring any to share with the group, Mr. Mardoslavic?"

Shook his head no. It was sort of an unspoken rule that Jack and Blink didn't do anything heavier than pot. Dutchy didn't know if they even knew he did.

"Dutchy," Itey said tiredly. "You really shouldn't..."

"It's fine. It's all fine." He grinned. "See? It's FINE. Everything is!"

"And it makes you act like a moron, health aside," Itey continued.

Dutchy giggled.

"It's cold out," Jack said finally.

"Because it's _winter_."

"What are you snippy about?" Jack asked Itey. Not mean, just curious. "You're the star of the day."

"No, I'm not..." Itey mumbled.

"Itey doesn't like being the center of attention!" Dutchy proclaimed. "He hates it. Hates it hates it. He should swap with me."

"How much did you smoke?" Blink asked.

"Your mom. Twice."

"That doesn't even make sense..." Jack trailed off, then looked at Itey again. "Hey, come on, you okay?" He liked worrying about Itey. Itey reminded him of David sometimes, but only in the way he wasn't a complete idiot like the rest of them were. Itey and David were sort of the non-idiots, even if they weren't very alike.

"Fine, just... like, the basketball team sucks sometimes."

"Dude, you guys _rocked_," Blink said. "What are you talking about?"

"Not as a team. As people." Itey pulled a pair of gloves out of his pockets and pulled them on. "I mean, Steve and Drew--Andrew--and Chris and them."

"Are idiots, so?"

"So... They kind of always assume I'm their friend and I agree with them. And I don't."

"Duh."

"I just feel like... I don't know. You guys are my friends. People don't even realize that, though."

"Not your fault people are stupid," Jack pointed out, and Dutchy began giggling again.

Everyone stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You are such a fucking druggie," Jack sighed. "And that's coming from me, and I've been busted at school twice."

"For being stupid!"

"Dutchy, shut up!" Blink snapped. "You're making too much noise, do you want everyone to wake up?"

"Why're you always telling me to shut up, one eye?" Dutchy demanded, his voice high pitched. "You hate me?"

"Of course not," Blink said, smiling a little. "But Jesus Christ, you need to come down to earth, Marvin the Martian."

"Ask Itey! He's gonna tell us his new friends hate us."

"They aren't my friends, they're my teammates," Itey said. "_You_ guys are my friends."

"Nuh uhhh." Dutchy shoved Itey a little. "You're_popular_ now."

"It was one game, it'll blow over," Itey said. "Dutchy, stop acting like this, okay? They aren't my friends."

"Not just one game," Blink mused. "I mean, Steve's out for at least a week."

Itey groaned. "Yeah, so that's two more games. And then Steve The Conquering Hero comes back, and everyone realizes how _strong_ and _brave_ he is to play so soon after an injury like that, and life is back to normal."

"Uh _huh_." Blink didn't sound convinced, even though Itey's tone of voice made it pretty clear what he thought of Steve.

"Why are you guys so uptight about this?" Itey demanded. "You know I'm your friend." He nudged Dutchy with his elbow. "Your _best_ friend, Dutch. Don't be a jerk, okay?"

Dutchy grinned at him. "Okay."

"Good."

"You know, if you liked boys, I'd totally kiss you right here and now."

Itey blinked, and then punched Dutchy in the arm. "Cut it OUT!"

"Dutchy, that's gross, it's Itey."

"Oh, thanks a lot, Blink."

"What? I'm helping you out."

"Guys?" Jack asked. "Was Sarah flirting with Carl Lewis? I think she was flirting with Carl Lewis."

"Carl likes her," Itey supplied, now in a bit of a mock punching match with Dutchy.

Jack's face darkened. "What?! Since when?"

"Always? Ow!" Itey laughed.

"You have four arms!" Dutchy exclaimed.

"Man is he gone, or what?" Blink turned to Jack. "So it's really fine if Sean goes to the party? I mean, you won't be a brat about it?"

Jack kicked at some snow on the ground. "When am I a brat?"

"Always? OW!" Itey punched Dutchy back again.

"What is it with you and him anyway?" Jack asked Blink, looking offended. "You have a crush on him or something?"

"No," Blink snapped. "Why do people keep... God." He shook his head. "Seriously, he's so fucked up, I wouldn't want to ever... Just, no."

"Then what _is_ it?"

"I dunno. He's kind of interesting, tough to figure out."

"Not really. He's a dick," Jack scowled.

"No, like... I dunno, like when he kicked Steve's ass. Steve was saying all this shit about him... him and me, you know, him being my boyfriend because we were _sitting_ together and Sean kind of lost it."

"No _kidding_," Itey murmured.

"Great, so he's homophobic enough to beat someone up for suggesting--"

"Jesus, Jack, you're talking to _me_. If I'm not offended, you really have no right to be." Blink rolled his eye.

Itey offered, "Drew said he was, uh... 'totally gay.' But it's Drew, so that could just mean, you know, 'he dared beat Steve in a fight'."

"Yeah, probably." Blink shrugged. "I dunno, he's a dick and all, but he's kind of cool."

Jack snorted, angrily. Usually when he was being childish they all laughed it off. But right now, it wasn't too amusing.

"Jack, come on..." Itey trailed off. "Just let it go. You were really good today; you didn't let him get to you. And see, he wasn't bothering you."

Jack didn't say anything.

"It's not like he hates you," Blink included. "He never talks about you."

He still didn't talk.

"AAWWWwww Jack--"

"Dutchy, quiet!"

"Pipe it, Itey. Awww, Jacky-Jack, we love ya, we do. I'd so fuck you. I SO WOULD. Oh man, your skin glows in the moonlight..." Dutchy trailed off, then cleared his throat flamboyantly and continued. "But no one is ditching you for Sean. Except I wanna fuck him a lot more than I wanna fuck you." Dutchy squinted. "I hope that come out right...heee, MAN your skin is shiny."

Blink burst out laughing, and then tried to muffle the sound as Itey sent him a glare. But in a minute, Jack started, and then even Itey couldn't control himself. Then Dutchy laughed too, confused, and Jack was a lot more laid back after that.

"So uh..." Jack asked, still snickering, turned to Itey. "Does Carl _actually_ like Sarah?"

Dutchy and Blink were still laughing. Dutchy from the drugs, Blink from the giddiness of someone around him being on drugs.

"Yes," Itey said. "Always has."

"Always?"

"Well, since she made the cheerleading team, anyway."

"That _dick_," Jack scowled. "She's so taken!"

"Except for when you break up every other month."

"We do not, and even then we _always_ get back together, so he'd better not be making a move on--"

"Shhh!"

Everyone fell silent, and watched as Blink stared up at a window in Jack's house. It was a first floor window, but the house was on a slight rise so it was still above their heads. And someone was moving inside.

"Uh... that's not your room and it's not Denise's room," Itey noted, knowing the layout of Jack's house pretty well.

"Yeah." Jack sighed.

"So..."

"Hey, assholes." The window slid open and Sean leaned out. "You wanna keep your orgy or whatever the hell you're doing out there _down_ a little bit?"

"You wanna JOIINNN?" Dutchy yelled, and Itey slapped his hand over Dutchy's mouth to shut him up.

"You wish, blondie." Sean paused. "Keep on trying with ol Moonlight Jack, over there, you fucking stoner."

And he slammed the window.

Everyone was quiet for a second.

"He totally heard us."

"Yep."

* * *

"I'm telling you, we don't have time. Besides." Jack crossed his arms stubbornly. "We're not smoking up in my house. Mom would skin me. And I'm seeing Sarah in half an hour and that'd kind of kill the mood."

Dutchy groaned. "Come _on_, Jack."

"Smoke your own shit!"

"I don't want to waste it! It's for special occasions only."

Jack shook his head. "Then stop smoking it so much. Man." Jack opened the fridge. "I'm having a pizza pop. Want one?"

"Nah."

"You're _this_ close to being as skinny as the dick." Jack pulled a pizza pop out of the freezer, and went for the microwave. Just as Sean entered the kitchen. "Hey, dick."

"Jacqueline." Sean gave him a nod, and Dutchy laughed. Sean sneered at him, and immediately, Dutchy faltered and trailed off.

It was considerably quieter now that Sean was in the room and Jack was avoiding argument. Almost boring.

"Soooo, uh... Sean..." Dutchy trailed off. "Live around here much?"

"Not by choice." Sean rolled his eyes, grabbled a popsicle from the freezer--Jack wasn't sure he'd ever seen Sean eat anything else--and started back out of the room, then stopped. "Jess and I had a real good time this afternoon," he added, smirking.

"Drop dead," Jack answered, gritting his teeth.

"Yeah, she's worried I'm gonna. That's why she's decided to call me every night. Has she ever asked for _your_ phone number, Dennis?"

"Shut up." Dutchy didn't even know what to say. Everything he said around Sean was stupid. Everything Jack said around Sean was mean. Everything Itey said got him a 'fuck off' in response. In almost a week, the only one who had managed to hold a conversation with him was Blink.

Dutchy was jealous.

Sean was a challenge. An improbably hot challenge. And a distraction, kind of. From everything. From his lack of a real kind of relationship, from his house, from Jess not knowing his name. Though the drugs were a distraction too. But at this point they were more a necessity.

Sean was so hot and cool and Dutchy would never admit to Jack that just how much he _did_ want Sean to talk to him.

"Do you like her?" Dutchy asked.

Sean let out a bark, one sharp laugh, and then didn't reply at all. He didn't leave either though, which made Jack rudely check his watch.

"Don't be a dick to her," Dutchy mumbled, his urge to not say stupid things in front of Sean being beaten out just slightly by his adoration of Jess. "She's got it bad enough with Steve."

"If he's so awful, why does she stay with him?"

"If he's so NOT awful, why did you bother to kick his ass, Shawna? You never bother with us, so he must have gotten to you." He rolled his eyes. "Fuck Jess, don't fuck Jess, sprain Steve's other knee, whatever. I don't fucking care anymore."

And with that, Jack pushed past Sean, out of the room, and then they heard his footsteps out front, and the door slamming shut.

Spot smirked. Dutchy froze up.

Dutchy was alone in a house with Sean.

All of his senses were kind of on fire, so he squirmed a bit in his seat.

"I'm just saying..." his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "I'm just saying that she's actually a really nice person, so don't do anything that might..."

Seam watched him, observed him, licking his popsicle. _That_ way. Again. Dutchy shifted seating positions slightly, and Sean noticed. He grinned.

"Got a hard on, blondie?"

"_No_," Dutchy blurted. "You wish."

And Sean just looked at him, with those dark eyes and his ratty, thick hair, which dropped into his eyes. He was so amazing looking, especially now.

Sean took a very long, very dirty suck on his popsicle, and Dutchy wanted to look away, but couldn't quite bring himself to, because damn it all, it was hot. Sean finished off by licking very slowly and deliberately around the top of the popsicle, like he was...

Well, they _both_ knew what he was imitating.

Dutchy was staring open mouthed, and finally said, "Most straight guys don't know quite so much about giving blowjobs."

"Funny thing about that," Sean said, and raised an eyebrow, and began to lick up the side of the popsicle.

"I should... I should go..."

"Go, come, it's all the same to me. See ya, blondie." And Sean turned and strolled out of the room.

Dutchy whimpered.

* * *

Sean sat in his seat, feet up on his desk, thinking. About this stupid party. This stupid party at someone named Shelby's house that everyone was going to. That Blink said _he_ could go to.

And until last night, Sean hadn't seen a reason in going.

Except...

Dutchy wanted him. Badly. That was obvious. And even though Sean didn't have a particular interest in him what so ever as a person, he wasn't bad looking. He was blond, which was always a huge plus in Sean's books. Non-blonds had to be _extraordinarily_ good looking for him to consider.

It wasn't like anything had to mean something.

"What's with the quiet?" Blink asked, craning his neck to speak to him.

"What's it to you?" Sean snapped.

"Your comebacks are getting worse. With me."

"Fuck off."

"You gonna come tomorrow? Load up and party?"

"I might."

"You serious?" Blink sounded kind of surprised. "I thought you hated everyone."

"I do. I wanna get laid."

"Oh." He considered. "Um... Good luck with that."

"Don't need luck; I have Dutchy."

He raised an eyebrow and Blink winced. This could be so very, very not good at all.

"Uh... You should know, then, Dutchy... Um, he gets attached. Like--"

"Don't really care."

"You're going to fuck him over."

"Yeah, I prefer it on top."

"So you're just going to... To _do_ it, and then..."

Sean said nothing. Blink groaned.

"At least he won't worry about me and Jess anymore."

Which wasn't even true, because Sean's mind games were just getting meaner and meaner. Not that anyone else really knew it, but it was true.

"No, 'cause he'll be so freaked out over you and him."

"Not my problem."

"You're such an asshole, Sean, seriously. Dutchy is my _friend_, I'm gonna warn him..."

"You know, Ryan, remarkably, I don't think he'll pay that much attention."

Blink said nothing. Sean had never called him Ryan before. Blink was a bit taken aback, at first, raised his eyebrows. "Listen, Sean, even _you_ can't do that to someone."

Sean let out a loud snort. "You don't even know me, cyclops."

"Dutchy's my friend. And I will tell him, and he's not stupid!" Blink backtracked. "Well...he is when he's really horny, which he is, but..." Blink shook his head. "That's besides the point, you're not gonna--"

"You trying to tell me what to do?" Sean's face darkened. "I really hope not."

Blink frowned. "Then don't do that to Dutchy. Leave him alone."

Sean leaned forward, stared at Blink. "Fuck. Off."

Blink was quiet. That was definitely something that made a person back off. Sean wasn't the type of person to cross, unless you wanted to end up with a busted body part.

"I'll still tell him," Blink mumbled.

"Knock yourself out."

"Why do you have to be such a dick to him all the time?" Blink asked, then added, "Why do you have to be such a dick to_everyone_?"

"Because my mommy and daddy didn't love me enough." Sean shot him a sideways glance, and smirked. "Look, Blink; either you can shut the hell up and I'll continue to tolerate you, or you can push it and I can beat the shit out of you. Your call."

Blink fell silent.

So much for their alleged friendship. Suddenly, being tolerated by Sean didn't seem quite so cool.

* * *

After school, Blink lay on Dutchy's bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how to bring up this type of subject with Dutchy without hurting any feelings. Dutchy was preoccupied, sitting on the floor, strumming some garage band tune on his fender guitar.

Blink was glad that at least Dutchy wasn't smoking up. The subject would have been impossible to tackle had that been the case. So he thanked his lucky stars for that one.

He glanced at his friend, about to open his mouth, but stopped short, raising an eyebrow. "Dutch?"

No reply.

_"Dutchy."_

"Yeah?" Dutchy looked up at him, still strumming. "What? Is the playing annoying? Is it annnooyyyinnggg--" Dutchy started strumming faster and tunelessly, grinning away.

"Cut it out!" Blink yelled, but laughed. "No, just...would you stop?"

"Yeah, okay, what?" Dutchy stopped playing, reached over to turn off his amp.

"I, uh..." Blink cleared his throat, was distracted again by looking at Dutchy's frame. "Did you lose _weight_? You look skinny."

Dutchy shrugged. "I've always been skinny."

"Yeah, but you're... kinda skeleton-y now."

"Yeah, well." Dutchy shrugged.

"Uh, okay. Anyway, just..." Blink sighed. There was no good way to do this. "What would you do if Sean _was_ gay?"

"Cream myself and throw myself at him."

"Thought you did that anyway."

"I'd do it _more_."

"What if... What if it worked?"

"What?"

"I dunno, what if he said _yes_?"

"I'd... Well, yeah, I'd so do him." Dutchy laughed. "And then run like hell, because he's scary as fuck."

"Yeah, he is." Blink looked down at the floor, then up at Dutchy. "Dutch, he's gay. He's gonna agree to sleep with you and he's gonna be a dickhead about it. So... Just, don't. Please."

Dutchy blinked, then his mouth hung open a little. "He's_actually_ gay?"

"Yes."

"...oh."

"It's not too surprising, if you think about it," Blink said.

"Yeah..." Dutchy trailed off, then gulped. "So...so, then, Sean wants me?"

"He wants sex, Dutchy, not you. No offense."

Dutchy bit his lip. "But like, it's no big deal, it's not like I'll like, I dunno, get really attached."

"Yes, you will, Dutch," Blink said quietly, trying to be nice. "You _always_ do. So just, don't. Okay? Just blow Sean off, because you don't need that from him."

Dutchy quietly played with the frays sticking out of the hole in his sock. "I guess. No, okay. He's scary anyway." He looked back up at Blink. "But he's really, really hot, Blink."

"_Dutchy_."

Dutchy frowned. "Fine. I won't. Okay? I won't."

Blink too a deep breath. "Promise?"

"What?"

"Seriously, I _know_ you. Promise me you won't just... give in and sleep with him."

"I _promise_," Dutchy said. "Jesus, Ryan. I'll go sleep with one of Itey's leftovers, they're still swarming all over him and he just wants to run away. I'm know I'm sad lately and all, but I can still get some when I put my mind to it." He punched Blink affectionately. "Unlike some people I could name."

"Shut up," Blink griped, but was kind of relieved.

Though Dutchy _did_ have a point. Blink had passed horny and was now to the point of resenting couples wherever he saw them. He wanted to get laid, yes, but he wanted _someone_. Because he'd never even been on a real date.

Sometimes, he felt like the only gay teenager in the world.

Even _with_ Sean there.

* * *

"Would you stop pouting?" Sarah snapped at Jack. "GOD, sometimes you can be so impossible."

"Tell that to David!" Jack retorted. "He should have come!"

"Jack, no offense, but there's a reason no one hangs around you and Sarah at parties," Blink said. "Annddd, see, we know other people who are gonna be there, so we can escape. But David doesn't have that option."

"Did I ask you?" Jack griped.

Blink made a face at him. Luckily, the van was pretty big, so no one was cramped in the back seats. Still, if Sarah and Jack were going to keep snipping at each other the entire ride, Blink was sure he'd get a sudden bout of claustrophobia.

"I shouldn't have come..." Itey mumbled.

"What? Come onnn, don't talk that way," Dutchy whined. "You'll have all the chicks all over you."

_"Exactly."_

"You're _not_ gay, right?" Sarah asked over her shoulder.

"I'm not gay," Itey assured her.

"Then what's the problem?"

Itey shrugged and mumbled something.

"What?" Blink asked.

Mumble.

"Speak up, ya doof!" Dutchy said, slapping his back.

"I'mwaitingfortheRIGHTgirlandI'llknowherwhenIseeherandshedoesn'tgotoourschool."

There was a pause.

And then the van collectively broke into laugher. Even Sean, who had willingly separated himself to sit in the back, was smirking and shaking his head.

"Oh, Itey, man, I love you," Dutchy proclaimed. "You're so... _chivalrous_."

"Don't use words you don't know, Dutch," Itey answered.

"I do SO know what chivalrous means!"

"Uh huh."

"I _do_."

"So..." Jack said, somewhat under his breath, to Sarah. Blink, who was right behind them, could still hear perfectly well. "So what's going on between you and Carl?"

Sarah shrugged. "Why?"

"I dunno."

"You asked."

"Well?"

She made a face at him. "Well, _nothing_, so it's none of your business."

"How could NOTHING be none of my business? If there's NOTHING then I have no business that's not mine!"

"Ugh, Jack, just shut up."

"I'll shut up if YOU shut up."

"FINE."

"Fine!"

"Good, then you're both shutting the fuck up." Sean smirked in the back of the van.

"No one asked you, head case!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Like I really give a shit what YOU say."

"Screw up!"

"Whore."

"Asshole!"

"Ugly--"

"Okaaaayy, Jack, turn here," Itey said quickly.

"Thanks man," Jack nodded, obviously uncomfortable. Sarah turned on Jack immediately.

"Thanks for _defending_ me!" she snapped.

"Shut uuuppp..." Blink whimpered quietly.

"I DO know what it means, Itey, I DO!"

"Oh, give us a definition, _blondie_," Sean spoke up.

Dutchy blinked. Then in his only moment of cool since Sean had moved in snapped, "_You_ give us a definition, Sean, if you're so fucking smart."

"Smarter than _you_," Sean answered easily. "Chivalrous; let's see. To act in a manner according to the laws of chivalry, which is essentially dead anyway. See also knights, King Arthur, and that bullshit. Pull out chairs for your date, pay for the meal, and bring her flowers. Jackass."

Dutchy paused for a beat, and then said, "Well _you_... suck."

"You _wish_."

"Yup, Jack, just keep right on going down the street, uh huh," Blink said, nodding his head. He gave Dutchy a significant look, and Dutchy sighed and sunk low in his seat.

Sean watched this subtly, then smirked.

Jack finally pulled over to the side of the road, grumbling something about having to DD and how much he hated it when David didn't come to DD for him, and why did David have to go hang out with his stupid friends from school anyway?

"Oooooohkay, party time! Rules are I'm leaving at 2:30 AM and I don't care if you're with me, conscious, or whatever. Bye!" Jack grabbed Sarah around the waist as they stepped out of the van and they made their way off together.

Everyone else exchanged glances and shrugged, except for Sean, who raised an eyebrow.

"There had better be some fucking alcohol inside," he finally stated, and everyone walked up to the house--a nice house in the suburbs, definitely nicer than their own neighborhood--and were ushered in quickly.

"Keg's thataway," one of the guys already at the party said helpfully.

"WOO, LOPEZ!"

Itey was rushed by a group of already-drunk basketball players, Dutchy leered at the cheerleaders who followed them, and Sean made for the keg.

"Oh Gabe, you were SO awesome out there," a brunette named Tina smiled, pressing up against him. "You have some smooth moves."

"Uhhh." Itey smiled awkwardly. "I really don't, honest."

"Oh, I'm sure you _do_."

Itey whimpered.

Dutchy stepped in close to Tina and grinned. She paid no heed, and continued fondling a very uncomfortable, squirmy Itey. Eventually, Dutchy was pushed out of the crowd of Itey Fans, and forgotten.

"_Fuck_," Dutchy snapped, stomping his foot. He glanced around, looking for Blink. "Probably at the keg..." he mumbled, and walked into the next room.

Blink _was_ in the next room, with the keg, but he was nowhere near it. He and Sean were standing at one wall, and Steve Olsen and his ever-present cronies were over by the keg, drinking, and showing no signs of moving.

Dutchy walked over to Blink and Sean and sighed. "So no beer for us losers, then?"

"_You_ wanna go tell Steve to move his gorgeous ass?" Blink asked.

Dutchy shrugged. "This bites. Party. Sober. Girls all over Itey, no one all over _me_. Even Jack is gonna get laid."

"Yeah, but by his skanky whore girlfriend, so nothing to brag about." Sean glanced over at the keg, then said, "Oh, fuck this."

He strode over, grabbed an oversized paper cup--classy, he thought, rolling his eyes--shoved past Steve and began to fill it. Steve stared.

"Problem?" Sean demanded.

"You're my fucking problem."

"Right. Well, how's this: you're drunk, I'm not; I can kick your ass while you're sober, like I already did once, so you _really_ want to start something? I can actually break your knee this time if you really want."

He downed half of his drink and then refilled it. Steve didn't say anything, and Sean walked away.

"Oh, that was beautifully done." Blink smiled as Sean came next to him. "...did you get me one?"

"Yeah, what do you think?" Sean sipped loudly at his cup of beer. "Aaaaaah yeah, that's good."

"Fuck _you_," Blink grumbled. "How can I get some now?"

"You'll never get any, flamer."

"When did this conversation turn into one about my lack of a love life?" Blink snapped.

Sean shrugged. "Since it's so easy?" Dutchy laughed at Sean leered at him. "Shut it, blondie."

"I have the right to laugh," Dutchy retorted, shoving his hands in his pockets and hoisting himself up from the wall. "Well, I'm getting a beer. I'm invisible to them anyway. Want one, Blinken?"

"YES, thank you." Blink smiled. Dutchy walked towards the keg, and then Blink turned on Sean. "DON'T try to sleep with him, PLEASE."

Spot raised an eyebrow. "Thought you were gonna warn him off me."

"I DID. And you're hot and he's gonna be drunk and his willpower with that combination is..." Blink sighed. "Oh, you're going to be a dick about this, aren't you?"

"Looks that way, doesn't it?" Sean took a few swallows and made a face. "This shit is terrible. No way I'm gonna get wasted on it."

"Would you listen to me?" Blink snapped. "Listen, he's my _friend_, and I know that means nothing to you, and what I have to say obviously doesn't even go into your head, but Dutchy doesn't need this right now!"

"Okay, time out," Sean said, in an entirely new tone of voice. "I fail to see how _I'm_ the one that started this._He's_ after _me_. I've done _fuck all_ to encourage it. I haven't even touched him. So how is it if he's the one pursuing me, I'm hurting your stupid fucking friend?"

Blink opened his mouth, but Sean kept going.

"So maybe you should consider that Dutchy needs to grow the fuck up and stop chasing after people if he can't take it when one of them responds." Sean shoved his hands in his pockets.

Blink shook his head. "I know him better than you, and you can't rationalize this to me."

"Yes I can. I just did. And you know it."

They remained silent, until Dutchy returned with two cups of beer. One for Blink, one for him.

Blink took a few swallows, then said, "Dutch--you'd say I know Sean better than you do, right? Better than anyone here?"

Dutchy shrugged. "I guess. Barely. What?"

"Yeah, what?" Sean asked.

Blink looked at him, then back at Dutchy. "Well. I'm telling you--he's a dick. A complete dick. And you're way too good for him."

Sean drank his beer coolly and looked at Dutchy for a response.

Dutchy almost spat out his beer. "I...what?" he repeated.

"You're too good for him and you deserve better." Blink's voice didn't even waver as he said it.

"Yeah, sure," Sean said, and leaned against the wall casually. "You should totally go off with your cyclops friend and spend the night fetching him beer he's too scared to go get himself. That'll definitely be more fun than getting laid."

"Well, actually, DUTCHY, I think hanging out with your friends and not with Sean, the dick, IS more fun." Blink said, anger rising in his voice.

"Because that way, Dutchy," Sean was starting to snarl, a little, "you can be a loser forever."

"Well, Dutchy, better a loser than a fucked up loner."

Sean finished his beer. "Hey, I'm getting another one. Umm, Princess Blink? You need me to get you that? Yeah? Can't get it yourself?"

Blink ignored him.

"I'll take that as a no, flamer." Sean stormed off.

Dutchy shifted awkwardly. "...Sooo...what'd I miss?"

"Don't be an idiot tonight, okay?" Blink asked. "I'm sure you can find a nice girl here to hang out with."

"No girls who are nice like me. No _girls_ like me."

"That isn't true. You ditched Itey right away; you didn't even try to talk to anyone. Maybe if you TALKED to one of them--"

"Yes, because I'm great at talking."

Well, Blink didn't know what to say then. He shifted his weight awkwardly and drank some more. Finally, he said, "Look, it's just--you know you get attached, Dutchy. And he'd be using you. And it'll hurt!"

"Hurt so good?" Dutchy asked, laughing. "Wait, you wouldn't know, virgin."

"Not that kind of hurt, and you know it!"

Dutchy shrugged. "Yeah, I know it, but..." He sighed. "Look, he wants me, and no one else does. That means something, right?"

"It means he thinks you're easy."

"I _am_ easy."

"It means he doesn't respect you!"

"Well I don't respect me either!"

"Dutchy!" Blink grabbed his sleeve. "That isn't a good thing either. You're going to have to grow up sometime, and learning to respect yourself is part of the fucking process!"

Dutchy swallowed, and looked uneasily down at his friend. He didn't know what to do with confrontation. Especially the kind where he knew, one hundred percent, how much he needed to listen to what the other person was saying.

He shook his head. "Blink, just...I'm fine. Okay?"

Blink frowned. "Fine."

Dutchy sighed. And now his friend was mad at him. "Blink--"

"Just don't get drunk, okay? Can you at least do that much? Even though you don't RESPECT yourself?"

Somehow that sounded way worse when someone else said it. "Okay, I won't get drunk."

"Promise?"

"I promise, okay, I promise!"

Sean came back with one beer, and started drinking it quickly, without looking at Dutchy or Blink.

Dutchy looked as if he was about to explode, and then said very quickly, "I respect myself, okay? So...I do."

Sean looked at him as if he were a bug. "...Fuck I care?"

Blink sighed and leaned against the wall.

Sean dropped his empty cup on the floor and glanced from Blink to Dutchy and back. "Yeah, I can see you respect yourself, blondie. So much that you let yourself get

talked out of something you want. That you started."

"You're the one who wants him!" Blink snapped.

"So I do. And I respect him enough to let him decide for himself. Dutch, you want to go fuck?"

"Mmm...n...I..."

"He doesn't!"

"Maybe he doesn't want you to make his decisions for you. That's not respect."

"Yeah," Dutchy said. "That's not respect."

"DUTCHY!" Blink said, appalled. "I'm your FRIEND and I'm trying to HELP you!"

"I'm not an idiot, I can take care of myself! I want him, so, why can't I get him?"

"Because he's a conniving little bastard!"

"I haven't connived fucking ANYthing, you asshole," Sean said flippantly.

"He did it all and I'm just going with it, so back off. Dutchy. Want to go fuck?"

Dutchy looked completely torn. A part of him saw how upset Blink was getting by the moment. And another part of him saw that a guy completely out of his league was actually saying yes. To him. The loser.

"Blink," Dutchy started. "I understand you want to protect me..."

"Oh for crying out loud," Blink said, laughing in disbelief. "Okay Dutchy, fine, I'm keeping you from sleeping with a dick because I don't respect you. Yeah, go with that."

"I'm not--"

"He's a grown man, Blinken," Sean said.

"He is NOT."

"I am too!" Dutchy insisted. "What the hell, yes I am!"

Blink sighed, "Dutchy I just mean that...I don't know, I don't fucking know. Just, listen to me, okay? Okay??"

But Blink could tell just how much Dutchy wanted to disregard Blink completely. And Dutchy, lately, had been disregarding everyone completely.

Finally, Blink too a deep breath. "You're going to hate yourself in the morning. He _is_ a dick and he _is_ using you, no matter what he says. And when you realize that, you're gong to be hurt."

Dutchy wavered.

"He's right, you know," Sean said. "I don't give a shit about you, I just feel like getting laid. But hey, if you can't handle that, you can't. No skin off _my_ back. I'll fuck someone else."

"I can handle that," Dutchy said softly. He shot Blink a smile and said, "I feel like shit all the time anyway, and at least this way I'll feel like shit and get laid in the process."

"Good man!" Sean pounded his back. "Now let's go get your pants off."

Blink frowned as they walked away. Something was seriously wrong with Dutchy. But he wasn't going to hang around and worry about it that much. Not with a group of hostile jocks in the same room and him all alone now…So he wandered the house, watched people, saw couples making out as the night wore on and they all got drunker. He passed Itey, surrounded by his new fans, a few times. He didn't see Jack or Sarah at all, though, _or_ Sean and Dutchy. He had a pretty good idea where they were—there were bedrooms upstairs that locked.

It only took awhile before he was all too sober, and way too lonely. He needed a drink. Bad. It was then that Jack appeared next to him, a bottle of Grasshoppers in his hand. "Where'd you get that?" Blink asked excitedly.

"Some kids broke open a cupboard with the parents stash downstairs. Kinda warm, but..." Jack shrugged, then glanced around the room. "You seen Sarah? She disappeared with some cheerleaders ten minutes ago."

Blink shrugged. "Beer time!"

"Yeah, I brought some up." Jack handed Blink a bottle (Blink squealed happily) before taking a long sip of his own. "Geeze, is Dutchy down and out already?"

"No, he's…fine."

Jack made a confused face. "Something up?"

"Sean is an asshole. And he and Dutchy are hooking up."

"Wait. What? Sean what?"

"Yeah, yeah, he's gay, get over it."

"You didn't TELL me?"

"No. Stop yelling."

Jack scowled at him. "I'm gonna go find Sarah."

"Yeah, have fun." Blink sighed as Jack walked away. "I'm gonna stand here and…do nothing!"

He took a drink and reached into his pocket.

Plastic bag.

Okay. Good.

* * *

Hallway, locked door, bathroom, locked door. Den. With couch. _Bingo_.

Sean shut the door with his foot, locked it, and turned to Dutchy, leaned in close to him.

"This what you _really_ want, blondie?"

Dutchy blinked blearily, then grabbed Sean's shoulder and leaned in to close the space between him. Kissed him hard on the mouth.

"Well then," Sean mumbled when Dutchy pulled away, and nudged him over to the couch.

Dutchy stumbled a bit, so Sean simply gave him a shove and Dutchy collapsed onto the cushions. Sean slinked onto him, grinned. "If you're gonna back out, you better fucking do it now, jack ass."

Dutchy was panting a little already. "Not backing _out_," he said, breathless.

Then Sean was on him, pinned his arms to the couch and kissed him, hard and wet. Bit his lip, and Dutchy moaned and bit him right back. Squirmed a little to get his arms free.

As Sean went to bite at his neck, he worked his right hand out of Sean's vice-like grip and started trailing his fingers under Sean's shirt, up his back.

Dutchy's mind was a haze of disbelief. It was _Sean,_ after all. But somewhere through it all he noted that Sean wanting it rough seemed appropriate.

Sean began to suck at his neck, hard, and Dutchy moaned and unintentionally ground up against Sean, who obligingly spread his legs over Dutchy's waist, and Dutchy had a hard time keeping track of what they did then. It was just all so…intense.

Sean seemed to like his neck a lot, he thought, and Sean's hand eventually dropped to his crotch and he'd gasped loudly and Sean smirked at him. He remembered changing positions, unzipping Sean's fly, how pale Sean's skin was and how freaking skinny he was. That he wore dark blue boxers.

That he at some point stopped wearing dark blue boxers.

Really, Dutchy didn't have a lot of things he was proud of. His ability to give head was about the only one.

* * *

Jack was in an outright rotten mood. And he was driving home, so he couldn't even get trashed. He had no idea where Dutchy or Sean were. Blink was trashed, and on his way to go get stoned, too. Even Itey was buzzed.

Sarah had _disappeared_.

Bored out of his mind, and completely at a loss for where to find her, he figured he might as well make his way over to the keg and ask Steve and his cronies if they'd seen her. After all, Sarah was in that crowd.

He pushed his way through a crowd of people, and caught sight of a poor Itey trying to block out the sounds of several smashed teenagers and one loud, obnoxious forward on his team smacking him hard on the back. He kept screaming "Good one, Lopez, GOOD ONE!" at the top of his lungs.

Jack smirked a little and then worked his way over to the keg. Steve and Andrew were leaning against the table, chugging down beer from their plastic cups.

"Hey," Jack said, nodding a little, grabbing a cup.

"Heeeey," Andrew slurred. "Kelly. Josh."

"Jack."

"Riigght." Andrew nudged Steve. "It's Jack Kelly."

"Yo," Steve choked, coughing after his chug.

"Have you guys seen Sarah?" he asked, feeling kind of guilty just _talking_ to Steve because, well... It was _Steve_. And he'd never give Jack a hard time because Jack was pretty well liked at school, but still, Jack was friends with Blink, after all.

"Sarah Jacobs?" Drew asked. Jack nodded. "Yeaaaah, she went down the hall with Carl awhile ago."

"With _Carl_?"

"_Yeah_," Steve said. "Carl wants in her pants so bad."

Jack clenched a fist. All he said was, "Oh. Thanks."

"No problem, Sally."

"Kelly, Steve. Jack Kelly," Andrew supplied.

"What_ev_er." Because Steve was already getting another drink.

Jack started off down the hall. Locked room, bathroom, room with the door shut and the sound of someone enjoying himself--Jack hesitated, and listened, but then was pretty sure that he was hearing _Dutchy_, and didn't want to listen anymore. Next room.

He recognized Sarah's voice, the noises she made. The way she squeaked and gasped.

He put his hand to the doorknob and then let it drop.

He didn't need to _see_, even if the door was unlocked, which it probably wasn't.

Well. _Fuck_.

"Fuck!" he shouted, and kicked the wall, hard. Hard enough that his foot fucking hurt. "FUCK!" He clutched his toe, and hopped away from the door slightly.

Here he'd been, sober as a fucking goodie two shoes, looking for her for nearly the entire night. He'd thought she'd been with her_girlfriends_.

On the other side of the door, he heard giggles, hers, and then the door opened.

And there she was standing, buttoning up her powder blue shirt, laughing, and Carl behind her, arm around her waist.

It took them both a moment to see him.

And when they did, Sarah's face fell, and she made an odd gasping noise. "Oh!...Oh no, _Jack_..."

"Yeah, _hi_." He stared at her.

"Oh, Jack, I--"

"Leave me the fuck alone, you whore. Find your own ride home."

He turned and stomped down the hallway, and waited until he was out of sight to begin hopping on one foot, pissed off by how much it hurt and how much it hurt seeing her with _him_ just when he'd thought they were getting past all of their stupid fucking problems and WHY the hell did he have to be sober?

He walked outside, out back, and saw Blink off by himself, smoking. Joined him.

"You gonna be okay to drive?"

"Sarah was sleeping with Carl Lewis."

Blink handed him the joint without speaking another word.

* * *

Sean pulled on his shirt without saying anything, and Dutchy watched him subtly, slowly putting on his boxers.

"Thanks," Dutchy mumbled, blinked to clear his head. "Uh...so, uh--"

Sean ignored him, unlocked the door.

Dutchy's face kind of dropped. "_Sean_."

"What?"

Sean snapped his head around to glare at him. Dutchy rolled his eyes, even, but mainly winced. Pulled on his jeans. "That was really awesome."

"Of fucking course it was." And with that, Sean was out of the den, slammed the door behind him.

"Shiiit," Dutchy mumbled, running his hand through his hair. "Don't get attached man, don't don't, bad idea."

They hadn't gone all the way. Part of Dutchy was grateful for that. If they had, he _would_ have been completely out of it. He tried not to, but his thoughts were totally on Sean. Sean's teeth on his neck...

"Shit," Dutchy sighed. Physically craving Sean again. "Shit, shit, shit." Physically craving drugs again. Then he got the jitters.

And he sat in the den, alone, shivering slightly, feeling like a moron.

Sean _had_ offered him a chance out. He had practically walked out of the situation himself. This was totally fair.

He shivered.

Shivering turned to shaking and getting high was all he could think about. Getting unconscious. Getting Sean out of his head, getting Jess out of his head, wishing he could get out of his head himself. He needed something. Needed it.

"Fuck-fuck-fuck." He felt himself begin to panic, felt sick to his stomach, saw his hand was shaking before he felt it. Threw himself down on the couch, tried to get back up, ended up huddled on it, breathing hard, racked breaths like he was crying, which he wasn't, but it didn't feel like that was such a bad idea.

"Don't get attached not worth it oh fucking GOD..."

He didn't even realize he was talking aloud as he finally managed to finish getting dressed, having the shakes so badly it was difficult. He needed to be high. Badly. He pulled himself off the couch and went to the window, hoping for some fresh air—and out back he saw Blink and Jack, passing something between them.

Blink always shared. He could get high, get out of his head, at least a little. Pot barely affected him now, but fucking _god_ he needed _something_, just to keep him calm until he could get home, get to his real stash.

He tore through the house. Outside.

Blink and Jack, and they looked like they were almost done.

_Please fucking god have some left._

"Heeey, Dutch," Blink said, smiling a little too friendly, a little too sympathetically, and a little too motherly. "What's--"

"Pot, please, now?"

Jack glanced at him, handed him his toke.

"Thanks...man, Jack, you look like shit."

"He feels like shit," Blink answered. Jack kicked at the ground a little, shifting his feet.

"Me too," Dutchy said. "Doncha worry, Jacky, we'll snuff it out together."

"Thanks," Jack said dully.

"GUYS!"

They all turned slightly and Itey rushed towards them.

"I'm free!" Itey exclaimed, cutting a stop from his run next to Jack. "Oh god, I got away, take me home, _please_."

"Give us a bit," Blink said. "Dutchy and Jack are mending."

"From what? What?"

"You drank the spiked punch didn't you, Itey?"

"It sure tasted funny!"

Blink sighed.

"We're smoking, Itey, go away," Jack said.

Itey's face fell.

"Don't go away," Blink said quickly. "He doesn't mean that."

"Yes, I do. God, how could she _do_ this to me?"

"Don't take it out on Itey!"

"Take it out on Sean," Dutchy suggested.

"Wouldn't I _love_ to."

Itey looked questioningly over at Blink. "Um, thought pot made people mellow? Happy?"

"Not tonight." Blink shook his head, then grinned. "Just me, 'cause I'm the only one who didn't fuck up or get fucked over."

"Shut _up_," Dutchy said, inhaling. His hands were still shaking.

"Can we _go_?" Itey asked then. "I can drive."

"Spiked punch," Blink pointed out. "And Dutchy's drunk and getting stoned, and I'm stoned but not very drunk, and Jack's stoned, so..."

"I can drive stoned," Jack said.

"Um, no, don't," Itey groaned and sank down on the grass next to them. "Man, I hate to say this, but... what about Sean?"

"Drunk."

"Nuh uh," Dutchy said. Blink gave him a weird look. "He had like, two beers. A while ago."

"He drank more than you did. He weighs less than you do."

"He's sober, man, he is!"

"You want me to go find him?" Blink asked, glancing around. Itey nodded. Jack shrugged. Dutchy stared at the ground. "Well, great. I'll be back soon."

Dutchy blankly stared at the ground, silent, smoking at the joint. Itey swayed a little, blinked at Dutchy. "Why're you so quiet?"

Itey was slightly obnoxious when drunk.

"Nothin' ya big goon," Dutchy answered, ruffling Itey's hair. Then he observed him. "Well...LITTLE goon. Except maybe yer PENIS is a big goon."

"We're done." Itey turned to Jack. "Why're _you_ so down?"

"Itey, shut up," Jack snarled.

"Nooo, I _care_."

"Go away."

"Do ya think Sean should be trusted to drive us home, Jacky?" Dutchy asked.

"Yeah, well, gimme a toke."

That answered the question.

* * *

Blink found Sean in the basement spilling beer on the lush, white, expensive carpet.

"What are you _doing_?" Blink asked.

Sean smirked. "Entertaining myself."

Blink grinned a little, shook his head, and then remembered he was mad at Sean.

"You're a jerk," he mumbled instead. "Everyone else is ready to go."

Sean glanced around and saw a clock on the wall. "It's not even one yet," he pointed out.

"And we're all ready to go."

"So?"

"So, come _on_." He hesitated, then, "Actually, we were wondering if you could drive because I'm stoned and Jack's stoned and Itey's drunk and Dutchy is stoned."

Sean snorted disdainfully. "Drive that old piece of shit van?"

"Yeah."

"And what about Sarah?"

"She's going home with someone else." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Will you drive? Or not?"

"Sure." Sean smirked and walked out of the basement, up the stairs past Blink, who followed quickly. And Blink was left with the feeling that Sean wasn't doing it to be a nice guy.

Sean, he thought, didn't do _anything_ to be a nice guy.

* * *

Funkie: Hellooo! Long time no see! Updaattee!

B: What now? What's that? Hello?

Funkie: No, I _am_ here! I swear!

B: Suuuure you are. Who are you again? I've forgotten. It's ben a long time.

Funkie: It has. And so much has changed. I'm a boy now see. And I work in insurance.

B: Ah! Well, that explains it. Anyway, we're back. For this chapter, at least. God only knows when we'll get to the next one.

Funkie: But it's here and edited. And our best will be done. And thank you all for being patient, and sorry that I'm kind of a disappearing act.

B: snuggles We love her anyway, of course.

Funkie: Is snuggled

PS, don't forget you can see all about the boys grown up and famous in the LJ community. It's linked in our user info.


	5. Brothers In Arms

The silence was terrible, and for the first time in the history of their friendship, David wasn't sure what exactly to say and

_**Take Good Care of the Poor Boy**_

I thought I knew you, what did I know  
You don't look different, but you have changed  
I'm looking through you, you're not the same  
-The Beatles, _I'm Looking Through You_

**_Chapter Five: Brothers in Arms_**

The silence was terrible, and for the first time in the history of their friendship, David wasn't sure what exactly to say and how exactly to say it.

Jack was in an awfully depressed mood. Thanks to Sarah's romp with Carl Lewis, and having discovered what happened between Sean and Dutchy (Blink had been the unhappy messenger) Jack was at a complete loss. Should he punch out Sean or should he just give up and not give a shit?

And Jack never gave up, and he always gave a shit.

"You okay?" David mumbled.

_"No."_

Jack was never curt with David. Ever.

"Jack, I...uh." David hated stuttering. "Come on, talk to me."

"I don't feel like talking, I feel like hitting someone."

"Uh..."

"Not _you_. I'd never hurt you." Jack kicked the couch they were sitting on. "I really wanna punch Sean in his stupid face."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Jack..."

"No kidding." Jack glowered, and David looked miffed, and Jack's face fell. "Sorry. I just... He makes me so _mad_. He's a dick to me, he used Dutchy, he's mean to Mom, and no one has been happy since he moved in."

"Well..." David tried to think about it logically. "Look at it like this; punching him won't do any good. I mean, we know he... He gets mean in fights, so that's pretty much not an option. And I really think if you get angry, he'll just think it's funny and laugh and you'll get angri_er_. You know?"

Jack shrugged unhappily. "So what am I supposed to do?"

"Talk to him?"

Jack stared.

"What? I mean... I know he's not easy to talk to, but if you go in and you talk--or even argue--but you don't let him _get_ to you, you know, he'll lose his upper hand. Because he won't be able to make you pissed and that's what he wants."

Jack snorted. "One problem." Then he hung his head, embarrassed. "I can't keep my cool. Ever. I just can't."

"Yes, you can." David smiled fondly. "Jack, really, when you're being _intelligent_ in your arguments, you really are very admirable in a conversation."

"Sean doesn't want conversation."

"Yeah, and you do. So keep it up, and he'll just have to deal with it."

Jack frowned, and looked very vulnerable, and really quite young. "David, he's fucking terrible. And I don't want to talk to him because he's so fucked up and I'm scared he'll _do_ something."

"To you?" David asked.

"No, like...I dunno, jump off a cliff or something."

"Sooo." David shifted closer to him. "Youu're...worried about him?"

Jack glared. "No."

"No, not like--"

"I don't give a shit about him! He's a fucker and I don't care and I wish he would drop dead--"

"You're losing your temper."

"I am _not_."

David raised an eyebrow and Jack scowled and finally said, "I am a _bit_. But that's my point, if I even talk _about_ him I get too pissed off to talk. I can't actually talk _to_ him."

"You have to."

Jack blinked. "What?"

"You have to, you're the only one who can. I mean, he _has_ to deal with you, he lives with you. And Dutchy's not gonna talk to him, and Blink's not gonna do it, and Itey is afraid of him... Even Denise lets him do whatever he wants, so it's got to be you."

"Why can't _you_?"

David grinned. "I'm scared of him."

"Aw, I wouldn't let him hurt you, Davey."

Pause.

"I mean that in a totally non-gay way."

David sighed. "It still wouldn't work, though. He can blow me off and there's no consequences, see? But he has to live with you. You're his brother."

"_Foster_ brother."

"The only kind of brother he has," David said seriously.

Jack sighed. "I just don't want to blow it. And I know I will, I always do."

David gave his shoulder a pat. "Nah, you won't. You never mess up the _important_ things, Jack."

Jack looked David in the eyes, and then slowly smiled. The only real smile he'd smiled all day. David smiled back and it was at that moment, with these two heterosexual-ish boys smiling and staring into each other's eyes, that Mrs. Jacobs came in carrying the laundry basket.

"Oh dear, I've interrupted something, haven't I?" she asked, with a distraught look on her face.

"We're not doing anything, Mom," David said in a tired voice.

She sighed. "Of course not, dear."

"We're not!"

"Heeey." Jack leapt off the couch and towards Mrs. Jacobs' laundry. "Those are my Tazmanian Devil boxers!"

David let out a frustrated noise then as Mrs. Jacobs handed Jack his boxers with a triumphant look on her face, and Jack obliviously decided not to ask why David was scowling at him.

Jack paused, then stuffed the boxers into a pocket. "So, I guess I should go do it now while I'm psyched up, huh?"

"Guess so. Good luck. I'll be here when... You know, when you're done."

"Okay." Jack sighed, and pushed the hair out of his eyes. "Okay, yeah. I can do this. Bye, Davey." He let himself out of the Jacobs' house, and walked the two houses down to his own, then hesitated. "Yeah. I can do this."

Though he wondered how hard Sean would laugh if he hear Jack trying to talk himself up. But luckily Sean _didn't_ hear, though Sean _was_ sitting in the living room, reading some novel or other. Jack didn't think much of it; it seemed like Sean was always reading some novel or other, unless he was actively trying to piss someone off. Though really, he was pretty good at doing both at once.

"Sean," Jack said.

"Jackass," Sean answered, not looking up.

"Sean, I wanna talk to you."

Sean looked up for a second, laughed disdainfully for a moment, then went back to his book.

Jack clenched and unclenched his fist, and took a deep breath. "I mean it. I want to talk to you."

"I don't see how I this concerns me, Jackass."

"_Sean_."

Sean glanced up, narrowed his eyes. "Let me say this in terms you'll understand: Fuck. Off." And he went back to his book, looking quite smug. Jack realized then that Sean had done a pretty good job of keeping Jack in his pocket.

But Jack took a deep breath. A very, very long, deep breath.

"Well, I'm not taking no for an answer, soooo..." Jack began to lightly drum his fingers on his thighs. "So put down the fucking book."

"No."

"Yes."

"'Fraid not."

"Yes! "

"Never will."

"_Sean_!"

"Pipe down, Jaqueline." Sean licked his finger, turned the page. "You're starting to piss me off."

Jack glanced at the book, and with a bout of courage he didn't know existed within, grabbed it quick as a whip from Sean's hand and held it over his head.

Because, he realized, the one thing he did have on Sean (besides not being a psycho asshole) was _height_.

"HEY." Sean growled, meaning business now. "Give that the fuck back."

"If you want, you can come get it," Jack said simply, shrugging, holding the book high above his head.

"You're starting to piss me off, Jacky boy," Sean snapped, cracking his knuckles.

"I'll bet I am."

"Last warning, Jack-off. I swear to god, I'll kick your ass. I fucking wanted an excuse anyway."

Jack looked down at him, and smirked a little bit, and said very clearly, "Why? What the _hell_ did I ever do to you? That's my fucking point, Sean." He threw the book down on the coffee table. "I never did a goddamn thing to you, and neither did my mom or any of my friends. We all tried to be _nice_ to you and all you've done is treat us like shit for it. I don't care how fucked up you are, I am too, so that card doesn't work on me. You need to learn to act like a fucking human being."

"And you're gonna teach me, huh?" Sean snarled.

"No. It's not _my_ fucking job to do it. All I'm saying is that I'm sick of being treated like shit when I don't deserve it."

"And I'm supposed to care, right? You're all pissed off and upset and I'm really supposed to give a shit?"

"I'm not surprised you don't."

"I _am_ surprised you didn't go crying to your mommy about it."

"My mom won't do anything because she wants to _help_ you," Jack shot back. "And I can take care of myself _fine_, thanks."

"Is that why you needed me to drive you home last night? 'Cause you were too depressed and stoned over your stupid girlfriend balling another guy?"

Jack bit his lip, clenched his fists, but his voice remained calm. It took extreme will power, and granted, caused him actual pain, but he kept calm none the less. "I never said I was perfect. I said I could take care of myself. Which you can't."

"Who fucking says?"

"I do, you're weigh less than the average thirteen year old girl."

Sean's eyes narrowed. "That's none of your fucking business. Nothing I do is your fucking business, so just keep the fuck out of it."

"It's my business when you involve _us_. On your own, by fucking Dutchy and living in my house--"

"Not by _choice_!"

"Because you're so fucking lucky to have my mom, have, having a woman like Denise who cares because I'd be as much of a mess as _you_ are without her."

Sean stared at him for a moment, blankly. Looking kind of startled. Then he reached for his book and stood up and started to walk off towards his room, but stopped.

"I didn't ask her to, and anyway, anyone who cares about me has worse fucking problems than _I_ do. Leave me the fuck _alone_."

Jack was left just looking after him as he went, and wondered what the hell that meant. Sean hadn't sounded upset, but Jack got the feeling that was really a front. Like Sean was really, really good at throwing up a front whenever anything got to him, even a little.

Or maybe Jack just really, _really_ hoped he'd gotten to Sean.

But still, either way, he hadn't lost his temper. Much. That was kind of good of him, he decided, and he wanted to go brag to David that he'd done a good job. Even if he had no idea how it had turned out, really.

* * *

Sean hated it, fucking hated it, when he was too distracted to read.

It hardly ever happened. He could always open up the pages and just _go_ with it, go with another story, another life.

But now Jackass had gone and opened up a door that Sean had been sure he'd be too much of a pussy to ever even consider stepping close to.

He swore, chucked the book aside. His day ruined.

"What right do you fucking have to talk to me that way?" Sean snarled into the air. To no one. Always to no one. "Fucking Blondie wanted it anyway. Asked for it. I offered him a way out."

He rolled over, curled up slightly. Not guilty over Dutchy. He wasn't. Not Dutchy or Denise.

"She asked for me. Her funeral," Sean continued, quietly. "Hers. Not mine."

He didn't read for awhile. He needed to be alone.

--

"What should we see?" David asked, looking up at the selections in the movie theatre.

"Can we see-"

"No, we've seen it already."

"I KNOW, but I deserve a reward, Daveeeey," Jack whined. "I accomplished something today. I think. Pretty kind of sure."

"Whenever you doubt yourself, it means you're worried," David said smartly.

"Shut up and get a girlfriend," Jack snapped. Then tugged on David's sleeve. "PLEASE Davey, I want a movie with tits and ass and cars."

"Jack, I hate those kind of movies."

"Because you're gay."

"If I'M gay, YOU'RE gay."

"YOU'RE more gay than me."

"I am NOT."

"Are."

"I'm not having a childish debate--"

"ARE."

"I AM NOT."

"You're both _equally_ gay."

Jack and David both jumped, turned around, and Dutchy stood there, looking slightly exhausted and...odd. Still, he was smiling. Oddly.

"Hey," David said kindly.

"I'm not gay."

"Shut up, Jack."

"You guys here alone?" Dutchy asked.

"Nah." Jack shrugged. "You wanna see a movie with us? Tits and ass and cars." David glared at Jack.

"Actually, uh..." Dutchy cleared his throat. "I'm here applying for a job. But uh...don't think I got it."

"Is it because Jess works nearby?" David asked.

"Duh," Jack said. "Anyway, come onnn, it'll be fun."

"Um." Dutchy blushed. "Is Sean with you?"

Jack's face fell. David, quickly, cut in. "No, no, he's at home."

"Oh. Okay." Dutchy nodded. "I'll see you guys later."

And he turned and left.

David looked uneasily at Jack. He took Jack's arm and said, "We can see it again if you want."

"Thanks, Davey."

They walked up to the counter and paid, and then Jack wanted popcorn and David wanted an iced mocha, even though he always got one and then complained about how bad it was, every time they went to the theater.

But Itey was standing behind the counter, looking kind of miserable. "Hey," Jack greeted him.

"Hey, I hate my job, I hate my life, and I really, really hate customers. Shoot me? Please? Or at least make them move me back to cleaning, because then I don't have to talk to people. Or _mangers_."

Jack blinked.

"Hey," he said again.

"Hey," Itey answered. "Can I get you anything? Would you like to hear about the special we're running this month?"

"No. Pop--"

"Medium popcorn, small iced mocha and courtesy cup of water. With whipcream. On the mocha, not the water," Itey said and turned away to get it.

Jack glanced at David. "Do you think we see movies too often?" he asked.

David laughed a little, and they waited while Itey made his drink and got their popcorn.

"Guys, I'm worried about Dutchy," Itey finally said. "Does he seem odd to you lately?"

"He's Dutchy, he's always odd," Jack answered.

"No, but I mean... _Really_ odd. Like... I don't know." Itey shrugged and rang it up. "Twelve-fifty."

Jack grumbled as he paid, and Itey didn't say anything about how Jack unthinkingly paid for David, too. But then Jack did say, "I'll keep an eye out for Dutch acting weird if you want."

Itey looked a little relieved. "Thanks, Jack."

David smiled, kind of proud. Jack was kind of the big brother to all of them. Protective, obnoxious, kind of pissed you off some times, but you loved him.

Well, David didn't really see him as a brother. But…

David sighed. He always thought himself into a corner with that one.

"Take it easy, okay, Itey?" David said. "Don't take Dutchy's problems on your own head."

"I can't help it," Itey answered. David sighed, took a sip of his mocha and winced. "You should stop getting that if you hate it."

"Leave him alone," Jack retorted. "See you later."

"Bye," Itey said, then jumped when a huge, burly man shouted his name at the other counter. "Oh goddd," Itey mumbled, hurrying over to him.

"Come on, we'll be late," Jack said.

"Dutchy did seem kind of off," David mused.

"You think so?" Jack considered. "Maybe he was just in a Jess-pining mood."

"No, then he'd be horny."

"He's always--"

"Never mind, okay?" Then David shrugged. "I think Sean made him depressed."

"Sean makes _me_ depressed."

"No, Sean makes you angry."

"Whatever, same thing."

"I think," David continued as though Jack hadn't digressed, "that he was hoping Sean would think he was kind of cool if they got together. That Sean would talk to him instead of being... Well, Sean."

"Yeah." Jack nodded. "I know that's what he wanted, but... It wasn't going to happen. Blink said he spent hours trying to warn Dutchy..."

"It isn't your fault he didn't listen," David reminded Jack. "I know you like to blame yourself whenever things go wrong, but--"

"Oh, hush. Queer." But Jack put an arm around him as the guy at the door gave them a strange look, ripped their tickets, and pointed them down the hall. Jack lowered his voice. "Do you think he thinks we're gay?"

"_Yes_," David snorted.

Jack smirked playfully at him. "Then push me away."

"Shut up! It's you fault I can't get a girlfriend."

"I know."

"Stop smiling."

Still though, David was smiling too.

* * *

Dutchy wondered what the fuck he was doing. Why he was knocking on Jack's door, wanting to see Sean, when he knew in his head what would happen? He wasn't stupid. He understood a one night stand. But still...Sean didn't seem like the type of person who could be forgotten so easily.

He got to people.

He wasn't even nice, or fun, or anything. He didn't really have any redeeming qualities besides being astoundingly hot.

But he got to people. He got inside them and then it was impossible to stop thinking about him.

Sean hadn't been there for more than a week and already, he'd affected _everything_.

The door opened and Denise stood there wearing a bathrobe that went just above her knees. "Oh, hey, you."

"Hi," Dutchy said.

"Jack's out."

"I know, I uh...came to see Sean."

Denise stared.

"Oookay." She nodded. Then smiled. "Come on in."

Dutchy smiled back and made a mental note to tell Jack later that his mom was pretty hot.

No, wait, _not_ telling Jack was probably a much smarter option.

"He's in the guest room by the washroom," she said. "Come to the kitchen if you want take out."

"Thanks," Dutchy said. "Nice legs."

"Get away from me."

"Yes ma'am."

For a moment, Dutchy was in a much better mood. But then he continued on, closer to Sean's room, and remembered he wanted a fix, needed a fix, and he needed a fix of Sean, too.

He took a deep breath, and then knocked on Sean's door.

"Fuck off."

"Sean?" he called. "Sean, it's... Me. Dutchy."

No answer.

"Can I come in?"

No answer.

Bracing himself, making himself act braver than he really wanted to, he pushed the door open a little.

Sean was lying on his back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The room was pale blue and totally blank.

"Uh..."

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I dunno. I just... I wanted to talk to you, I guess."

"Yeah, you and everyone else, today. Fuck _off_, blondie."

"Sean..."

Sean sat up and looked at him, and smirked. Dutchy suddenly felt very young and very small, even though he kind of towered over Sean when they stood next to each other. Something about Sean's gaze was just enough to make a person feel small.

"What?" Sean demanded again.

"I..."

Dutchy's fingers went to his neck, tracing the spots where he knew Sean's lips had been; he could still feel them tingling, he thought, if he tried hard enough. He could certainly see where they were every time he glanced in the mirror; even a day and a half later, there were hickeys so clear they were closer to bruises on his neck. Large ones.

"Just wanted to know how you are. You know. I don't usually do the one night stand thing, so I thought I'd--"

"What, ask for more?" Sean asked, smirking. "Yeah, you're not _that_ pretty and the head wasn't _that_ good."

Dutchy's face fell.

"Yeah, that's what I said," Sean continued. "So fuck off."

"Sean..." Dutchy protested weakly. "I mean I...you seemed to be enjoying yourself, can't we--"

"No."

"Everyone likes having someone to fuck." Dutchy averted his eyes, but continued. "So we could--"

"I'm not a fucking toy." Sean stood up, walked closer to Dutchy. Dutchy started to back up.

"I never said you--"

Sean grabbed Dutchy by the collar of his shirt and shoved him against the wall. Dutchy winced. He'd banged his head, hard.

"Listen, you whore," Sean growled, face _very_ close to Dutchy's, and Dutchy found it kind of hard to breathe. "When we screwed around, I was horny. That's all there was to it, _blondie_. I don't even _like_ you. And if you _ever_ wanna talk to me, you'll never bring up that fucking night again."

Dutchy stared. Sean shoved him again. "Christ, Sean, that _hurt_."

"Then say 'yes' and get out."

"Yes, okay, I'll nev...I'll never bring it up."

Dutchy felt an overwhelming sense of loss, and he didn't even know why. Part of it was inspired by the strange, painful look on Sean's face.

Dutchy, in that second, felt _sorry_ for Sean.

"Good, fuck off." Sean's mean face was back.

The pity disappeared.

He left the room in a strange mood, and found himself in the kitchen, wordlessly sitting across the table from Denise, eating mechanically at a spring roll.

"Dutchy..." Denise started finally, sounding concerned. "How's your mom been lately?"

"I dunno, out of town, mostly."

"When did she last come home?"

"Couple weeks ago." Dutchy tried to give her a charming look, but he was too skinny and pale and upset to pull it off. "She called yesterday, though, she's doing fine."

"Right, but... How're _you_ doing, Dutch?"

"Oh, fine." He made himself take another bite, not hungry at all.

"Okay." She shrugged. "You know, though, you ever have a problem and I'm right here."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Denise. I, uh, I'd better go water Mom's plants before they all die, I forgot to do it yesterday."

He dropped the spring roll on the plate and fled.

His house was empty, but right at that moment, Dutchy didn't mind. He wanted to be alone.

* * *

"Denise, come on," Jack whispered furiously. "I want to go and hang with Blink, and I don't want Sean to be there."

"Well, it can't be helped. I'm out until eleven and I refuse to leave him here alone." Denise had her serious face on, her glare. "So either you take him with you or keep him company here."

"_He_ doesn't want to be around me _either_."

"Then you'll both have to suck it up." She shrugged. "SEAN!" she called. "SEAN!"

"Why does it matter if he's alone?" Jack grumbled. "He isn't a baby."

She shot a glare at Jack, and Sean sullenly walked into the room, paperback novel hanging loosely in one hand. Denise wondered how many of her old books he'd been through; it seemed like he was always reading a new one.

"What?" Sean demanded.

"I'm going out."

"So?"

"So, I... Well, I've been talking to your social worker, and we agree it's probably best if you aren't left here all alone."

"I like being alone."

"Yes, well, I'm sure you'll like being with people, too."

"People?" Sean repeated, his voice growing darker.

"Yes, well, Jack was invited to a friend's house, and since I know you're friends with Ryan anyway--"

"He's not my friend." Sean was glowering now.

"Well, maybe he will be by the time you get home this afternoon."

"Mom, this isn't fair to _us_!" Jack cut in. "He doesn't want to be there. We don't want him to be there--"

"Jack," she interrupted. "That's not very nice."

"True, though," Sean muttered.

"And anyway, those are the new rules. _Maybe_," she said, raising an eyebrow, "the rule can be changed if, say, people's attitudes change, but for now, Sean can't stay home alone."

"You really think you can blackmail me into being pleasant?" Sean spat.

"Blackmail is an awfully nasty word, don't you think?" she answered cheerfully. "Try not to make anyone cry, Sean. Have a good afternoon, Jack!"

And she swept out the door.

Jack glared at Sean, who glared right back at him.

"I genuinely hate you, Kelly," Sean said.

"Shut up," Jack snapped. David's voice, always in his head, told him to keep his cool. "Come on."

Sean wordlessly followed as Jack grabbed his key, followed him out the door and waited as Jack locked it.

Silent as the grave, they walked the short distance to Blink's house. Jack could _hear_ Blink's garage from the distance anyway. Dutchy had a tendency to turn the amp up to a ridiculous volume until someone told him to shut up.

"What is _that_?" Sean spat.

"None of your _business_," Jack answered, and they walked into Blink's house, through the living room and kitchen and then into the garage.

Sean started laughing.

There was an abandoned drum set at the back of the garage, a mic set where Blink was standing, and Itey was holding a bass with one foot kicked up on an amp, and Dutchy was holding an old, beat up guitar.

"Oh my fucking god, I can't even make fun of this, it's too easy."

"Shut the hell up," Blink answered, glancing over at them.

Sean raised an eyebrow. That was the most assertive Blink ever got. Ergo, this band--or whatever it was--meant a lot to him. Ergo, mocking it would be even _more_ fun.

"I wish THAT would," Sean said, pointing at Dutchy. Who immediately stopped playing. "Good job, blondie."

"Shut up," Blink said easily. "Why did you come?"

"Jack's mom is--"

Jack sent Sean such a glare that Sean just snorted and sat himself down on the beat up couch in the corner.

"Uh..." Itey cleared his throat, glanced at Sean. "Well, you know, you're welcome to be here. It's all right." He smiled, pleasant as possible.

Sean stared. "Fuck off."

"Sure, okay." And Itey turned around and looked meekly at the others.

"So, _blondie_," Sean continued. "I guess you suck at more than one thing."

Dutchy looked torn between running out of the room and hitting Sean around the head with his guitar.

"Don't listen to him, Dutch," Jack said easily. Then squinted. "...what's that on your neck?"

"Nothingshutupdon'task."

Sean started laughing.

Hard.

Dutchy turned bright, bright red.

"Hickies," Itey finally said, having made Dutchy tell him what had happened as soon as he got home from work.

"Dude." Jack laughed. "That's like... Someone drew blue and pink spots on your neck or something."

He stopped short, and turned to stare at Sean.

Sean raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

"Um... Yeah, you were really good, Dutchy, we could hear you down the block," Jack finally blathered, wanting very badly to change the subject from Dutchy, Sean, and spots.

"He wasn't that loud," Sean said, almost pleasantly.

Jack fought to ignore him. "So don't listen to Sean. You did fine."

"And here I thought you spent all your time fucking David."

"Listen, asshole," Jack spat. "Mind your own fucking--"

"David would say keep your temper," Itey said quickly.

Jack let out a long breath and looked at Blink. "I want a Coke."

"In the cooler," Blink said easily.

"_Thank_ you." He started towards the cooler, than stopped. "I'm gonna go walk over to Davey's and bring him over, okay?"

"Sure."

Jack glared at Sean as he passed him to grab a coke from the cooler, and left the garage.

There was a silence.

"Those are _really_ big..." Itey mused, staring wide eyed at Dutchy's neck. "Geeze, they look like they hurt."

"You've never had a HICKEY?" Sean asked, smirking meanly. Itey didn't answer.

"Leave him alone, Sean, come on," Blink said.

Sean went quiet, but he was in a particularly vicious mood.

"You guys wanna try it from the chorus again?" Itey asked after an awkward pause.

"Uh..." Dutchy cast a glance at Sean, then shrugged. "I... Guess."

Blink nodded. "Can you count us in? Man, we need a drummer..."

Itey nodded and did so, clearly trying to sound confident but it didn't quite work. And then they started actually playing and a second later Blink started singing.

Sean stared sullenly up at the ceiling and listened to the lyrics. Something stupid about calling people mean or something.

The song came to an abrupt end when Dutchy hit a cord and Blink sang at the same time and they were clearly not at all in the same place in the song.

Blink fell silent and glared, and Dutchy shrugged. "Don't blame me, I was where I was supposed to be."

"You were four bars fast."

"And I think that was supposed to stay on the E," Itey added helpfully.

Sean snorted.

"Keep out of this," Blink said, glancing at him. "God, okay, let's go through the rhythm _again_, this is ridiculous."

"Sorry," Dutchy mumbled.

"Don't worry," Itey said kindly.

Dutchy just shrugged.

"Okay, Dutchy... focus, please, stop playing with your cuffs."

"Come onnn, Blink," Dutchy whined. "It's not my job to stay in time."

"It's everyone's job to stay in time!"

"We need a drummer!"

"We don't have one."

"That's not my fault!"

"I _never_ said..." Blink sighed in frustration. Dutchy had been exceptionally touchy on the subject of the band and drummers lately. "God, do you want Itey to show you how to do it?"

Dutchy's face fell. "What, you think Itey's better than me?"

"No, he just keeps time."

"You think he's better than me."

"I don't!"

"I'm...right here..." Itey mumbled weakly, but they didn't hear. He shrugged and sighed.

"Look, Dutch." Blink sighed. "_All_ I am saying is that until we have a drummer again, we _all_ have to be very careful about keeping at the same tempo as each other, okay?"

"Yeah." Dutchy kicked the wall behind him. "I got ya."

"Oh, don't _sulk_," Blink snapped.

"Blink, chill," Itey tried.

"I'm not _sulking_, _Ryan_. I'm ready to play, and I'm _sorry_ I'm not perfect like you or Itey, and I'm _sorry_ Bruce broke up with me but like people kept telling me, there was nothing I could DO. I know you'd rather have a drummer than me anyway."

"Oh for the love of Christ, Dutch, stop saying shit like that, you know it isn't true."

Sean stared at them, following the conversation with his eyes. This was kind of fascinating, not that he'd ever tell them that. He hadn't ever thought of Blink as assertive before--let alone aggressive--and he hadn't thought of Dutchy as... Well, he hadn't thought of Dutchy much at all, really, except as a way to get off.

But now, now Blink was almost a different person. Dutchy was reacting completely differently than Sean figured he would have. The only sure hing in the room was Itey, watching quietly. And even he didn't seem wimpy now. Just passive. Neutral.

It was...interesting.

"It is _so_ true, you guys just take fucking pity on me."

Blink looked pissed. "Why do we have to go through this every fucking time we play together?"

"Then get _Itey_ to play guitar."

"Dutchy!" Itey snapped. "Come on. Please be reasonable."

"Get anyone else, and I'll leave."

Blink took a deep breath. "Dutchy. Look at me." He didn't. "LOOK. AT. ME." Like a little boy, Dutchy slowly raised his head to look at Blink. "No one thinks you suck."

There was a moment of calm, reassuring silence.

Until Sean piped up cheerfully, "_I_ do."

Itey groaned and turned on Sean. "Please, can you stop? Please?"

Sean stared. "Fuck off."

"Okay."

The silence then was unbearable, and when Jack and David entered, they both stopped. And looked a little freaked out.

"...Awkward," Jack supplied, and cautiously walked inside.

"Hey guys, how's rehearsal?" David asked finally.

"Great," Itey said.

"I think I quit," Dutchy answered, and reached up to take the guitar strap off his neck. "You guys are better off without--"

"Oh, put that back _on,_ and stop being a drama queen," Jack supplied.

"No, I mean it this time." Dutchy sounded kind of whiny, but kind of adamant. "If I quit, probably Bruce would come back and be your drummer anyway."

"No, he wouldn't," Blink answered, and Itey kicked him, so he continued quickly, "and we wouldn't WANT him back."

"Uh huh."

"No, serious, he sucked." Itey smiled at Dutchy a little. "You know me, you know I suck at lying. He was worse at keeping the beat than you are, and, well, he was _drumming_."

"Yeah," Blink said, chiming in quickly, "AND we were all so pissed at him for being so bad to you, I mean, why would we even want to talk to him after all of that?"

Dutchy hesitated. "You guys really mean that?" he asked.

"No," Spot snorted. "They're just trying not to hurt your poooor feeelings."

"SHUT UP!"

Sean was pretty sure that even Itey had yelled that, though it was hard to hear him over Blink and Jack.

Sean just smirked. Happy to get reactions.

The attention. Happy to get that, too. In as much as he actually ever felt happy. He shook his head. Now wasn't the time to get all fucked up in his head. Not with other people around.

"Anyway, I like to listen to you guys," David said. "And if I didn't you'd...well, you'd be able to tell. I'm as bad a liar as Itey is. So don't worry, okay?" David smiled. He was always reassuring. Always. Jack smiled too.

"Better watch it, Davey. Jacky boy here is getting a hard on."

Jack turned to Sean. "Shut up."

"Jack, ignore him," David said easily.

"Unlike you, _Davey_, I'm not so easy to ignore." Sean leaned forward. Didn't know exactly why he needed to dig so deep. "I'm not boring. And I'm not an invisible geek."

Insulting David was something Jack could not handle. And would not.

"Yeah, well, whatever David is, at least his parents still love him."

The silence that filled the room was astounding.

Finally, when Sean spoke, his voice was quiet but loaded. Like he was so angry he couldn't even yell.

"You don't know a fucking thing about my parents, Kelly." Sean stood up, and everyone in the room took a step back, not really thinking. Sean had gone from annoying to really _scary_, and even Jack thought he'd gone a step too far.

"_Don't_ think I need you reminding me what my parents thought of me. I have scars for that."

And Sean walked by him, back into the house, and everyone kind of gaped.

Jack was silent. And then he immediately felt sick to his stomach. Guilt. Jack got such a bad case of guilt, he was always sure he was gonna puke.

Damn it.

Jack looked down at the ground. He'd kept his cool. Kept his temper under control. He had just wanted Sean to leave them all alone, to leave David alone. He'd been doing something _right_.

And he still messed up.

"I...have the key," Jack choked out, and he left.

There was still silence, until David sighed.

"You okay?" Itey asked quietly. David smiled at him.

"Yeah."

"Is, Jack okay?" Dutchy asked.

"No."

* * *

Jack was hurrying, but Sean was hurrying faster, and reached the house before Jack did. Jack felt for the key in his pocket, ready to call out to Sean, but stopped in his tracks.

Sean pulled out an old, worn wallet and then what looked like a credit card from it, and almost without breaking stride he had the door open.

That was clearly a well-practiced move. Jack let the key drop back into his pocket and hesitated, but forced himself to keep going. "Hey," he called as he got inside. "Hey, Sean?"

The sound of Sean's door slamming shut.

Jack walked up to the door and knocked anyway. "Sean, I just wanted to... I didn't mean it, you know."

Sean didn't answer. Jack swore, and leaned his forehead against the door.

"Sean...come on, I lost my cool. I mean I...I didn't… I just didn't know what I was saying for a second."

Still nothing.

"But you insulted my friends and I was so _pissed_ and uh..." Jack cleared his throat. "Sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't."

"You still fucking said it, didn't you?" Sean's voice cracked on the other side of the door.

"Yeah, but--"

"No fucking BUT, you said it. Fuck off."

"I-"

"FUCK OFF."

Jack swore. He didn't know how to do this. Didn't know how to make things right. Usually there was always something there to do it for him.

Now he was stuck.

"Sean, I just want to... Fuck, okay, god. I'm _apologizing_ here and that's something I don't do a lot or very well, and you should know that. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. Okay?"

The door opened and Sean stood in it. He looked pale, and somehow even skinnier than usual, and Jack could swear he looked almost vulnerable. Angry, but vulnerable.

"Sean..." Jack mumbled.

"Kelly. Fuck. Off. I don't want to fucking talk to you and I don't want to fucking see you and I don't want your fucking apology. I want you to back off and leave me the fuck alone."

"Sean--"

"I _mean it_, you stay the hell away from me or we're _both_ gonna fucking regret it."

Jack didn't think too hard about what that meant.

Jack opened his mouth to talk, but didn't. He looked down at the ground, and finally said, "Okay."

And Sean slammed the door.

Jack turned on his heel, ready to leave the house and just go back to Davey and the others. With people who didn't make him feel as if he should be shot.

But then Jack remembered that Sean would be home alone.

So, reluctantly, he made his way into the living room and just turned on the television.

He'd promised Denise he wouldn't leave Sean alone.

And he was going to do one thing right this evening.

Sean heard the TV blaring from the living room. A laugh track.

Fuck. Sean had barely been having fun when he was poking at Dutchy anyway.

But it felt good. At least he'd be doing something. Years ago, he would have been sitting in silence, glaring at anything and everything. All alone.

He was alone now.

Except for Jack in the house.

He reached for the book he'd been reading earlier, opened it, but stared blankly at the page. The text was almost blurry and seemed hard to read. He slammed it shut and collapsed on his bed.

What was it he'd said? _I have scars for that_. Almost unthinkingly, he brushed his hair back, flat against his skull from his forehead, and traced the line that only showed if someone knew where to look--and Sean didn't exactly tell people where to look.

It had been from a bookshelf.

There had been a fire at the time.

It had been Christmas Eve.

He didn't really remember more than that, and certainly didn't care to. It wasn't his worst memory, even, just the one that always came to mind. The last one before he woke up in the hospital, told he'd never have to see his father again, except in court.

He felt sick to his stomach and let his hair fall back where it belonged.

The worst memory had probably been his birthday.

Sean felt very ill suddenly, and as he mentally cursed Jack for making him _think_ about it all he ran for the bathroom to puke, like some stupid anorexic ballet dancer.

He hadn't really eaten that day, but he couldn't stop dry heaving and spewing bile into the toilet. He clutched his stomach with one hand, and used his other to brace himself against the wall as he knelt before the toilet and just convulsed.

_Fuck_... Sean thought, breathing hard. _Fucking just STOP_.

But it wouldn't. It was like his body had to puke out every memory, every thought, every feeling.

And the next thing he knew, Jack was kneeling down beside him, hand on his back, not saying anything. Not even being very good at what he was trying to do. But he was there, rubbing Sean's back. Like Sean was a baby. Sean wanted to tell him to fuck off.

But the feeling of someone's hand on his back was so much better than retching all alone in a bathroom that had only been his for a week.

So he was silent. And Jack stayed.

When his body finally calmed down, Sean just stayed there, kneeling in front of the toilet. Finally, slowly, he wiped his mouth off, spat in the water one last time, and reached up to flush it. Then fell back into a sitting position, knees pulled up to his chest. The bathroom was small so he was leaning against the cabinets under the sink, and Jack was sitting next to him, and it was cramped.

Finally Jack spoke.

"My fault?"

"Don't give yourself so much credit."

But it was weak, and they both knew it. Sean shook his head a little, trying hard not to think.

"You okay?"

"Fine."

"...Really?"

"Fucking _fine_, Jack-off. It happens sometimes." He stopped short, not wanting to open up to Jack, biting back a sudden urge to explain that yes, he puked when he thought too hard about his parents, and all of the shit he'd been through. Because right then, he really, _really_ didn't want to be alone, and he was half-afraid that Jack might leave.

But Sean Conlon wasn't scared of anything, he told himself.

"You can go back to Blink's if you want. I promise not to slit my wrists or anything."

There was a pause, and Sean waited for Jack to go, because _he'd_ have gone. No one wanted to sit around with some fucked up mess of a teenager who sometimes puked uncontrollably for no reason at all.

But Jack just shrugged a little. "Nah, I think I'll wait here. I don't want to listen to Dutchy whine anymore anyways."

Sean glanced at him. Jack looked at him too. And they didn't smile, and they didn't exchange special glances.

They just looked at each other. Jack almost waiting for Sean to do anything but what he did.

Which was almost smirk. Almost. "Jesus, Jackass. You _don't_ have a life."

Jack shook his head. "I guess neither do you."

The rest of the evening was spent with them silently watching the television. Not speaking. But not fighting either.

* * *

F: Helloooo! -coughhack-...-dies-

B: Funkie is sick. But don't pity her. If she wasn't sick, she'd never have had time to get this chapter completed.

F: I got fired too, so, that helped.

B: Okay, you can pity her for _that_.

F: B is also going to be _tres_ busy for a bit, so on THAT note, pity her.

B: She has no work and I get 14-hour workdays. Head, meet desk.

F: Sooorrrryyyy.

B: But here we are! And as an FYI, there is no need to worry that this fic will never be finished. It may take time between chapters, but it will never be abandoned. (I can even leak that it's going to be 14 chapters long, AND you will get to find out some info on Sean's family, finally!)

F: There was certainly a sad hiatus that took place, mainly because of my own flakiness in planning and giving time to more things in my life than school and going out on the weekends. But this story and this world means very much to me, and also, Funkie is growing up! So she'll be spending a little more time in than she used to.

B: -pinches her cheeks- You guys, she's gonna be SENIOR. Look how much she's grown! I feel like such a big sister, it's ridiculous.

F: She's known me since I had lunch time in a cafeteria with OTHER sixteen year olds.

B: I remember when she finished HIGH SCHOOL. You guys. I'm so old.

F: Not old! Sexy and matuuuure. OOooooh.

B: Oh yeah. Fourteen hour work days are sooooooooo sexy. Ah, well. Until next time! -waves-

F: See you soon, ducklings!


	6. Family Affair

**QUICK NOTE: Hi! We aren't dead. Promise. In fact, keep your fingers crossed, over the next few weeks we'll try and get the rest of this fic up. Chapters may not all have our traditional niceities like titles and lyrics and author notes, but at least the fic will be done. Love.**

_**Take Good Care of the Poor Boy**_

She lowered her head when they laid all the blame

The charge was clear

And I've been her swordsman of national fame

Her knight so dear

Trapped in her castle

In mourning and still a dreamer

What began as a hastle

If anything wouldn't seem her

I put down my head when they layed all the blame

I spoke in fear

- Moxy Fruvous, _Poor Mary Lane_

_**Chapter Six: Family Affair**_

The breakfast table was completely silent, except for Denise chattering about the usual things she chattered about. Movies, articles in the paper, the length of Jack's hair and how badly he needed a trim.

But something was a little different this morning.

Jack and Sean, though not exactly on friendly terms, were not _fighting_.

Denise took that as a very refreshing sign. She watched Jack wolf down four waffles (all pre-frozen of course), and when he asked Sean to pass the syrup, Sean _did_. Well, Sean shoved the syrup, but still, he _did_ it and he didn't snap and neither did Jack.

"Well, you two are quiet this morning," Denise said. "Maybe I should leave you alone more often?"

"No," they both answered.

Well, it was better than nothing.

"You're not eating your food, Sean," Denise said. "You not hungry?"

"Don't like frozen waffles."

"Can I get you something else?" she offered. "I don't cook much, but I'm sure I can manage toast or something."

Sean shook his head no.

She raised an eyebrow. "You don't like frozen waffles, or you're not hungry?"

"Both."

"You're not hungry," she repeated, then sat down next to him. "Sean, you don't... I've _never_ seen you be hungry; I've been watching, you know."

He stared at her dully, like he was watching some stupid television show that he didn't like, but couldn't be bothered to change the channel.

"I worry, is all I'm saying. You're a very skinny boy, and you never _eat_. Come on, just one waffle won't kill you."

"I'm _fine_."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"Well, I say you're not. Now eat." She smiled. "Come on, if I cooked them, then I'd understand why you wouldn't eat them."

"That's for sure," Jack said, mouth full of waffles.

Denise shot him a glare. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

Sean rolled his eyes. He started to push out of his seat, but Denise grabbed his shoulder and sat him down.

"You are _going_ to eat a waffle."

"Make me."

"I just might."

Jack watched this intensely while making his way through his fifth or sixth waffle.

Finally, his words clipped and irritated, Sean said, "I'm. Not. Hungry. Let Jackass eat the rest."

"If Jack is still hungry, he can stop for something on the way to school. Eat."

She stared at Sean, and Sean stared back, and finally, reluctantly, he picked up a knife and fork. Denise didn't turn her gaze away from him even for a moment as he cut the waffle. He didn't even put butter or syrup on it, just cut it, and stared at it for a second.

"Fuck you, I'm _not hungry_." He stared at the waffle.

Denise shrugged. "It won't kill you. Breakfast is important; otherwise, how will you have the energy for school?"

"I could honestly give a flying fuck about school."

"Fine, but I care about your school, and your health, and so neither one of us is leaving this table until you've eaten your waffle. And you _did_ drink two glasses of water, so I imagine you'll probably want to get up before I will."

Sean glowered at her.

She smiled right back at him.

Finally, probably realizing he had no real way out of this, Sean stabbed a piece of cut waffle with his fork, and lifted it slowly.

There was an unbearably long silence before Sean finally took the bite of waffle.

He chewed very slowly, like it was gum, and glared at Denise the entire time.

Finally, he swallowed.

"Happy?" he growled.

"A little," Denise said. "Now just finish the rest and Jack and you can get moving."

"We're gonna be late," Jack supplied.

"He has to eat."

"So I have permission to be late?"

"Just this once."

"Take all the time you need, Sean," Jack said. "No one's forcing you."

Denise sighed.

Jack grinned at her.

Denise said casually, "Oh, that reminds me, Jack; we still need to have a little talk about that call I got from Vice Principal Aroyace about you cutting class and leaving school grounds without permission."

"Sorry, Mom," he said immediately. "Eat up, Sean."

"Go to hell, Jack," Sean answered, and stabbed viciously at another piece of waffle.

And the three of them sat there as he choked it down, piece by piece, and he did look slightly ill by the time he finished.

"There, now don't you feel all energized and ready for the day?"

"No."

She sighed. "Well, I promise not to do that at dinner, but I _will_ make sure you eat dinner tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"Shitty. I eat when I'm hungry."

"So be hungry at dinner tomorrow, and there won't be a problem. Have a good day at school now, you two. Jack, don't cut any classes; Sean... _try_ not to get sent to the office today, hmm?"

--

They drove in silence for awhile, albeit Jack muttering, "Feet off the _dashboard_, damnit," until Sean glanced around the van.

"Where's your gang, Jacky Boy?"

"Itey has a nicer car than me. It's his dad's and he only gets it some days."

"So they ditch you."

"Some days."

"Because they hate you."

"Shut up. Get your feet off the dashboard."

"Fuck you. Where's what's-her-face?" Jack didn't reply. But he did slam the breaks a little too harshly at the red light. "It was that party, right?" Nothing. "You're a fucking girl, Jackass."

"Shut the _fuck_ up."

"She and the guy she was screwing were right next door to me and Dutchy," he continued, ignoring Jack, and not taking his ratty sneakers off the dash. "She giggles during sex, it's sick."

"Yes. I know she does." Jack turned a sharp corner a bit too sharply and Sean was half-thrown against the window. "And it's none of your business. Christ's sake, it's none of _my_ business either, we're over."

"I'll bet Davey's glad the competition is gone."

"Would you just shut up and leave me alone?" Jack snapped. "I know you're pissed that Mom made you actually eat something, but god, doesn't being anorexic make YOU the freak?"

"I'm not fucking anorexic, and at least the people _I_ screw come back and want more." He smirked. "As opposed to looking for it somewhere else, like _some_ people I could name."

Jack pulled into the car parking lot and stomped on the breaks. "I hear Steve's knee is out of the brace now," he said as he unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for his bag. "I'll bet he can't _wait_ to see you."

"I wonder if his ass is still that tight after a week of inactivity in his bed."

Jack made a disgusted face.

Sean smirked.

"Please don't say that stuff to me."

"I'll say it to DAVEY."

"No you won't!"

Sean hopped out of the car, his mood having lightened a little now that he'd taken out his grumpiness on Jack. That _always_ made him feel better.

"Make sure you don't cut class or anything," Jack said as they walked out of the parking lot. "Mom is on the prowl. She'll be double checking."

"Like I really care."

"Just _don't_."

"Coming from the guy who smokes pot every night and skips class every other day." Sean glanced at him.

"You're no angel either."

"I'm not a hypocrite."

"Oh shut up," Jack groaned. "HEEYY, ITEY! GUYS!"

A silver Honda had pulled into the parking lot, and the window was down with Queen blaring through the speakers.

"Freddy Mercury and Blinken. Why am I not at all surprised?"

Jack ignored Sean and immediately jumped on the hood of Itey's car, which was going too slow through the parking lot to cause any danger for Jack.

"Hey!" Itey yelped at Jack out the window. "Get OFF, you know I hate it when you do that!"

"You're going slower than my _grandmother_, Itey," Jack snorted.

"Well, your grandmother gets in fewer car accidents than you do!" But still, Itey slowly pulled into a spot and parked, and Jack slid off.

Sean was listening to what was inside the car, though. Blink was singing along to Queen; the song was Killer Queen and Sean only vaguely knew it. But what he caught was that Blink's voice was almost exactly on with Freddie Mercury's; not just hitting the range, but getting the right, rich tone.

Well, that was almost impressive.

Not that Sean would ever acknowledge this.

Instead, he started walking in to the school, and a moment later, Blink was by his side. "Hey, you okay?"

"What?"

"After yesterday, we all, uh... Were kind of worried, so you okay?"

"Oh, fuck off." Sean rolled his eyes. "I'm _fine_."

"I was just--"

"Shut the fuck up, cyclops."

Blink frowned. "O_kay_."

"Good."

But they continued walking together anyway. And oddly enough, the others caught up with them, and soon all five of them were walking _together_ down the halls.

"Steve is back," Jack said to Itey.

"So much for being starter," Dutchy sighed. "It was nice seeing you all sweaty, Itey, it was."

"Shut up," Itey said flippantly to Dutchy.

Dutchy grinned at him, and rubbed at his neck, where the hickies had begun to fade... But they had been dark enough and defined enough that fully fading would take a few more days.

"Blink," Dutchy said suddenly, "wanna skip and go smoke up under the bleachers and watch the boys run by in their gym shorts?"

"Yeah, okay. Jack?"

"A--no interest in boys."

"Except Davey," Sean put in.

"Shut up. And B--Mom would skin me alive."

"Pussy," Sean added.

"Shut the _fuck_ up."

"Sean..." Blink said slowly, and glanced at Dutchy, who hesitated, but shrugged. "You wanna come?"

"You fucking kidding me?"

"Come on, it's fun."

"Fuck off, Blinken." Sean rolled his eyes. "When I want some, I actually get laid; staring doesn't do a whole lot of good." He glanced at Dutchy, who stared down at his sneakers, but didn't say anything. "And I don't smoke."

"You chain smoke all weekend," Jack reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah, good old fucking nicotine is good enough for me."

Blink shrugged. "Your loss."

They stopped walking, as Dutchy was opening up his locker. Well, trying to open his locker, but Jess was beside him pulling things out of hers, and he was having a difficult time concentrating.

"Uh..." Dutchy choked. "Good..." She glanced up. "Morn--"

"Sean, hi!" Jess waved, a big smile on her face. "How are you today?"

"Fine," Sean said dully.

"I hope you had a nice night."

"Uh huh."

"Did you have fun at the party?"

"Sure."

"Great." She nodded, and then noticed Dutchy, and made an astonished face. "Good god, Dennis, who gave you _those_?" She peered at his neck.

Dutchy's face turned bright red. "No... one..." he gulped. "How, uh, you, uh, how're you?"

"What? Oh, me, I'm fine." She grinned over at him. "Steve's going to be back playing tonight! I can't wait." To Sean, "You should see him play; you'd like him a lot more."

"Well, I couldn't like him any less."

She laughed like she thought he was joking, and Dutchy stared down at his sneakers again. Jess shut her locker.

"Well, I'll see you after school tomorrow, Sean!"

"Can't wait, really."

She started off, and Dutchy stared after her, then turned back to opening his locker.

"She noticed you," Blink pointed out, half nicely and half mockingly.

"I knooooow, and I froze up, like I always dooooo," Dutchy whined, and his locker jerked open.

A large stack of previously precariously balanced books, notebooks and papers tumbled down on him. Even inanimate objects conspired against him whenever he tried to think about Jess.

Sean actually laughed, pulled a book that had managed not to pour out of the locker, and dropped it on top of the pile atop of Dutchy. "I'm leaving. Bye, assholes."

And he walked off.

Blink, though he usually walked with Sean through the halls these days, figured it would be a lot more tactful of him to help save Dutchy from being crushed.

But he did laugh when Jack dropped a handful of books on Dutchy's toe a few minutes later.

--

Blink came to second period stoned. He'd apparently brought eyedrops with him to school, or Dutchy had, because he looked normal, though he smelled sickly-sweet. But he was grinning and even the fact that Sean greeted him as, "Hey, asshole," and Steve called him a faggot in the hallway didn't ruin his mood.

"Smoking up is the onnnnnly way to get through classes," he half-giggled to Sean. "Man, I wish I had Doritos."

"You sound like a fucking moron," Sean answered.

"Yeah, but I don't _care_. It's awesome."

"You're gonna get caught."

"Nuh uh." Blink grinned stupidly.

"You're _really_ fucking obvious."

"Yeah, but no one caaaares. As long as I don't yell or nothin' no one cares about me at _all_."

Sean snorted. "You're a fucking dumbass, Ryan."

"Aw, man, Sean, man." Blink smiled. "Come oonnnn, you're totallyyy the type who _says_ that but _does_ that."

"Excuse me?" Sean demanded.

"Don't tell me you never do it!" Blink was sketching on his desk in blue pen.

"I don't."

"But it's awesommee," Blink half-whined. "Look, I'm drawing a penis!"

"Yes, _real_ awesome."

"Hypocrite," Blink said. "You _drink_."

"That's different."

"Is NOT."

"Shut up, Blinken, you're bugging the shit out of me right now," Sean growled, looking genuinely disgusted.

"What?" Blink asked. "Come on, everyone smokes sometimes. Everyone. Even _Itey_ did it a few times."

"I don't, and I fucking _hate_ being around idiot jackasses while they're stoned."

Blink kind of stared at him, and then the words finally permeated his smoke-filled brain, because he just said, "Okay," and went back to drawing on his desk.

--

"So, uh..." Blink cleared his throat; Sean hadn't spoken to him since second period, which was hours ago now. "You really hate potheads, huh?"

"What tipped you off?"

"That just seems weird, from you. Weirder than you being gay."

The English teacher shushed them annoyingly, but was ignored.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I dunno. You're all..." He considered. "You're a badass, right? But you don't do drugs. It just seems like you would."

"If you want to start judging me, asshole, then this conversation is over."

"No, no, I just..." Blink sighed. "Listen, sorry if I bugged you."

"I'm hearing the word 'sorry' a lot lately, and it's really fucking annoying."

"Well..." Blink trailed off. "Sorry?"

Sean glared.

"I was kidding."

"Yeah, got it." Sean shifted in his seat, glanced at the ceiling. Glad that Blink wasn't so gone now. It just made him _think_. God, if he could fucking count how many times he'd been remembering all the shit these past few days...

Maybe he should try to get out.

But he didn't have to try. Eventually, Denise would get sick of him and trash him like all the others. She was just taking a little longer.

Sean kicked the bottom of his desk, and was reminded that his sneakers were falling apart, and growled slightly. He'd managed to stub his toe. Fucking people fucking making him _think_.

He hated thinking about his family, about his life. And he'd _never_ done it so often before. What the hell was it about these people, that he kept doing so damn much thinking?

He felt a little ill, but willed it down, refused to get sick in class. Instead, he picked at his knuckles and ignored the teacher.

He dug into his backpack, pulled out his as of yet unused notebook, and began to write. It was just stupid shit; he didn't think as he did it. But it was good to do, he decided, because when he was thinking about characters, creating other lives--most of them more twisted and fucked up than his own, which was saying something--he didn't think about himself, or Blink the pothead, or Jack the idiot. He didn't think about the hickies on Dutchy's neck, the look on Jess's face, or the brace that had been on Steve's knee.

He just wrote. Words on paper.

That was a little better.

Blink, for once, didn't bother him. Sean could tell he was watching, but Blink said nothing, let him do his thing.

That kind of pissed Sean off too. It showed Blink was starting to...understand his moods a little better. Which meant understanding _him_ a little better. And Sean wasn't looking for anyone to understand him.

He wasn't.

No. No more thinking. Nothing. Just writing, which made nothing hurt.

It was the second to last period, and Sean didn't get sent to the office; he sat down in his last period class and resumed writing, and didn't get in trouble, at least not of his own free will. He wanted to just write.

The problem was that Steve Olsen also wasn't very good at history, and was taking the remedial class. With Sean and Blink. And he'd been glaring at Sean in the hallways all day, watching him and spoiling for a fight, and the notebook was too good to pass up.

It was a good two thirds of the way through the period before it happened. Steve got up, ostensibly to sharpen a pencil, and on his way back to his desk slammed his hand down on the notebook, pulled it out from under Sean's pen.

Sean looked up at him, glared. His concentration was broken, and he was pissed.

"This a _diary_, faggot?" Steve spat.

Sean raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah. Filled with thoughts of you."

Steve's face, as per usual when Sean spoke, dropped. "Shut _up_."

"Give me the notebook."

"Fuck you, fag." Steve dropped it on the floor, stepped on it, smeared his muddy sneaker on it. "Get it yourself."

"You know, Olsen, I really _could_ just send you right back to the fucking hospital." Sean glanced down at his knee. "I know exactly where it is to kick you. Maybe this time you'll never be able to _walk_."

Steve sneered. "You won't be able to fucking do that again, you fucking _twig_."

"This twig happened to make you cry home to your mommy."

Steve slammed his hands down onto Sean's desk, peered into Sean's eyes. "Say that _again_."

"You're really sexy when you're angry."

Blink guffawed a little bit next to Sean, and Steve turned on him, angrily. "What the fuck are _you_ laughing at?"

Blink glanced over at Sean, and how smug he was--just smirking, he hadn't even stood up, like Steve was just a minor irritation--and looked back at Steve. Smiled. "Well, you. You adorable little bugger, you."

Sean burst out laughing at that, and Blink smirked a little too, because he got the feeling making Sean laugh at something other than someone else's humiliation wasn't easy.

"So what, Ballatt?" Steve demanded, leaning down so he was face to face with Blink, glaring. "You think your boyfriend will save you from me kicking your ass?"

Blink's face fell a little, but he didn't mumble an apology or look down at the floor or anything. All he said was, "I've got a better chance with _you_ than I do with _Sean_, and anyway, you're hotter."

"Hey now," Sean answered, but he sounded surprisingly amused.

"Why you son of a--"

"HEY."

The history teacher was there all of a sudden, and all three of them were shipped down to the office, where Steve was immediately sent back to class, because after all, there was a game that afternoon and it wouldn't due to put the starter in detention.

Blink glanced over at Sean, as they waited for Mr. Thibbs to make his appearance. "That was kind of fun," he said. "Too bad I can't beat the crap out of him like you can."

Sean didn't say anything, then shrugged. "Sucks to be you, fairy."

"Oh, fuck off."

--

It was pretty peaceful in Jack's basement, considering Sean was there. But Sean didn't have an interest in pissing them off too much today. Steve's reactions in class that day had been nice enough.

Itey was doing math homework on the floor, and Jack and Dutchy were watching MTV. Blink was attempting to do his own homework, probably because Itey was doing it, but wasn't getting very far.

"Fuck, she's hot," Dutchy said, watching the television screen.

Itey glanced up, wrinkled his nose. "If you like fake boobs."

"I like all boobs."

"Those are _gross_, Dutch."

"They're still _boobs_!" Dutchy frowned at him. "Asexual loser."

"I'm not asexual, I'm just not shallow."

"I'm not..." Dutchy paused. "THAT shallow."

Blink snorted and Dutchy shoved him, and Sean glanced up from what he was reading. Blink glanced over at him, and grinned, and Sean didn't acknowledge him and went back to his book.

But Sean glanced up again to watch as Blink and Dutchy got into a shoving match, and he only found it mildly irritating. Which was an improvement.

...And really, it had been kind of fun to watch Blink talk back to Steve Olsen. Which was a thought that immediately went on the list of things he'd never admit aloud, but still, it had been. If only because it was funny to see Steve get brought down a peg by a flamer.

There was the sound of a door opening upstairs, and then footsteps down the staircase, and Denise appeared. "Hey, kids."

"Hey, Mom," Jack said, and a chorus of hellos followed him.

"Jack, Sean, pizza okay tonight? Because I already ordered it, didn't know we had company."

"That's okay, we'll make Itey's mom cook for us," Blink answered.

Itey elbowed him in the leg from where he sat, but it was probably what would end up happening.

Denise raised an eyebrow. "Well, at least that lets poor Mrs. Jacobs get a rest."

"Esther loves us," Jack answered.

"Because you love her son?" Sean suggested.

"Screw off," Jack answered.

"You sure do with Davey."

"Sean," Denise interrupted. "Can I have a word with you?"

"I ain't stopping you."

"Upstairs, please?"

"No." Sean went back to his book.

Denise, whose patience seemed to be running thin this evening, raised her eyebrows and said, "Fine. You want to be embarrassed."

"I won't be."

Itey, on the other hand, seemed completely embarrassed, but no one noticed.

"You got sent to the office today," Denise said, hands on her hips. "Again."

"Sure did."

"Is it _impossible_ for you to try and behave yourself in class? For a day?"

"I guess so."

Denise grabbed his book, and Sean glowered up at her. "You're going to listen to me."

"I wouldn't put money on that," he answered, and shifted his gaze to the TV, which she promptly turned off.

"I don't want to fight with you, Sean. I don't want to yell at you or punish you, not when you're doing so _well_ in so many ways. I told your social worker you went to a party; he was convinced I was lying to make myself sound like a better parent. Look around; you're in a room with other people, by choice, and so far as anyone knows, that's _never_ happened before."

Well, that was a little embarrassing to have pointed out, if only because Sean was still pretty sure he hated them all except _maybe_ Blink, and he didn't want them to get any stupid ideas about him liking them or anything.

But he didn't react, just rolled his eyes.

"But I swear to god, Sean, you've _got_ to learn how to behave in public. Most kids stop picking fights once they graduate from eighth grade, come _on_. You're too bright for that. So what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Fuck off?" he suggested.

"Sean--"

"Denise," Blink said quietly, but that was enough to startle everyone in the room, because no one else seemed to remember how to talk, or do anything except stare.

Denise turned to glare at him, but he cleared his throat.

"He, um. He didn't pick the fight. Steve did--Steve started everything."

Denise looked skeptical. "Oh, really? And the fact that you all hate this Steve may not make that comment a little biased?"

"I hate him, but..." Blink trailed off. "I mean, I wouldn't pick a fight with him. I'm not exactly, uh, a tough guy."

"That's for sure," Sean said.

Blink continued. "And uh, yeah. Sean wasn't even doing anything. He was writing the whole class, seriously."

Denise's expression changed. "Writing?"

"Yeah."

She looked at Sean. "Is this true?" Sean was looking at Blink. His eyes snapped back on Denise. He shrugged. "Sean, is this true?"

"You heard him."

"I want to hear it from _you_. Is it tr--"

"_Yes_, it's _true_."

"What were you writing?"

"None of your fucking business."

"Sean--"

"It wasn't plans to shoot up the school, so does it fucking matter?"

"No," she said quickly, realizing that if Sean was referencing bringing weapons to school, she was probably getting into bad territory, "I suppose it doesn't. But the fact remains that you--"

"I didn't do shit," he snapped. "I sat at my desk. I blew off the teacher, yeah, but I wasn't even _talking_ to anyone. Steve fucking picked a fight with _me_ and I don't just--" he cut off for a moment, sounding almost choked, "--I don't shut up and _take_ shit like that because--" again, choked.

He stared at Denise and didn't finish what he was saying.

She bit her lip, then nodded. Whatever he wasn't saying, it was enough to make him choke mid-rant, and that was pretty heavy.

So she just said, "Yeah, I gotcha. But you're going to have to learn how to avoid fights sooner or later."

"Tell Steve Olsen to leave me the fuck alone and see how fast I start avoiding fights."

Denise shrugged her shoulders. "People never do what you want them to do, Sean. That's a part of life. You're very aware of this. Find a way to get him off your case without getting yourself into trouble again."

"I thought sending someone to the hospital was a sure fire way of getting them to leave you the fuck alone," Jack said.

"Shut up, Jack-ass," Sean hissed.

"Do we understand each other, Sean?" Denise asked, crossing her arms. "Because if this happens again, I won't be so casual. It will be very serious."

Sean didn't say anything.

"Tell me you understand me, Sea--"

"I _understand_ you, now give me my fucking book."

She sighed and chucked it slightly to him, and turned on her heel to leave. Then she glanced at Jack. "Sarah called for you this morning, by the way. She was waiting for a ride."

Jack let out a tremendous, "HA!"

Denise rolled her eyes. "Well, the pizza will be here in half an hour, and don't forget to do your homework. Be good, kids."

She let herself out of the basement and Sean opened his book and glared down at it, refusing to look up.

Blink eventually cleared his throat. "It's... really _not_ your fault, Steve is just a dick."

"Yeah, well, fuck if I care what she thinks."

"Hey," Jack snapped. "She's trying to help you, so--"

"You really don't want to argue with me, Jack-off," Sean snapped.

"I do, don't be such an asshole to my mom." Jack glared at him.

"If she minded her own fucking business, then I'd leave her alone, wouldn't I?" Sean snapped.

"You can't expect her to--"

"Please, Sean, Jack..." Itey burst out. "Not now. Just stop, okay? None of us wants this."

Sean snorted and went back to his book. Jack growled and opened up his backpack and started pulling out books and binders.

"Sean--" Blink started, but Itey gave him a look.

Dutchy cleared his throat. "...so, Sean won't be eating I guess...can I have his pizza?"

That was the second time that day where Dutchy was attacked by a horde of books. Only this time people were throwing them.

--

The tension was back between Jack and Sean, only now, it was mostly silence and glares. No one knew which was worse, because it was almost like volcanoes waiting to explode.

Jack didn't know why things had gotten bad again. After all, that one night had been different. Totally different.

But when he thought about it, it almost made sense, even if thinking wasn't exactly his strong point. Sean had been upset about something--probably something awful that had happened to him, given what he'd said to Jack before leaving the garage. And then he'd been sick, and the combination of the two... Well, he was _vulnerable_. Human.

Sean clearly did not like to be either one of those things. That much didn't even require thinking.

And now Sean was done being vulnerable and was back to usual, or even worse. Maybe to make up for his slip.

Sean was reading on the living room couch, and Jack sat in an easy chair watching TV, and Denise was reading briefing memos at a small table at the edge of the room, dripping pizza grease on them.

"Aren't you _hungry_, Sean?" Jack said spitefully, glancing at the coffee table where Sean's untouched slice of pizza sat.

"At least I'm not a pig," Sean answered, not looking up. "Go on, Jack, have another slice. What's one more once you hit six?"

"Seven," Jack said easily, and grabbed the slice.

"Jack, don't you dare," Denise said without looking up.

"It's not like he's having it!"

"You've had enough."

"I'm a growing boy!"

"That's for sure." Sean shot a disgusted look at Jack's gut. Which he wouldn't openly admit was flat and toned.

"There ain't an inch of fat on my whole body," Jack snapped, and took a bite out of the pizza. "MMMMMM, good."

Denise sighed. "What a son I have."

Jack smiled at her. "I know, I'd count my lucky stars if I were you."

Sean tensed as he watched them tease each other. Jack noticed it. Picked up that Sean had probably never joked around with a parent before.

Then he wondered why he cared.

"I'd thank them if you'd stop eating me out of house and home," she answered easily.

Jack's response was muffled because his mouth was full. Denise looked up then, and rolled her eyes at him, but she was smiling, and then she looked at Sean, and she smiled at him, too.

"It's like my sons are the odd couple; messy and neat, hungry and not--"

"I'm not your son," Sean said, placing a finger between the pages of his book to keep his place as he shut it, and then stood up. "And you're not my mother."

He walked out of the room.

Jack finished off the piece of pizza and thought that at least he hadn't sworn at her at all.

Jack glanced at his mother, who seemed to be taking deep breathes, and then she looked at Jack and smiled. Tired.

"He didn't--"

"Swear, yeah." Jack nodded.

Denise gave a slight chuckle, and then went back to work. "Are you trying hard, Jack? To get along?" She glanced back up at him. "For me?"

Jack looked guilty. "...I will."

"Good." She made a face. "Stop eating and go do your homework."

Jack nodded. And didn't snarl at Sean when he passed by his open door.

But he did swear in his head.

--

Sean was still mad the next day. He couldn't put his finger on why he was mad, exactly; he just knew that Jack was more irritating than normal. Jack hadn't said anything to him at breakfast or on the way to school, and they had settled into the routine of avoiding each other as much as possible.

But that didn't stop Sean from being annoyed, especially not after the day was winding down and Jack hadn't given him a reason to get into a real fight once. And Steve had avoided him, too--probably because if he got in trouble again, they might actually _not_ get out of trouble for no reason.

So by the time Jess met him for peer counseling after classes, his mood was just _horrible_.

"You have a good day?" Jess asked, smiling.

Sean sneered at her. "_No_."

Her face dropped, and it was very genuine. If Sean had been a nice person, he might have been flattered that her mood decreased because of how _he_ felt.

"Oh, really?" She frowned. "Why's that?"

"My life is shit."

"No, it's not, Sean."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's--"

"You don't fucking know me and yes it fucking is."

Jess winced, and looked slightly surprised at Sean's harshness. She cleared her throat, her cheeks slightly red. "Wow, I guess...I guess you did have a bad day."

"I fucking _said_ I did," he snapped.

"Okay... Well, we can go talk about it," she offered.

"I don't want to talk."

"Well... I'm sorry, but that's what counseling _is_."

"I don't _want_ any fucking counseling."

"Oh." Her face fell a little more, and Sean felt kind of good about that. "Well... Until Mr. Thibbs says we're done... I really do want to help you, Sean."

He snorted. "Whatever."

She fidgeted slightly, her perfect, manicured nails playing with her sleeves. "Well...you don't want to sit here and do nothing, do you? That's pretty boring."

Sean didn't reply.

"So you'll have to let me know what you want."

Sean had heard a fair share of psychiatrists through out his lifetime, and he had to admit that Jess knew what she was doing.

But so did he.

"Stop pushing your nose into my business."

"But I want to _help_."

"No you don't," Sean snapped. "You want to put me on your resume. So you can feel really proud of the poor fucked up kids you helped. You do it for _you_."

And now she looked like she was going to cry. She slouched in her chair, staring at her lap. Sean was sure that was the end of her for the afternoon.

But she softly spoke up "I'd never, ever do something like that." She looked back up at him. "I think that's just awful."

"Yeah, right."

"I do. I don't know if you know a lot of people like that, Sean. I feel bad if you do."

"Everyone is like that. People only do things because they have to or because it benefits them." He glared at her, daring her to challenge them.

"Well, I think that's cynical," she answered. "Maybe if you look at life a certain way, it kind of seems like that... But if you really look around, people do good things all the time. Just because they want to."

"Please tell me you don't actually fucking _believe_ that."

"Of course I believe that," she answered. "It's the truth--it has to be, don't you see? Because if people only did what they had to, nothing would be done--nothing good would happen. But, well... I mean, look at you."

"You don't want to look at me," he answered. "My life is nothing but shit. Which proves my point."

"I don't think it _is_, Sean," she answered. "I mean... I know it's been bad, even if you don't want to talk about it or tell me, which I respect, of course. But, well, you said you were in a new... A new home, right? But if there's no requirement to take in foster kids, then why would your mother do it?"

Sean started to talk. Then stopped when he realized she had a point. Which just made him all the more pissed off.

"You know what, Princess?" Sean hissed, leaning over the table. "You don't know a goddamned thing about it."

"I do so," she said easily. "Just because I don't exactly fit your idea of a compassionate person doesn't mean I'm _not_. You're being just as bad as the people you don't like if you hate me for what I look like."

"Don't feel special, I hate everyone."

"Well..." she turned a little red again. "_I_ don't hate _you_."

"Then I'll have to try harder," he answered.

She sighed. "You know, as hard as you try, I won't hate you. I understand that you've been hurt very badly and that's why you act the way you do. I could never hate you because of it."

"You don't know a goddamn _thing_ about what happened to me," he hissed. "Stop thinking you do or that you understand me or that you know what I think because you don't and you should be fucking grateful for it, Princess. I've seen shit like you wouldn't _believe_."

"I'm here to listen if you ever want to tell me."

He stared at her. Then shook his head. "Yeah, I don't talk about shit like that. I don't share, I'm not touchy-feely, and I want _out_ of this counseling."

She looked a bit depressed, which was nice, he thought. "Well... I can't help you if you won't let me. But even if you don't like me, I still want to help you. So what does that say?"

"That you're a fucking moron?"

"Well, you're the one who got stuck here when you don't want to be. Maybe you should have thought ahead if you hate this so much."

"I didn't know I'd..." Sean stopped. "Fuck this. Go get yourself a bulimic goth girl who slashes her wrists. I'm out of here."

He started to push out of his seat, but Jess stood up, grabbed his wrist.

"Sean, _please_." She had natural puppy dog eyes, and it occurred to Sean once again how straight she seemed to think he was, and how easy it was to get to her. "Can you please not be so difficult?"

"You should go make that face at fucking Jack Kelly, he'd fucking have a field day. Me, I don't give a shit."

"What do you mean?" she asked, and he found that funny enough that he paused.

There was no _way_ she didn't know... Oh, he hoped she didn't know.

"You mean you don't know?" he said. "Kelly jerks off to your yearbook picture, like, every night."

She frowned. "Isn't he dating Sarah Jacobs?"

"_Was_ dating Sarah."

She made a face. "He doesn't _really_..."

"Yeah, he does."

"I don't think I'm comfortable discussing this..."

"I wouldn't be either," he smirked. "I mean, I wouldn't want that... that psycho creep thinking of me at all, either. I just wish I didn't have to _live_ with him..."

"Is it... Is he bad to live with?"

Oh, this was just going to be too much fun. He sat back down.

"He fucking makes up..." Sean 'choked'. "Makes up shit to get me in trouble with my foster mom. Who already hates me enough as it is."

Jess' face dropped. "Oh, no, you're having trouble with your foster mom?"

"All because of fucking Jack." Sean's stomach made a strange lurch. He ignored it. "He fucking...he set the couch, on fire, blamed it on me."

Jess stared, horrified.

"So then Denise, she..." But Sean stopped.

For the life of him, he couldn't continue. It was _impossible_ for him to keep going. It made him feel sick.

Which was stupid.

Why the fuck did he feel sick?

"Sean?" Jess prompted.

"Forget it," Sean mumbled.

"No, Sean... Please, I really want to hear. What you say means a lot to me... I know you don't like opening up."

Sean scowled. "I don't want to talk about that psycho anymore."

The thought of him calling someone _else_ psycho was kind of amusing, he decided. But Jess was eating it up.

"Well... Maybe you'd like to talk about your foster mother, then? What's she like?"

"Denise?" he said, then hesitated. "She... She doesn't understand me."

"Do you want her to understand you?"

That was an irritatingly good question.

Because Sean didn't really know the answer.

--

Itey wiped some sweat off his forehead with a hand towel, trying to block out the sounds of his team mates shouting and hollering to each other. Steve's homecoming had been much anticipated, and everyone was making sure to fill Steve in on all the game details that he'd missed.

The practice had been long, and hard, and amazing. The coach was drilling them harder, and since Steve had been gone, he'd been working Itey a lot more than he usually had.

Itey grinned slightly. At this rate, he was sure to make the team senior year. And maybe even get a starter position.

"Hey, Lopez."

Itey glanced over his shoulder. Steve was standing there, staring him down. "Oh. Hi, Steve, welcome back."

"You don't sound too happy about that."

Itey blinked a little. "What?"

"You don't sound too happy about me being back."

"I... I _am_," Itey said.

"Yeah, right. I wouldn't be too happy if I'd blown my chances as a starter." Steve leaned against the wall and glared.

"I..." Itey shook his head. "I didn't blow it, I did a good job, and I don't _want_ to be the starter, that's _your_ job."

"Yeah, you just remember that."

Steve walked past him, into the locker room. Itey stared incredulously and decided he'd drive home in his sweaty practice clothes and change there. He needed to wash them anyway, and he didn't want to deal with Steve.

Itey hoisted his bag over his shoulder and stepped out of the locker room, feeling sticky and pretty gross. He walked through the hall, and before he could even step so much as an inch out of the doors, he heard Coach Warner call out, "LO_PEZ_, over here for a minute!"

Itey groaned. Great. What had Steve done? Tattled? Asked coach to keep Itey's mitts off of his position?

None the less, Itey turned on his heel and walked back to the gym office outside the locker room.

"Yeah?" he asked, polite as possible.

Coach Warner gave him a strange, weird kind of a grin. "You impressed me this week, son."

Itey blinked. "I did?"

"Yeah, you didn't screw around, act like a jerk." Warner let out a yawn. "Made good use of the court."

"Thanks, coach."

"I think you've earned yourself a position as a permanent forward."

Itey's eyes widened.

"Oh, wow. I, uh... Wow, I didn't expect that. Thanks. I mean..." His face brightened. "Thanks!"

"Well, I think you earned it, son."

"He earned what?"

Steve was standing back in the doorway of the locker room now, and the smile faded slowly off of Itey's face.

"I think Lopez here is doing good, Olsen. I'm gonna have him try his hand starting forward."

"Are you kidding me?" Steve asked.

"Nope. Is there a _problem_?"

"No. Sir." Steve was glowering, though. At the coach _and_ at Itey, who realized he was going to enjoy starting a lot less than he'd wanted.

"Good, keep it that way. Now both of you go home."

The coach watched as they walked out of the gym, almost side by side, but not talking or looking at each other. Steve glowered out in front of him, and Itey down at where he was walking.

Which was why he nearly walked into Steve when Steve stopped abruptly. He snapped his head up and followed Steve's angry gaze...

Right to where Sean and Jess were standing by the doors out of the school, talking.

There was an odd beat where Steve watched what was happening. Which was nothing, but of course, Steve was a violent, rude, homophobic, jealous asshole.

"That fucking _faggot_," Steve growled, and he rushed ahead of Itey.

"Hey!" Itey called. "Hey, wait!"

But Steve obviously wasn't the type to take a command from anyone.

--

"Feel better?" Jess asked, cocking her head to the side.

Sean snorted. "No."

"Not even a little bit?"

"Come on, Princess, do I look like the sort of person who'd lie to make you feel better?"

"No," she said, but she smiled a little bit. "Well... I'm sorry you still feel so rotten, Sean. But we'll keep working at it, won't we!"

"Not if I can help it."

"Come on, we'll have to get _past_ that if you want to--"

"JESS, what the FUCK do you think you're DOING?"

Sean looked over to see Steve Olsen barreling towards them, Itey jogging behind, looking horrified.

"Steve!" she yelped. "Oh, I was just..."

Steve came to a stop and grabbed her shoulder possessively. Sean was definitely not impressed.

"Just _what_?"

"She was just telling me how good in bed you are," Sean answered, smirking.

"I _don't_ want you talking to that fag."

"Steve, he's my--I'm his peer counselor, I _have_ to--"

"Yeah, well, session's done. Let's get out of here."

"I left my bag in--"

But he started to walk off, storming outside, and she followed him anyway.

Sean raised an eyebrow and looked at Itey, who shrugged.

"You want a ride home?"

Sean opened his mouth.

"Fuck off, right?" Itey interrupted.

"Yeah, that."

"Okay. Car's in the parking lot." And Itey smiled kindly, and walked by him. Sean rolled his eyes, and followed.

It was better than Jack's van.

--

Jess was silent as Steve drove, too fast, pissed. She hated it when he was like this. So mean and rude and possessive, and without even asking, she knew she had to go to his place tonight. Had to make out with him or sleep with him or something. Anything to make sure he wasn't mad at her.

"Steve--"

"He fucking BUSTED my fucking KNEE, and you're TALKING TO HIM."

She bit her lip and was quiet.

"I could have been out the rest of the season, Jess! If that fucker had kicked any harder, it would have been _sprained_ or _broken_ and I'd have been out for the rest of the season!"

"I know, but--"

"Or would you have liked that?" he snapped.

"No! Of course not, I--"

"Yeah, right." He turned a corner too sharply and she grabbed the door of the car to try and keep from toppling over. "I bet you'd _loved_ that, so you could go to games and flirt with my teammates and not have me see. You think I don't NOTICE that, Jessica?"

"I don't..."

"Yeah, you FUCKING do!" He turned, glared at her, shot her a disgusted look. "You can be such a fucking slut. And I get to be a fucking laughing stock because you nail anyone who'll have you!"

"No, I don't!" Jessica cried, digging her nails into her palm to keep from crying. "I don't, Steve, okay? I promise I don't! I've only ever been with you!"

"Yeah fucking right," Steve spat. "Did you fuck Lopez while I was gone, huh? _Did_ you, Jess?"

"No!" she yelled. "No, I've never... I've never even talked to Gabriel, never even _looked_ at him. I don't look at anyone but you. Ever." She stammered a little bit, and reached over to put a hand on his shoulder. "I _love_ you, Steve. You're my one and only."

"Yeah, right," he snapped. "I don't want you counseling that asshole anymore."

"I don't have a _choice_. I--" She broke off as he glared at her, which was both scary and dangerous, as he should have been watching the road. "I'll ask Mr. Thibbs about it. Tell him I think Sean is doing okay."

Steve looked at her as soon as they hit a red light. "Do you _swear_?"

"Yes," she insisted. "Yes, I swear, okay?"

Steve stared at her for awhile, before turning back to keep his eyes on the traffic light. "Wipe your eyes, babe, it's nasty when your face is all red from crying."

Jess nodded, slightly, before turning to look out the window. She bit her knuckle to keep from crying anymore, and quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

But then Steve smiled over at her. "That's my girl. I'm sorry, Jess, I just get so angry when I see you with other boys. I love you, you know."

"I know, Steve." She smiled because she needed to, even though she didn't feel like it.

He continued, "So you will talk to Mr. Thibbs about it, right?" She nodded. "Good. Then I swear to god, I ever see him near you again I'll kick his ass. You don't need people like that, Jessy. You're too good."

She wanted to object, tell Steve that she _liked_ Sean and that she wanted to help him...

But she couldn't say a word. She could barely _ever_ say a word. Not with her friends. Never with Steve. Never with anyone.

"Oh, and, uh..." Steve trailed off, looked at her shirt. "Babe, why are you wearing that? It hides your figure, you look chunky."

She wrapped her arms around her stomach. "Sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize! You're the one wearing it."

She knew then for sure she'd be with Steve tonight.

She needed it.

--

Itey, as usual, tried pleasant conversation on the drive. But Sean responded as expected. 'Fuck off'. Itey was in a pretty good mood over all, though; since Sean had avoided a fight, Itey being made forward was still fresh in his mind. Sean could tell him to fuck off all day and he still wouldn't be discouraged.

Well...maybe a bit.

"Um..." Itey said eventually. "Is there any special reason you like to tell me to fuck off? I know it's your favorite phrase in general, but... Like, it's all you've ever said to me. I mean, you say more than that to David, even, and you never _see_ David."

He waited.

"Well..." Sean said, then looked over at him kind of slyly. "Fuck off."

"I get it. You're doing it on purpose." No response. "Okay... well, I mean, I can stop trying to be nice to you if you'd rather. Except... You know, my mama raised me better than that, so I really _can't_. It's kind of sad."

Sean snorted and didn't say anything.

"Do you want to go by like, Subway and get some food or something?"

"Fuck off."

"Then I guess you're not hungry."

"Fuck off."

"Yeah, I'll drop you off, Jack's is on the way."

"FUCK. OFF."

"You're welcome."

Itey was pretty fucking patient, Sean would give him that.

Itey pulled up in front of Jack's house and Sean climbed out. "So..." Itey said, when Sean didn't say anything. "Fuck off." He pulled Sean's door shut and drove away.

Sean kind of smirked a little.

--

Dutchy's coat needed a new lining, because the crisp February air stung awfully badly at him. He shivered, but it wasn't so bad; he was just walking into town because if he stayed in his house...

He thought of the stash in his house. He was going broke; he needed to stretch it out. And if he stayed in, it would be gone _fast_.

Stupid fucking school. Stupid fucking Sean and Jess...

He stepped off the curb to cross the road and a car careened madly around the corner. He jumped back and almost tripped, struggled to see the car.

He recognized it. Steve's red sports car. And he could just see Steve and Jess inside it, speeding away.

They'd almost killed him and they didn't even know he was alive.

He laughed. Fucking hilarious.


	7. Going Around Again

_**Take Good Care of the Poor Boy**_

Please don't wake me

No don't shake me

Leave me where I am

I'm only sleeping...

-The Beatles, _I'm Only Sleeping_

_**Chapter Seven: Going Around Again**_

Jack showed up at David's for breakfast, mainly because he was sick of waiting for Sean to eat waffles. Besides, Mrs. Jacobs usually fed him like he was actually eight people combined in one body. Which was a-okay with Jack.

Luckily, David, and not Sarah, answered the door. In his pajamas. With a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth.

"Aaawwwwww, what a ray of sunshiiine," Jack cooed.

"Mmmugh," David muttered, his eyes squinting and hair pointing up every which way.

"I want Esther food."

"Mmmmgh."

"Pancakes? YES." And Jack ran past David at full speed, while David wordlessly closed the door.

The downside of this, which Jack had failed to take into account as he went to beg food off of his best friend's mother, was that his best friend's sister was now his ex-girlfriend. And she was sitting at the kitchen table, eating pancakes.

"Jack, darling! Eat!"

Jack grinned at Esther and sat down, pointedly ignoring Sarah.

Sarah glowered, waited for her mother to scuttle out of room and snapped, "If you're going to break up with me, you have to actually _do_ it and not just stop speaking to me."

Jack, right before he shoved his first bite of pancake in his mouth, said, "Fine, I break up with you."

"You _can't_, that's not fair!"

"How is it not fair?"

"HOW many things have I let YOU do?"

"How many times did I cheat while we were going out?" Jack paused. "Hmm… NONE. Well, this conversation's over." Jack poured a disgusting amount of syrup on to his pancakes.

Sarah pouted a little. "Jaaack, come on, can we talk about this?"

"No."

"I was _drunk_."

"Not caring."

"And I lo-"

"Woowww, someone's hopping onto the cliche bus!" Jack looked over at Les, who just entered the kitchen. "Hey kid."

"Jack!" Les exclaimed, and rushed over to quickly grab a seat next to him. Jack wished people were this excited to see him at his house.

"Jack..." Sarah whined, as David wandered back into the room, now wearing his school uniform. Jack kind of smiled, because David looked so _silly_ dressed up, when everyone else was sporting jeans and t-shirts.

"Sarah, leave him alone," David said helpfully, and found himself a plate.

"But I just want to _talk_!"

"Maybe you should've talked before you..." Jack started, then glanced at Les. "Anyway. Nice tie, Davey."

David glowered at him, but tucked the uniform tie into his vest so it wouldn't get into his pancake syrup.

David was very clean like that.

--

Sean walked into Study Hall half an hour late, but ignored the teacher's comment about late slips as he simply waltzed into a seat next to Blink and flipped his feet up on the desk.

The teacher let it slide.

"Why late?" Blink asked.

"Jack got into a fight with his stupid ex."

"Ah. Yes, it affects all of us. You should ask Itey to drive you." Sean snickered slightly. Blink didn't ask. "So I heard Steve talking about you this morning," Blink dropped his voice.

Sean gave him a weird look. "So?"

"So, he's pissed."

"He's always pissed."

"No, no, like...really pissed. I'd watch my ass if I were you."

"He better watch his." Sean grinned. "Never mind, I'll do that for him."

Blink leaned forward in his seat, whispering to Sean. "Sean, come on, just lay low for awhile. You've made your point. This guy wants to _kill_ you."

"And I'd like him to _try_." Sean smirked. "I'd rather do him up the ass than kick it, but fun is fun."

"Come on..." Blink sighed. "Well, you'll just do whatever you want anyway."

Sean didn't say anything, because that was basically true. Instead, he shot a glance at Steve, who was glaring at something out the window. He smirked. Yeah, Steve could try whatever he wanted. Sean had no doubts about the outcome of a fight like that.

"So..." Blink said finally. "Is Denise still pissed at you?"

"Do I care?"

"Well, obviously."

Sean glared at him. "Excuse me?"

"Obviously you care, or you wouldn't get all huffy about it."

Sean didn't know why the hell Blink was in such a flippant mood. OR where he got off thinking he could casually analyze Sean. "_Huffy_?"

"Well--"

"I'm not the flamer, I don't _get_ huffy," Sean spat. "But I do get pretty pissed off, so drop it."

Blink concluded in his head that yes, indeed, Sean cared very much that Denise was pissed off at him.

He didn't say so, though.

"How about you and Jack? You still fighting?"

"Does the pope shit in the woods?"

Blink winced. "I don't even know how to respond to that."

"Good. That means you have to be quiet for a whole hour."

"Who made up that rule?"

"_I_ did, do you wanna argue with me?"

Blink shrugged. He got the idea; Sean wanted to be left alone. But after a few minutes, boredom sank in, and he sighed. Sean ignored him, so he did it again. Sean was, apparently, an expert in ignoring, because he still didn't respond.

So Blink gave up and said, "Christ, I'm horny."

"Wow, I so don't fucking want to know."

"Well, I _am_."

"If you're expecting me to do something about it, then you're very mistaken."

"Ugh, gross no." Blink smirked. Teasing. "I like my men _big_."

Sean didn't want to show how that comment annoyed him. So he said, as casually as possible, "I make up for it in a number of different ways."

"Now it sounds like it's you who wants to take care of my horniness."

"Go fuck yourself, fairy."

"Look who's talking."

"I fucked Dutchy."

"Dutchy fucks anyone."

Sean was about to reply, but then didn't. Blink had a point.

"Besides," Blink continued. "That was pretty shitty of you. You didn't impress anyone." Blink cleared his throat then, and said, "Oh and uh...back off of Jess, okay? Dutchy is getting all upset."

"And I care because?"

"Again, not fooling anyone." Blink paused. "Well, okay, you're fooling Dutchy and Jess and Jack and probably the rest of the school, but you don't fool _me_, Conlon."

"Then here's the question: do I _scare_ you?"

Blink swallowed. "I don't think you're gonna blow up the school, if that's what you mean."

"It's not."

Blink hesitated, then, "I don't think you'd hurt me. Since I'm still the only one you talk to... Don't you get lonely?"

"Fuck _off_." And this time, something in Sean's voice made it clear he meant it.

Blink tried one last time. After all...he wanted to make progress in this friendship. It felt like it meant something.

"Sean--"

Sean didn't even have to say anything. He just _looked_.

Blink shut up.

Still though...he was a little worried about Sean. Which was kind of strange, because it gave Blink the idea that maybe Sean wasn't so tough after all. Maybe Sean was like _him_. Lonely. Just like he said.

--

"Why do we _have_ to stop by your locker between _every_ class?" Itey asked, annoyed. "I have to go to rooms on completely different floors than you do. Why drag me at all?"

"If I'm alone, she won't even acknowledge me," Dutchy hissed.

"Maybe she doesn't acknowledge you because you stalk her locker, you creepy goon."

"I do not, she has the locker next to mine! I didn't even do it on purpose."

"Or maybe because she thinks your name is _Dennis_, you freak."

"I'm not a freak." Dutchy began to fiddle with his locker, killing time, and looked intently down the hall. Itey didn't comment on the fact that Dutchy clearly had Jess's schedule memorized and knew what direction she'd be coming from between every class.

Jess approached. Dutchy grabbed Itey's shoulder, and Itey shook him off. She flounced over to her locker and opened it. Itey kicked Dutchy, who cleared his throat awkwardly. "Heyyyy, Jess..."

"Gabriel!" She seemed oblivious to the fact that Dutchy had spoken. "I heard you're being moved to starter, congrats!"

Itey nodded, smiled nicely. "Yeah, thanks."

"I bet you're excited!"

"Yeah, definitely!" Dutchy cleared his throat and elbowed Itey. Itey gave him a _look_. "So uh...didn't you want to ask Jessica something?" Itey asked Dutchy.

Jess turned to look at Dutchy, cocked her head and smiled.

Dutchy made an odd noise.

"You don't look so good." Jess wrinkled her nose. "Maybe you should see the nurse." She turned back to Itey. "Don't let Steve get you down, okay? Congratulations again!" And she was off.

Dutchy turned to Itey. "I don't know whether to strangle you or myself."

"Hey, don't blame _me_ because you choked."

"I didn't choke! I was about to talk to her, I really was." He sighed. "She's so _perfect_."

"She has a _boyfriend_."

"And he's a jerk, and as soon as she figures that out, and she realizes she deserves someone who will treat her like the goddess she is--"

"Oh, turn it into lyrics or go stuff it, Dutchy." Itey rolled his eyes.

"Next period, you'll see. After next period--"

"I'm so not doing this again."

"But Gaaaabe, she knows you! You could introduce us... Set us up... be the best man at our wedding..."

"Dutchy, this is Planet Earth paging you. Please come back to us."

"Shut _up_."

"You shut up."

Itey made a disgusted noise as they walked down the hall, past Dutchy's classroom. Dutchy was never on time. "Why are you such a bitch this morning, Itey baby?"

"Be_cause_."

"No, serious. This is most unlike you." Dutchy stopped walking, grabbed Itey's arm. "Do you need a good fuck, Itey?"

"DUTCHY!!"

"What?"

"AUGH!"

Dutchy stopped teasing. "Geeze, you _are_ pissy. What's wrong?"

Itey shook his head. "I'm just under a lot of stress, okay?"

"With what?" Itey didn't respond, just hung his head a little, hands shoved in his pockets. A stance most unlike Itey. "Come on, Gabe. I'm your best friend."

"I dunno... I just..." The bell rang, but they continued to stand in the hallway. "Basketball stuff."

"Such as?"

"Such as..." He sighed. "I dunno. I think Steve is pissed at me."

"And... You care what he thinks?" Dutchy asked.

"No! No, it's not like that. Just... I dunno, he's not the kind of guy you want to have pissed at you, unless you're Sean. Which I'm really, really not."

"Yeah, you'd never sleep with me."

Itey gave him a weird look. "And I just... I feel bad about..." He shrugged. "I don't _like_ Steve or anything, but he seems to think I do."

"Steve is hot." Itey stopped talking completely. Dutchy smiled. "I'm making you feel better."

"Yes, that's what it's called."

"Come onnn." Dutchy slung his arm around Itey's shoulder. "I'll walk you to class."

"K. Thanks."

Sometimes, Dutchy was a good best friend.

And as they were about to go to class, Dutchy's nose started bleeding, and Itey, being his best friend, walked with him to the bathroom instead. "You should see a doctor about this, Dutch," he noted.

So much for being on time.

--

Sean hated History.

Thus, he was taking the longest piss break he'd ever taken in his entire life. It consisted of having a smoke for fifteen minutes behind the bleachers, and then walking the long way back to class.

Steve Olsen, who had a spare during the same period, was walking _to_ the bleachers with some buddies, armed with a football. Sean, for once in his life, ignored someone and was actually pretty set on just walking by the fucker and saying nothing.

Steve _was_ a fucker though.

"Hey, _fag_," Steve snarled.

"Hey lover."

"I swear to god, I'll wipe that fucking smirk off your face..." Steve threatened.

Sean smirked. "Try it."

"Later." Steve turned away, his friends following him. "I'll fucking show you, Conlon," he added over his shoulder.

"You fucking _do_ that," Sean answered, as he wasn't one to let anyone else get the last word in.

He stalked back inside, annoyed. Something was up. Steve had walked by too easily... But still, he didn't think much of it. He'd already proved he could come out on top in a fight with Steve.

If only, he mused, he could get on top of Steve in other, more fun situations...

"Sean!"

Jesus, how a _girl's_ voice could turn him off so quickly.

Jess rushed over to him, looking slightly put out, a frown on her face. "Sean, Sean, I need to talk to you."

"'K." Sean continued walking, inside of the school. Jess jogged a little to keep up.

"Sean, can you please avoid Steve?"

"You tell him to avoid _me_."

"I don't want anyone getting hurt."

"Your boyfriend's a dick. Talk to him."

Jess frowned, hung her head a little. Sean hated how easily it was to deflate her little happy bubble. She was so easy to read.

"He's not so bad, _really_…"

"He's a dickhead and he's full of himself. I don't even _like_ you and I think you can do better."

"Sean, come on. I love him."

Sean snorted. "Yeah, well, bad call on your part."

"_Please_ try and avoid him, okay? It would... It would mean a lot to me."

She looked up at Sean through her thick lashes, eyes doing a perfect imitation of a puppydog asking for a pat. Sean wondered if she'd figured out yet that he was gay.

"I'll leave him alone if he leaves _me_ alone. But I sure as hell finish anything he starts. So you tell him to back the fuck off."

"I..." She sighed. "Oh, Sean. I'll _try_."

"Good."

"By the way, Sean, I--" But he turned on his heel and stalked away. Jess was probably making a sad face behind him. Which just pissed him off.

Steve was one hot asshole.

--

"Hey, asshole," Jack called after Sean from his locker, as Sean left his classroom. Sean gave him a sneer. "If you want a ride, meet by the van in the parking lot. I have to talk to my math teacher."

"Yeah, yeah," Sean muttered, and stalked off. Part of him wanted to walk, but he was tired, and he hadn't actually eaten in awhile. Denise had only forced a forkful or two of breakfast into him, and he hadn't eaten since.

He felt a little woozy.

He dragged his feet as he walked into the parking lot. For a change, Blink wasn't dogging his steps; Blink had seemed to pick up on his 'leave me alone' vibe and wasn't bothering him. Which was good, because he didn't want to be bothered, but it STILL irritated him that Blink could read his moods. Could see through him, sometimes.

He decided not to think about it. He stared down at the pavement as he walked towards Jack's van.

Until he saw Steve Olsen leaning against it. Smirking.

Sean was immediately on guard, because something was very wrong. Steve should have been in the gym or something, for practice; and anyway, why would Steve be near Jack's van? He clenched a fist. Maybe Steve _was_ going to attack him.

Yeah... He could use the chance to work out some anger.

"Hey, faggot," Steve sneered as Sean walked closer.

"Fuck off."

"Not _this_ time." Steve smirked. "This time, you're going _down_."

"If you wanted a blowjob from me so badly, all you had to do was ask," Sean shot back.

Steve didn't bother to respond verbally. He rushed forward and tackled Sean, and they tumbled to the pavement together, Steve on top, using Sean to break the fall.

And as Sean hit the asphalt, he glanced up, and saw the figures of four of Steve's friends crowding in around them. As he got an elbow into Steve's stomach and began to roll, he muttered, "I always _did_ figure you for the gangbang type."

"Fucking _faggot_!" Steve growled, and swung his arm back. Sean knew he was lucky that Steve was being so predictable, and he dodged the punch.

But then again, he was outnumbered.

"Look at him wuss out, like a chick!" one guy exclaimed, hoisting Sean up from the ground and pinning his arms behind his back just after he dodged another punch from Steve. "You gonna actually FIGHT or what?"

"Who's the one holding me back and fucking not actually DOING anything?" Sean said over his shoulder, before thrashing wildly, catching the boy on the jaw with his fist.

The boy stumbled back and Sean pulled himself free, got a swing at Steve and connected hard with Steve's jaw. Steve fell back and Sean turned to try and get a hit at the one who'd grabbed him, but as he turned someone else came up and socked him from behind. He fell forward a little and a shove from Steve sent him back on to the pavement.

He rolled over and looked up. "Fuck you, you fucking--"

Steve kicked him in the jaw and his head slammed into the ground. The world got a little swirly and he didn't remember much of the rest of the fight.

--

"Hurry up, will you?" Jack said to Dutchy, somewhat briskly. "Why the hell did you have to take so fucking long at your locker today?"

"How was _I_ supposed to know Jess and Sarah would walk to Jess's locker together?" Dutchy whined.

"They're both cheerleaders," Jack snapped.

"Yeah, but--"

"No buts! I fucking had to deal with Sarah whining at me in front of Jess--"

"Who was giving you some pretty scared looks, actually," Blink supplied thoughtfully. "You know, I thought she was gonna run away." Jack punched Blink roughly in the shoulder. "OW! Hey!" Blink punched him back. Because as much of a flamer as Blink was, he did not like being punched.

"Where the hell is Sean?" Jack griped, changing the subject. "I'm not waiting for him, he can fucking walk home."

"Does he have detention today or anything?" Dutchy asked, turning to Blink.

"I don't think so, he--oh, holy _shit_!"

Blink broke into a run and Jack and Dutchy stared to try and figure out why, and then saw, crumpled on the pavement by Jack's van, a figure skinny enough that it _had_ to be Sean.

Blink skidded to a halt and dropped into a crouch, shaking Sean slightly. "Sean? Sean, are you... are you conscious?"

"Fuck off..."

Blink let out a sigh of relief. He was conscious. Or else the phrase 'fuck off' had become instinct. But Sean's eyes opened, and Blink realized just how shitty he looked. He now knew exactly what the phrase 'beaten to a pulp' meant.

"Holy shit, Sean," Blink said, wincing. "What _happened_ to yo--"

"What the FUCK?!"

And Jack shoved Blink aside slightly and knelt down next to Sean. "What the hell, Sean, what happened to you?"

Sean made an odd face and looked away from Jack. "Fuck _off_."

"God, you got in a fight..." Jack trailed off, shaking his head, swearing under his breath. "Mom is gonna flip."

"Yeah, but not at you, so shut up!" Sean growled. Then winced. His lip was split and it obviously hurt to talk.

Dutchy and Blink watched, Dutchy looking horrified, Blink worried. Neither really knowing what to say to either Jack or Sean.

"This has nothing to do with Denise getting pissed at me," Jack snapped under his breath at Sean. "She'll be _worried_."

"Fuck off."

"She'll be worried about _you_, asshole."

"Fuck _off_."

"I can't fuck off, you'll bleed to death." Jack looked at Blink. "Come on, help me get him in the van--" Jack put a hand on Sean's arm to try and hoist him up, and Sean pulled away violently, rolling over on to his stomach and wincing terribly.

"Sean--"

"I don't need your fucking help, you dickweed." He pressed his palms on to the pavement and tried to push himself up, but one of his arms gave out and he tumbled back onto the asphalt.

"You can't stand up, come _on_, Blink, get his arm..."

Jack and Blink each took one of Sean's arms and pulled him up, but as Sean managed to get his balance on his feet he pulled away from Jack and nearly collapsed again, but Blink managed to hold him up. Sean didn't weigh very much, after all.

"Would you cut it out, Sean?" Blink asked, somewhat nicer sounding than Jack. "We're trying to help you."

"I don't need your fucking help," Sean snapped. But he sounded a little pathetic. He knew how obvious it was that he'd gotten the shit beat out of him. He knew he could barely stand.

"Shut up," Jack growled. "You're getting in my van and we're gonna clean you up and you're gonna _shut the fuck up up and let us."_

There was a very long glare exchanged between Jack and Sean, before Dutchy said, "Well...your face isn't so bad."

Everyone looked at Dutchy.

"What? I appreciate his girly face."

"Shut the fuck up, blondie." Some of Sean's venom was back, but he shifted some of his weight to Blink's shoulder while Jack unlocked the van, and between the two of them, they managed to haul Sean inside.

He collapsed into the seat and Jack pulled out, and then said, "Sean, talk. Who...?"

"Take a wild fucking guess."

"But you beat Steve last time you--" Dutchy started, but a glare from Sean shut him up.

"Steve and his groupies," Sean clarified. "Fuckers." He leaned back against the seat, shut his eyes, and Blink shook him. "What the hell--"

"Don't you fall asleep until we know you don't have a concussion."

"I don't have a fucking concussion, but if you _touch_ me again I'll give _you_ one."

"No offense, pretty boy," Jack said easily, "but your bark is a bit worse than your bite right now. So shut the hell up."

With that, Sean started hurling such terrible insults at Jack that even Dutchy and Blink looked slightly bothered by it.

And if Sean wasn't so badly hurt, it would have been funny.

Still though, Jack ignored the swears and just drove. He didn't say much on the drive back.

Jack didn't usually talk when he was worried. And ... He was worried. A little.

They pulled into the driveway and Jack pulled the door open. Dutchy slid out and then Blink, and Spot pushed himself off the seat and nearly toppled out of the van, but again, Blink caught him.

Jack shot Blink a kind of annoyed look. If Spot needed someone to hold him up, why the hell would he turn to Blink? When Jack was clearly far, far stronger when it came down to it.

Jack grumbled to himself.

He was _not_ jealous that Sean trusted Blink more. He didn't even _like_ Sean.

But Sean did let Blink help him inside and to the couch in the living room, where he collapsed immediately.

"Should I..." Jack hesitated. "Should I call Mom?"

"No."

"Sean, look at me."

"Fuck OFF, why the hell would I want to look at you?"

Jack clenched his fists. God damn it, he was _trying_. If Blink had asked Sean to...

No. He was not going there.

"Either you let us clean you up and send you to bed--"

"Send me to fucking _bed_?!"

"--and tell mom that you don't feel good, or I call her and you can deal with her on your own." Sean didn't reply. "Your face isn't so bad, you know. If you pretend you got the flu or something, she might not figure it out."

Sean still didn't say anything.

"Sean?" Dutchy finally said quietly.

"Someone get me a fucking ice pack and a damp towel."

Blink skipped out of the room to do it and Jack sat down on the couch, the opposite end from Sean.

"You want some Tylenol?"

"No."

"Don't you _hurt_?"

"Screw off."

"Sean, come on, take some--"

"I don't take pills."

"Sean--"

"I _don't_ fucking take _pills_."

Blink came back into the room and handed Sean the towel, and Sean began to clean off some of the blood. He did keep wincing as he dabbed at the cuts, though.

"You're missing spots," Jack mumbled.

"Shut up."

"You _are_, you're not doing yourself much good if you're dabbing at places that don't even need--fuck." And Jack lunged forward, grabbed the towel and pushed Sean's shoulder so Sean was pinned slightly against the couch.

"Get your fucking hand OFF--"

"Oh, shut UP."

"I _said_--"

"Shut up, Sean, okay?" Blink said calmly. "We're helping you."

Jack dabbed at Sean's lip with the cloth, and Sean glared murderously at Jack. "You're fucking lucky I don't feel like kicking your ass right now, Kelly."

"You mean I'm lucky you _can't_?"

"Get _off_ of me!"

"SHUT--"

"BOTH of you!" Dutchy suddenly snapped. "BOTH of you shut up! Jack, stop talking, Sean stop..." He sighed weakly. "Just let him clean you up, okay? You know you're a mess."

Blink actually smiled at Dutchy.

"Where'd that come from?" Blink asked.

Dutchy shrugged. "I'm not on drugs?" he suggested.

Blink laughed. "You're not high _that_ often."

Dutchy laughed a little, though it didn't sound happy.

Jack finished up cleaning off Sean and dropped the rag on his lap; Sean picked it up and threw it back at Jack, who sighed and handed it back to Blink and picked up the ice. "Here."

Sean pressed the ice to some of the bruises and shut his eyes. Blink poked his side.

"I don't have a fucking con--"

"No, I just wanted to do that while you're too weak to hit me back."

Sean was not, however, too weak to flip him off.

Jack looked at Sean, bit his lip, and then glanced at Blink and Dutchy. "Listen, uh... Not to be rude or anything, but I'm gonna have to ask you guys to head out. That okay?"

Blink pouted, but Dutchy nodded.

"Why?" Blink asked.

"Because," Jack said.

"Because WHY--"

Jack growled, grabbed Blink and Dutchy's arms and dragged them over to the door, mumbling under his breath, "Because he's freaking getting so fucking proud and it'll be a lot easier to deal with him if he's not showing off for three people."

Blink shot Jack a strange look. "Since when did you know Sean behavioral patterns?"

Jack opened his mouth to respond, but stopped.

When did he...?

But he shook his head. "I'll call you both later, okay?"

"We should hang out tonight, in the alley," Dutchy said. "I'll call Itey when he gets home and--"

"Yeah, yeah, let me know later." Jack opened the door.

Dutchy and Blink made their way out, grumbling slightly, and Jack went back to the couch. Sat down next to Sean, but not too close.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Why the fuck would I want to do that?"

"I dunno. Why..." Jack groped for words, but was finding it easier to talk to Sean that normal. Probably, he mused, Sean was too exhausted and beat up to be his usual, scathing self. "Why can't you and Steve leave each other alone?"

"Ask _him_, I didn't do a fucking thing."

"Sean, you always do something. You provoke people."

"Shut the _fuck_ up, Jack-off."

"Let me guess; your shrink says it's acting out for attention, right?"

"What the hell makes you think you can fucking--"

"That's what they told me, too." Jack kicked his feet up on the coffeetable. "Of course, I was ten, but--"

"You really think I care?"

"Nah," Jack answered. "What I'm saying is, you're not the only one. My Dad's in jail, too." There, he thought proudly. He was reaching out. _Sharing_. Davey would be so proud.

But Sean's gaze turned to ice and he said very softly, so quiet he was clearly boiling with internal rage, "Don't. Talk. About my dad.."

Jack turned to look at Sean, opened his mouth. But then he saw Sean's face, the...strange, vulnerable, furious expression.

And Jack didn't know quite what to do. Didn't know how to react. But he knew one thing; maybe Sean did have his reasons.

For the first time in his life, Jack figured he might have been wrong about something. Someone.

"Well..." Jack mumbled, raising his eyebrows. Shrugging his shoulders. "We... all got our stories, don't we?"

Sean, didn't say anything.

But he didn't tell Jack to fuck off either.


	8. Unlikely At Best

(Hey, remember that great plan I had, like, two years ago? Well, the best-laid plans of mice and men, etc. Have an update. -B)

**_Take Good Care of the Poor Boy_**

You know he's not the one for you  
But that's no fault of mine  
He knows that I'm a friend of yours  
But doesn't know I've crossed the line  
I know you've got a man in the picture  
But it hasn't stopped me yet  
We've all been in one situation or another  
We regret  
Now I'm the other man  
No one's rooting for me  
If I'm the other man  
Nature will abhor me  
-Sloan, _The Other Man_

**_Chapter Eight: Unlikely At Best_**

"I can't not invite Sarah, Jack."

"Why not?"

"Because the cheerleaders might get all mad and not come, and if the cheerleaders get all mad and don't come then Jess-"

"You're pathetic, Dutch," Jack said, leaning back into the sofa in Dutchy's living room. "I mean, she doesn't even know you exist."

"At least she doesn't think I'm a creep."

"Jess doesn't think I'm a creep."

"Sure she doesn't."

Jack punched Dutchy hard on the shoulder. "She _doesn't._"

"If you say so, Jack." Dutchy grinned.

"Yeah, well... at least she knows my name, Dennis."

"Bite me. Maybe I won't invite _you_."

"Uh huh."

"Bite me," Dutchy said again. "I'm inviting her."

"But she cheated on me!"

"Well, I won't invite Carl Lewis, how's that?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Dutchy, what makes you think people will even come to this party? It's not like you're exactly a social butterfly."

"'Social butterfly'?"

"Shut up! It's something Esther says."

Dutchy snickered. Jack punched him again. But finally Dutchy answered, "No parents, cheep booze, spare rooms for hook ups. What's not to want?"

Jack opened his mouth, and then shrugged. Dutchy had a very valid point. Besides, since when did people need to know the host of a party in order to show up?

"Then make sure I get at least three Smirnoffs to myself," Jack said. "So I can get so drunk I can't make out Sarah's face."

Dutchy laughed. "Just hook up with someone and get her out of your mind."

"Hooking up with Spotty sure didn't get Jess off of yours."

Dutchy made a face. "Spotty?"

"You saw what he did to your neck."

"And was I complaining?"

"EW," Jack declared. "Just... Ew, for Christ's sake..." He trailed off.

Dutchy smirked. "You want to know how he was in bed, don't you?"

"NO."

"He was fucking awesome, Jack."

"Stop talking."

"Seriously, it was the first time I'd ever-"

"SHUT IT, Mardoslavic," Jack growled. "I have to live with him, that's bad enough. I don't want to know about..." He shuddered.

"Maybe if you get drunk enough, you'll end up making out with HIM."

"I don't like boys."

Dutchy had done no more than open his mouth, not even a hint of a syllable escaping, before Jack punched him.

"David and I are not gay, god damn it!"

"Woaaah, I didn't even say anything," Dutchy said, grinning, holding up his hands defensively. "You must have David on the brain."

Jack growled. "I do not."

"You do so. Just admit it."

"Listen, HANS, if you don't fucking shut up, I'm gonna tell Jess about you and Spotty's little escapade."

Dutchy's face dropped. "You wouldn't."

"_Wouldn't_ I?"

Dutchy stared hard at Jack, before clearing his throat and saying, "How many Smirnoffs did you want? Three?"

Jack smirked and rested his head on the sofa's head rest. "Make it four."

"You suck, Jack." Dutchy kicked his feet up on the coffee table. "I've been sober for way too fucking long."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "I'm, like, ten minutes away from getting the shakes, here."

"Dutchy, man... You're smoking too much."

"I'm really not." Which was true, Dutchy thought. He didn't smoke as much as he used to. He just... did other things instead. "Anyway... You wanna?"

"Denise'll kill me."

"Aww, come on. I feel like such a loser, smoking up by myself... And you said Denise was working late tonight, so..."

Jack sighed. "Yeah, fuck it. Fine."

Dutchy smirked, feeling kind of relieved already. He hated that feeling, the waiting. Waiting until he could be through with the shaking and the sweating.

Which was normal, right?

* * *

Jess checked her reflection carefully in the pink mirror hanging in her locker. She took pride in her appearance, she couldn't lie about that. Steve was a whole lot nicer when she had some make-up on, a little cleavage showing. She uncomfortably crossed her arms. Still...she was a lot more at home in jeans and a baggy tee.

"Lookin' hot, babe!"

Someone slapped her ass. She squeaked and turned around quickly to see Steve behind her, smirking. He leaned in for a kiss, gave her ass a squeeze, and then pulled away.

"'Morning, Steve," she said, then frowned at him lightly. "Is that a bruise on your cheek?"

"It's no big deal."

"Steve-"

"I _said_, it's no big deal, Jess."

So she shrugged.

"I'll see you after lunch, babe," he added, gave her butt another pinch, which caused her to squeak again, and he sauntered off.

She sighed and turned back to her locker, then glanced down the hall to see Sean and Jack Kelly, and that kid with the locker next to hers, walking towards her.

Sean's face, though not terrible looking, was undoubtedly bruised, and it looked sort of like he was limping. And his arms had several purple, deep bruises all along the sides.

Jess made a confused face. Sean had been fighting again.

Then she blinked and turned her head to watch Steve walk away. And of course, put two and two together.

"Oh Steve, no..." she sighed, and turned back to Sean. She bit her lip as they walked closer, and Dennis stopped at his locker.

"H-hi Je-"

"Sean!" Jess shot by Dennis. "Oh God, are you okay? What happened?"

"Fuck you," he answered, and didn't break stride as he walked by.

"Wait!" She hurried after him, and caught his shoulder. But he shoved her off of him hard enough to hurt, and she sniffed quickly and tried to keep up with him. "Sean, wait, are you okay?"

"Why don't you ask your fucking boyfriend?" he snarled.

"Sean..."

He stopped walking abruptly and glared at her, and she shied away, pretty sure he was going to say something awful. But all he said was, "You're dating an asshole, princess. And so long as you're on speaking terms with him, you're sure as hell not with me, so fuck off."

He started walking again, and she just stared after him.

She hung her head then. She felt terrible, sure that she could have stopped it somehow. If she'd just tried, she'd have managed to make Steve listen to her, he'd _have_ to understand that she and Sean were only friends. Really, not even that.

But Jess watched Sean walk off and blushed a little.

"You okay?" Jack Kelly asked her. Jess winced a little and gave him a strange look.

"You should look out for him more, you know," Jess said, a little harshly. "He's your _brother_."

With that, she stalked off. Jack called, "No, he's _not!_" after her, but she didn't respond. All she could think about was Steve, and Sean, and how somehow, this had to be her fault.

Behind her, Dutchy caught up with Jack and sighed. "I'm going to do it. I'm going to invite her to my party, and then she'll have to know my name, right? Won't she?"

"Sure, Dutch. You keep telling yourself that."

He groaned. "I'm in love with her and she doesn't even know my name..."

"At least this way she can't break your heart. No one wants you to go through that again."

They started off to class. Dutchy looked very much like he was about to vomit as they walked down the hallway, closer to Jess. As he and Jack passed by, Dutchy seemed to lose his nerve and kept walking.

Jack, very irritated, grumpy, and over all perfectly unpleasant, proceeded to shove Dutchy, very hard, in Jess's direction. Dutchy went flying into the blond, causing her to drop all of her books and land on her ass.

Flashing a good portion of the hallway.

Jack, feeling much better now (nothing like a hardy shove to get the mood brightened), walked with a bit more of a skip in his step to English, his favorite class.

Dutchy stared horrified down at Jess's fallen figure.

"Oh my... Oh my god, I didn't... I... are you okay? I, uh, I... oh crap."

Jess was blushing bright red, but she began to gather up her books, and Dutchy leaned down to help her, blushing almost as hard, and then he unthinkingly reached out to help her up, and she took his hand.

He stared at her for a second, almost horrified. "Uh.. sorry... sorry..."

"It's... It's okay," she said. "Just... a little embarrassing... Was Jack Kelly staring at my panties?"

The thought of Jess talking about her panties, especially right after she touched his hand, left Dutchy sputtering.

"Well he...they were, your skirt...it flipped...Jack looks at...areyouinjured?"

Jess blinked. "I...no, I'm fine, it's...it's fine." She laughed a little and smoothed out her shirt, biting her lip. "Just one of those days, I guess."

"Yeah, yeah, panty-showing days."

Jess looked at him strangely. "Yeah...I guess."

Dutchy hated himself more than he ever thought humanly possible at that moment. A long silence passed between them, as Jess clutched her books to her chest. Dutchy couldn't help but think that he had touched her books. It made him feel even more flustered.

Jess sighed. "Well, I better g-"

"There's a party that people goes to you go to party yes?"

"...What?"

"Do you... go to... parties?"

"Sometimes?"

"It's... um... a party."

"Got that."

"Um... on Friday. Valentines."

"Okaaaay."

"If you wanted to go... uh... That would... uh..."

"Uh?"

"I..."

"Yeah?"

"My house?"

"Where?"

"Um?"

"Um?"

"I... live in a house."

She sighed. "Look, I have to go to class. I'll... see you or something." He watched her leave, but she stopped and looked back. "Hey, you know Sean, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Will he be there?"

"Yeah?"

"...Cool."

She kind of smiled, as if everything he said wasn't so bad now that she knew that _Sean_ was going to be at his party, and she walked away. Also with a bit more of a skip in her stride. But a composed one. As composed as Jess could manage after flashing the hallway.

Dutchy, meanwhile, wished he was dead.

He always wondered if he was a freak. Like, legally, a freak.

* * *

Itey nervously rubbed his hands together as practice slowly came to an end. They were taking turns on lay up shots, and Steve was clearly too pissed off to see straight. He was sending the ball 'all over the freaking gym,' coach said, and if he 'didn't start shooting straight he'd be on the bench for the rest of time.'

Steve shot pretty well after that, but that didn't stop him from bitching about Sean. "That fucking faggot," Steve spat under his breath as he dribbled angrily, waiting for his turn at the net. "Fucking..."

"Hey, man," Roger Miller said behind him. "You got him good, okay? He looks like shit. You should lay off awhile. Don't wanna get suspended."

Itey clenched a fist, waiting for his turn.

"I won't get suspended," Steve answered. "Then need me as a starter, and anyway, no one cares what happens to that asshole. It's not like he has any friends except that other fag, and even Kelly doesn't _like_ him."

"Yeah," Roger agreed. "I guess you're right. I'd feel bad for him except he's such a dick."

"I don't. I'd kick his ass again. Totally will if he ever looks at Jess again, too."

"'Cause a gay guy is _really_ going to want your girlfriend?" Itey murmured under his breath, and Steve glared at him for a second but didn't say anything.

"Yeah, you better watch out for Jess," Roger said, but grinning in a way that made it obvious _he'd_ make a play for her, if Steve wasn't watching. "She's totally going behind your back, man. She gets around."

Steve glared. "Only since that asshole showed up."

"He's _gay,_" Itey said a bit louder this time. "He's not gonna touch your _girlfriend_."

Steve did not ignore Itey this time.

"You got something you wanna say to me, runt, or are you gonna shut up and mind your own goddamned business?"

Itey stared back at him.

Then, ashamed, hung his head, and minded his own goddamned business.

Steve nodded and he and Roger slapped hands in a very irritating, 'I sure told HIM!' manner, and Itey wondered why he'd bothered defending Sean, anyway. It wasn't as though Sean would have wanted him to.

* * *

Jess just shook her head and tried not to cry. "I don't understand, Steve! I... I just... I'm sorry, I know you really hate him, but you nearly put him in the hospital!"

"So?"

"So..." She looked away. "I just don't see why."

"He had it coming." Steve crossed his arms and leaned on the row of lockers, boredly. "Anyways, babe, it doesn't matter. He won't bother you any more."

"He never bothered me, he and I were working together. It was assigned."

"Yeah, well, it's_ not_ anymore."

"I know."

"So I don't want you around him anymore."

"Steve, I-"

"I said, I don't want you around him anymore."

Jess bit her lip, looked down at her cute little shoes that were coordinated so nicely with her skirt. Suddenly, things like that were starting to matter less and less, with Steve. It's not like he looked at her shoes anyway.

"Steve, you can't just beat someone up because they make you angry."

"Hey," Steve snapped. "He had it-look at me when I'm talking, Jess!"

Jess snapped her head up. "Right, sorry, I-"

"He had it coming, you know he did. With an attitude like that, I'm surprised no one else beat his faggot ass long ago."

"Steve-"

"Goes to show..." Steve trailed off, grinning lustily and lazily at Jess's figure, her legs. Not her shoes, no, just right back up to the breasts. "That my girl's so hot even the fags want her."

He leaned forward, put his hand at the small of her back.

Jess made a face. "He's not gay. Don't call him that."

"He _is_," Steve insisted. "He fucking said so and anyway, look at who he's _friends_ with. I bet he and Ballatt do each other up the ass every night."

"But it still isn't right to-"

"Hey, babe, I was doing it for _you_," Steve snapped. "I was doing it because that cocksucker thinks he can just walk in here and talk to you like you didn't even have a boyfriend."

"But-"

"And it got him off your back, right?"

She sighed, defeated. "Yeah. It did." Because it was now Thursday afternoon, and Sean hadn't said a word to her since.

"Good. Then it was worth it." He kissed her, and it was almost tender. "So anyway, there's a party at Manny's house tomorrow. You're coming, right? Valentines, babe."

"I... Uh..." She shifted her weight between her feet. She'd been waiting for Steve to ask her to do something on Valentines Day, but she'd expected it to be something romantic or at least sweet. Not to beat up some skinny kid, and assume she wanted to go to some party.

"Jess, come on."

"Actually, I can't, I... I have to babysit, I already promised I would. Sorry, Steve."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

She was kind of relieved to see him blow her off when she said that, because it meant he didn't realize it was a lie. She wouldn't be at Manny's party, she'd be elsewhere, trying to make things right with Sean.

If that was even possible.

* * *

"God," Jack said, glancing around the party, eyeing the girls lustily. "I'm too horny tonight."

"You sound like Dutchy," Itey said, making a disgusted face.

"Thanks a ton," Dutchy said.

"No, serious..." Jack took a sip of his beer. "We got any hot tail tonight, Dutch?...what?" Jack glanced at David, who was giving him a very odd look indeed. "What, are you okay?"

"Yes, fine." David nodded. "Where's Sean? Wasn't he with us a moment ago? And Blink?"

"Sean walked off looking sickened, and Blink followed him," Dutchy said. "Jack, let's go scope and see if we can find any hot girls with self-esteem problems."

Jack gave a toast to that, while Itey looked disgusted once more. "That's really not funny," David sighed.

The two of them walked off, and David glanced at Itey, and Itey glanced at David, and they rolled their eyes in unison. "You know, I never know what to do when he says bullshit like that..." David groaned.

Itey shrugged. "I try to ignore it."

"Does that work?"

"Not really."

"Why do we hang out with them when they're like this?"

"I don't know. They aren't _bad_ guys, just..."

"Horny idiots." There was a knock on the door, and since David was the closest one to it, he opened it.

Jessica stood on the other side.

David glanced at Itey, and raised an eyebrow.

"Dutchy's gonna be a sad drunk tonight, I'm thinking."

* * *

"You know WHAT, Sean?"

"What?"

"IT'S my BIRTHDAY..." Blink let out a loud burp. "My BIRTHDAY, on Valentines Day. It's as if GOD MADE ME...to be a single, gay, LOSER."

"And flamer."

"AND FLAMER." Blink looked over at Sean on the couch, and leaned close to him. "If you weren't so skinny, and if I wasn't a flamer, would you think I was cute?"

"No, you fucking idiot!" Sean shoved him.

"Yeah...I wouldn't think you were cute either."

"SHUT UP."

Blink sniffed pathetically and Spot chugged until he finished his beer and then picked up the one Blink had abandoned. Blink had pre-partied, and was already pretty gone; he wouldn't miss it.

"It's bad. It's BAD. I'm never gonna meet ANYONE. I'm gonna die ALONE and PATHETIC because I'm never gonna meet a nice gay man... Is it so much to want a sweet boy? Just someone SWEET."

"Shut. The fuck. Up. Fairy."

"I don't know ONE sweet gay man. I know... I know YOU."

"I'm not fucking sweet."

"I know! I know YOU and I know DUTCHY and he's... he's... he's DUTCHY. I'd never do anything with him."

Spot shrugged and began to drink Blink's beer. Dutchy hadn't been so bad in bed. And he was _horny_. "It's not that hard to find a fuck, Blinken."

"I DON'T WANNA FUCK, I WANT LOVE."

"Would you keep your fucking voice down!"

Blink slumped further into the couch. "...it's because I have one eye, isn't it?"

"Oh, _fuck me_."

"That's it, it's because I have one eye, it-"

"Believe me, if someone wants you, that's not the one-eyed monster they're concerned about."

Blink blinked and stared at Sean. "...I don't get it."

"Too bad, it was fucking hilarious." Sean chugged the remainder of his beer. Searched around for another. "God, you're killing my buzz. Fuck off, will you?"

"What, I'm cramping your style? Because of my ONE EYE-"

"Fuck. Off."

Blink sniffled. "Fine. Fine. It's my BIRTHDAY, no reason I'd expect you to be nice or anything. On my BIRTHDAY."

Sean rolled his eyes. "Get away from me."

"Fine!" Blink was, clearly, pouting now. "I'm gonna go talk to DUTCHY because he's NICE and he'll smoke with me to celebrate my BIRTHDAY. Not that you care."

"The pouty princess thing is why you can't meet a man, you pansy." Spot glowered at Blink, and Blink gave him a hurt, drunk expression and fled.

Spot was in a bad mood, he was only half-drunk, and he was horny. This party sucked.

* * *

She felt kind of weird, standing in the smoke-filled room (the house _reeked_ of pot), in her pretty light blue cardigan and light pink skirt, with the matching blue shoes. She must have looked weird, too. Not even weird, ridiculous. Everyone else here was... Loadies, and long-haired musician types. And she was a _cheerleader_.

Why did she even come?

"Holy shit, Jessica? You're kidding me."

Jess glanced over her shoulder to see Jack Kelly and D...Den...No, Daniel, standing in a door frame leading into some unknown room, maybe the kitchen.

"Hi," she said, kind of friendly. Kind of wary.

"What the fuck are you doing at this asshole's party?" Jack slurred, stumbling over to her. The blond followed. What was his name again...?

"Uh...D...he...I was invited by uh." Jess looked at the blonde. "You!"

"Dutchy..."

"Dutchy." Jess nodded. "Dutchy invited me."

"But why did you _come_? I bet you got invited to Manny's party, that's where all the other cheerleaders are..." Jack leered at her. "Unless you decided you wanted REAL company tonight. A REAL man."

"Jack!" Dutchy yelped. "Leave her alone..."

Jack snerked. "Good luck, Mardos... Mardasla... fuck me if I can say your name drunk."

"I can't even say my name when I'm drunk." Dutchy giggled. He actually _giggled_. "Jack, good _night_."

Jack made that snerk noise again and left, and then Dutchy stood there, kind of shyly and drunkenly, and she waited for him to say something, and he didn't.

Jess sighed. It was more creepy than sweet. She didn't even know this guy and he acted as if he knew her so well.

"So, uh..." Jess glanced around. "Is...is Sean here?"

Dutchy's face fell a little. "Um...I think...around. I think he's around."

She looked at him. "Okay...so uh...you having a good night?"

"Yesyouhow?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay."

Jess scowled, annoyed. She knew she was being rude, but she was pretty embarrassed about being here at all. And she couldn't even see Sean...

"Youlookpretty."

"Hm?" She glanced at Dutchy. She hadn't been listening.

"Nothing..."

There was an awkward silence.

"So uh...are your parents away for the weekend?" she asked.

"Uh... yeah... uh... Mom's, uh, in Texas I think."

"You don't know?"

"Not... not really... She's not here, though."

"Oh. What about your dad?" It was all she could do to be polite.

"Uh... what dad?" He laughed a little, forced, and sounding slightly manic, and she couldn't decide if she felt bad or startled or freaked out or what.

So she just asked, "Uh, is there something to drink?"

"Yeah! I'll go get you-"

"Just show me, okay?" she sighed, exasperated.

His face fell, and she felt a little bad, but _still_. "Yeah..." He led her through the room and over to the kitchen, and the fridge contained almost exclusively alcohol. She picked out a girly drink for herself, hesitated, and then grabbed one of the bottles of beer.

"So... uh... you maybe sometime think-"

"I'm gonna go find Sean. Thanks for inviting me, Dutchy." She threw him a fake smile and slipped out of the room.

What the hell kind of a name was Dutchy, anyway, she wondered.

She clutched the drinks close to her chest as she wormed her way through the crowd and coughed a little at the smoke. Wrinkled her nose. As she descended the stairs, there was one boy, getting a blowjob from a platinum blond on the step below him. Right there on the stairs, in front of everyone.

And further down, a group of kids huddled in a circle taking shots, which wasn't so bad, Jess figured, she'd done that before, but still...

Why was she here? Did she really want to see Sean that badly?

Then she raised her head, looked to the back of the basement, and there, sitting on the ugly, orange couch, was Sean. Observing the party, his neck raised, his perfect mouth set in a sneer.

Jess stared at him for a moment, and felt herself blush.

She picked her way around and through the crowd, and finally approached the couch. "Uh... Sean?"

He looked up, saw her, and rolled his eyes.

She held out the beer, and he considered, and accepted it. She felt a little relieved and sat down next to him. "So... uh... Good party," she said.

"See that?" He pointed at the stairs, and she blushed. "That's why I only like guys. That chick's got no fucking clue how to give head."

"I... I..." She shrugged. "I guess. I, uh..." She opened her drink and was relieved to start swallowing. It was cool and hit her quickly; she hadn't had much to eat that day.

"You got to have a cock to know how to handle one."

"I suppose."

"Yeah? What, you think _you're_ good at head?"

She blushed a furious red.

Sean took a sip of his beer. "Didn't think so."

Jess wanted to protest, but she felt stupid for being offended that Sean didn't think she was good at giving head.

She...was, Steve always seemed...

"Ugh, disgusting," Jess said primly, taking a sip of her beer.

"Yeah, we get it," Sean snorted. "You're a princess and the rest of us are peasants. Your _majesty_."

"I didn't mean..."

Sean was done with his beer. "We need more of these."

Jess glanced behind the couch. "There's more back there."

Sean did a double take behind the couch. "What...how the fuck did you know?"

"Steve always puts a stash behind the couch in case he's too drunk and he's passed out on one."

Sean snorted. "Steve and Dutchy have something in common. Who'd have fucking thought?"

She giggled. "I... I wouldn't have."

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't think about Dutchy at all."

"And you do?" she asked back.

Spot raised an eyebrow. "Nice one, blondie. You should just relieve him of his horny misery. Worked for me."

"Yeah?" she asked. "I... so... you're gay?"

"How did you not figure _that_ one out?" He rolled his eyes and reached back to get another drink. "And you're on the fucking honor roll and I'm not. Public schools at work."

"You just don't _seem_ gay." Jess finished with her drink and, feeling a little light headed and weirdly rebellious around Sean, reached back for her own beer as well.

"What with all my comments about getting head from guys, yeah, don't seem gay at all."

Jess took a sip of her beer. "Well you...you're not like that boy with the eyepatch."

"His name's Bl-_Ryan._"

"Well, you don't seem like _Ryan._"

"I'm a fag, not a fairy."

"I thought... I thought that was an insult."

He stared at her, and then shook his head. "It is, you fucking princess. So's that."

"I know, Sean. Just because I'm... I don't swear every other word doesn't make me a princess."

"No, but the blonde hair and the cheerleading and the money and the asshole boyfriend do."

"I... You..." She made a disgusted noise. "You only see what you want to see."

"Yeah?" he snapped back. "You want to fucking tell me about your problems, Jess? Let's compare and see if you have any right to complain."

"I have plenty of problems!"

"That you have the cash and the opportunities to deal with. The rest of us have to fucking muddle through the mud and hope we catch on to something that'll get us out." Sean could feel himself starting to get drunk at this point. Jess was still pretty sober. And she did feel like a princess. Sober. Prim.

She bit her lip, not being able to argue with him.

Bit her lip, reached behind the couch, and grabbed another beer.

* * *

"Your muscles are _big_... you work out?"

"Yeah... a bit."

"This is sickening..." David muttered, giving an annoyed look to Jack and the girl he'd found in the back of the living room.

Itey gave David a sympathetic look. "Dutchy and Blink out back smoking pot up to their gills, or Jack in here being a dick; pick one."

David glanced at Itey. "What have you got to be grumpy about?"

"I bet you're a model or something," Jack said loudly to the girl. She giggled.

"Right, that." David sighed. "I'm getting a headache."

"Is there somewhere we can _go_?" the girl drawled. "A _bedroom_?"

"Yeaaaah, we can go, uh..." He gave a look to David and said, probably thinking it was subtle. "Talk about stuff."

She giggled. "Yeahhh... Talk."

He took her arm and they sauntered off towards Dutchy's room

David groaned. "I don't know what's worse, that or when he's dating Sarah."

"What about that and when it pisses Sarah off?" Itey asked back, pointing to where Sarah was standing, fuming, in the back of the room.

"Oh, just kill me now. Nothing could make this worse."

The phone rang, and a minute later someone yelled, "HEY, is Dave Jacobs here? Some guy named Michael is on the phone and he says it's an emergency!"

David looked at Itey. "I hate everything." Itey gave a sympathetic nod, and David sighed. "Bye, Itey."

"Bye, David."

David hoisted himself off of the couch and shuffled off to the phone.

Itey, in the meantime, sat alone on the couch, and sighed. "This party really sucks," he muttered.

At that point, a teenager Itey didn't even know tumbled over at his feet and hurled on his shoes.

"Yeah, realllyyyy sucks."

* * *

"I don't know what your problem is!" Jess slurred. "I mean, things can't be THAT bad, Sean! They _can't!_"

"You wouldn't fucking know and you sure as hell don't care."

"I do care. I do care!" she yelled back, her voice louder now that she was drunk. "You just won't... You don't... You're on the _raft,_" she declared.

"I'm _what?_"

"You. You're, you're alone on a raft and you haven't met someone who you'll let on to your raft yet."

Spot stared at her for a second. "What the hell am I, Huck Finn?"

"Yes. Yes, you are exactly!" she squealed. "You _are_. You, you, you had a bad... a bad childhood, right? And, and you got away from it, you ran, and you're still running but you haven't met Jim yet. Someone who cares and who you care about and-"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Ah! I'm right! Ooop." She almost fell off the couch, but adjusted herself sloppily back into her seat on the couch. She wasn't aware that her skirt was well out of place and the entire room could see her little white panties.

Sean made a face. Why the hell couldn't there be a hot, drunk _guy_ flashing people instead?

"But, you wont LET them care! Jusssst like Huck! He wouldn't _either_."

"That's not fucking true. Huck Finn didn't need anyone."

"Yes, he did! He was just too scared to let Jim CARE for him! Like you. You're too _scared_." Jess pouted, leaned closer to Sean and patted/punched his arm. "I care about you, even though I _shouldn't_."

Spot pulled away from her. "You don't care and you _shouldn't_ care so back off."

"I do care! I shouldn't because you're a jerk and you hate me and god knows Steve hates _you_, and I'm, I'm betraying him just by caring about you, but I do."

"You shouldn't."

"But I do. I'm here, aren't I?"

"Do yourself a favor and go fuck Dutchy and get away from me." He flailed with one hand, the one that held the beer bottle. "Get away from me. I'm bad news. I'm fucking _bad news._"

Jess giggled. "Naaaaah, you're not."

Sean couldn't help but feel a little annoyed that she disregarded his bad news-ness. "Says you, Princess."

"Steve's more bad news than you!" she piped. "Steve's the one who beat you up so bad."

"I beat him up first."

"Yeah but... but..." Jess finished off her beer, and tried to get another but she was wobbling so much by this point that she had no depth perception. "S'different. Different..." She gave Sean an admiring, puppy-dog look. "Steve is gonna be soooo mad at me..."

Sean watched her, musing at how pathetic she was starting to get. "Why?"

"He's jealous." Then she giggled. "Jealous of Huck Finn."

"You shouldn't give a fuck what he thinks."

"I do."

"Why?" He slammed the empty bottle down. "Why the fuck do you care? Why does anyone care? He's hot and fucking rich and a fucking jock but he's an asshole and a bigot and he doesn't give a shit about anyone else."

"Sean, come on... he's not so bad."

"Yes. He is." Spot leaned towards her, glowering. "To tell you the fucking truth, Jessica, I think you're pathetic and spineless and I honestly don't give a shit what happens to you, but even I think he's fucking bad for you."

"Sean..." She giggled. "You were just accidentally _nice_ to me!"

He snorted disdainfully. "Fucking idiot."

"I'm not-"

"_He_ is."

"What..." Jess made a face. "You're confusing me."

"FUCK Steve! Fuck him! You shouldn't give a shit what he thinks, and you should do whatever the hell you want!"

Jess raised her eyebrows, confused, worried, inching back.

And all Sean could think about was that fucking perfect face of Steve's. That fucking perfect face. He was a prick and a bastard and look at what he'd done to this girl, who, by the sound of it, had actually been smart before he'd got to her.

Steve.

The _prick_... Damn him for being hot, and for...

Sean snarled. He hated that guy. Really hated him. And there was Jess, drunk out of her mind, _Huckleberry Finn_-reading Jess.

And without knowing what he was doing, really, Sean leaned towards her, grabbed her wrist hard, and hovered his mouth close to hers for a few seconds.

"What're you..." she mumbled.

But he cut her off and kissed her, hard, on the mouth, and made sure to shut his eyes tight and think about boys and penises.

She let out a light moan and he felt her breath on his lips and he jerked away, but then he thought of Steve, Steve's gorgeous face and his gorgeous ass, and the way he treated Jess, the way he treated everyone, and he closed his lips over hers and pushed his tongue into her mouth.

And she let him.

He moved his hands downwards on her body, picturing Steve and Steve's chest, his fabulous pecs instead of her soft curves. She wrapped her arms around him, and he imagined Steve's perfectly sculpted arms instead of hers, and he was glad he'd had so many bottles of beer.

"Sean... We..."

"Don't _talk_."

She didn't.

As long as he didn't hear her voice, it'd be fine.

* * *

"The stash isssss downstairs, man, okay?" Dutchy said to Blink, who was heading over to the stairs. "Behind the couch. The orange couch... mm.., oranges."

"Okay!" Blink called, and lazily, stumbled his way down the steps. He and Dutchy had finished the blunt about ten minutes ago, and now were in dire need of some booze. But it was starting to look as if the well was pretty much dry for the night.

That was, until Dutchy suggested his stash, which he was pretty sure no one would know about. But knowing Dutchy, it probably wasn't that great of a hiding place.

He stepped into the basement, looked to the orange couch, and...

And stared. Jessica and Sean were... Oh, fuck.

"Blink, man, what did you... what did you stop for? I'm... I gotta... I'm _thirsty_, c'mon..."

"Dutch, let's go upstairs, I wanna be sober for my birthday."

Dutchy laughed. "You're hilarious, Blink, c'mon, we..."

He pushed past Blink and stared.

And stared.

Blink grabbed his arm. "C'mon, buddy, let's go to my house, I got pot."

Dutchy shook his head. "I'm going up to my room. I've got something better."

"Dutchy..."

Dutchy just shook his head. "Don't tell me not to fucking do it, Blink. I've got shit in my room. You want in?"

Blink shook his head no.

Dutchy shrugged. "Your loss."

Blink watched him go, and finally said to himself, "He took that better than I thought."

Blink glanced over his shoulder at the couch again, made a face, and outright shuddered.

_Sick_.

Meanwhile, in the other ends of the house, Jack was obliviously getting head, and Itey was swearing furiously in the backyard while trying to get some of the vomit off of his shoe.


	9. Round the Bend

**_Take Good Care of the Poor Boy_**

Are you watching me?  
Are you watching,  
are you?  
Are you watching?  
Or just waiting to see  
That your days are numbered?  
'Cause my days are numbered too  
Are we cool now?  
Are we cool now?  
Are we cool now?  
Are we cool?  
-Dan Mangen, _The Indie Queens Are Waiting_

**_Chapter Nine: Round the Bend_**

Jess's eyelids fluttered open, and she was cold and her head hurt. The sudden memory came back to her and she gasped and checked her watch. It was three in the morning.

Another shock hit her. Her _pill_. They hadn't... She shuddered. She couldn't believe she'd done it at all, but she'd figured she was on birth control, so why not? She was right near the end of her cycle, she'd be fine, just... She had to get home to take her pill.

Jess glanced around, and saw the room was nearly deserted. Some kid had passed out on the foot of the stairs, but that was it. She sucked in a deep breath and started picking up her clothing, getting dressed.

Sean was gone. She wasn't surprised.

She dressed and walked up the stairs. The house was dark and deserted too, except in the front room. Dutchy was leaning back on a couch, looking a little dazed.

He sat up straight when she walked into the room.

"I..." she said, feeling so guilty, feeling like she needed to explain.

He shrugged. "He's like that. You have hickies."

Her hand went to her neck, as if she'd be able to feel the marks. "I can't believe I..."

He rummaged around on the couch for a second, and finally picked up a bottle of Tylenol. "Goodnight, Jessica," he said, as he handed it to her.

She looked back at him, but couldn't say anything. And for the first time since Jess had noticed Dutchy, he wasn't tongue tied, and he wasn't trying to impress her. Not right now.

They were on exactly the same level this morning.

"...I should go," she said. Dutchy shrugged, looked away from her. "Thanks again for inviting me to the party, Dutchy."

It wasn't until after Jess was gone that Dutchy called out, "You're welcome!"

* * *

Jack awoke with a slight headache, but none worse for wear. His hangovers were never too bad, and by the end of the night, he'd been having sex, not drinking, so he figured he must have sobered up at one point during the night with...

He glanced at the figure sleeping next to him. Mandy. She was lying face up with the sheets at her waist, bare breasted all the way.

Then immediately, he thought of David, who he was supposed to have given a ride home.

Had David slept over? No, Mrs. Jacobs would never allow that, not at a party. So how did Davey get home? Had he walked in the middle of the night? It was only a couple of blocks, but...

He glanced out the window and saw it was morning. Not _so_ early, even. He looked at Mandy, shrugged, and got out of bed. She stirred.

"'Morning."

"Hey." She sat up. "Did we...?"

"Uh... yeah."

"Damn." She rolled her eyes. "Sarah's never going to forgive me."

Jack snorted.

"She wants you back, you know." She giggled slightly. "I think I understand why now."

"Yeah, I'm amazing. She's a whore and she shouldn't have cheated on me."

"She's not a _whore_, and you should talk to her."

"Not going to happen. I'm gone. See you Monday." Jack stopped, and kind of shifted his weight. He turned back to her. "Uh..."

Mandy snorted. "You're not breaking my heart, believe me, last night was one thing. Sex. That's it."

Jack scratched his head. "Okay. Uh. Okay, thanks."

She shrugged awkwardly. "Welcome."

He walked out of the room and saw the place was pretty well trashed. Not shocking. Dutchy was asleep on the front couch, and Jack decided it was easiest to just leave him there. He let himself out and started down the block towards home.

He paused at David's house. Both of the Jacobs family's cars were there, so David must have gotten home. He knocked and let himself in without waiting for an answer, and sure enough, David was sitting in the living room with a big bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee.

"Uh... Morning," Jack said.

"Nah." David yawned. "Haven't been to sleep yet."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, figured I'd wait for you to drop by and make sure you weren't dead. Aaaand I just got home."

"Oooh, yeah?" Jack forced a smile, but somehow the thought of David being out all night didn't sit right. "You get picked up by a hot chick or something?"

"Don't I _wish._"

Jack's face dropped, a little. "You _do?_"

David gave Jack an exasperated look that Jack didn't quite understand. "Jack, I had a rough night, okay?"

"Is it my fault?"

David raised his eyebrows, took a mouthful of cereal. Chewed, swallowed, and said, "Why would it be your fault?"

Jack mused that only David could talk with his mouth full and not dribble food or anything.

"I dunno... 'Cause I got laid?"

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Nothing, nothing..." Jack trailed off, and he walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge. "So why was the night so bad, Davey?"

"Mush crisis."

"Again?"

"Again."

Jack took out the milk carton, flipped it open and took a chug. "What about?"

"Same old." David wrinkled his nose at Jack. "Jack, _really_, other people drink from that."

"I'll finish it."

"Jack!"

"What?"

"Never mind." David groaned. "My friend Tony got laid last night, too."

"Yeah?"

"Well, no. But he did get drunk and screw around with this... _girl_."

"So?"

"So for one thing, he hates her; everyone hates her. _I_ hate her."

"Harsh."

"Yeah. Two, Mush is in love with Tony." David's disgust was quite obvious. "So not only did Tony have to call Mush for a ride home, because he was way too messed up to drive, but he told Mush what he'd done and Mush called _me_ over to throw his drama queen fit."

"And?"

"And between getting Tony sobered up and Mush calmed down, I got home... oh, half an hour ago." David groaned. "I hate them, I really do."

"You should come back to our school, then."

"I don't _actually_ hate them, Jack."

Jack shrugged.

"I mean, they're my best friends, but-"

"I thought _I_ was your best friend."

David slowly glanced up at Jack, confused. "Why are you so prickly?"

"I'm not prickly."

"Yes, you are."

"I am not."

"Yes you-"

"Anyway," Jack said huffily. "Yeah, I got laid last night, so I barely got any sleep, 'cause I got laid, so I'm gonna go home and get some sleep. Since I didn't get any. Sleep that is. I did get some. Just not sleep."

David stared.

"So bye, Davey."

"...Bye."

"Get some sleep."

"I will."

And Jack took the milk carton out after ruffling David's hair and leaving the kitchen.

David, in the meantime, wondered if it was just him, or was Jack trying to make him _jealous_?

He was too tired to think about that one, though, considering he almost fell asleep with his face in the cereal.

* * *

Sean felt sick, and it wasn't from the beer. He wasn't hung over. Or at least, not very. But he still felt kind of like he was going to puke anyway.

It was because of Jess, he knew. That was the only reason.

Which was a stupid reason, because it wasn't like he _cared_ about Jess. But he kept thinking about her and what they'd done...

They hadn't used a condom. He tried to shake the thought out of his head, but couldn't. They hadn't, and she could be pregnant, and then her life would be ruined and so would his. Well, it was already, but it would get even worse. But what the hell could he do?

He had her number. Should he call and ask? Or just drop by her locker Monday morning and hand her the morning after pill?

Yet another reason why he only fucked boys. Except he didn't, because he'd fucked _Jessica_ and he had no idea why.

He wished he had someone to talk to, but when the door opened and Jack came dancing in, that thought vanished immediately. Sean narrowed his eyes at Jack. Jack growled at him, and then walked by him to the fridge.

"You need aspirin or something?" Jack mumbled.

"No. Yes."

"Which is it, yes or-"

"YES, damn it."

Jack rolled his eyes and dug through his pocket, brought out a case of pills, and chucked it over to Sean.

Sean caught it, and raised his eyebrow. "Why the fuck was this in your-"

"I had a long night."

Sean snorted. "Yeah, right."

Jack turned to look at him, a carton of milk in his hand. "What does that mean?"

"You probably brought whatever the fuck happened to you on yourself."

"And you didn't?"

Sean didn't say anything. He just stared down at the aspirin in his hand, and then shrugged and tossed the case back to Jack. "I don't take any fucking pills."

Jack looked confused. "You said you wante-"

"I thought things sucked enough to make an exception. But I guess not."

Jack looked a little taken aback. "Uh... Are you o-"

"Go the fuck away, Jack-off." But it was Sean who stomped out of the room and up to his own, and slammed the door. He began to curse under his breath, and dug around in his bookbag for the notebook he didn't bother using for class, but sometimes stuck handouts in. It was in there, right?

Right.

Jessica's elaborate handwriting, just as perfect as her life was. Her phone number, since she said he could call her any time...

She wouldn't get pregnant, would she? He shuddered at the thought. But she and Steve must have had sex a lot; she had to be on the pill, or _something_, didn't she? But maybe they had always used a condom or something. And he hadn't.

He felt disgusting, and dropped the notebook on his bed, and went to go shower, half-shoving a confused looking Jack out of his way as he stormed down the hall.

* * *

"You wanna go get a burger?"

"No."

"You wanna go see a movie?"

"No."

"You wanna go to the drugstore? I can buy you some dirty magazines."

"..."

"Yeesss?"

"No."

Itey sighed, and sank into the couch. Once Dutchy was _this_ down, there was no point in trying to bring him back up. He was depressed beyond words, that was for sure.

Itey looked at him. "Guess you like her more than I thought you did."

Dutchy shot a glare at him. "_Yeah_."

Itey sighed, and leaned towards Dutchy. "Come on, Dutch, it's not the end of the world. Jess was confused and probably feeling like...trash, because you see how Steve treats her. She needed to be with someone else. So she chose Sean 'cause he's a slut!"

Dutchy stared incredulously at Itey.

"That didn't help, did it?"

Dutchy sighed. "Fuck it, I'm gonna get stoned."

"Dutch, you only just -"

"Look, you can either smoke up with me or leave me alone, okay?"

"I'm not going to leave you here just pitying yourself-"

"Gabe, come on. I'm in love with her and she'd rather sleep with fucking _Sean_ than talk to me."

"I know it feels really rotten, but you have to keep in mind that-"

"Keep in mind _what?_ I'm a fucking loser. It doesn't even matter. Girls like her don't have any reason to look at guys like me."

"That's _not_ true, and you know it. If she doesn't know what she's missing, then-"

"Then she's better off. I'd just screw her up, too."

"No you...Wouuulddn't."

Dutchy glared somewhat fondly at Itey. "You're a bad liar."

"I just want you to feel better without feeding your sick sex obsession, or letting you get stoned, _again_. Aren't you out of pot anyway?"

"No," Dutchy said quickly. "No, no. Jack gave me his stash."

"Jack is quitting?"

Dutchy shrugged. He looked at Itey and shrugged again, then again. He seemed pretty screwed up over Jess, and Itey sighed.

"Dutchy, come on. Let's go out."

"No, no. Go have a good time by yourself, I'm gonna stay here."

"I don't know how to have a good time by myself," Itey mumbled. "Oh, no, wait! There's a special on the science fiction channel on space tunnels."

Dutchy stared at him.

"David got me into that stuff."

"You're tripping me out and I'm not even stoned yet."

And finally, as a last ditch effort, Itey said, "Tell you what. Porn."

"What?"

"Let's watch porn."

"Itey, man, I know you're worried about me, but-"

"Gay porn."

"You're kidding. You don't want to-"

"Take it or leave it, Dutch."

Dutchy groaned. "I guess. Fine."

Itey made a face. "You better remember you owe me."

* * *

Things were silent in the Kelly household. Sean didn't leave his room except to go to the bathroom and get water; he didn't even eat. Denise brought him a slice of pizza, but he said he was sick to his stomach and the smell made him want to puke. And he was giving off serious 'leave me alone' vibes, so Denise didn't press it.

Jack was just as happy to ignore him, and eat his portion of the pizza. Still, though, he was curious. Not so curious he'd want to ask Sean what had happened, but he got the feeling it was something pretty big.

"Soooo," Denise sat down across from Jack, eating her own slice of pizza, wearing her housecoat and slippers. "So, Sarah called more than five times this morning."

Jack groaned and let his head fall to the surface of the table.

"I assume things didn't go smoothly last night."

"No, they did. That's just the problem."

"Ah." Denise nodded. "Well, then, consider this subject closed. So what's wrong with Mr. Happy Cheerful Boy?"

Jack looked back up at his mother. "I don't know, Sean doesn't confide in me."

"He doesn't?"

"No. You know we hate each other. What gave you the idea he even talked in me?"

Denise shrugged and took another bite of pizza. "I don't know, there hasn't been as much arguing, and he certainly doesn't glare you down as much as he used to."

Jack blinked. "He doesn't?"

"Not that I saw." Jack was silent. "But I could be wrong."

Jack shrugged. "Ask Blink, if you see him. He talks to Blink."

* * *

Sean stared out the window, his notebook still opened to the page with Jessica's number. But he was staring out the window, at the sidewalk. It was so _tempting_.

Blink lived right down the road. He could go talk to...

No. No way in hell was he going to go talk to Blink. He didn't talk to _anyone_. He'd been handling problems on his own since he could walk and talk, and it wasn't like this was the first time he'd been in trouble. Just... this _kind_ of trouble.

The kind of trouble that meant he wasn't just an unhappy asshole, he was a bona fide, life-ruining scumbag.

Sean shuddered and sank down on his bed, closing his eyes. He hadn't eaten in well over twenty-four hours, and he was cold. It happened when he didn't eat. But it kind of felt right, being cold and hungry.

It felt like home.

He growled into his pillow. He hated it, hated how he had to go back to feeling like shit to be content. When things weren't complete shit, he always felt as if something was waiting to attack him, hurt him. It was just how his life worked.

Still, though. If Jess was pregnant with his kid, he sure as fuck didn't think it'd stay a secret for too long. People would figure it out sooner or later. And if his child was anything like _him_, it'd come out of the womb glaring, and chop the umbilical cord it_self_.

Its first words would probably be, "Fuck you."

Sean grimaced.

He stared at the phone. His head hurt, he was cold, and he was totally alone with all of this stewing inside of him. He really had to vomit.

Swearing mentally, he stormed out of his room to the bathroom, pulled up the toilet seat and retched up bile. There was nothing else in his stomach. And he heard the rushing footsteps, and refused to look up at the door.

"Sean, are you-"

He finished heaving and flushed the toilet, pushed past Denise and stormed towards the door. He didn't have a coat on, and it was starting to snow outside.

"Sean, where are you-"

"Ryan's."

He didn't look back and he tried not to think as he just kept pushing forward until he was at Blink's house, and began to pound on the door. Blink's father answered it. "Who are-"

"Is Ryan here?"

He nodded and stood aside to let Sean in, yelling for Blink, who appeared, eating a piece of cold, leftover pizza. "What's up? Oh. Uh."

Sean stared at him.

"C'mon, let's go hang out in my room."

Blink settled onto his bed, and bounced on it a bit before settling. "Siddown."

Sean sneered. "Not with you bouncing like that, you horny fag."

Blink laughed a little, his eyes widening. "Whewww, okay! I get it, you're in a bad mood.

Sean didn't reply. Blink stopped laughing. Oh. He was in a _very_ bad mood.

"Sooo..." Sean sat on the floor and Blink cleared his throat. "What's the deal, Sean?"

"Nothing."

"Are you... okay? Nah, I guess not. But, uh... you come here to talk."

Sean shot him a glare.

"Guess not. Okay... um... Can I help you?"

Sean stared out the window.

"Is something wrong?"

Silence.

"Um... Okay... Huh. Sean, I really want to help you, I do. But you need to give me something to go on."

Silence.

"Or I could just wait. And be quiet."

Silence. Blink fidgeted, Sean stared out the window. Blink tapped his fingers, and Spot glared. Blink stopped, and Sean looked at the floor.

Finally, Sean said, "How do you know when to panic?"

"Depends on why you're panicking. You want to fill me in on-"

"No."

"Okay, well... Is it important?"

"I guess."

"Can you fix it?"

"I don't know."

"Uh..."

More silence, and Blink stared down at his hands while Sean stared at the wall.

"Well, I'm sure it'll be okay."

Sean snorted, then looked back out the window.

"...Well, I don't know what's going on!"

Sean kept staring.

"Sean... Come on." Sean didn't say a word. "Well... I'm gonna stick around. Okay? I'll just... wait until you... want to talk."

Sean didn't say anything, but he didn't leave either. Blink kind of took it as a compliment. In fact, he was so flattered he could hardly believe it.

Did this mean they were friends?

* * *

Monday morning, Jessica stared at herself in the mirror. She couldn't bring herself to pick up her brush, or start applying make up. She just stared and sighed. What was she gonna do? She felt like shit, everything hurt, her pride and her ego were mortally wounded, and worse, she liked Sean even more now than she had before.

Which made her feel like a bad person. She was sure everyone would be glaring at her. Sure everyone would know.

She made a face in the mirror, and then peered closer at her reflection.

"Oh, shit," she said. "Ughh..."

A huge zit. Right on her forehead. And there was another under her nose. She sighed, and went into the washroom, slowly, miserably. She needed some oxy.

"Honey!" her mother called. "Honey, you want eggs?"

"I'm not hungry!" Jessica snapped back. Then she felt guilty for yelling at her mother. "I'm not hungry, Mom, thanks!" Why did she feel so shitty? Guilt? Unrequited affection? What?

At least she felt sure she wasn't pregnant. She hadn't missed a pill all month until that party, and it had been her last one before sugar pills. She already had wicked PMS.

The zits were bad, but the red and purple blotches on her neck... There was no question what they were. And she hadn't seen Steve all weekend, and everyone would know they weren't from him.

She just couldn't believe she'd slept with Sean. She hadn't meant to. She liked him, yes, but she had a boyfriend and he was good to her.

Even if Sean didn't think so.

But what did Sean know, anyway? He hated Steve just as blindly as Steve hated him, and... Steve...

Steve would never forgive her, and why should he? She'd cheated on him. And he'd never done that, and never would; no matter how much they fought sometimes, or no matter how upset he made her, he'd never cheat on her. But now she'd slept with someone else, and not just anyone, but Steve's worst enemy.

Everyone would know, too.

She felt herself sniffle. Somehow, 'at least I'm not pregnant' didn't really make her feel that much better. Not when she had to admit that she did really like Sean, a _lot_, and not when she felt like such a miserable, stupid slut for sleeping with him and cheating on Steve.

All she could do was wear a turtleneck and go to school with her head held high. And tell her friends she was studying on Friday night. They all thought she was a closet nerd anyway.

Besides, two girls had called her to tell her that Jack Kelly had slept with Mandy Towning. So hopefully, that gossip would stick around until the hickeys were gone.

And how she felt? She'd hide that.

She usually did that so well that barely knew what she felt herself. Right now, she just felt like garbage.

The ride to school felt longer than usual, but she tried to use it to gain her composure and make herself look cheerful. That, at least, she had practice at. She was a cheerleader, after all.

She got to school a few minutes early, which was a relief; she could stop at her locker quickly and rush to homeroom before any of the crowds got there. Certainly before Steve, who was usually a minute or two late, and maybe she could hide from him for a period or two...

She stopped at her locker to drop off her coat and grab her books, hating the itchiness of her turtleneck, and she heard the giggly voices of Tammy and Alyssa, and tried not to groan.

"Oh my GOD, Jess! You missed the best gossip on Friday-"

"I can't believe it, Scott and Jenna finally hooked up, and-"

"Not to mention Jack and Mandy at that weird kid's house, god. Who the hell even went to that party, anyway?"

Jess didn't look up.

"I hear that fucked up kid was there, too, but he-"

"Oh my _god_, shut up, here he comes!"

Jess slammed her locker shut and turned around, and there was Sean.

She stared at him and he stared back, and she wanted to talk to him in private, ask him not to tell anyone. But how could she even ask with her friends right there? Then he turned his glare to the two of them and said, voice very low, "_What_ did you just call me?"

Tammy gasped and Alyssa turned pale and stuttered, "N-nothing." They both took off. When they were alone, Sean looked at Jess.

"You'd better not be fucking pregnant."

And that was all he said.

* * *

Steve was just staring at her and not saying a word. He had never done that before.

They were standing outside the school's back doors, where kids usually went to smoke pot or cigarettes. Everything smelled like smoke and grass.

Jess timidly looked up at Steve. He glared and she bit her lip. Sean hadn't told, she was sure of that, but they'd done it righ ton a couch and someone had seen. And now... "Would you say something, Steven?"

"Don't call me Steven."

"You have to-"

"You know how I found out? I caught Alan writing it on the bathroom wall."

Jess looked horrified. "On the bathroom wall? Wait, Alan is my _friend._"

"No, he's not, he just wants to fuck you."

Jess looked down at her fancy pink boots. "But we always studied together and had such a fun time-"

"So, what, are you fucking him too?"

"No, Steve, I-"

"Forget it. Fuck this."

"Steve, wait-"

"Wait for what, Jessica? You know, I actually believed you when you said you didn't sleep around on me, I did. I know all the guys just want to get in your pants but I didn't think you actually let them. But this is..." He made a disgusted noise and started to walk away, but she grabbed his shoulder.

"Please, listen to me, _please,_" she begged.

"Why? What could you possibly say that-"

"I love you, Steve."

He snorted. "Sure."

"You have to understand, I'm so sorry. I know I was wrong, and I don't deserve..." She felt herself sniffle and tried to keep talking. "I was so wrong, and I know it, and I'm sorry. I never... I'll never do it again."

"I can't just forgive this, Jess. You slept with..." He shuddered. "I thought he was a fag."

"So did I." She crossed her arms over her stomach, feeling like she was going to puke. "I don't even know why he-"

"He's such a... he doesn't deserve you. I'm not just gonna give you up for him."

Jess looked up at Steve. She wasn't sure if she should smile or cry more or yell or run away. She didn't know _how_ to react. And she couldn't go with her gut. She'd done that once, and... well, look where it got her.

She still couldn't stop another tear rolling pathetically down her cheek, feeling like a little kid.

"Steve, it'll never happen again." She looked up at him and bit her lip. "And Sean was the _only_ one. The only one, Steve, I..." She stepped towards him a little timidly, and then wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest. He was so much taller than she was..."I'm sorry..." And she started to cry again.

She felt Steve let out a long breath.

"I know you are, Jessie," he said slowly, wrapping his arms around her shoulder, and he leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I... It hurts. A lot. But I don't want to be without you, either."

They stood there like that for a long time, her crying on his chest while he just held her. It wasn't good, but in some ways, it was the closest they'd felt in a long time.

* * *

"Let's go to Denny's!" Dutchy exclaimed.

"You're stoned," Blink laughed. "When did you do this, during lunch? You have to stop."

"If you want him to _stop_, then don't laugh," Itey said, smushed in between Blink and Dutchy. "Jack, I don't wanna go to Denny's," he called to Jack in the drivers seat.

"You sound like a little girl when you whine," Jack shot back. "We have to go pick up Davey. We'll ask what he wants to do."

"Gayyyyy."

"You wish, Dutchy."

Sean sat silently in the back of the van, staring out the back window at the driver behind them. He made the finger at a soccer mom driving her son.

There was a long, almost awkward pause. "His school is pretty ridiculous," Itey finally said. "I mean... It looks like a church."

"It's a Catholic school," Jack answered.

"Still, though."

More silence, then, "I need a giaaaaaant omlette."

"Shut up, blondie," Sean snapped.

"_You_ shut up, Spotty."

"Excuse me?"

"Spotty. Like..." Dutchy laughed. "Like the hickies. Jess's neck is-"

"Shut. The fuck. Up."

"I just mean that-"

"Dutch," Jack snapped. "Come on, I don't want a fistfight in my van."

Dutchy slumped in his seat, sulking; Sean made a guttural, growl-like noise. Jack rolled his eyes.

"This blows," Sean snapped. "I want to go home."

"Stop complaining," Blink grinned. "...Spot."

"Shut. Up."

"See this place, Spot?" Itey said off-handedly as they pulled into the parking lot in front of David's school. "A big church. No wonder David is so nice."

"Don't call me Spot-"

"Davey isn't nice because of God, and he's Jewish, so it doesn't-"

"I never said that, just-"

"Davey is nice because he's perfect."

"Holy fag, Batman."

"Shut up, Spot."

"Do _not_ call me that."

David was waiting for them, wearing a huge winter coat, ear muffs, a wool hat, mittens, and boots. His arms were full of books, and his book bag was slung over his shoulder.

Jack smiled at David. "I'm gonna get out and help him with his stuff," Jack informed his passengers, and he slipped out of the car. Everyone was too in awe of all the BMWs and Mercedes in the parking lot to even make jokes about it.

Sean finally just snorted, which pretty much summed up how everyone felt about the place. But Jack opened the back of the van and David piled all of his stuff next to Sean, looking apologetic, and Sean glared at him. David took the shotgun seat, but didn't immediately start chatting with Jack, and that seemed a little suspicious.

The ride stayed quiet. Sean was just as glad, since that meant no one was calling him Spot.

Finally, Jack commented, "So, uh... How was your day?"

David shrugged.

"Uh... Yeah. So Sean slept with-"

"Shut the _fuck_ up."

"-Jess."

"Lovely," David snapped.

"Davey, what's wrong?"

"_Nothing_," David snarled.

"Davey, come on..."

"Jack, shut _up_."

"Oooh, I bet Davey doesn't put out tonight."

"Dutchy!" they yelled in unison, and Dutchy laughed for the first time in three and a half days.

"Dutchy, shut up," Itey hissed.

"Mommy, Daddy..." Blink whimpered, not hearing Itey. "Are you getting a divorce?"

Jack glared menacingly from the front seat.

"Just shush, okay?" Itey asked. Blink was about to interrupt when David cut him off.

"Yelling at your friends!" he said. "There's another way Jack deals with his emotions. Screaming. Wow."

Jack stopped abruptly at the red light, and everyone jerked forward and made "UGH!" noises, but Jack went on. "Okay, if you want me to shut up you can't say things like that." Then Jack looked worried. "Davey, what did I do?"

"You know what you did."

"I _don't!_"

"Why don't you ask _Sarah?_"

Jack looked confused. "Wha... Look, what happened with me and Sarah doesn't concern you."

"She's my SISTER!"

"Yeah, but you're my best friend!"

"You screwed over my sister!"

"Your sister cheated on me-"

"She apologized!"

"She slept with someone else!"

"Look, I can't just turn my back on my own sister, and I know you're pissed off but did you _really_ have to sleep with Mandy?"

"Mandy had nothing to do with me and Sarah-"

"Yes, she did, and you know she did!"

"David, this is none of your business, so just shut up."

"Fine. I will."

"Good."

"_Good._"

The air was thick with tension. No one said anything, not even Sean. It seemed like they were bursting in on a moment that none of them even wanted to know about, let alone see.

"God, you don't get mad when your sister fucks over your _best friend-_"

"That's different!"

"How?"

"If you have to ask, then you just don't get it!"

"I'm not smart, you know that!"

"You're not _stupid_, stop it!" David stared out the window. "_Mandy_. We don't go to the same school and-and I know how easy she is."

"You don't know a THING about her and-"

"And I know you and I bet anything you didn't remember her name until someone said it at school."

"You _asshole_!"

"Am I wrong?"

"Where do you get off judging-"

"Am. I. Wrong?"

Jack didn't say anything and David snorted and there was silence. Finally, Blink dug into his school bag and pulled out a CD and passed it up to David; David slipped it on and the music helped a tiny bit.

"What is this shit?"

"Shut up, Spot."

"Stop fucking calling me that."

"It's Sloan. You wouldn't know who they are."

"Obviously. I like music that's actually g-"

Blink, Dutchy and Itey all turned around to glare at him. "Shove it," Blink finally said. "...Spot."

"If you call me that one more time-"

"SSSH SHH sshshhh." Itey raised his heads. "Best drumming _ever_, just _listen_ to fucking..."

"Itey only swears when he listens to Sloan."

"Andrew. Is. God."

"Dutchy creams himself when he... No, Dutchy creams himself anyway."

"Blink." David turned to Blink. "Stop explaining things."

"I'm sorry."

No one talked for a minute, and Spot closed his eyes and actually listened to the music. He didn't say anything, and didn't react, and didn't smile. But he listened.

At the next song, Blink began to sing along, and Sean didn't react. He didn't do anything at all, until he noticed that Dutchy was playing air guitar. At which point he snickered and kicked the back of Dutchy's seat. Dutchy glanced behind him, flipped him off, and went back to it. But on the other hand, it was pretty clear that Dutchy actually knew what he was doing when he played air guitar. So Sean just smirked and didn't say anything, and the rest of the ride home was just air guitar and singing.

* * *

"Yay. A garage to hang out in. You guys are too fucking cool."

"Hey, Spot, you can leave if you want."

"_Stop_."

"Hey, shhhh shhh shut up," Dutchy said, still stoned, but a serious look on his face as he peered out the window. "Oh, fuck."

"Hey..." Jack trailed off. "That's _Bruce_."

Everyone suddenly crammed to Dutchy's side of the van to look out the window, except for Spot. "What's he doing here?" Blink demanded. "Here, let me out... How did he get in?"

"You don't even lock the _bathroom_ door," Itey said.

"Neither do I," Jack put in.

David made a face at Jack. Jack made one right back.

"Oh Godddd," Dutchy groaned. "I need to be high right nowwwww."

Itey whapped him on the shoulder. Dutchy didn't look too apologetic.

"Okay, well, I'll get rid of him." Blink sighed and walked into the garage, and everyone else shuffled in after him in a crowd.

Bruce was tall, with dark hair and thick eyebrows, but he was actually pretty hot. Kind of old to have dated a high schooler, but not so old it was _creepy._ Sean raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He wanted to see how things went first.

"Hey," Blink said.

"Hey." Bruce straightened up. "I was just picking up my stuff." He laughed weakly. "Good thing you never clean the place, huh?"

No one laughed, and Sean noticed that Dutchy was half-hiding behind Itey and Jack. Which was odd, because he was taller than either one.

Blink cleared his throat. "Well. If you just, uh, grab your stuff and go, that won't be so-"

"Is that the new drummer?" he asked, pointing at Sean.

Everyone was quiet a moment, and then Sean snorted. "_Fuck_ no."

Bruce looked a little taken aback, and then smiled kind of charmingly. "I'm Bruce."

"Okay, uh." Blink clapped his hands. "Bruce, you got everything?"

"I actually think I left some movies in your living room, I can't find them anywhere."

Blink looked guiltily down at the floor. Bruce _had_ left them in the living room, and Blink was a terrible liar so it didn't look like he'd get to keep them after all. "Yeah, you did..."

"Great, so uh... Can we go grab those? I kind of like them." He turned to look at Sean. "So, you're new."

"Yeah."

"Let's get the movies!" Blink pumped his fist in the air after seeing the look starting to appear on Dutchy's face. "Whooo, come on Bruce, you better show me where they were."

"Yeah, okay."

Dutchy slipped down onto the couch and looked like he wanted to die. Spot looked over at the drum set, and then at Itey and Jack and David, and back at Dutchy. And Dutchy, who was so skinny and so pale and always so depressed... Spot sat on the other end of the couch.

Bruce and Blink reappeared, with a few old VHS tapes in hand. "So, uh... Yeah. Good to see you guys, I guess." No one answered him. He picked up his bag and dropped the tapes in, and straightened up. "So, uh... Bye. Uh..." He threw an odd look at Dutchy and Sean on the couch, and smirked. "So what, you actually managed to find someone pathetic enough to go out with you?"

Sean could feel Dutchy starting to shift to look further down at the floor and mumble even as the movement started, but Sean cut him off, sliding effortlessly down the couch to lean against Dutchy and put an arm around him.

"Jealous? " he said, raising an eyebrow. "Weren't you _leaving?_"

There was a long, awkward silence after this comment. Dutchy refrained from staring in awe at Sean, because... well, suddenly it seemed as if Sean Conlon had been replaced by a pod person. Because what other explanation could there be?

Bruce reacted a little differently than Sean thought he would, though. He expected Bruce to leave, embarrassed and sheepish. That was kind of the type of guy he came across as.

But no, Bruce suddenly looked pissed as hell.

"What the fuck, Dutchy?" Bruce said to Dutchy. "We're broken up what, a _month_?"

"Longer, you asshole!" Dutchy snapped back, immediately. "And what do you care?"

"I _don't_. I'm actually just in _shock_ that you were able to find somebody else."

Dutchy and Bruce stared each other down. Dutchy was obviously still buzzed, or he would have had more of a response by now.

Bruce glowered and Dutchy groped for Sean's hand, desperate, and Sean let him take it and they both glared back.

"Fuck you, man!" Bruce yelled. "Fuck all of you, and your shitty ass band. You're never going to get out of this fucking garage!"

"Why don't you leave? Now?" Sean answered, his voice slightly dangerous.

Bruce snapped up his bag and it fell open; nothing fell out but he reached in for the first thing that came to hand-a pair of headphones-and almost unthinkingly hurtled them at Dutchy. "Fuck you, you fucking whore!"

He turned and stalked out of the garage, and everyone was silent until he was well out of sight. And what broke the silence was Sean, yanking his hand free and snapping, "Don't ever fucking touch me again, you whore."

Dutchy seemed unphased by Sean's words. "That was the...you were..." Dutchy broke out into a smile. "THANK YOU."

"Shut. Up."

"You saaaay shut up, but you still did something nice," Blink grinned. "Who woulda thunk?"

Sean didn't say anything. He leaned back in the couch and glared. There was a silence as Dutchy absolutely glowed, and Blink smirked at Sean, who refused to stop glaring at him.

Finally, David said, "That was nice of you, Sean-"

"Okay, he gets it," Jack said snappishly. "Subject change." Jack had done that less for Sean and more for a reason to snap again at David. All the same, Sean's pissed off expression faded a little and he went back to just being generally bitchy and unpleasant.

"Well, what do you guys wanna do?" Itey asked.

Blink ran his hands through his hair. "We could go in a watch a movie."

"Yeaaaah," Dutchy said, still in a good mood. "Something with boobs."

"No, thanks..." Blink trailed off.

"Whore," Sean snarled. He seemed determined to make sure Dutchy knew that he wasn't about to do anything nice for him ever again. Not that anyone really thought he would. Then again, they were all still wondering why Sean had done that for Dutchy in the first place. No one had the balls to ask.

But Blink did have the balls to needle. "You _say_ whore, but come onnn, Sean."

"Come on what?"

"Maybe Spotty has a _crush_."

Sean stared. "What. Did. You. Say?"

Dutchy fluttered his eyelashes. "Oh Rhett Butler, I do declare-"

"You better shut the fuck up, blondie."

"But you're my boyfriend."

"I said shut it, dickhead!"

"Aww, Dutch, go give your boyfriend a kiss to cheer him up," Blink said, and Dutchy made a kissy face at him.

"Jesus Christ, you people wonder why I never fucking do anything nice," Sean snapped and stood up, to stomp out of the garage.

"Hey!" Blink yelled after him. "Hey, we're just kidding!"

"Fuck you, Blinken!" Sean yelled and flipped him off as he walked away.

In the garage, everyone kind of stared at each other, then Jack stood up, too. "He's not supposed to be home alone," Jack said flatly. "And anyway, it's not like there's anyone _here_ I want to hang out with."

"Thanks a lot," Dutchy mumbled.

"He was talking to me," David said, as Jack stomped out of the garage.

"Lovers' spat?" Blink asked, smiling wide.

David blinked. "You know, sometimes I can see WHY Sean never does anything nice for us."

"Touchy," Dutchy said.

"He misses Jack," Blink told him.

"Aaawwww,"" Dutchy cooed.

"Aaawwww," Blink joined in.

David muttered under his breath and stormed inside of Blink's house, slamming the door behind him.

Blink shot a look around the garage. "People are so GRUMPY."

* * *

Jack caught up with Sean pretty quickly. Neither of them said anything as they walked beside the other, both glowering. Jack was still pissed off at David, and Sean was furious with himself for even bothering to do something nice for an idiot like Dutchy. He was getting too soft.

There was a slight rumbling sound, and Jack looked up at the sky. Dark clouds were starting to form, and he swore. "Snow. Maybe frozen rain."

"Of course there's fucking rain," Sean answered.

"Are we surprised?"

"No."

"Let's get inside before it comes down," Jack said, and fished for the key. As they stood on the stoop so he could unlock the door, Jack glanced slyly at Sean. "So I guess you have a heart after all, Grinch."

"Yeah, you can stop talking to me now," Sean answered.

"No, I didn't mean that. Just... Bruce is such a dickhead. You have no idea how badly he screwed Dutchy over. I was just happy to see your power of being an asshole turned against someone deserving, for a change."

"Deserving means...?"

"Not me or Mom." Jack opened the door. "See, people thought you were being nice. You were just being mean to the right person."

"Yeah, that's me. I'm like a vigilante."

"What are you, Batman?" Jack laughed and flopped on to the couch.

"Do I look like I'd wear tights?" Sean snapped.

"Hey, hey," Jack said seriously. "Batman is a fucking stud, watch what you say."

"Aren't you straight?" Sean retorted. "Ooohh. David."

Jack snorted. "Screw David."

Sean opened his mouth, but stopped any words from coming out. He had found himself almost asking Jack what had happened between him and David. Then Sean remembered that was a question someone who cared would ask, so he didn't. Still, Sean sat down next to him on the couch. Jack would probably volunteer the information anyway.

There was silence though, and Jack didn't say anything.

Sean made sure he was making absolutely no eye contact with Jack and muttered, "Trouble in paradise?"

He was sure Jack looked over at him, but he didn't bother him or make a joke. He just sighed and said, "I guess."

"So what did you do?" Sean asked.

"Why do you think it was me?"

Sean raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, I don't even know. Sarah cheated on me! And then he got all pissy when I slept with Mandy."

Sean shrugged. "So?"

"So what? You asked!"

"I mean... So you didn't do anything wrong, what do you care if he's mad?"

"He's my best friend! I don't want him mad at me," Jack said.

"You sound like a girl." Sean rolled his eyes. "You screwed someone, so what? At least you didn't cheat. You aren't dating any more. So what the hell does it matter?"

"It doesn't," Jack grumbled. "I guess it's easy to not care what someone thinks when you don't have any friends."

"Fuck you, Jack-off. You're acting like a pussy, freaking out about some stupid thing with a _girl_ and a _friend_ and you're the one who's upset, not me. At least I don't need someone to tell me I've been a good puppy and give me a treat to feel good."

"Yeah, instead you never feel good."

"Fuck you! You don't know a thing about me."

"I live with you, asshole! I know more than you think."

"Like what?" Sean snorted.

Jack shook his head. "I know you don't hate me when no one else is around."

"That's-"

"I know that if you didn't care about _anything_ you wouldn't be sitting here."

"Well, I know _you_ are the most insecure fucking person in this fucking city."

Jack turned red and slouched. "So what if I am?"

Sean made a face and didn't reply. He matched Jack's slouch, and they both sat there moping on the couch. No one even made a move to turn on the television, they just stayed there, looking like pre-teens. Jack was in such a furious mood that the corners of his mouth were starting to hurt from frowning so much. But he had to admit, Sean was right. He didn't have a reason to be upset. He hadn't done anything wrong.

Somehow he didn't care. He didn't care that he hadn't done anything. He just wanted David to forgive him. Even if there was nothing to forgive.

Maybe he was insecure. So what?

Sean suddenly muttered, "You fucking don't have anything to get insecure about. You've got this mom that totally spoils you-"

"She doesn't spoil me!" Jack half-laughed, half-scoffed.

"You have two fucking siblings fighting over who gets to fuck you-"

Jack turned red. "DAVID AND I AREN'T-"

"Fuck...name one thing you should be insecure about..." Sean trailed off, glowering.

Jack stared at Sean a second, and said, "Aren't you the one who likes talking shit about everything I do wrong? Aren't those my reasons to be insecure? You sure switch your opinions fast."

"Shut the fuck up, I'm just..."

"Just what?"

"Nothing." Sean kicked the coffee table and it skidded away from the couch. "Asshole," he muttered.

Jack cocked his head. "You know, I'm not," he said. "You're right, I'm awesome."

"Shut the fuck up."

"You said something nice and you can't stand it," Jack said with a smirk. "And now you're stuck knowing that _I_ know that you think I'm an okay guy."

"Yeah, if by 'okay guy' you mean 'big pussy'."

"Yeah, but I'm a big pussy you totally were nice to. That's two nice things in a row! Gee, _Spot_, I don't know what to think of you anymore."

"How about you stop thinking and stop _talking_?"

"You can be as mean as you want, because I know you secretly think I'm great. Oops, guess that's not a secret anymore."

Sean made a noise of disgust. "Again: this is why I don't bother with being nice. People take it too personally."

"Maybe if you were nicer in general, it wouldn't be such a big deal when you do things like that."

"Maybe you should stop pretending to be a shrink. Christ, I hate shrinks."

Jack nodded. "I'd have to agree."

"What do you know?"

Jack let out a bark-like laugh. "Ooohh, I've been to my share." He shook his head. "During my bratty hooligan phase."

"Still a brat."

Jack ignored him. "One guy said I'd go like...he said I'd look for someone to make me happy my whole life, and I'd never find them, and I knew that, so that's why I was so angry and had to hurt people that were happy."

Sean made a confused face. "That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard."

Jack chuckled. "I know..." He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "All shrinks are the same...they try and tell you all sorts of things to make you think you're like, okay, and then when they can't, they start giving you these 'you're an asshole' conclusions."

"Maybe you just _are_ an asshole," Sean suggested.

"I'll bet shrinks tell you that you are," Jack said.

"Nope."

"What? Of course they do!"

"...Nope."

"So what the hell do they say?" Jack demanded.

"That I don't have to tell stupid assholes what I discuss in private sessions?" Sean snapped.

"Fine," Jack sulked.

Sean sighed. "They tell me the reason I 'act out' is I'm seeking to create a controllable environment for myself."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I know life sucks so I make it suck on my own terms."

"Well, that's cheerful." Jack rolled his eyes. "It doesn't suck, you know."

"Jackass, if you go Mary Sunshine on me, I will kick you in the nuts so hard you'll be singing soprano."

"Nah, seriously, I used to think life sucked, but now..." He grinned a little, more to himself. "Now I have Mom and...I dunno, school's going kind of good and it looks like I may have _some_ kind of future." He scratched the back of his head. "Before I was just some jerk kid."

"Yeah? Well, I don't have a mom, or good grades, which leads to no future," Sean barked. "So it looks like I don't have a future like you do."

Jack gave him a funny look. "You have a future, man."

"What the fuck are you _talking_ about?"

"You're here," Jack said, shrugging. "That's a start, I guess."

"I'm so reassured."

"I'm not _trying_ to assure you," Jack said. "Just telling you what I think."

"And you think because I'm in this house, sitting here next to you, listening to you bitch and whine, is an indication I have a future?"

Jack shrugged. "I dunno. You're not stupid."

"Lots of smart people don't have futures."

"Fine, fine," Jack rolled his eyes. "You don't have a future, life is a bottomless pit, and you're going to wind up alone and anorexic and stalked by Dutchy."

Sean tried to hold it back but he smirked a little. "That fucking blond..."

"He's a weirdo, yeah," Jack laughed. "He's not so bad. He's my friend."

"You don't have friends."

"Oh riiight, right," Jack joked. "I forgot." There was a pause, and Jack's joking tone quickly vanished. "...I do so have friends."

"Whatever."

"Don't you 'whatever' me. I do, I'm good friends with David and Blink and Dutchy and Itey. And I'm friends with a bunch of guys at school. I have friends... _You_ don't."

"I don't want friends."

"Then why do you care if I have any or not?" Jack demanded.

"Fuck you-"

"No, serious. I introduced you to my friends and they're good guys and you know they are or you wouldn't have beaten up Steve for Blink-"

"I _didn't_-"

"Or done that for Dutchy-"

"What the hell do you care if-"

"Or any of the other weird shit you do!" Jack yelled triumphantly. "You like them and you really can't stand that I used to be fucked up, just like you, and now I have friends and a mom and all that! You just don't want to admit that you _want_ that and if you're afraid you won't ever have it so you act like you-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Sean yelled, and stood up. "Just shut. The fuck. Up. You don't know a goddamn thing about what I want or who I am, so stop pretending you do and stay the hell out of my life!"

He stormed out of the room, leaving Jack behind, looking a little dazed.


	10. Off the Deep End

**_Take Good Care of the Poor Boy_**

Oh I don't know what you've been told  
But I don't get out much these days

Waking young and feeling old  
The days are no longer my own,  
To piss away the waking hours

But don't, don't don't, don't let them go  
oh don't, don't don't, don't let them go to waste

robots need love too  
they want to be loved by you

-Dan Mangen, Robots

**_Chapter Ten: Off the Deep End_**

Jack sat on the stoop. It was an invitation to make up. David lived three houses down, and if he went out at all, he'd see Jack sitting there. Not doing anything. Just sitting.

Jack wasn't sure it was going to work this time, though. He'd been outside for almost an hour, and it was _cold_. He exhaled on his hands, trying to warm them, and it didn't work. He groaned.

The door opened behind him. "Jack-off?"

"Shawna," Jack replied, not looking around.

"You look cold."

"Shut up."

"Okay. Never mind."

"Okay." He paused. "Never mind what?" he asked, when the door didn't shut again.

"Your boyfriend is on the phone. He said something about you talking to him instead of freezing your ass off, but whatever. I'll tell him it's not important."

Jack turned around, strode past him, and into the house. He'd picked up the phone and opened his mouth before realizing Sean was still standing in the doorway. "One second, Davey," he said quickly. "Spot, shut the door! It's cold—"

The door shut, and Sean was on the other side. He'd left. He shrugged. "David, what's up?"

"Is Sean okay?"

"Yeah, he's been weird since yesterday. We talked or something. I don't know. Uh, how are you?"

"Did you sit out on your porch for an hour? I think Sarah was spying on you."

"Great, she's stalking me, awesome. Yeah…"

"There's this magic new thing we like to call a telephone. Or you could have just walked over, you know. It's not that far."

"Close enough for stalking."

"Yeah… so…" David trailed off. "You want to talk or something?"

"No, I was waiting out on the porch because I love slowly losing feeling in my limbs."

David laughed. "You're such a moron."

"You, too! You could have come over or something."

"You didn't _invite_ me over."

"You know I meant it."

"Yeah… look, Sarah's being a real pain in the ass to live with since you slept with Mandy. It put me in a really bad mood"

"Oh," Jack said.

"Yeah...probably shouldn't have done that," David said.

"Sarah's cheated on _me_ enough times."

"Yeah, but..." David sighed. "Jack, its one thing to sleep with my sister. It's another thing to have sex with a random, totally promiscuous-"

"You can say 'slut'."

"I'm not like you."

"Yeah, you're gay."

"So are you," Spot piped up from the doorway, his cheeks a little pink from the cold. He'd slipped back inside without Jack hearing him.

"Shouldn't you be smoking?" Jack muttered. That was why Sean usually stood out on the porch in the cold.

"Only got one left. Saving it." Sean slumped into a seat at the table, picked up and began flipping through a _PCGamer_ magazine that Jack had left lying around. He made a face. "Do you actually read this shit, Jackass? Are you more than a jackass? You're also a geek?" Spot grinned.

"Fuck you, Sean."

"Seems like David and Mandy already got that covered."

Jack grumbled and turned away from Sean. "Sean's driving me nuts."

"You sounded like you were kind of enjoying yourself," David said, sounding amused.

"Yeah...well he isn't so bad."

"Yes, I am," Sean said. Jack ignored him.

"Listen, Dave...tell Sarah I'm sorry or something." Jack sighed. "And dunno... sorry. To you. And stuff."

"Why are you saying sorry to _me_?"

"I dunno. I just am."

David paused and Jack bit his lip. Finally, he heard that same defeated sounding sigh from David (the one he used whenever Jack got his way).

"Okay. You're sorry."

"We're cool, right?"

"Yeah, we're fine. You and Sarah, not so sure."

"I can handle that."

David laughed. "I'll talk to you later, Jackass." David hung up before Jack had a chance to retort.

Jack hung up the phone and turned to glare at his foster brother. "Thanks for spreading 'Jackass' around."

"You telling me no one has thought of that one?" Sean asked. "Pretty stupid bunch, aren't you?"

"Itey and David are plenty smart."

Sean rolled his eyes. "Sure they are. So why do they hang out with _you_?"

"Because I'm awesome."

"If by awesome, you mean idiotic."

"Yeah, and which one of us is failing all of our classes?"

"And which one of us gets no shit about it from your mom?"

"God, you're annoying." Jack made a face. "If I did even half the stuff you do, I'd be grounded forever. You get away with everything, and Mom freaks out if I even _smoke_."

Sean nodded noncommittally, since that made him think. He groped in his pocket; one cigarette left. He'd bummed it from a guy at the gas station, when Jack had gassed up the van. He was out, otherwise, which sucked, because he had no cash to buy more, and they were kept above or behind store counters so they weren't easy to lift. He pulled it out and rolled it between his fingers. He wanted it badly, but wanted to save it, too.

Stupid fucking addiction.

"Those things are disgusting," Jack said.

"Better than pot."

"Worse for you, though."

Sean snorted. "Like I care. At least they don't make me act like a moron."

"No," Jack grinned slowly, and cheesily. "You do that anyway."

"Yeah, that's why I'm the one who just sat outside for an hour freezing my ass off. Oh, wait, that was you, never mind."

"Well, he called, didn't he?"

"After you almost froze to death, yeah. Guess he doesn't care that much about you after all."

"Hey!" Jack snapped. "Davey cares about me! You're just pissed off because no one gives a shit about you!"

Sean sneered. "Like I want any of _your_ fucking friends to like me."

"Oh, don't worry," Jack retorted, standing up tall and folding his arms across his chest. "They don't."

"If you know so much about them, why's Davey always so mad at you?"

"Don't call him Davey, only his _friends_ call him that. And he isn't always-"

"Because you're banging his whore-sister?"

"Sarah isn't a whore, you fag!"

Sean laughed, meanly. "Oh, I see, so the real prejudice guns are getting pulled out. What next? Fudge-packer?"

Jack snorted, "You're not even worth fighting with, okay?" He took a deep breath and seemed to realize what he was doing. Or rather, realize what Denise _wouldn't_ want him to be doing, which was arguing with Sean. And Jack did want to make an effort to please Denise these days, what with Sean around and all.

Jack gulped. Still...he knew how easy he was to replace. That was why his parents had... and why he had to be adopted, and...and Sean had no fucking right acting any way he wanted now that Jack finally had a parent who actually wanted him to be there. It wasn't like Jack had some fucking easy life either. Why did everyone have to feel so sorry for poor Sean when Jack hadn't had one good memory before his first Christmas with Denise?

"Listen, you asshole," Jack said, his voice cracking. "If you don't start-"

Sean shrugged. "You're really easy to rile up, Jackass, no wonder you get in so much shit with Denise."

"You don't know shit about me."

"'You don't know shit about me'. Take it easy, killer," Sean snorted.

And suddenly, Jack stepped forward and shoved Sean in the shoulder. He paused for a moment when he felt the hard bone under his palm. Which suddenly didn't make him feel much like fighting anymore...

Sean's grin was gone now. He shoved Jack right back. Then Jack had no trouble at all wanting to fight.

"Don't touch me, Jack," Sean said in a low voice.

"Go fuck yourself."

"Go fuck _Davey_."

"Don't. Call. Him. Davey."

"Oooh, scary, maybe I'll run to your mommy and tell on you. 'Jack is being violent, Denise, better send him on back to the orphanage.'" Sean snorted.

"Denise would fucking look out for me no matter what you said!" Jack spat. "But where the fuck are _your_ parents? What, is your mom turning tricks for cocaine somewhere and your dad beats her up like some stupid redneck cliche from EVERY stupid angsty movie -"

And Sean pulled his fist back and punched Jack in the side of the head.

Jack, taken by surprise, saw stars and stumbled backwards. He shook his head, but remained standing, tall, erect, waiting for another punch. But it didn't come.

He shook his head, and saw Sean glaring at him. There was a different kind of glint in his eyes, and it made Jack feel painfully uncomfortable. But not uncomfortable enough to swallow his pride.

"Nice punch," Jack mumbled. "Your daddy teach you that one?"

Sean glowered silently. His dad hadn't taught him that. Getting in fights with people who were bigger than he was. His dad had taught him a lot of other things, though. But Sean didn't have a knife or a gun on him. Probably for the best.

"What, no smartass repl-"

Jack didn't get to finish the taunt, because Sean punched him again, directly in the jaw. Jack's lip split and he bit his tongue, hard enough that it began to bleed, too. So did Sean's knuckles, cut up from Jack's teeth.

Jack shut up and a hand went to his mouth. He stared down at his fingers, which were now slick with blood, and wondered if he was in shock. He couldn't think of anything else. It had been a long time since he'd been hit like that.

He hadn't liked it as a kid, either.

Something inside him kind of snapped, all the frustration he'd had with Sean coming out, and he let out a genuine growl. He leapt forward at Sean, knocking them both to the ground, and could feel the carpet burn on his hands where he caught himself.

Sean reacted quickly, though, and as Jack pulled back a fist to punch him, thinking Sean was trapped beneath him, Sean squirmed and got a knee in. Jack's fist connected with the side of Sean's face as Sean's knee connected with Jack's groin. Jack froze up and fell to the side, Sean shoved him off his body and got to his feet. Jack was much worse for wear than he was, but even so, he'd have a nice bruise on his cheek.

"Fuck this," Sean snarled. He seriously debated kicking Jack or something; Jack was just lying on the carpet, curled into a pathetic little ball. Not that Sean could entirely blame him; he'd wanted the groin shot to hurt. Jack probably wouldn't be up for twenty minutes.

Which gave him enough time to get the hell out. He didn't bother to go upstairs and get his jacket; that thing was a piece of shit anyway. Instead, it was straight out the door and down the road, the opposite direction from Blink's house, picking up speed as he went until he was actually running.

Maybe smoking was a shitty idea, because he was winded quickly. He slowed to a jog eventually, sooner than he'd have liked, but kept going. Putting as much distance between himself and that house as possible. Because when Jack recovered, when Denise got home...

Well, it wouldn't be the first time he'd get an APB on the police scanner, only to be dragged to a station and have a foster parent lose her shit. Kick him out, back to the state's mercy. This time, he was pretty sure, he was bound for a reform school, not another foster home. Too many black marks on his record. _Fuck_.

Well, he'd known it was coming anyway. Fuck that crazy woman and her asshole son, anyway. And fuck Jack's friends, and the school. Fuck it all.

Sean started running again.

-

Jack couldn't think for a very long time. This was mostly due to the fact his balls felt like they were on fire, and for every painful, painful tingle, and every urge to vomit, he wanted to actually _kill_ Sean. It wasn't until the pain started to subside awhile later that he realized just what had happened in his living room. And then he winced. He tried to think of who had started the fight. He wanted it to be Sean, but he wasn't sure anymore.

All he knew was, it suddenly got ridiculously out of hand, and now here he was, all bloody and balled. Sean was gone, too. Jack seemed to vaguely recall Sean slamming the door when he left, but he couldn't be sure. He'd been in too much pain. He didn't think Sean was the type to go for the balls in a fight, but then again, Sean fought dirty. He wasn't a coward, Jack had to give him that.

He wasn't a coward, even though he ran off.

Jack _should_ have felt some satisfaction. He had driven Sean off, even if Sean had schooled him. Sean had run off like a little girl and now Jack didn't have to deal with him for the rest of the day. But there was a tiny part of him that felt kind of sick... And it wasn't the part that was still smarting from the knee to the groin.

Jack couldn't help but feel like he'd done something horribly, horribly wrong. After all... Jack wouldn't have wanted anyone to bring up _his_ father in a fight either. So why had Jack done it?

Jack shook his head. Because Sean asked for it. Sean had said things too. And they had made Jack feel bad.

Jack groaned and rolled over onto his back, still too pained to stand up. He stared at the ceiling, and touched his bloody lip. Huh. Sprawled on the floor. Bloody. In pain. Feeling sick and weak and guilty... he'd felt all of this before. The rush of deja vu made Jack's head whirl again, and for a few seconds, he heard his father's voice, saw his father's face.

And Jack, much like Sean had when he'd first arrived, suddenly found the strength to stand up, rush to the washroom, and vomit into the toilet.

He flushed the toilet, stood up, and washed his face. Jesus Christ, his groin ached. He was never going to laugh at stupid footage of guys getting nailed in the bean bag ever again. He'd never realized how much it actually hurt. Swearing under his breath, he fumbled in the medicine cabinet for some tylenol, downed it, and groaned. He looked at himself in the mirror.

He looked like shit.

There was a huge bruise on his temple, from the first punch; there was less bruising on his chin, but his lip was just starting to scab and still oozing blood. He spat in the sink, and it was bloody, too. His tongue ached, but still, he slowly used it to check his teeth. Nothing loose or chipped. Thankfully.

He slumped down over the sink to wash his face, and tried to think. He and Sean had almost been getting along. But then, somehow it had all become about his mom and his friends... And how Sean didn't have a mom. Or friends.

Jack remembered when Denise had first taken him in. He hadn't trusted her, even though she was by far the coolest foster parent he'd had. And she'd been patient with him, not jumping on his every mistake. Not flipping out when he got in trouble. She had just been disappointed, and said so, but also said that she knew it was hard for him. But it would get easier.

She'd said that almost every day for months, and Jack hadn't ever believed her. Until it sort of _had_ gotten easier. Until David decided he was hilarious, and fun to hang out with, because he was so angry all the time, and David thought that was funny. He'd been pissed off at first, until he got to know David. And then he'd gotten to know Blink and Itey and Dutchy... And he sort of trusted Denise, too.

She'd never hounded him back then, just waited for him to realize things for himself.

Like she was doing with Sean now. Waiting for him to calm down, to trust her enough to talk. All hounding Sean would do would be get him pissed off and drive him away...

Oh.

Shit.

Jack dried off his face and hurried to Sean's room. It was empty, but his coat was still there. But then, Sean only wore his coat when Denise made him. Jack slowly checked the rest of the house. No Sean.

Shit, shit, shit. Denise was going to kill him. He finally almost understood why Sean acted the way he did (how many times had he cursed out David and Itey and everyone? He hadn't really hated them, just resented that their lives sucked so much less than his, and hadn't trusted them, to boot) and why Denise acted the way she did (how had he not realized that before? Maybe Sean was right, and he really was stupid), and now Sean was gone.

He grabbed his coat and a key and high tailed it to Blink's house, where the band and David were gathered.

"Jack?" Itey asked, staring at him. As Jack stepped inside, his battle wounds became obvious. "Oh my god, what happened?"

"Sean. We got into a fight, we - look, it doesn't matter. You have to help me find him."

"Find him?" Blink asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm - well, no, actually, he kicked me in the nuts and it hurts like hell, and my face is throbbing. Point is, he ran off, and I have to find him."

"You want to take this from the beginning?" Itey asked.

"No!" Jack snapped. "There's no time for that, it's been, like, half an hour! He ran off and if I don't find him - Denise is going to kill me, and he's a skinny asshole, but he'll freeze to death or something. Come on!"

Scared looks were exchanged, before people finally began standing up. "Should we call Denise?" Itey finally asked.

"Call Denise?" Jack exclaimed. "Yes, perfect idea, Gabe, then she can kill me and adopt him."

There was an awkward silence, and then Dutchy muttered, "Wow, uninvited glimpse of someone's inner thoughts."

"Bit of a time warp, too," Blink nodded.

"Yeah you haven't said anything like that in awhile—" Itey piped in.

"Shut up shut up shut up!" Jack snapped. "We can't call Mom. I don't want to go on ruining things and disappointing her." Everyone shifted, as the room grew uncomfortably tense.

"Jack..." David said. He'd been calm and thoughtful this whole time, but his brow was furrowed "You have to think of Sean, too, okay? Like...If you're really concerned for him, then you'd tell Denise."

Jack ducked his head. "Can you guys please just go with me on this one? Even if you think I'm being stupid? Please?"

Seeing Jack beg, and hearing the defeat in his voice, was too much for David. "Jack," David said, his hand reaching out to touch Jack on the shoulder. "Jack, of course we'll help. When have we ever stopped you from doing something stupid?"

"Sarah, for instance!" Dutchy supplied cheerfully.

Jack laughed slightly. "...Yeah, thanks."

Blink kept silent, until Jack cleared his throat and nudged the one-eyed boy in the arm. "So...uh...Blinken?"

Blink glanced at him. "Yeah?"

"You'd know...better than me, where, uh," Jack cleared his throat, and he was blushing. "Where Sean might have gone."

Blink grinned a little. "Nah. He didn't ever tell me, you know...anything personal. I'm as clueless as you are."

"So what do we do?" Dutchy asked. "None of us knows the first place to look."

"Well, actually..." Itey said. "We do know he'll go somewhere where he thinks we'd _never_ look."

"Yes, but he probably doesn't think Jack will want us to go look for him," David thought, then gave Jack an apologetic look. "Sorry."

"Nah, you're right," Jack agreed. "But Itey has a point."

"So what do we do?" Dutchy asked, and looked at David. "You're smart, where do we go?"

"I don't know, I barely know Sean!" David exclaimed.

"Okay, look," Jack said, taking a deep breath. "We should check... gas stations, grocery stores. Places he might get cigarettes, right? He said he only had one left." He looked at David. "Does that sound smart?"

David pursed his lips, but nodded.

"And books," Blink spoke up. "He likes reading, he's always got a book."

"Great, so we check libraries and gas stations. God, he's abnormal," Jack muttered.

"Jack, calm," David said.

"You get kicked in the nuts and see how calm you are!" Jack snapped, then took a deep breath. "No. No, I'm... I'm trying to be calm."

"Then we should call Denise."

"No!" He groaned. "Let's look for awhile. Maybe we can find him ourselves. If we can't, we'll call her. Okay?"

Looks were exchanged, but then everyone nodded. "Let's split up," David finally said. "Jack and me together."

"There's a shock," Blink said, snickering.

"Shut up, this is serious!"

Blink nodded, looking suitably cowed. Sean was sort of his friend, after all.

"Dutchy, Blink, you two go together on foot. Itey, you have a car, start checking gas stations," David instructed.

"Come on, let's go," Jack snapped, leading them towards the door.

"Uh, what should we do if we find him?" Itey asked.

"Bring him home!"

"What if he doesn't want to go?"

Jack paused, then groaned. "Just don't let him out of your sight."

"But what if he sees us?" Dutchy asked.

"That's the point!" Jack snarled, not unlike Spot would have.

"But _I_ don't wanna get punched..."

"Listen, four eyes-"

"Heeeeeeeeyy, okay!" Itey stepped in-between them. "Let's get to this, okay? Enough fighting."

"Thanks, baby," Dutchy leered. Itey shoved him.

"We'll meet back here at six," Jack said. "Okay?"

The boys all agreed in chorus, and set off, somewhat unsure of how to start.

-

Sean had wound up in the middle of fucking suburban nowhere. Which meant he must have run _far_ from Denise and Jack's, because they were exactly the opposite of suburbia. Poor and, like… normal. Not like the giant houses with well-shoveled walks he saw now. He was lost, and he all he had was a wallet and a cigarette. Not even a lighter.

He needed a smoke. He needed one worse than he had in a long time.

"Fucking Jackass," he spat. Just the thought of Jack getting under his skin made him want to puke. Sean had to admit it... Jack had upset him. But it wouldn't happen again. He was sick of living with stupid people, with their stupid problems, and their stupid habit of always inflicting them upon him.

But he wasn't about to feel sorry for himself. Right now, he needed more smokes.

He reached into his back pocket for the book he'd had tucked in there since the morning... to find nothing.

"FUCK!" he snapped. It must have fallen out while he was running. "Fuck fucking fuck..."

He had no idea what to do. Go buy cigarettes? With what money? Now what? It occurred to Sean that when he wasn't being asked to do something he didn't want to do, he couldn't think of anything he actually WANTED. Which was pathetic.

Sean grumbled under his breath and saw a strip mall coming up. He figured he might be able to bum a smoke there, or at least sit outside the building and figure out what to do.

Going back was not an option. Not just because he wasn't quite sure where he was, either. Mostly because he didn't want to see Jack again, he hated the thought that Jack knew how to get to him. Jack knew how to piss him off so much he'd run for it. And how to get rid of him. And Sean didn't ever want anyone to have that power over him.

And the stupid, sympathetic looks he'd get from everyone. Itey and David would exchange pitying looks. Blink would try and get him to talk. Dutchy would try and get in his pants.

Well, that one wasn't so bad. But damned if he'd be someone's pity fuck.

And he didn't want Denise to look at him like _that_. Like he was a bad puppy who'd tracked mud in the house, who just needed to be trained. Exasperated, but loving.

Like anyone loved him. He shoved his hands in his pocket and strode towards the strip mall. Some rich kids in private school uniforms were gassing up a BMW, talking. He hesitated, listening. Apparently, they had big plans to track down some kid and beat the shit out of him. Some fag.

Sean growled and approached the car. They stared at him. He glowered back. "Got a smoke?" he asked.

"We don't smoke," one of the kids said, smirking.

"Got a _buck_?" Sean snarled.

The kid scoffed. "Sure," he said, and reached for his wallet, handed Sean a dollar. Sean accepted it, and muttered a quick thanks, then was off into the store. He couldn't get a pack of cancer sticks for a dollar, but he had other ideas.

Whoever this kid was, he was a pretty boy with too much money, who liked to gay bash. Sean waited for him to come in to pay for his gas, waited and watched for him to put his wallet away, and grabbed a thing of Starbursts. He walked up to the counter and slapped the candy down, his other hand casually catching Scott Blake's wallet out of his back pocket as he walked away.

"Marlboros, too," Sean added innocently, glancing at the wallet. Sure enough, there were four twenties inside. Fucking rich assholes. He paid for the candy and cigarettes, grabbed a lighter from the counter, and paid for that too.

Not bad. It had been a long time since he'd lifted anything, but he'd done it all the time in his first foster home. He hadn't lost his touch, and didn't feel bad. The kid deserved it, and eighty bucks was probably spare change to buy bubblegum to him.

Sean considered going on a book buying spree, but then realized that he had no place to stay for the night. Or the next night. Or the night after that. So it was best he hung onto the newly acquired cash. Then again... he noticed a Visa right behind the ID that said this douche's name was Scott Blake. Sean smirked.

Maybe had could afford a book or two.

As he walked out of the gas station (after checking to make sure Scott and his fanclub had made their exit), he flipped through the wallet and found some photos of a kind of attractive girl smothered in make-up. Probably some popular, rich slut. Sean sneered at the picture, and took note of the fact that this rich slut wasn't as pretty as Jessica was.

Sean paused. Huh. A brief thought to the only girl he had ever fucked. Which suddenly reminded him that the last times he'd gotten any were with Dutchy and a girl.

"Pathetic," he muttered. He shoved the wallet in his pocket, and trudged down the sidewalk. What did he do now? He popped some gum into his mouth and started to chew. Should he catch a bus and go...nowhere?

He thought briefly about where he would sleep that night. He didn't know. Sean had faced a lot of ugly things in his life...but he had never not known where he would sleep before. This was new. And Sean didn't like that he could still get scared.

He grabbed a bus to a mall, and almost laughed. He hated the mall. But, bookstore. If he had nowhere to go and was going to freeze to death overnight, he might as well enjoy himself. Reading would get his mind off the shit he'd gotten himself into, too.

He gave fleeting thought to buying a coat, but decided not to. Using the card was risky; he didn't want to get IDed or anything. But of course, Scott Blake was arrogant enough that the card was signed - no need to look at an ID unless it was store policy. Most stores didn't bother.

And he had Scott's ID, too, even though he didn't look anything like the guy.

He marched to the bookstore and cruised until he'd picked out a few. Some classic literature, a short story collection, and a dark looking sci-fi. He handed the clerk the stolen Visa, and the guy didn't even look at it. He smirked and started for the door. Outside, he pulled the cash out of the wallet, shoved it in his own pocket, lit up a cigarette, and dropped the wallet in an outdoor trashcan.

Time to wander until he found somewhere to read. He'd worry about life later.

-

"So, you want to talk about it?" David asked, as they walked down the street, keeping their eyes peeled.

"No," Jack snapped.

"Must have been pretty bad, for him to kick you in the balls. Your mouth looks... not so good, too."

"Split lip, he punched me. Look, it doesn't matter, we just need to find him-"

"So you can punch him back?"

"I wouldn't do that," Jack said. Never mind that he had. "Not anymore, I mean. Shit."

"Did you hurt him bad?"

"Not as bad as he hurt me. Trust me."

"Okay."

"I said some shit, though. About his dad."

"Ooooh," was all David said.

"Which seems like a sore spot."

"Well...Jack," Davis said, clearing his throat. "I mean, if someone said something about _your_ dad, then..." Jack looked at him. "Jack, you'd react the same way. Or at least...I dunno, Jack, I thought you'd be a bit more empathetic to Sean."

"Empa..."

"I thought you'd understand him a bit better."

"Well, he doesn't want me to."

"You didn't want me to understand you, either," David said quietly. "You gave me a rough time before we became friends."

Jack paused. David had a point. He remembered how much he used to make fun of David. And push him around. And call him all sorts of names, before they slowly had become friends. Best friends.

That was different, though. In that case, David was a good person. And in this one...well, Jack and Sean were both jerks.

"It's different," Jack muttered.

"Well..." David sighed, and paused at the end of the sidewalk as they waited for the light to change. "I dunno, Jack, I think you have it in you to cut the guy some slack. I know you pretty well. You and Sarah have forgiven each other tons of times, and she's pretty awful to you."

"I'm awful to her, too."

"She always starts it."

Jack smirked. "Shouldn't you be defending Sarah?"

David smiled a little. "She's the devil."

"Yet you love her."

"Well, she's my sister." David shrugged. "The point is, I think you're a much better person than you give yourself credit for, and you _can_ be a much better person to Sean. Denise wants you to, I want you to... so will you?"

For Denise and Davey?

"Yeah."

"Thanks, Jack."

Sean discovered he hated the smell, look, and feel of most public areas. If it were up to him, he'd disappear into a place that was just white, and he could sit in there all day.

He was walking downtown now, his books in a bag, and he was looking for a park or a bus stop or some place where he could read without anyone really bothering him. But it was getting a bit dark, and Sean was smart enough to know what could happen to a skinny guy that looked like a girl walking downtown alone.

Not that Sean would ever admit to worrying about those things aloud. But at the same time, if Sean was beaten to death, he didn't think he'd care too much.

He didn't think anyone else would care, either.

Though maybe Ryan…

No, not really. Ryan probably hated him as much as everyone else, just acted a little nicer because Sean was in all of his classes and he didn't want any trouble. Maybe even wanted Sean's protection against the assholes. He'd needed it badly enough.

He eventually came to a shabby looking McDonalds and walked in. Most people would have ordered a meal. His stomach grumbled a little. He hadn't eaten anything, going on twenty-four hours. But the thought of food made him feel kind of ill.

He walked up to the counter and a zit-faced teenager asked what he wanted. "Coke," Sean answered. "Small." He forked over the dollar for it, sat down at one of the tables, and pulled out a book.

He was still there, the soda half-full, flat, and watery from melted ice, when a manager walked over a few hours later. "We're closing," he said. "You have to go."

"Go where?" Sean mumbled, even as he tucked the book back in the plastic bag.

"You want me to call a cab?" the manager offered. "Or… your mom?"

Sean snorted. "No." He walked out. It was snowing, and he knew he needed to get out of the snow somewhere. But he didn't want to waste all his money on a motel his first night out…wouldn't it be like, at least forty dollars for one night? And he didn't want to hit a diner or anywhere that was open all night, because if Jack really called the cops on him (which he didn't put past him), or if Denise called his social worker and said he'd run off, they would check all those places.

But he really wanted to be somewhere warm and dry. He began shivering, and his stomach churned. Maybe he _should_ have eaten.

No… he'd probably have puked. And anyway, if he had to be cold and wet, why not hungry, too? That felt about right. It matched his mood.

Sean kicked a lump of mud and mentally cursed his parents for turning him into someone who only felt content when he was totally sick. Like he deserved to be miserable.

He wandered aimlessly down the nearest alley, and saw the kid from McDonalds dropping a heaping bag of trash in the dumpster. The smell alone was nauseating.

-

They met back at Jack's house at six, as planned. Jack and David were empty handed; so were Blink and Dutchy. Itey had news, though.

"I was all the way across town, by your school, Dave. A guy at the gas station said that some kid, skinny and beat up, came in to buy cigarettes. No coat, either."

"That's gotta be him," Jack moaned. "Did he say where he went?"

"No idea. It was way earlier, though."

"Damn it!" Jack cursed.

"Jack…" David sighed. "You have to call Denise. She needs to know about this _now_. We're going to need the police to look—"

"No!" Jack snapped. "No police. We can't…"

David raised an eyebrow, and Jack sighed.

"Look, if we have to get the police involved, Sean's going to get moved for sure. Probably put in a reform school. Mom will _flip_. And it's all my fault…"

"It's not, we all… None of us have been too good with him," Itey said diplomatically.

"Come off it," Jack snapped. "Everyone's been better than me. David's nice to everybody, Dutchy got him laid, Blink's his best friend and Itey is... uh... Itey."

Itey grumbled.

"Everyone's been better than me."

"Well, none of us have to live with him," David said.

"And I can see how you would have snapped," Blink added on. "I just didn't because I think he's kind of cool." Everyone looked at him. "Well, I do."

"You need a boyfriend," Dutchy said.

"You need get check for STDs," Blink shot back.

"Hey!"

"What are you gonna do then, Jack?" Itey asked. "Tell Denise that Sean just didn't feel like coming home tonight?"

"She'll notice he isn't around," David said. "You know that."

Jack swore, and slumped onto the couch, his face plopping into his hands. "This is all my fault..."

"You can't think about that right now," David said, sitting next to him. "We have to think of solutions."

"There aren't any."

"It seems that way now, but we can fix it."

"He's not inconspicuous," Dutchy said. "I mean, he's like, ninety pounds, and he looks like a girl, and when you look him in the eye, it's really, really scary." Dutchy shuddered. "_Someone_ will notice him soon. I mean, how often does an employee remember some kid who came in to buy cigarettes?"

"He has a point," Blink agreed.

Jack sighed. "What do I tell Mom?"

"Tell her he's with a guy."

Jack snorted. "But then she'll go, 'He's gay? Why didn't you tell me!'"

"Really?" Itey wondered. "You'd think she'd get over the whole gay thing by now, what with you and Davey and all."

"This is not the time for that!" Jack growled.

"She probably knows anyway," Dutchy said, blushing. "I kind of followed him around a bit, and he kind of licked popsicles like they were big old penises and he and I just...yeah, she probably figured it out."

"Please don't talk about licking penises..." Blink made a face. "You taint them."

"Hey!"

"Okay..." Jack sighed. "So...I tell her he's spending the night with you, Dutch."

Dutchy went wide-eyed.

"Yeah, that works," David agreed, slightly sarcastically.

"But then she'll totally think we're serious, and I was just a body. A body he _used_."

"Yes, and you seemed real upset up about it," Itey said flatly.

"Do you think she'll buy it?" Blink asked.

Jack sighed. "I hope so..."

"I just wanted it stated," David said clearly, "that I think that's a bad idea. I was joking, I mean… Jack, you know you're my best friend. But this… It isn't about you. Sean is somewhere out on the streets with no coat and no money and nowhere to go. What if something happens to him?'

Jack groaned. "I just can't believe things got so out of hand… I don't know, we were almost getting along! And then…"

"Tell Denise _that_," Itey suggested. "That you don't know what set him off. You were getting along, and then… said something, didn't know what, and he flipped out and beat you up."

"He didn't beat me up!"

Looks were exchanged, and other times, people would have laughed at Jack. But this was too serious.

"I screwed up so bad…"

"But you can fix it," David said softly. "If we find him. Call Denise. Tell her what's up, that you don't know what happened, and you're sorry. And we'll go back out and look some more."

"It's already dark," Blink said, staring out the window. "And snowing. Come on, we'd better go out and get looking. Itey, where did you say?"

Itey cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'll drive you and Dutch over, and, uh, David, you stay with Jack, and then you two can go take the van."

Jack hung his head, but nodded. "You guys get going. We'll meet back here at ten, okay?"

"Sure. Good luck, Jack. Come on, guys…" Blink said, and they shuffled out. Jack sighed, and looked at David.

"Why do you have to have such a stupid conscience, anyway?"

"One of us does. Just get it over with, okay?"

Jack nodded, and forced himself to get up. The walked back to his house. He hesitated, then dialed Denise's number at work. One ring, two, thr—

"Denise Kelly, who's calling?"

"Uh, Mom?"

"Jack! Honey, I was just about to head home! You want pizza or Chinese tonight? Ask Sean which one he'd rather eat, I'll force it down him if I have to."

"Uh…" Jack's voice wavered and broke. "Mom, there's a problem. With Sean."

Silence, then, "What happened?"

"He… He… Well, we were just… We were talking, getting along, you know. And I said… I don't know, something wrong. He… He flipped out on me."

"Are you okay?"

"I am now, I—we…we got in a fight. But that's not, it's… Mom, he ran off."

"He what?"

"He… he ran off. A couple hours ago. Me and the guys have been looking for him, David said I had to call you, I mean, he was right… Um, I just, Mom, I'm so sorry. I, I don't know what happened, it was so fast, I, I…"

Deep breath from the other side of the line. "I'll be right home, Jack. Wait for me there, and we'll talk. I'll have to call his case worker and… oh, hell, that's such a hassle. You just sit tight."

"I should go look for—"

"You don't know where he would be, and we will need to talk."

"Mom, I'm sorry!" His voice broke again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for anything to happen, I was trying… I was trying to, to… to get along, he just…and I'm an…"

"I know, Jack. I'm not mad at you, just… just wait for me. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"That'll take some speeding," he said lamely, as she hung up.

Jack sighed. He was frowning so much he felt it. His mouth hurt. "I fucked up..."

"Jack..." David said.

"I think I'm really selfish," Jack continued. "I mean, even if I _did_ want something bad to happen to Sean... and I guess I don't, then I should at least have held back for Mom. And for you. And Mom especially." Jack shook his head. "But..."

"Jack, um..." David bit his lip. "You're not... you're not always okay, you know that, right? Just because you have a mother _now_, and friends _now_, and, you know... me, that doesn't mean that you're automatically gonna know how to deal with shit when it gets thrown at you."

Jack looked at David.

"I don't know one seventeen year old who has their shit worked out," David smirked. "And you're a seventeen year old who didn't have anyone to help you until you met Denise. You're doing okay, by those standards. You're doing just fine."

Jack nodded a little, and looked down at his feet.

David, sighed, stepped forward, and wrapped his arms around Jack's middle, in a tight, warm hug.

And Jack paused before settling into David.

-

Denise had run three red lights, and almost killed an old lady, but she was five minutes closer to being home. Somehow, though, she wished she could keep driving and speeding like this forever. She was scared. She was really, really scared.

She thought she'd be able to handle this. To handle Sean. And she wanted to. She wanted Sean to be okay, and she was trying her best. She'd tried her best with Jack, too. Jack wasn't perfect, but no one was...and he was a good boy. A good boy that she loved.

She wanted to show Sean that he was a good boy too, even if no one had let him feel like one. She knew how he felt...Denise had never felt like a good girl, either.

What was she going to do?

She had to find Sean, call the caseworker, comfort Jack...all she could think about was Jack hating himself, and Sean. Sean, skinny and pale and good-looking and small, out in the cold streets. She wondered if he'd brought his jacket.

She doubted it.

She finally parked and hurried in the door, the cold wind whipping at her hair and clothes for the few seconds she was outside. Jack and David were huddled on the couch together, looking miserable. No one said anything for a minute, but she stepped in front of them, pulled Jack up, and gave him a good, long hug.

There. That should do it.

They sat back down, and she said, "So start at the beginning. What happened? Oh, god, Jack, your face…"

"Yeah, he knows how to throw a punch," Jack said.

"What… What set him off?"

"We were… we were talking about friends, and then it was… I don't know, family. And I didn't mean to, Mom, but he was being such a dick and I kind of… well, I kind of mentioned his dad a little, and he just _lost_ it, and I should have known better, but I wasn't thinking. Then he hit me and I lost it too."

"Did you hit him back?"

"Not… not yet. He hit me there," he pointed at the bruise on his temple, "and I was trying to hold it together, but when he got my mouth and my lip split and I tasted the blood…"

He trailed off, and went a little pale. Scared. Denise put a hand on his shoulder, understanding.

"I just… totally lost my temper. And I tackled him and hit him, but he, uh, injured me. Worse."

"How?"

"Uh… I'd rather not say."

"Jack."

"Uh… He kinda… uh… kickedmeinthenuts. Don't laugh, it hurt, damn it!"

"I'm not laughing, Jack."

"Yeah, so, when I was lying on the floor and couldn't move, he ran off."

"What time?"

"Like… four? I think?"

"Okay." She gave his arm a pat. "I'm going to call his social worker, and then we'll figure out a strategy to find him."

"Gabe found a gas station guy who saw him earlier," David put in. "Around five some time, buying cigarettes. He and Blink and Dutchy went back there to look around."

"Excellent. Okay. You two… just wait." She took a deep breath, then made a face. "He's not going to be pleased."

She went to the phone and left Jack and David to sit and hoped David would keep Jack calm, and called the social worker for Sean's case. He sounded as hassled and stressed as he always did, not that Denise blamed him. She filled him in.

"So, sorry about ruining your Friday evening," Denise finished.

"I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner, frankly. He really belongs in a school for boys with problems; his current school has called me a number of times and—"

"So should I call the police?"

"Yes—no. No, not until tomorrow afternoon, then they'll put out a missing persons notice. Unless he's found. When he is, I'll come pick him up."

"Pick him up?" she repeated. "When we find him, he's coming home."

"Ms. Kelly, this is serious. If Sean's run away, if he's endangered—you said he was in a fist fight with your son, which is a very bad thing—well, he can't stay there. I'll try and find an opening in a school or a home, but—"

"No, wait!" she snapped. "Sean got upset, yes, but I'm not just going to give up on him!"

"I understand that you're a very charitable woman-"

"This isn't about charity."

"Well, he's better off in a more secure place. One that'll keep him awhile, help set some ground rules into his psyche."

"He needs people to..." Denise had to calm down, or she wouldn't do Sean, or herself, any good. "He needs people to treat him like a _family_. He's had institutions and adults and caseworkers all over him since he was a kid. He's done really well lately, and I know he's starting to open up. This was just a one-time thing, and my son...well, he and my son had an argument that my son confessed he instigated-"

"I don't know how to help you, but if I decide that he should be put in a school then-"

"Don't call it a school if that's not what it is."

"The point is-"

"If I adopt him, then things are different, right? Then it's up to me."

"These aren't the best grounds for adopting him, and you know it."

Denise settled into her chair. "I know...but please. Don't take him away." She sighed. "We're really starting to care about him. We really are...and the last thing I want is for one more withdrawal from a family situation to make him feel like even more of a freak. Did you know he feels that way?"

"I-"

"Like he doesn't deserve us?"

"Has he told you this?"

"I just know."

"I know Sean has serious mental issues, and as much as I know you want help, and I do think you COULD help a boy under less extreme circumstances, but-"

"He was doing fine. He is doing fine."

"I just can't-"

"Don't put him in a school. Then he'd lose faith in people completely. He wouldn't trust anyone." She sighed. "He'd just give up."

The caseworker was silent for about a minute.

"Please—" Denise started.

"First we have to find the boy. Then I'll talk with him and assess the situation."

"Does that mean really listening to what he says?"

"Ms. Kelly, you may have noticed, but with a boy like Sean, if he wants me to hear him, I'll hear him."

"Only if you can filter out the f-word. Which, I should point out, I can, and don't mind when he uses when he's upset."

"Noted. You call me as soon as you find him, and call me _and_ the police if you haven't found him by four o'clock tomorrow. Keep me updated."

"Of course. Thank you for understanding." She hung up the phone. "You pompous, overbearing, child eating bastard," she added, then slumped back down on the couch next to Jack.

"Mom?"

"They want to put him in a school."

"They're gonna do it?"

"Unless he can convince the social worker he wants to stay here, yes. And I hate to say it, but the chances of Sean wanting to stay here, and saying so…"

"Look, Denise," David broke in, "we have to find him first, right? So don't worry yet. We'll talk to him as soon as we do. And we should get looking."

She nodded. "Jack, you and David go in the van and check… oh, everywhere. I don't know…"

"Bus stations," David suggested. "And diners, places open all night, he'll need somewhere inside from the cold."

-

Sean sat in the shadow of the dumpster. The snow was blowing around him, but he was under a slight stoop, so very little was on him. The metal of the dumpster was cold, but he didn't even care about that so much. He was just working up to it.

He was a piece of trash, anyway.


	11. Fly Away Home

**_Take Good Care of the Poor Boy_**

I'm not happy with myself these days  
I took the best part of the script and I made them all clichés  
And this red bandana's surely gonna fade  
Even though it's the only thing the fire didn't take

Everybody says you'll grow a lot from this experience  
Maybe become zen after awhile, become a president  
Blessings get disguised sometimes but all I know  
Is I finally learned the difference between  
Going back and going home

-_Going Back/Going Home_, Butch Walker

**_Chapter Eleven: Fly Away Home_**

"Jack, I'm hungry, and no one's seen him," Blink said.

"Then you go home," Jack said, parking the car in front of another gas station. "I have to find Sean."

"You've been looking since dawn," David said gently, as they piled out of the car. "It's three, Jack, we need to go soon. Denise needs to call the police."

"We still have time to find him! Damn it..." Jack groaned and slumped against David for a moment.

Itey cleared his throat. "You guys go ask inside. We'll go..." He looked around, "We'll go hit that McDonalds and get food for everyone, you meet us there, okay?"

"Sure," Jack grumbled. "Come on, Davey."

David nodded and shot Itey a grateful look as they split ways. And, as he'd been doing since almost six in the morning, Jack walked into the gas station and asked the guy behind the counter if he'd seen a skinny pretty boy, maybe smoking or something. But the guy just shook his head.

Jack sighed. "Thanks anyway."

"Come on." David steered him back outside. "Don't worry."

"I can't not worry! Dave, there are, like, no more gas stations or libraries or anything else anywhere around. Where the hell could he be?"

"We'll find him, okay?"

"Where? How?" Jack demanded.

David ducked the question. "You're cranky. Low blood sugar. Let's go get you something to eat, too."

"I don't have _time_ to eat-"

"You sound like Sean. Just calm down," David said, as they crossed the street to the waiting McDonalds. Everyone else was inside, still in line.

"No luck?" Itey asked sympathetically.

"No," Jack grumbled.

* * *

Sean sat outside, his teeth chattering, knees pulled up to his stomach. He now wished he had sprung for a coat after all; he'd been cold before, but never _so_ cold. It had stopped snowing, thank god, but it was freezing out.

He'd climbed out of the dumpster early, when the sun came up; it was starting to warm up, which was great, but he didn't know when they might empty the dumpster. So he'd climbed out and sat down, hoping that if the metal of the dumpster got warm, it might help keep him warm.

He couldn't even go inside anymore; he smelled, well, like someone who'd spent the night in a dumpster. He was disgusting. His clothes had soaked through with all sorts of foul liquid, and frozen; it was on his skin and in his hair and he couldn't get it out of his nostrils... But then he'd become immune to it, after a few hours.

Still, the fresh air had been nice enough.

Except now it was freezing.

He'd finished all of his books; he'd left them wedged under the dumpster all night, wrapped in the plastic bag from the bookstore. They'd been fine. But now that he'd finished them, he had nothing to do. He hadn't eaten in two days; he was dizzy. He felt like he might pass out.

And the stupid McDonalds employees kept staring at him. Every time they came out the employee exit. Even the manager had come out and given him a long, sympathetic look. But hadn't said anything. Hadn't called the cops or anything.

Sean was surprised. Usually, all adults dicked him over. Especially strangers who saw that he was just some poor skinny kid with no coat. Maybe they even told themselves they were doing the right thing... but no, the manager had just looked at him, and then shrugged when Sean glared back. Walked back inside.

Sean lit up a cigarette. It was almost warmth.

* * *

"What do you want?" Itey asked, as the last person in front of them finally slid away with their meal on a tray. "I got it."

"Not hungry..." Jack mumbled.

"Okay, _Sean_," Blink replied.

"That's what I said," David said with a sigh. "Itey, get him a Big Mac and fries, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm NOT-"

"Jack, come on," Dutchy cut in. "We'll find him. He's anorexic and cold. How far could he get?"

"Far enough..." Jack mumbled. "I mean, we haven't found him yet, and he's-"

"Um..." The boy behind the counter, a bored looking dark-skinned boy whose nametag read 'Luis', cleared his throat and said, "Did you say skinny?"

There was a pause. "Yeah, so?" Jack snapped.

"And cold? Like...no coat?"

There was a longer pause this time, and Jack swallowed, before saying, "Yeeaah?"

"'Kay... uh, one sec," Luis said. He turned around, stayed firmly rooted in his spot behind the counter, and shouted, "MR. BOTHERIT!"

No one answered.

"MR. BOTHERIT!"

And a man in his early forties peaked his head out from behind the deep frier, and bellowed, "_Please_ come and get me, Luis!"

"These guys are talking about the dumpster kid."

"What?" Jack exclaimed.

"Have you seen him?" Blink said at the same time.

Mr. Botherit hurried over to the counter, rubbing his hands on his apron. "I...oh my, okay, can you just make your way over to the side please?" He walked over to the side of the counter, and stepped out from behind it. "Luis, keep working," he added over his shoulder, as Luis stared at them with a bored, slack-jawed expression.

"Have you seen Sean?" Jack asked immediately.

"Well, I'm...not so sure, if it's...this angry boy came in last night, barely ordered a thing-"

"Oh my god, you found Sean!"

"Jack, let him talk," David said calmly, putting his hand on Jack's elbow.

Mr. Botherit cleared his throat, and continued. "Real skinny kid, stringy hair, no jacket. Really grumpy kid." Mr. Botherit paused. "He stayed out back by the dumpsters. I figured...I figured I'd call the cops if no one came looking for him, but-"

"Oh my god, thank you," Jack interrupted. "Oh my god, I... I _love_ you, I really, really do-" And Jack enveloped Mr. Botherit in an awkward, weird, grateful hug.

"Is he still by the dumpsters?" Itey asked, stepping up next to Jack, and, with the help of David, delicately pried him off of Mr. Botherit.

"Sure is," Mr. Botherit nodded. He looked at Jack. "I'll, uh, I'll take you out back now."

Jack looked so relieved that Dutchy laughed a little when he said, "We'll just wait here, Jackass." But they all looked relieved also. Jack smiled back at all his friends, breathing kind of heavily, as Mr. Botherit lead him behind the counter and through the back.

"I've never seen the back of a McDonalds kitchen before," Dutchy said suddenly. Everyone looked at him. "I wonder if it's like Willy Wonka's factory."

There was a slight pause before Itey replied in monotone, "I doubt that, Dutchy."

* * *

Jack knew the trip to the dumpsters wasn't even a minute long. Must have been about forty seconds. It felt like an hour. He felt like all of this weight was sitting on his shoulders, on the verge of being lifted. He wasn't going to really believe everything was fine until he saw Sean again.

And it was when Mr. Botherit opened the door for him, and Jack actually _saw_ Sean, sitting slumped against the dumpster, with his legs sprawled out in front of him, that Jack realized how worried he'd been. Not just because of Denise. He'd actually been worried.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Sean snarled. "Leave me alone!"

Jack didn't say anything. He just took two big steps forward, fell to his knees, and pulled Sean forward by his skinny wrists into a gigantic bear hug.

"L-Let me go!" Sean sputtered.

Jack sighed, and as Sean spat and wriggled and swore at him, the weight on Jack's shoulders was gone, and he smiled into Sean's bony shoulder.

Sean shoved him away almost as soon as he'd been touched. Not so quickly that Jack couldn't tell he was freezing, though. He shrugged out of his coat and handed it to Sean, who stared at it.

"Put it on," Jack said.

"I don't need your damn coat."

"Have you been out here since yesterday? Oh my god, Sean, put it _on_ already."

"It'll get dirty."

"So?" Jack rolled his eyes. "It's just a coat. I'll wash it."

Sean looked a little taken aback by that, but nodded. Pulled the coat on, but didn't move.

"Come on," Jack said, standing up. He offered Sean a hand. "Let's go home."

"It's not my home."

"Sean-"

Sean's eyes were starting to get a little red, and he looked incredibly child-like all of a sudden. "It's not my home. Denise is _not_ my mom. You're not my brother. You made that pretty clear. So leave me alone."

"No," Jack said. "No, I can't do that. We've been _worried_, Sean, all of us. We've been looking for you since last night."

"Yeah, right."

"I'm telling the truth. Mom has been flipping out. She's going to call the police any minute, and you don't want that, so just come on!"

"Why the hell should I? So you can smack me around some more? So they can put me in a home for kids like me? Fuck that."

Jack took a deep breath. He didn't even point out that Sean had hit him first. "I deserved it when you hit me, I really did. And the groin shot, maybe, even. I don't know. But I do know that I... I was seriously a fuck up yesterday. I shouldn't have said any of that shit about you or... or your dad, or whatever. It's none of my business."

"No, it's not."

"But, like, I don't know. I've gotten used to having you around. At least it's not boring. And Mom..."

He trailed off. Sean waited.

"Mom doesn't want you to go, either. She's been on the phone with your case worker a bunch of times since yesterday. Like, begging him to let you stay with us. She doesn't want you to get taken away, she wants you to stay."

"Why would she want that? Is she stupider than you?"

"She's not stupid!" Jack caught himself quickly. "She cares about you."

"Then she _is_ stupid."

"She wants to help you. She helped me, you know. Otherwise, I don't know where I'd be. Reform school, probably."

Sean stared up at him then. His expression was a mixture of sadness and extreme hostility. "Look, I just-"

"Sean, don't you want to stay with us?" Jack asked suddenly, desperately.

"What?"

"With me and Mom. Don't you want to stay?"

Sean said nothing.

Which, Jack knew, meant he wanted to stay. He was just too proud, or too scared, to say it.

"Well, we want you to," Jack said. "But it's up to you. Your social worker said you'll be hard to place anywhere anyway, so if you want to stay, you probably can. It's up to you."

"Jack..."

"Your teeth are chattering," Jack said. He held out his hand again. "Come on, I'll get you a coffee."

"I got it," Sean said, standing up finally.

"With what money?" Jack asked, leading Sean inside, being very careful not to wince at Sean's stench.

"The money I stole from some asshole yesterday."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, he was a dick. Deserved it."

"Nice." Jack laughed half-heartedly. Sean kind of smirked.

* * *

The sight of Sean was unpleasant. Not because David wasn't happy to see him. They were _all_ happy to see him, but Sean...well, he looked beyond unwell. His skin was pale, and his lips were chapped and red, and he was shivering a little. He also looked child-like in Jack's coat.

For a minute, David felt what Denise must have felt when she first saw Sean. And when she first saw Jack, so long ago. The need to protect them, no matter how difficult they got.

He kind of got that with Jack now, anyway.

"Spot!" Dutchy exclaimed. "Aw...you look so crappy."

"Fuck off, whore."

"You hungry?" Dutchy asked.

"No."

Mr. Botherit cleared his throat. "You kids just get whatever you want...it's free." Then he paused. "...Please don't take too much advantage of that."

Dutchy and Blink looked very, very tempted.

"Um," Jack looked at Mr. Botherit, who was going back behind the fry maker. "Thank you."

Mr. Botherit shot a look at Sean, and then Jack. He half-smiled, embarrassed, and then ducked his head and disappeared into the back of the McDonalds.

No one said anything for a moment, as it started to sink in that Sean was back, and he was cold, and probably ferociously grumpy. No one wanted to say a word that might entice him to think twice about agreeing to go back with Jack.

Finally, Jack's stomach rumbled.

And that was all anyone had to say.

"Someone should call Denise," David finally said. Jack looked hesitant to leave Sean's side, so he added, "I'll do it."

"Thanks, Davey," Jack said, sounding grateful. David walked over to the pay phone.

"So I see you're still _gay_," Sean muttered.

"What do you want to eat, Sean?" Blink put in quickly.

"Nothing."

"You haven't eaten all day," Blink said firmly, "and I don't remember you eating lunch yesterday, and you were gone before dinner, so that's two days where you haven't eaten at all. Eat something."

Sean shook his head.

"Well, look," Itey suggested, "why don't you get some coffee to warm up, and, like... an apple pie or something. It's not much, but maybe it'll just... help or something."

Sean glowered. But nodded, and Blink and Dutchy ran off to go place a bunch of orders.

David finally walked back, looking shaken.

"Is Mom okay?" Jack asked quickly.

"Yeah, and relieved. I just... I have to go grab a bus, I have to get to Tony's house."

"That dick?" Jack asked, scowling. "Why?"

"Because some asshole beat the crap out of Michael, and that's where he is. And he's refusing to go home or go to the doctor. She said Tony's been trying to reach me for hours, Sarah finally called Denise to say..."

"Oh, man, Dave. I'd give you a ride, but..."

"I know," David said. "I have to go." And David, no doubt stressed and drained beyond belief, hurried out of the McDonalds.

Jack glanced at Sean, expecting him to say something mean, but instead Sean said, "When the food gets here, can we go? I want to go."

Jack blinked. "Okay, sure."

Sean was still shivering, and looked awful. Jack paused.

"You want to go... to the doctor or anything? I mean, you can feel your limbs okay? No... frostbite, or whatever?"

Sean snorted. "I'm cold and I smell, Jackass. I want to go get a hot shower."

"Okay." Jack nodded. "You do kind of smell. You weren't, uh, _in_ the dumpster, were you?"

Sean stared at him.

"Okay, I'll shut up."

"Good plan."

As they waited for the food, they took to sitting in a booth by the window. Jack sat by Sean, closely, and despite Sean sitting as rigidly as wood, he wasn't pushing Jack away either. Dutchy and Blink sat across from them, and Itey was still at the counter.

Jack glanced out the window, and watched as David ran a block down to the nearest bus stop. He sighed.

Sean rolled his eyes. "You can drive your boyfriend, jackass, I'll be fine."

"Nah," Jack said. "He'll be okay." Then his face dropped. "He's not my boyfriend!"

"Did any pimps try and pick you up?" Dutchy asked Sean. Blink and Jack stared in slight horror at Dutchy, while Sean glared at him. "What?" Dutchy asked. "He's pretty."

"No one likes smelly merchandise," Jack said, smirking a little, and Sean frogged him in the arm. Jack noted that Sean punched just as hard, no matter how cold he was or how little he had eaten.

Itey came to the table them, a tray full of food. "You eat too much, Jack..."

"I'm a growing boy," Jack said. "Gimme our bags, I'm driving Sean home. You guys wanna-"

"Nah, we'll hang out for today," Blink said, smiling a little at Sean before looking at Jack. "You guys go, okay?"

Jack nodded his thanks, grabbed his own three bags of McDonalds, and one for Sean.

"Here's your coffee," Itey said, handing a cup to Sean. "It's really hot."

Sean observed him, took the cup, and mumbled, "Thanks."

"Itey! You got me large fries!" Dutchy exclaimed, as Jack and Sean walked away. "Aaaww...any pimp would be lucky to have YOU."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Itey asked Blink. Blink shook his head, smiling, feeling incredibly relieved.

Jack looked down at Sean as he held the door open for him, and walked out of the McDonalds.

"Itey got me large fries too," Sean muttered, peering into his bag.

"You can save them for later, if you want," Jack said simply.

"What the hell do you have three bags of?"

"Big Macs are BIG."

"Redundant," Sean said, taking a bite of his fry, and sipping his coffee. "...That's really hot." Then he swore, "Fucking...my tongue! Fuck!"

And Jack laughed as he opened the van door for Sean.

"I'll drive," Sean said.

Jack blinked. "You'll what?"

"Drive. The van. You want to eat, I want to drive, it works out for everyone."

Jack wanted to protest, but Sean had driven the van before, after all, so it wasn't like Jack really thought he'd crash it. So he shrugged. "Fine, but no smoking in it."

"Fine," Sean agreed, and slid his skinny frame over to the driver's seat. Jack handed him the keys and they were off, with Jack stuffing his face. At a red light, Sean even took another sip of coffee.

"So... you like driving, or what?" Jack asked finally, after pointing out the way. Sean didn't know all the roads and wasn't really sure where he was.

"Yeah," Sean said. "I like cars."

"Well, this van is a piece of shit."

"I know. Better than nothing, though. I want a car, someday. That's about my only life goal."

"Yeah?" Jack said. "They're expensive."

"I know. But I want to be able to..."

"Yeah?"

"To drive off. When there's too much shit. To have a car so I can just go and get away from it all."

"Beats sleeping in a dumpster, I guess," Jack said.

"You wouldn't know."

"Nah, but I get it. Life can be shitty. I know you don't care, but things were really shitty for me before Denise. That's why you piss me off so much, you know. She can help you if you just _let_ her. She helped me."

"I'm not like you."

"You're kind of like me. We were both alone. Trouble makers. Skinny..."

"You're not skinny."

"But I _was_. Turn right here, it brings you back to the main drag."

Sean nodded and turned.

"Anyway, I guess, it's up to you if you want to stay. I know they'll take you out if you want to go."

"No one would miss me."

"Dutchy would," Jack said, and smirked. "And... I dunno, Blink would."

"Yeah, right. Dutchy just wants to get laid, and Blink..."

"Yeah?"

"I dunno."

"Well, if you didn't act so miserable all the time, we'd all miss you. We have tried, you know."

"Yeah," Sean said.

"But then again, I get why you act the way you do."

"Doubtful."

"Well, I get some of it, anyway."

"Why are you being so nice, Jackass? I got you in the nuts."

"I know, pissing still hurts."

"And that's why you don't piss me off."

"I dunno..." Jack said. "I just..." Jack paused, and chose this moment to take another bite out of his Big Mac instead of answering Sean. At the red light, Sean ignored him, but wasn't surprised when Jack finally answered, "I was kind of worried about you."

Sean glanced at him.

"So, you know...I figure that means I like being nice to you more than yelling at you, and making you run off, and not come back. Since I didn't like it when you didn't come back." Jack took another bite, and said, with his mouth full, "I also figure being nice to you can keep you from kicking my nuts anymore."

"I can kick nuts whenever the hell I want."

"Anyway, I was worried, and...yeah." Jack paused. "I'm still hungry."

Sean didn't respond, and for almost the remainder of the drive, they only spoke when Jack gave him directions, and Sean mumbled in response. But as they drove down the block, closer to home, Sean said, "Didn't think you'd look for me."

Jack watched him, as Sean slowly bit into another fry, and took a sip of coffee. "Didn't think I'd find you," he replied.

"So is Denise like... pissed?" Sean asked.

"Mostly at me. Worried about you. Angry at your social worker... you know."

"Not really. No one... no one has really given a shit about me before this, you know, so it's kind of new to me." He paused. "I guess Denise is all right. I don't get her, though."

"What do you mean?"

"I dunno, if I were her I'd be relieved."

"She wasn't relieved, she was scared shitless. We thought you'd freeze to death or something."

"I'm not that stupid."

"Stupid enough to run away."

"That wasn't stupid."

"Was so."

"It was not, asshole! I had to-to get away from..."

"Me?" Jack suggested.

"Yeah. You and her and everyone else. I don't play well with others. And it was just... too much."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, look," Jack said, as they pulled up to their block, "how about next time it's too much, you settle for only punching me, and then shut the door to your room and stay inside, instead of kicking me in the balls and running away to freeze? How would that be?"

"I don't know," Sean said. Then, sounding... different, he added, "She really wants me to stay?"

"Yeah, seriously. And you'd better be willing to say so, too, because otherwise they'll take you away."

Sean said nothing. Just parked the van in the driveway, grabbed his coffee and bag of food, and walked side by side with Jack.

* * *

Denise was waiting for him, and so was his social worker. There was a long silence, which Jack broke, obliviously. "Sean smells really bad, Mom. He's gonna go shower. Can we order pizza? I'm starved and so's he."

She blinked. "Sure... Sean, do you want anything on your pizza?"

Sean stared at her and swallowed. Stared at her, stared at the social worker, and finally said, "Yeah, uh, extra cheese. And a root beer."

"Great," she said, smiling. "Now go shower, Jack's right, you stink. We'll talk after, okay, hon?"

"Don't call me hon," he said. Then waited a second and said, "Yeah, whatever," in answer to her question. And then he stalked away.

Sean made a habit of never looking in the mirror before he stepped into the shower. If _he_ didn't have to see how skinny he was, then he didn't really care. After all, he didn't eat because he wasn't hungry.

Usually, that was the reason.

He wasn't sure what it was about his mood that made him slowly turn and glance in the mirror as he started running the water for his shower. He didn't know what had made him curious. He did turn, and he did look.

That glare was his. So was that hair. The rest seemed kind of...weird. His ribs stuck out, but they had since he was fourteen. He didn't know he was that pale, though, and he didn't know he had so many bruises. He supposed that was because he didn't have any iron or protein or whatever...so he bruised easily.

He sneered a little, at the sight of himself.

He was really, really, really skinny.

He continued staring until the mirror fogged over.

-

"Pizza ordered," Jack said, finishing off his fries. The social worker sat awkwardly at the kitchen table. "You want some fries?" Jack asked.

"I'm fine."

"Okay," Jack said, grinning slightly. He was trying to appear as happy as possible, just to show off how suitable Denise was as a mother. Jack was firmly rooted in the belief that Denise was the best mother anyone could have. Whoever could take Jack, the way he had been, and turn him into...well, what he was now? That was genius. That was a miracle.

Jack hadn't been too unlike Sean, back then. Not as bad, because Jack was slowly, slowly discovering just how fucked up his foster brother was. But just because Jack wasn't _as_ fucked up didn't mean he hadn't been any less miserable.

Denise had saved him. So whatever Denise wanted, she'd get. "You want fries, Mom?" Jack asked.

Denise blinked, obviously slightly distracted. But she smiled absently at him. "Sure, sure..." She reached over, and took only a couple. "Thank you."

The sound of the shower upstairs was oddly loud in the silence.

"Look, Ms. Kelly," the social worker said. "When Sean's out, I'd like to talk to him alone for a time. See where his head's at."

Even Jack knew that meant he wanted to talk to Sean without them eavesdropping or influencing him. But Denise nodded. "Of course, no problem at all." She smiled and Jack knew she was on her best behavior, too.

The shower turned off long before the pizza arrived, but Sean didn't come back immediately. And they waited, by unspoken agreement. The pizza finally arrived and Denise paid for it hurriedly. Jack helped himself, but was careful not to eat too much or too fast. He had to make a good impression, and leave some for Sean.

When Sean finally came back in, he was wearing a sweatshirt. The only one he owned. Jack figured he was still cold. But all Jack said was, "Hey, I'll get you a plate."

He half expected Sean to snap that he wasn't hungry, but Sean nodded, and took the plate, and a piece of pizza. He ate it, clearly choking it down by the end. But he did eat.

And that was when Jack realized Sean was on his best behavior too.

"How are you feeling?" asked Jared, the social worker.

"I dunno. Fine, I guess," Sean said.

"You guess?"

"I'm full. I'm pretty tired. Didn't sleep so good last night."

"Well," Jared said, "if you're full, why don't we go talk in your room? Just you and me."

"Oh, great, that sounds _so fun_," Sean said. Jared sighed.

"Sean, I'm only doing what's best for you; we've been through this before," he said as they stood up and walked out of the room. Denise and Jack sent him looks so supportive, Sean almost laughed at the goofiness of it. "Look, the reports I've been getting from Dr. Manuel about you have show positive trends, and the reports from your school... well, they could be worse. And Denise gave me the impression that you were feeling okay here."

They arrived at Sean's room, and Jared took a seat in the uncomfortable chair by Sean's desk. Sean sat awkwardly on his bed.

"So do you?" Jared prompted.

"Do I what?"

"Feel okay?"

"I feel fine."

"Then why did you run off? You've never done that before. You might not believe me, Sean, but I do care about you. I was worried."

"Yeah, right. I'm your biggest problem case."

"Yes, you are," Jared agreed. "I'm not going to lie. I know how you react to that. So-"

"I left because of, uh, escalation."

"What?"

"Like Dr. Manuel said," he said quickly. "About when I get upset. Instead of escalating the situation, I'm supposed to remove myself from it. I was really pissed at Jack, I didn't... I didn't think it was a good idea to stay around him. But we're okay now."

"Oh?"

"We talked some. I dunno."

Jared sighed.

"And how is Jack treating you, Sean?" Jared asked.

Sean shrugged.

"Is he beating you up? Are you getting in fights?"

Sean made a face. "Jack couldn't beat me up if he tried."

"Is he treating you well, Sean?"

Sean suddenly realized how easily he could get Jack and Denise in a _lot_ of trouble. That was how delicate of a case he was with Jared. And with all those other officials involved. Sean also realized that he didn't _want_ Jack or Denise to get in trouble. He really didn't.

"He's fine, whatever. He's normal."

"But you're fighting."

"Everyone fights."

"Does everyone run away after they fight, Sean?"

Sean made a face. "No, but I'm fucked up, aren't I? I ran off because I..." Sean sighed. "Uh...I dunno, didn't want to make the situation worse. Then I felt stupid for running off, and I figured Jack would come and get me."

"What about Denise? Did you think she would come and get you?"

"Yeah. She's fine. She feeds me and all that."

Jared raised his eyebrows. "Well...that is a change." Sean didn't reply. "Almost everywhere you've been...they've given up on trying to get you to eat. What has Denise done?"

"She wouldn't let me leave the kitchen, that's what."

Jared almost smiled at that. "Okay. That's good, then, actually."

"I guess. Whatever, I'm not usually hungry."

"Have you spoken to your doctor about that?"

"Yeah."

"I wasn't called about it."

"Because I'm _fine_," Sean snapped, exasperated.

"And how's school? Do you like it?"

Sean gave him a dark look.

"Well, uh, do you dislike it more than usual?"

"It's fine, I guess."

"There are reports you've been in several fights, Sean."

"So what else is new? I didn't start them."

"You tried to kill a basketball star?"

"I didn't try to kill him. He'd be dead. I learned some from my old man."

Jared looked a little disturbed at that, and Sean cursed mentally. He didn't want them to put him in some psych ward. He'd been in one for a few weeks, once; it sucked even worse than the boys' school had.

"Anyway, he was a dick. He had it out for me, 'cause I'm gay."

"Have you told many people you're gay?"

"I didn't deny it when he called me a faggot."

"Do you feel safe at school, Sean?"

He hesitated. But only for a second. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've got... some people who are with me sometimes. They watch out for me."

"'Some people'?" Jared quoted.

"Jack and... his friends."

"Jack looks out for you at school?"

"Yeah," Sean said. "And, I don't know. His friends aren't so bad. One is in my classes. Sometimes we talk."

"About what?"

"I don't know, regular shit."

"Would you call him your friend?" Jared asked. "These people... friends?"

"I don't have friends," Sean said. "But I don't hate them, if that's what you mean."

"So you're making friends?"

"I dunno."

"Okay. Good." Jared sighed, and ran his hands through his hair. "Okay, then I guess all that's left to ask is...I'm sure you know why I'm here. You're not stupid."

"No, I'm not."

"Do you want to be here, Sean? Do you feel safe in this environment?" Jared said immediately. He had on his 'serious social worker' voice. It was supposed to catch Sean off guard. But it wasn't easy for an adult to catch Sean off guard anymore.

"I..." Sean made a face, then shrugged. "Like it. Here. I guess."

"You like it here?"

"Sure."

Jared watched him. Then he asked, "Would you want to be adopted, in the future, if that came up?"

"I don't know."

"You have time to think about that, but, you really feel safe in this environment? You're not trying to cop out of a boys' home?"

"No."

"If you run away from home again, Sean, there won't be coming back to Denise and Jack," Jared said, his voice growing more grave.

"I won't run away again."

Jared nodded. "...Okay. Then I guess all that's left is some more questions for Denise. And I'll want to talk to Jack as well. There's still a chance I won't find this home suitable for you, but..." Jared paused. "I admit, this is the best I've seen you."

Sean thought that was interesting, since he'd spent the night in a dumpster.

They walked back to the living room. Sean felt totally blank. He didn't know what he was supposed to feel. He wasn't pissed at Jack anymore. He didn't know why he suddenly wanted to stay here so badly. But it wasn't just to get out of ending up at the boys' home or reform school.

He had his own room. Denise trusted him, and she cared enough to make sure he had something to eat every day. Jack had spent all day and night searching for him. Blink was kind of funny, when he wasn't trying to impress anyone. And even Itey and David and Dutchy were kind of growing on him. Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone.

But there had been people before. He'd had a few friends, even. He'd sort of had a boyfriend, once. They'd been close.

But he'd ended up hurt there. And it had hurt badly, too, because he'd really thought the guy cared about him. No one had cared about Sean before that, not ever, really... But he'd been like the rest. Shallow. Empty.

He didn't know what he'd do if Denise and Jack turned out like that. What he'd do if they got bored of him, kicked him to the curb. He'd sworn he wouldn't ever let anyone do that to him again.

But still, he didn't want to sleep in a dumpster again. Jack had searched for him. Denise was worried. Maybe they wouldn't turn on him.

That maybe was the closest he'd ever come to trusting anyone. He shoved his hands in his pockets and sank down on to the couch.

"Well, I have some questions, I'd like to talk a little," Jared said. "I'd like to know some more about these boys at school."

"Which boys at school?" Sean asked dully.

"Your friends."

"They're not my friends. They're Jack's friends. But they let me sit with them at lunch."

"They are your friends, Sean," Jack said. "They want to be, anyway."

"Yeah, well," Sean snorted, but shrugged. "They're okay, I guess."

"Sean has had difficulty making friends in the past," Jared explained to Denise and Jack. Jack made an 'are-you-kidding-me?' type of face. "So it's very important if he's made any here. Sean?" Jared said. Sean glanced at him. "Have you met any friends outside of through Jack?"

"Not really."

"What about Jess?" Jack asked. "You didn't meet her through one of us."

"That's different, she was assigned to me. She doesn't count."

"Yeah, but like, she's your friend. She..." Jack cleared his throat. "She hung out with you, at the party."

"Which party?"

Jared looked surprised. "So you've been to more than one party?"

Sean found it weird that a social worker wanted Sean in a high-school party type of situation. 'Yes, booze and drugs, that's what NORMAL teenagers get fucked on, Sean!' This was why Sean hated social workers.

"Yeah, Sean made a friend besides us," Jack said.

"She's called here a few times," Denise added.

Jared looked expectantly at Sean.

"Okay, I have a fag hag. You can get those in your sleep, doesn't count."

And Jess _didn't_ count. Sean didn't really mind her, he guessed, but she wasn't a friend. But she wasn't that bad, either.

"Jack," Jared said, moving on. "How are you and Sean getting along?"

"Uh, better," Jack said, kind of laughing. He was uncomfortable. "Much better."

"Why was it going badly before?"

"I dunno, we're both kind of aggressive. And I don't really like it when Denise doesn't pay attention to me, so..."

Oops.

"So Denise hasn't been paying attention to you?"

Denise snorted as Jack said, "No no no! I just mean, like, I can be a total spoiled brat. Like, if she was telling Sean to eat, I'd be eating, and I like, would be spoiled. I dunno. It was me, I can be a total jerk sometimes."

Sean snorted. Jack rolled his eyes.

"But we've been getting along better," Jack finally said. "I mean, except for that fight yesterday. But that's the only time we've really been in a serious fight. And it was my fault. And I'm sorry."

"It wasn't all your fault."

That was all Sean said. But Jared nodded and made up his mind right there.

"Well, Sean. It seems as though you... you're making bigger strides here than you have before, in any other environment. But I also know that you're a very smart young man, and easily able to say things you know I'd like to hear, in order to get what you want." He gave Sean a meaningful look. "I won't fall for that again, either."

Sean shrugged. "Believe what you want."

"I very much want to believe that this-everything you've told me-is real. But I also can't ignore the reality that you ran away, that you spent a night out in the cold with no coat. You could have been mugged, or died of exposure, or... Well, that was just not acceptable, and it suggests you need closer supervision, regardless."

Sean said nothing. He knew what 'closer supervision' meant. It meant a home with guards and an electric fence at the perimeter. He didn't want that.

"Jared, please," Denise said quietly. "You're right that I wasn't home yesterday. But isn't it more important to have a stable _family_ situation for Sean, than to base your whole decision on one unfortunate situation?"

He sighed. "I'll need to discuss the situation with you. Monday, during my regular work hours. We'll need to brainstorm some ground rules to keep this situation... stable."

"Certainly," Denise said. "I'd be more than happy to arrange a meeting. Just let me know what time is convenient for you."

He nodded. "I'll call you Monday morning, then. Sean..."

Sean said nothing.

"Well, you know what I said before. You need to be on your best behavior. After an incident this severe, I'll need to take smaller instances more seriously. No more fighting."

"I'm not gonna stand back and let some asshole jock beat the crap out of me, to make you happy."

"Sean-"

"But yeah, whatever. No more fighting."

"We'll review this situation soon."

"Yeah."

"All right, then. Thanks for the pizza." He stood up. "Ms. Kelly..."

"Monday," she said firmly. "And I'm sorry about all the trouble."

"It wasn't her fault," Jack mumbled, as Denise walked Jared out the door. She turned back and looked at the two of them.

"Sean, Jack. That is _never_ to happen again," she said firmly. "Any time you're feeling that much trouble, you call me. Promise."

"I promise, Mom," Jack said quickly.

Sean shrugged. "Yeah," he said. "Whatever."

"Good. Now, Sean, I know you haven't felt very at home here. I'd like to know what we can do to make you feel like this _is_ your home. Somewhere you want to stay. Somewhere comfortable." She sat back down on the couch.

Jack smirked. "Ask for anything, Sean. That's her guilty mother voice, you'll get it."

"Jack, be quiet," she said, but she smiled at him. "Sean?"

"Uh," he said. "I want some posters. For my room. And a coat."

"Those both sound eminently reasonable. We can go shopping tomorrow."

"And a library card."

"What?" she asked.

"I want... I want a library card."

And she grinned at him. "Absolutely."

* * *

David was reminded how long the bus ride was from the poor side of town to the mansions. There was something epic about that thought, but at the moment, he just really hated buses. He also kind of wanted to be with Jack.

At the same time, this was partially due to the dread he felt in his stomach at the thought of seeing Mush, one of his favorite people, beaten up black and blue. Sometimes, David wondered if he was strong enough to keep playing this mother role. But that didn't stop him from getting off the bus, walking two blocks, and knocking on Race's very big, very fancy door.

There was about a minute of waiting before Race opened the door. Race's fancy shirt was untucked, and disheveled, and his hair was a mess. The expression on his face made him look very young, and in over his head.

David had seen that expression on his face way too often. He hurried inside. "Where is he?"

"The bathroom...I don't know if-"

"He's conscious, right?" David asked quickly, rolling up his sleeves as he stopped at the foot of the stairs. "Which bathroom?"

"Up, up, you're going the right way, he's conscious." Race sighed, and ran his hands through his hair. "Oh my god, he looks...Davey?" David stopped, and looked at Race. "He...he doesn't look so good, okay?"

David nodded. "Okay."

And still, David wasn't really prepared when he stepped into the bathroom. It wasn't so much how badly he was beaten up, it was how _upset_ he was. Mush was very strong, and very proud, which people didn't expect since he was so feminine sometimes.

"Michael..." David said.

Michael's face was a mess of bruises and bandaids. He was icing a badly swollen eye; at least Tony had managed to get him cleaned up, got some of the cuts covered. He was shirtless, however, and his torso was also a mess of bruises and cuts and... David glanced around the bathroom and saw the remnants of his shirt, which was soaking in the sink. To get blood out.

He looked as bad as Sean had, the night David had seen him after he'd gotten so hurt in the parking lot.

"Hi, Davey," Michael mumbled from around the ice pack.

"So why aren't you at a doctor's office?"

Tony snorted. Michael said, "Because I can't go until I talk to my parents, and I can't talk to my parents until I look less shitty."

"_Why_?" David demanded.

"Because if I went home looking like this, Dad will call me a pussy and Mom will cry. Then when Dad gets pissed off and stomps out to go drinking, my sister will call me a fag and Mom will cry some more."

"So why not skip that step and go straight to the ER?"

"Because they'd _call_ my parents, and then all of that would happen in the middle of the hospital. No thanks."

"But..." David sighed. "Is it just cuts and bruises?"

"Chipped tooth, I swallowed some blood," Michael said. "It hurts a lot on one side when I breathe."

"Michael-"

"Look, I'm _going_ to go home, and I'm _going_ to go to the doctor and get it X-rayed, Dave. Just not yet."

"But-"

"Dave," Tony said. "Leave him alone, he knows what he's doing."

David scoffed. But when he looked at Michael, he softened a little. "Who was it?" he asked.

"No one," Michael said.

"Mush-"

"I'm not going to say, because Tony will go start a big fight and I don't want him getting in trouble and I _don't_ need some hetero trying to cure my life."

"'Some hetero'?" Race asked. "I'm your friend, bitch!"

"You know my point," Mush said. "I don't want you causing more of a stir around this then there already is. They'll be prancing around all week now, talking about how they beat up the fag." Mush sighed, and winced.

"I still want to know who did it..." Race growled.

"Tony, no offense, but your temper is monumentally volcanic," David sighed. He sat down in front of Mush. "So what do we do until we can get you home? You going to stay here, with Race, until you look a little more human?"

Mush whimpered. "I know, I look awful."

David smiled a little. "Well, you're the best-looking non-human I've ever seen."

Mush laughed, but then hissed. "Ooowwww..."

"You won't be able to walk alone anymore, now," Race said. "You'll need me around to protect you."

"If you start protecting me the way you protect Maria, I'll pass, thanks," Mush shot back.

"What's wrong with how I protect Maria?"

"Nothing, just-"

"I'm a good older brother!"

"Yes, Tony, you're a wonderful older brother, only-"

"What are you trying to say, huh?"

"O_kay_, Italiano," David cut in, giving Race a dark look. "I think Mush has had enough drama. Can I see your face without the pack, please?"

Mush looked reluctant. "Why?"

"Please, Mush?"

Mush sighed, and slowly removed the pack. His cheek was swollen.

David shook his head. "That bastard...who did it, Michael?"

Mush averted his eyes.

"_Please_ tell me who did it, Michael."

"It's not like they won't be bragging on Monday," he said. "And anyway, I can't say. If I say, the cops might ask you. Which is another reason not to go to the hospital or anything. I don't want the police involved. I don't want anyone in trouble."

"They _should_ be in trouble," Race muttered. "And if I hear anyone bragging about anything, they'll _be_ in trouble."

"Tony, no," Michael said. "Please. I don't want any more fighting. Two wrongs don't make a right."

"But it would make me feel better," Tony muttered.

David smiled a little at that. Yes, Tony was a spoiled brat, and often a dick; but he was also fiercely loyal to his friends. He didn't know how to make Michael feel better, so he'd settle for evening the score.

"Look, I'm assuming this was more than one guy, Tony, you can't take them out by yourself," David said reasonably.

"I'll find people to help me," Tony said darkly. "I have friends."

"You sound like you're in the mob or something," David mumbled. "And since Michael and I are your best friends-"

"I'd pay people to help me, whatever. I'm not just going to sit back and-"

"Please, Tony. I don't want any more fighting!" Michael said, then, "Ow, my tooth..." Tony grumbled. Michael took a deep breath and winced. "My _side_..."

"Oh, Michael," David sighed, giving him a sympathetic look. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Find me a pretty boy to make it allllll feel better."

"I don't know pretty boys," David said.

"Jack is pretty hot," Mush said. "From your pictures...and from when I've seen him."

David snorted and burst out laughing. "You won't think he's hot if you know him too long."

"But he's your best friend, what's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, just...his buffness wears off."

"His 'buffness'?" Race asked.

"Shut up," David said darkly.

"Why can't anyone be gay?" Mush whined. David and Race looked at each other. They were very used to this speech. Mush tugged at Race's shirt. "Why can't you be gay?"

"Because I'm not!" Race snapped. "Mush, come on, you'll meet someone at, like...I dunno, the gym or something."

"Stereotype much?" David sneered.

"Well, I don't know!"

"You're so stupid," Mush said in an affectionate voice to Race.

"Oh, thanks."

"How are you feeling?" David asked. "Nauseated?"

"Not really. Just achy."

"Well, that's something at least. Did they get your head?"

"Not sure."

"Well...I want to make sure you don't have a concussion. Maybe we should take you to a walk-in clinic..."

"I'm not going to a walk in clinic, Dave," Mush said firmly. "I'm not going to the hospital, and I'm not going home. Until I feel like I can face them all, okay?"

David sighed. "How's your head?"

"Not any worse than the rest of me," Michael assured him. "I didn't pass out or anything. They were total pussies, I swear," he finished weakly.

Tony grumbled something angrily again.

"Anyway, I'd be fine if I had someone to cuddle." Michael looked over at Tony and sighed.

"Look, fairy princess," Tony said, rolling his eyes, but doing it kind of fondly, "somewhere out there, there is the perfect guy for you."

"I _know_," Michael whined.

And Tony looked at him, pretty obviously focusing on his body. And mumbled, "And you're pretty hot anyway, so I bet in college or whatever you'll have guys throwing themselves at you."

David snorted. "Look, Michael, it's not like you're even the only gay kid in town. Just in... _your_ part of town. And school. If you weren't surrounded by really uptight, rich pricks..."

"I'm not an uptight, rich prick," Tony objected.

"Yes, you are," David said. "But if you got out and met some other people, you'd meet someone so fast."

"Yeah," Tony said.

Michael sighed. "Where am I supposed to meet these alleged other gay teenagers? I feel like a species going extinct or something..."

"Aren't all your friends fags?" Tony asked David, but he touched Mush's cheek to show he was joking. Mush looked a little light-headed at that.

"Uumm..." David said. "Yes, but I dunno. Dutchy is completely wrong for you."

"How is he wrong for me?" Mush asked.

"He just is. Believe me. And Sean is..." David laughed. "Completely a no."

"Why-"

"Take. My. Word."

Race and Mush winced at each other. "Come on, Davey, you gotta have someone who'd work with Mush," Race said. "He's dying here. Physically and...erotically."

Mush laughed, and so did Race.

David sighed. "Blink wouldn't be so bad, I guess." Then David blinked. "Hey, he wouldn't."

"Blink?" Mush asked slowly.

"Let me just...let me think about that. Anyway, let's focus on you right now, and let's see how well you can walk. Have you eaten?"

"Not really."

"Then-"

"On it," Tony said with a smile.

"Still, Davey," Mush said, as David helped stand him up. "I don't see why you can't set me up with big, strong Jaaacck."

"He's not gay."

Mush and Race snorted.

"And neither am I!"

* * *

They walked into the garage and were greeted with an awkward silence. It looked like the band had been in the middle of anther fight; Blink was sitting on the couch, looking pissed, and Dutchy was in the process of putting away his guitar.

"Wow, awkward," Jack said cheerfully. "Blink, stop being a drama queen, Dutchy, stop being sensitive and go get high. Did that cover everything?"

Itey blinked. "Close," he said, and nodded.

Jack smiled.

But people were paying more attention to Sean than to Jack anyway. Kind of staring at him.

He kind of stared back.

"So are you staying, or what?" Blink finally demanded, exasperated.

"Yeah, looks like it," Sean mumbled. "And, uh, I'm not going to say thank you for looking for me or anything. 'Cause I didn't ask you to." Jack kicked him and he kicked back. "But, uh, Denise is making us go to the mall so I can get a coat."

"Finally!" Itey said.

Sean glared at him. "And anyway, Jack is making me ask if you want to like... come, or something."

There was a long silence.

"See, I told you I'd sound like a prick," Sean said firmly to Jack. "I'm not good at the nicey-nice thing."

"That was nicey-nice?" Blink scoffed. "Refusing to thank us for giving a damn about you is nicey-nice?"

"For me it was. And I sounded like a prick, so never mind."

"You didn't sound like a prick," Jack said, rolling his eyes.

"Anyway," Sean said, "we're going now, so if you want to hang out..."

"Oh, hang out?" Blink said. "Is that what you were asking?"

"Screw you, Blinken."

Blink gave him a lopsided smile. "Back at you, Spot."

"Don't call me that."

"Sure we'll come to the mall with you, Spot!" Dutchy said, closing up his guitar case.

"Don't. Call. Me. That."

"Nicknames are good," Jack told him. "It means they like you."

"'Jackass' means I like you?" Sean sneered.

"Jackass isn't my nickname."

"You have a nickname besides Jackass?"

"David and Blink and I call him _Cowboy_, sometimes," Dutchy leered. Jack shifted kind of uncomfortably.

"No one calls me Spot, no matter what the fuck it means," Sean snapped.

Everyone filed out of the garage, in an eerily polite silence, until Itey said, "Sorry, Spotty."

"SHUT UP."

"What kinda jacket do you want?" Blink asked.

Sean gave his body an up-and-down. "Nothing _you'd _wear, flamer."

"Says the guy who looks more like a girl than I do."

"Jack's coat was soooo big on you," Dutchy giggled. "Jack his big shoulders."

"Are you high?" Itey asked, as Jack inched his way over to David. "Oh, wait, are elephants big?"

"You're cute when you're snitty," Dutchy said.

"I also thought," Sean said, clearing his throat. "That I wanted some, like, posters. For my room. So you could come for that, too."

"You're so cute, Spot."

"I'm going to castrate you, I swear to god."

"You're so cute when you're enraged-ow!" Blink rubbed his shoulder, where Sean had hit him. "You hit hard for someone so small-ow!"

"Stop calling me Spot, and don't call me _small_," Sean said fiercely.

"Macho, too," Blink said, as they packed up the rest of their stuff and prepared to pile into Jack's van. "So not my type."

"What, you want someone even femme-ier than _you_?" Sean muttered. "I don't think _anyone_ is that gay."

"Actually..." David said quietly, and everyone turned to see him.

"If he comes out, I swear to god I'm running away again," Sean said.

Blink punched him. "Don't joke about running away, ass, we were worried! And anyway, if Davey comes out, we should support him, _Spot_."

"I don't do supportive, and stop calling me that!" Spot snapped, as they all climbed into the van.

David took shotgun and cleared his throat. "I'm not coming out, I'm not gay. What I meant was, I have a friend. At school. Who might just fit that description of, uh, gayer than Blink." He considered. "Well, not as flamey, but... much more, uh... Feminine. For a guy who works out three times a week."

"Is he hot?" Blink asked.

"I don't know!" David said, then saw the skeptical looks he was getting. "Okay, I do know, he is. But I'm not gay, damn it."

"Is he _single_?" Blink pried.

"Yes, and he complains about it a lot."

"Dave..." Blink said seriously. "You have a hot, single, gay friend, and you've NEVER INTRODUCED US? Why have you been holding out?"

_Because he's been butt-crazy in love with Race for like, two years, and just got over him. _ "Slipped my mind," David said airily.

"It 'slipped your mind'? Davey!" Blink grabbed him by the collar. "David. This could change my life."

"Oh yeah right, at MOST you'll hook up with him," Dutchy said. "You're a teenager."

"Bit cynical, coming from you," Jack said.

"I'm open-minded, not blind," Dutchy said. "Er, no offense, Blink."

"None taken."

"He's really nice," David said. "I dunno, I'll introduce you, but I'm not much for like, blind date situations...um..."

"Yes, blind date, none taken, moving along!" Blink snapped. Then he glanced over at Denise in the driver seat, already looking like she was preparing for a migraine from all the noise in the van. "Hi, Denise!"

"Hi, Denise," they all chorused.

"Hello, boys," she said in a tired, but kind of loving voice.

"Can we stop for food?" Jack asked.

"Oh shut up," David said. "Bottomless pit, we'll get food at the mall."

"I'm hungry _now_."

"My friend Mush thinks you're cute," David said.

Jack shrugged. "I am cute. I'm hot."

"Until you talk," Dutchy said casually. Denise let out a big laugh.

"MOM!"

"Well, it was funny, Jack," she said. "You can't expect me not to laugh, when I spend more money keeping you fed every month than I do on rent."

"Sorry, Mom," Jack immediately said guiltily.

"Don't be sorry, that's what teenage boys are supposed to do. Which reminds, me, Sean-"

"Yes, I had breakfast, no, I'm not eating lunch at the mall. You could cook once in a while, woman."

"Don't ask her to do that, she might," Jack said. "And then she'd make you eat it, and trust me. Not even I eat when Mom cooks."

"I'm not that bad, Jack!" Denise said.

"What, you can laugh when people make fun of me, but I can't make fun of you?" Jack said.

"Oh, now he's pouting," Dutchy commented. "You really are too cute, Jack. If you were gay, I'd do you in a second."

"Well, I'm not, and my Mom is in the car!"

"I didn't say I'd do you in front of your mom, geeze. I'm not _that_ kinky. She's hot, though, for a mom."

"You sweet talker, you," Denise said, but she was laughing again. Even as, in the back seat, Jack punched Dutchy's shoulder. It was going to be a long day.


	12. The Right Target

_**Take Good Care of the Poor Boy**_

Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?  
People can be so cold.  
They'll hurt you and desert you.  
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.  
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.  
- You've Got a Friend , James Taylor

_**Chapter Twelve: The Right Target**_

Monday mornings, in Sean's expert opinion, sucked. He was not someone who was eager to get to school and interact with his (he choked on the very thought of the word) 'peers'. He didn't like people in general, and he especially didn't like _peers._

But still, as he clamored into Jack's van, he didn't feel… _bad._

He had on his new coat; Denise had made him get two. This one was for cold weather, like today, the end of February. But spring was coming up, so she'd gotten him a denim jacket, too. So he'd be prepared. She'd also wanted to get him new boots, but he hadn't wanted them; they'd haggled and settled on a new pair of sneakers. No holes, now.

And Jack was being, well, not an asshole. Not really. It wasn't like they were talking about anything important, but Jack made it clear that he would just listen if Sean wanted him to. Not that he did—_talking_ and _listening_ and that kind of bullshit was for pussies, and Sean was not a pussy. But instead, they watched stupid TV together while Sean read and Jack did homework, and kind of joked around, and it wasn't bad.

Not bad was the best Sean had had, well… ever.

So he only growled a little bit when Blink called him Spot again when he got in Jack's van.

"So boys," Blink said, clapping his hands together and looking even more flaming than usual. "It is high time we got me a boyfriend."

Jack and Sean sent each other quick, dreading looks. Great. Blink was in one of those moods. Lately, 'one of those moods' were the only moods Blink was ever in.

"It's high time you were hate crimed," Sean replied.

"So I think we need to attend a party," Blink continued, as if Sean hadn't spoken.

"Any boy you try and get, I'll take," Sean said swiftly.

Blink ignored him. "Jack, do you have any weird muscular bonehead friends like you, only gay?"

Jack slowly turned and stared at Blink. "..._No_. And you know all my friends."

"Go to the gym," Sean snapped. "That's where they are." Jack looked at Sean. "What, Jackass?"

"Nothing."

"None of the guys at the gym like me..." Blink said.

"'Cause you're a fairy!" Jack sang.

"Can we pick up the other guys now?" Blink whined, slumping in his seat.

Jack and Sean felt very proud of themselves; dampening Blink's spirits was oddly fun.

They picked up Dutchy and Itey together, since Itey's dad had his car that day. Itey was holding a huge travel mug of coffee, and Dutchy reeked of pot. "Dude," Jack sighed. "When did you smoke?"

"Uh… woke up early, couldn't sleep… you know," Dutchy said, and giggled. "Can we stop at McDonalds or Dunkin or something? I need food."

"No," Jack said.

"Awwww, c'_mon,_ Jacky-Jacky-Jack-Jack-J—"

"Shut the hell up!" Sean snapped. "God, you're a moron, and you're worse when you're stoned."

Dutchy looked momentarily upset, then started giggling again. "Man, I am soooooo high, I don't even care. Blink, you wanna smoke during lunch?"

Blink looked conflicted, until Sean cleared his throat. "Yeah, Blink, look how _cool_ it makes you."

"What's your problem, anyway?" Blink asked. "You really don't ever… I mean, even Itey has once or twice."

"It makes you act like a fucking idiot."

"It's fun," Jack said.

"Yeah, you'd think so," Sean answered dismissively. Jack scowled and Sean smirked. It was good that their 'brotherhood' or whatever had progressed to the point where Sean didn't have to say aloud that Jack acted like an idiot anyway; Jack just assumed it was implied.

"You're no fun, Spotty-wotty," Dutchy finally said. "But you're hot. I'd do you. Again!"

"Shut the fuck up, Blondie."

"I would."

"Well, I wouldn't."

Dutchy paused, then pouted. "You would so."

Sean slowly turned and looked at Dutchy. "Normally, I'd throw you a little bone, and say 'why the fuck not? Let him hope.' Because, you see asshat, it's FUNNY to watch desperate fucks make an ass out of themselves. But I want you SO LITTLE, that I'm going to skip the fun part and just say it: Fuck. Off." Then Sean glanced at Blink. "Fuck HIM.."

Dutchy snorted and burst out laughing while Blink made a face.

"No, thanks," Blink sneered. "I like my men to have, you know, an ass."

"I like my men to have testicles."

"FUCK YOU, DUTCHY."

Sean turned in his seat and looked forward again, letting out an almost pleasant sigh. "Nice day."

Jack smirked.

* * *

"Jack," Itey sighed, ten minutes later. "I'd appreciate it if, if you're gonna carpool us and get breakfast, be earlier?"

Jack mumbled something through his Egg McMuffin.

"Because I really don't like being late, okay? I really don't."

"Okay, _David_," Dutchy snickered, wolfing down his fries.

"Listen, I need my good grades, so-"

"Relax, we'll be fine," Jack said. "Look, even Spot is eating. This is a special occasion."

"For what?" Itey asked, though he did give an interested look to Sean, who was munching slowly on a fry.

"I dunno," Jack shrugged. "Let's make one up."

"Dutchy Shut Up Day," Sean supplied.

"Yeah, let's make it Dutchy Shut Up Day. Dutchy? Shut up."

"Fuck you guys!"

"Can we PLEASE just get moving?"

Jack didn't want to mention the obvious to Itey. It'd piss Sean off. But Jack happened to know that Steve was hunting for Sean's blood, and he wanted to avoid running into Steve at all costs. Like, hitting the parking lot at the last possible moment would give them a much better chance at avoiding a Steve encounter. Steve, for an asshole, didn't cut class TOO much. At least, Jack hoped he didn't.

"Do you think Jessica smokes up?" Dutchy asked.

"Dutchy Shut Up Day is set in motion...now," and Blink reached over and grabbed Dutchy's bag of McDonalds.

"You'll get fat, fairy."

"Get a boyfriend, four-eyes."

"Look who's talking!"

"Shut UP."

Itey sighed, and quite childishly, slumped in his seat.

They pulled into the parking lot halfway through first period, and had to wait for Dutchy to apply eyedrops. Blink and Sean made it into their class before it ended, and Steve glowered at them, but didn't say anything. The teacher just rolled his eyes.

Jack had told Blink what was going on with Steve, and Blink grabbed Sean's arm and got him to wait while he apologized at length for being late, then was late to their next class and waited while the teacher wrote them a pass. But Steve wasn't waiting in the hall when they got out. Blink let out a breath. Keeping this up without Sean getting suspicious would be hard. They sauntered into their second class, which was thankfully Steve-free, and Blink put his head down as Sean began to write in a notebook. It was going to be a long day, if this kept up.

They didn't have any more classes with Steve until the last period—gym. Blink dragged his feet as they walked to it. "Gym sucks. Let's skip."

Sean glanced over at Blink, smirked a little. "And miss all that shirtless eyecandy? I thought you were horny."

"Shut up, Spot."

"Don't call me that, fairy."

"Seaaaan," Blink whined. "I really don't want to go to gym. Let's just cut out and meet everyone else at home, okay?"

"Good, you take your fucking whining and go, then."

Blink grumbled but didn't say anything. He trailed Sean into the locker room, late again, straggling in as the coach was finishing attendance.

"Getting some ass with your boyfriend before class?" Steve said, smirking.

"I'd rather get some ass with you," Sean answered. "What're you doing after class?"

"Kicking your ass," Steve hissed.

"You're awfully obsessed with my ass, for a straight guy," Sean said.

"Shut the fuck up!"

Sean faux-sighed. "Well, fuck, Stevey, I just don't know which line to use first. You're cute when you're angry? Oooh, he's sassy? You pick."

"Listen, faggot," Steve snarled, stepping forward and giving Sean's shoulder a hard shove. "If you keep pissing me off and getting in my way-"

"I guess I'll just get behind you then."

"Shut the fuck up!"

Steve pulled his arms back, and shoved Sean harder, pushing him into the lockers. Sean noticed Blink looking around the room for an ally; and of course, there was none.

"Sean-" Blink started.

"I can fight my own battles, you fucking fairy," Sean said in a low voice. He realized what Blink had been doing all day and growled. "Back off."

"But Denise-"

Sean snarled, "Shut up!"

Steve pushed Sean's shoulders harder into the lockers, and Sean felt a lock dig into his side. He couldn't fight back, could he? Well, he could, and he'd win, but...

But the last thing he wanted was to get thrown in with another bunch of assholes, in some other city, all over again. At least here he managed to have somewhat of an appetite. And Blink could be a little more annoying than he actually was, he supposed.

And Jack and Denise were bearable.

And...

And he didn't want to think about all this kind of sentimental shit, he really just wanted to punch Steve, hard, especially when Steve always left himself wide open, trying to show off. But he couldn't, his body wouldn't do it, and Sean didn't want to think for a second that his body wasn't doing something he wanted it to do.

"Hey, what the FUCK, Steve?"

And Sean found himself mildly amused that Jack was glistening with sweat, bare-chested, as he pulled Steve away.

"Well, that's the gayest thing I've seen all day," Sean said, smirking.

"Get off me!" Steve yelled at Jack, pulling himself away from Jack and turning to shove him. Jack didn't shove back, but did clench a fist.

"Leave my brother alone!" Jack yelled back.

"Brother, yeah, right," Steve scoffed. "Neither one of you has a family. Your parents didn't want you, Kelly, everyone knows that."

Sean snarled and started to lunge at Steve. No one talked about his dad at all, and he didn't want them to talk about Jack's, either. He didn't know what had happened to Jack before he was at Denise's, but figured it was no one's business. Especially not Steve's.

"Hey, hey!" Jack yelled again, grabbing Sean and holding him back. "Hey, some help over here?"

Just as Steve started for Sean, who Jack was still holding back, the gym coach moseyed over. "What's going on here? Kelly, I thought you said you wanted to lift weights?"

"I'm trying to stop a fist fight," Jack grunted. "You wanna help?"

The coach looked at the three of them, then snapped, "Conlon, go lift weights with your brother this period. Olsen, give me five laps around the gym. You want to screw around, do it on your own time."

Sean and Steve glared at each other, but Jack grabbed Sean's arm and dragged him along to the weight room. Steve began jogging lazily around the room.

"You don't know how to keep out of trouble, do you?" Jack muttered.

"Shut up," Sean muttered back. "I was taking care of it."

"They'll take you away if you get in another fight."

"What the hell was I supposed to do?" Sean demanded. "He started it."

"You encouraged him. You always do that." Jack rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to sit around like a pussy and just take the shit he throws at me, Jackass."

Jack sighed, and shrugged. "Yeah, I wouldn't either."

"Fucking right you wouldn't either."

Jack kind of grinned then. "What, you saying you want to have something in common with me?"

Sean didn't say anything. Just glared.

"Well, I didn't want you to get in another fight, win or not."

Sean glanced around the room, made a face at the weights.

"I mean, I'm kind of getting used to you being around."

Sean glanced at Jack for only two seconds, before saying, "I don't lift weights."

"Yeah, we can skip."

Which Sean thought was kind of cool, because he could tell Jack really got off on his weights and his ripped body. Probably because David thought it was hot or something.

"Sooo…" Jack said, after he had pulled on his shirt, as they wandered towards the van. They'd wait for everyone else to get out of class before taking off.

"So." Sean thrust his hands into his pocket. He didn't feel like talking.

"Everyone at school knows that I'm adopted," Jack offered. They leaned against the van and Sean lit up a cigarette. "Most of them don't care. It's not a big deal or anything. Except sometimes, Steve is such an asshole…"

"Yeah."

"See, David would be proud of me. Because I didn't let you hit him there. Even though I wanted to."

"David would go totally gay for that. Oh, wait. David's already totally gay." Sean exhaled a plume of smoke, and Jack scowled.

"Davey's not gay," Jack said automatically. "Anyway, I know you'll just say you didn't do it for me, but… you know, it was cool that you did that. Tried to get Steve for me, I mean."

Sean smoked for a minute, then said, "Your dad's in jail?"

"Yeah," Jack said. The cold air whipped around them. "He was such a charming bastard. He'd beat the shit out of my mom and the next day he'd bring her flowers and candy and say he was sorry. He got promoted at work for fucking his boss, he'd come home and slap me around."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, but… there was never enough money, so he got into some stuff he shouldn't have."

"Like beating up his kid?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't know, he was my dad. It was awful, but I'd fall for it, too. He'd smack me around one night, the next day he'd get us tickets to go see a ball game together. He was bipolar or something."

"What'd they catch him on?" Sean asked.

"Armed robbery. Mom divorced him as soon as he was sentenced. Started dating sleazes. Like my dad, but without the charm. Wanted to get married again as soon as she could… One of them said he didn't like me, she kicked me out."

"Jesus, how old were you?"

"Ten." Jack zipped up his coat. It was getting cold. "My teachers figured out I wasn't going home, just staying on the playground all night after a few days. Turned in my mom. She got slapped with neglect charges, I got thrown into the system… Two years until Denise took me out of it."

"Jesus," Sean said again.

"No one around here knows all that, though. Not much of it, anyway."

Sean bit his lip. "I'm not telling you about my dad, Jack."

"That's fine." Jack shrugged. "Point was, I don't like it when people talk about my dad, either. So… thanks."

Sean shrugged. "Whatever," he said. But he looked at Jack, and kind of nodded.

* * *

"Jesus, Dutchy," Jack exhaled, and passed the joint over to Blink. "This is _strong_. Did you fuck your dealer?"

Dutchy muttered something that sounded like, "I'm that desperate..."

Blink glanced at Jack for a moment, before taking a small toke. "How's Sean?"

Jack kind of grinned. "He's fine."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jack nodded, before taking the joint back from Blink and inhaling again. "Thanks for helping today. Steve didn't give you any trouble, did he?" Blink shook his head. "Good."

"You were very shiny," Blink supplied. Then made a face and looked at the joint with an annoyed face, "Dutchy, this _is_ strong."

"Horny and high don't mix," Dutchy muttered sleepily, leaning against the wall. The three of them had met outside of a 7/11 around six to smoke up, at Dutchy's request. Requests like that were getting more and more frequent, and frankly, making Blink more uncomfortable about the whole 'casual pot-smokers' thing.

"Did you go to any classes today?" Blink asked Dutchy. Then he narrowed his eyes at Jack. "Or did you?"

"I went to math!" Jack said defensively. "And some of gym."

Dutchy took the roll-up from Jack's hand. Blink put his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground.

"Dutchy?"

"Fuck school," Dutchy said in a good-natured tone. "They don't want me there, anyway."

"Dutchy, that is so stupid."

"What? They don't."

"Maybe this is why you can't get a date!"

Dutchy blinked. "What's with you, Ryan? Did I do something?"

Jack awkwardly shifted in place, and took the joint from Dutchy's hands, smoking it while he watched the scene in front of him unfold. Kind of like popcorn and watching a movie. Only not.

"No..." Blink sighed. "Just, like, it's fucking lame, you know, maybe Jessica would like you if you showed up and, like, tried."

"I don't see you trying at school," Dutchy replied sleepily.

"I do, too. Some. Anyway, it's not like anyone's gonna suddenly go gay for me if I get straight As."

"You need to get laid," Jack said.

"You want to volunteer?" Blink asked, grinning stupidly. Then he shook his head. Pot really made him dumb. He wondered what Sean would have thought of the three of them.

"Ew, shut up." Jack nudged him with his elbow. "Mom's gonna kill me. Dutch, did you bring eye drops?"

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna have to, like, spill coffee on myself to cover the smell or something."

"Guys?" Blink spoke up. "This is… lame. I mean… Jack's gotta lie to his mom about it, Dutchy's gotta sleep with his dealer to get the good stuff… We all sound so pathetic."

"Why are you such a downer?" Jack asked, frowning. "I was having fun."

"I wasn't," Blink said.

"You…" Dutchy pointed an accusing finger at him. "You _suck._ Is what you do." But Dutchy broke into a surprisingly dazzling grin, and laughed. Blink blinked. It was easy to forget that when Dutchy wasn't being self conscious and stupid, and when he smiled right, he was kind of hot. In a shaggy haired, stoner kind of way.

Blink shuddered. He didn't like that. He wanted a boy with muscles and aftershave, not some scrawny blond pothead…

"I think I'm gonna go," Blink said.

"Yeah?" Jack asked.

"Yeah." Blink nodded. "I, uh… I don't think I'm gonna do this anymore, guys. I just… I dunno." He dug into a pocket, and pulled out his last joint, wrapped in a plastic bag. He handed it to Jack. "Here, you guys enjoy it, okay?"

"Will do," Jack said.

But Dutchy scowled. "You think I'm a loser too, don't you, Blink?"

"No, Dutchy, I—"

"You do so! Everyone does!" Dutchy looked really upset for a moment, and Blink sighed.

"Dutchy… It's not you, okay? You really need to slow down on this stuff, you're getting… kinda scary."

Dutchy pouted, but Jack slung an arm around him. "Hey," Jack said. "More for you and me, man, right?"

"You're so hot, Jacky," Dutchy answered.

Blink smirked. "Goodnight, lovebirds." He waved and hurried off before Dutchy could get all scary again. Dutchy was really, really starting to worry him.

Dutchy paused. "You know, Jack," Dutchy said, observing the tall boy next to him and feeling, very much so, the weight of Jack's muscly arm around his shoulder. "You're very hot."

"Yes. I am."

"Do you wanna-"

"No, Dutchy, I never wanna."

Dutchy grumbled. Then blinked. "I'm reaallyyy feeling this..." He dug into his pocket. "I got like, two baggies left of this shit that I don't need. I spend too much money on a supply I already got."

"Go sell it, then," Jack said. Then re-thought it. "No, no, no, never mind, dealing is bad."

Dutchy sighed. "I'm gonna go, okay?"

Jack paused. "Where?"

"Just off. I need some tail, I really do, Jacky, I'm so horny and fucking...full of like, fuck, CUM, you know!" Dutchy snorted, and kind of laughed, kind of choked.

Jack stared at him for a moment. "...k."

"Here, you have it," Dutchy said, shoving the pot in Jack's hands. "I got my own stash at home."

"At least let me pay you," Jack mumbled.

"Get me breakfast all next week," Dutchy said, hurrying off. "I'll see ya..."

Jack sighed, stuffing the baggies in his pocket. How was he gonna smoke all of this without Blink? And Dutchy was acting all weird...it wasn't as fun as it used to be.

But then again, smoking it alone was what he did when he was fourteen anyway. Still, back then he'd been kind of miserable and bored, and now...

Well, now he had nothing better to do.

* * *

Jack didn't think anything about it when he left his coat in his locker and walked off to class the next morning. He was actually pretty bored, never even thinking trouble might be around the corner. Not until he glanced out the window, and saw a policeman walk past. A dog barked a minute later, and Jack tensed up.

Every few months, the police did a random locker search, bringing in dogs to try and sniff out any drugs. It was rare, though… but Jack had rotten luck, and had been nailed last year. That was strike one. Then he'd been caught skipping class and smoking up with Blink, strike two.

There was no way…

He'd taken the baggies out of his coat, hadn't he? It would be seriously, seriously stupid to just bring them to school…

The PA buzzed into life. "Jack Kelly to the principal's office. Jack Kelly to the principal's office."

Jack swallowed and stood up. Everyone watched him go. Everyone stared as he trudged into the hallway. He couldn't believe this… he hadn't even _wanted_ those stupid baggies, they'd been given to him! And to get caught by random searches twice, when he didn't even smoke _that_ often, at least not compared to Dutchy and Blink…

He nervously made his way into the principal's office. Mr. Thibbs was holding his coat in one hand. A policeman and the drug dog were next to him. Jack's heart sank a little further.

Three strikes and you got expelled and arrested.

* * *

"Sean," the put-upon English teacher said for about the seventh time. "Sean, just answer my… SEAN, are you paying any attention?"

Sean looked up from his notebook. "No," he snorted.

The English teacher had been patient with Sean. Very patient, more than any other teacher. She knew that Sean read on his own time, and had already read most of the books they had in class, so she tried not to get discouraged when he obviously didn't do his homework. Sometimes, he even participated in class. But the last few days, he'd been so stubborn and annoying, insulting her if she could get him to talk at all…

"Sean, that is IT. Young man, you go to the office!"

Sean stared at her, blinked, then shrugged. "Better than this fucking class, anyway." He stood up, grabbed his notebook and his bookbag, and stalked out of the room to the principal's office.

"Sean," the school secretary sighed. "Mr. Thibbs is busy right now."

"Gee, what a shame."

"Go have a seat," she said, pointing to a row of chairs against one wall. "I'll have him speak to you when he's free."

"Can't wait, really," Sean said, and moved to sit down in the chair. He stared up at the ceiling, bored, only interested for a moment when Mr. Thibbs came out of his office with a policeman and dog. Jack was paged to the office, and Sean raised an eyebrow. Interesting.

* * *

"Mr. Kelly, is this your coat?"

"Uh…"

"Jack, answer the question," Mr. Thibbs snapped angrily.

"Yes, sir, but—"

"Do you know what we found in this coat pocket?'

"No…" Jack said softly. The lie was obvious to everyone in the room. Even the dog kind of snarled.

"We found, in the pocket of your coat, not one, but _two bags of marijuana. _Get into my office, Mr. Kelly!"

Jack, head drooping like he was already defeated, shuffled into the office. Sean blinked, as he watched the door close. Jack looked so terrified, he hadn't noticed Sean was there.

"Poor Denise," the secretary muttered, and the young secretary at the back by the fax machine, a red head, clucked her tongue.

"Well, he can always transfer to-"

"Really professional, how you talk about people's lives like that," Sean snapped.

The secretaries both gave him a long look. "You want us to make your stay in this office as long as possible?"

"Like I care." Sean glanced to Mr. Thibbs' office again. "So Jack just got busted?"

The older secretary raised an eyebrow. "Yes, he did, and it's very serious."

Sean didn't know why he did it. Maybe it was because he knew Jack was an okay guy, maybe it was because Denise was an okay woman. Maybe it was both those things. And also, because he owed Jack. He really did.

He could admit that one...if he'd gotten in another fight with Steve...and Jack had looked for him.

"Uh," Sean muttered. Then kind of laughed. "I didn't think he'd get in this much trouble."

Both secretaries' eyes were on him. "Pardon?"

"I didn't think you'd bring in fucking, like, dogs, and shit."

"Young man, what are you talking about?"

"The pot. It's mine. I didn't want to get caught, so I put it in Jack's coat in case, but I didn't really think…"

There was a long silence, and then the red headed secretary picked up the phone, pressed a button, and spoke in a very low, serious voice, "Mr. Thibbs, there's someone out here you should see."

It took all of four minutes for them to usher a startled looking Jack back off to class, and Sean into Thibbs' office. He didn't say anything except that it was his as they called Denise and his social worker.

Denise took half an hour to get there; Jared took forty-five minutes. "You give me migraines," Jared muttered, pointing a finger at Sean.

"You say the sweetest things," Sean answered.

Jared looked at Denise and the principal. "You people do know he's lying, right?" he said to them. "Sean doesn't do drugs."

"What makes you so sure of that?" Mr. Thibbs asked darkly.

"Sean doesn't do drugs. Ever," Jared said. "It's the one thing I've never been called in for with him. He lived with some… drug users for awhile. He hates drugs and drug users. He's always been very vehement about that."

Denise raised an eyebrow. She knew Sean was more than capable of lying to everyone's faces, and she'd heard Sean refuse to even take Tylenol.

"So I'd like to get to the bottom of this," Jared said. "Sean?"

Sean stared him down, irritated. "You keep telling me," he said slowly, "to try and make friends. And be social. You know what friendly, social teenagers do? They fucking smoke pot."

He glared at Jared. Jared flinched. "Well," Jared finally said. "Perhaps I didn't make myself clear, Sean, you and I need to have a long chat." He turned to Mr. Thibbs and the policeman. "No harm done, though, right? This is really a matter for me to handle. Clearly. You gentlemen just confiscate whatever he was carrying, and I'll take care of the matter. Can I talk to Sean alone for a minute, please?"

Everyone looked kind of startled, but got up and left them alone. Jared looked mildly shocked that that had worked. Sean looked at Jared.

Jared looked back at Sean. "So be honest. I know when you're bullshitting. Whose?"

"Jack's," Sean said hesitantly. Jared was being surprisingly… not bad. "He kept Steve off my back and he… you know, looked for me and shit. I didn't want him to get expelled."

"I see." Jared leaned back in his chair. "You weren't smoking?"

"No. I hate that shit."

"Do you think Jack's smoking is really problematic?"

"He gets okay grades. He doesn't cut every day." Sean shrugged. "He's normal."

"Well, then." Jared looked at Sean. "I don't think the state needs to hear about this, do you?"

Sean blinked. "Jared, when did you get cool?"

"About the same time you went soft." Jared smirked.

* * *

Sean was almost glad he was kind of in trouble. It showed Denise had balls, and he was glad she had those.

"So just eat your dinner, shut up, and no arguing," she said sternly, all the while eyeing Jack suspiciously. Both boys stared down at their plates (full of spaghetti), and were quiet. "If I hear one more word from Thibbs about pot, or fighting, or..." Denise stopped, sighed.

Jack and Sean both glanced up at her at the same time. Which she noticed.

"Cut it out," she said. Her eyes shifted to Sean. "Both of you."

"Okay," Jack said.

Sean shrugged his shoulders.

The phone rang, and Denise looked relieved to be out of the room. She disliked these kinds of situations as much as the boys did. She left the room, portable phone in hand.

Sean wondered if he was going soft, since he'd let Denise, a woman he barely knew, lecture him. Like he was some little kid. Still, she didn't call him names or any of that shit, she just stood up to him. Which was something people really never did with Sean.

They just gave up.

As for Jack...

"Mom can't cook," Jack said, chewing on some of the spaghetti. "It's like, still kind of hard."

"I like it better that way," Sean said.

"You don't like food."

"I like hard spaghetti."

Jack made a face. "That's very weird." All the same, Jack was shoveling food in his mouth. They ate in silence, awkward silence, until Jack finally, with his mouth full, said, "Thank you."

They both stopped chewing. Sean glanced at him.

Jack swallowed, and returned his gaze. "I was really fucked, Sean. Thanks."

"Yeah, do yourself a favor and stop smoking that stupid shit."

Jack nodded a little. "I'll try and cut it down."

"Fine. I don't care. I just won't save your ass again."

Jack kind of grinned. "Okay."

"And Jesus, Jackass, how stupid do you have to be to bring it to _school?_ After you've been caught twice?"

"I know, I know! I forgot I had it in my coat. Believe it or not, none of that stuff was really mine. It was Blink's and Dutchy's. Blink gave it to me because he decided to quit, and Dutchy… just got weird."

"Like there are times when Dutchy's not weird?'

"Weird… weird even for Dutchy. I'm starting to worry about him. You should sleep with him again or something, cheer him up."

"Yeah, right. I was nice to _you,_ that was my act of kindness for the year. You want Dutchy to get laid, you fuck him."

"I'm straight."

"Sure you are."

"Shut up."

They lapsed into silence, and it was… comfortable. So Sean didn't talk, just ate his undercooked spaghetti and even a meatball.

* * *

"And here I thought Jack Kelly was okay," Benjamin said, passing the ball over to Steve, and then rushing past him to form a three point under the net. "That was lame shit he pulled in gym, man."

"Whatever, just another fucking charity case at this fucking school," Steve muttered, receiving the pass, then sending it over to Itey. Who said nothing, and then quietly went in for a lay up. Which he got. But when he glanced back at Steve and Benjamin, they were both giving him those sneering looks they always gave lunchladies. The snobby looks.

"Lopez-ah," Steve snapped. "The point is to pass it back to Ben, he takes the lay up."

"Okay," Itey said.

"Good, get the fuck back here."

"And it's weird how he was defending like, fag one and two," Ben continued, taking a pass from Itey and dribbling up the court. "I thought he was straight."

"Who fucking knows," Steve shrugged. "Fucking Ballatt. I'm gonna kill that kid, I swear, he dresses like a fucking girl."

"So?" Itey mumbled. Steve gave him a look.

"You say something, Enrique?"

"No."

"Good."

The coach blew his whistle, and everyone started hustling at the other end of the gym. Steve rushed off, dribbling and showing off. Ben gave Itey an almost, but not quite, apologetic look. Kind of a condescending look, actually, well meant or not.

"Uh...Gabe," Ben said.

"What?" Itey asked.

"Gabe, right? Not Enrique?"

"NO, not Enrique! Oh, my god!"

Ben smirked down at him a little. "Calm down, Lopez." Then he put his hands behind his head, and started to follow Steve. "Oh, and your lay up was sloppy."

Itey sighed. And it wasn't because he was tired from playing.

Three hours later, he stomped into Blink's garage, where everyone was hanging out and Dutchy was half-heartedly picking out something on his guitar, then collapsed immediately on the couch.

"Good practice?" Blink asked. "You're still sweaty."

"It sucked, actually," Itey said.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"You dropped your bass off before school, wanna play?" Blink asked.

"Yeah, I guess… I dunno." Itey paused. "Why do people have to be such jerks?"

Sean looked up from what he was reading for the first time. "Someone bothering you, Lopez?"

"Please call me Itey. Or Gabe. Lopez is what the team calls me…"

"Which is your name," Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, but when they say it… Never mind, I'm being stupid." Itey groaned.

"Itey, babe," Dutchy said, smirking, "you know what you need?"

"What?"

"You need to relax. You know how?"

"…How?" Itey asked suspiciously.

Dutchy waggled his eyebrows. "You need a blowjob. Let's go up to Blink's room."

"Dutchy!" Itey yelped. "No! I'm not gay and… no! Jeeze, ew, are you high?"

"When is Dutchy _not_ high?" Sean muttered.

"Just ignore them," Blink said. "That's what I do."

Itey nodded. "Yeah...sorry, you get a worse time than I do."

Blink shrugged. "It doesn't matter, it can still suck...so what happened?"

Itey grinned. "Uh, just...don't...worry about it anddutchystopDOING THAT!" Itey leapt from the couch, where Dutchy had found a way to push his finger through the hole in the knee of Itey's jeans and feel around.

"I think you like it, but you're too nervous to tell me for fear of ruining the friendship!" Dutchy said with gusto.

"Stop it..." Itey whined.

"I actually think you go through a worse time with some things," Blink said, patting Itey on the back and giving Dutchy a weird look.

"Sorry you had a bad practice," Jack said. "I guess some of it is my fault."

Itey shrugged. "Not really. They always find something to get mad about."

"Like how sexy Latino you are?" Dutchy asked.

Itey gave him a dark look. "Would you STOP smoking so much pot?"

"Don't be mad," Dutchy pouted. And his attempts at trying to seduce Itey publicly were so shameless that the entire garage felt uncomfortable.

Except for Sean. He was amused.

"Throw him a bone, Lopez."

"Don't call me that!"

"Don't call him that, Spot," Blink said. Itey, however, hadn't taken his eyes off of Dutchy. Who was very, very high.

"Uh… Dutch," Itey said hesitantly. "You know I really, really don't want to encourage you. But. Do you want to spend the night on Friday? Or the weekend?"

"Dude, I'd do you right now," Dutchy said.

"Is that a yes?"

"Lopez gets laid…" Sean said lazily.

"Course it is, Itey, baby…"

"Great." Itey nodded. "By the way, no pot."

"What?"

"Yeah, no pot. We'll have a great time!" Itey even gave Dutchy's shoulder a pat.

"Sure," Dutchy finally said, nodding. "We'll do coke instead. I think I can get us some good stuff."

Itey stared at him. "PLEASE tell me that was a joke."

"Of course it was!" Dutchy laughed hysterically.

Itey looked relieved, but no one was really convinced.

"Hey, guys, let's play," Blink said. "I mean, I know we're kind of stalled with no drummer… But we don't want to get rusty, right?"

"You think I'm gonna suck, don't you?"

"Dutchy, don't…"

"I'll suck," Dutchy said, and looked at Itey. "I'll suck your co—"

"OKAY, LET ME GET MY BASS!" Itey yelled, jumped up, and scurried to the other side of the garage.

* * *

"I don't like going to movies with people," Sean griped.

"Yeah, that's normal," Jack said with a grin, slipping his change into his wallet and glancing at his ticket, and then at his watch. "We've got like, ten minutes."

"Popcooorn," Dutchy sang. "Let's go hassle the Itey-ster."

"You're gonna pay me back, right?" Blink asked, as they walked over to concessions.

Sean gave him a look. "No."

"Okay, well, I can wait-"

"I will not pay you back, now or ever."

"But-"

"Having to listen to you play shitty music in your garage? Yeah, a real trial, you're buying and I'm not paying back."

"Sean!"

"You want popcorn?" Jack asked Sean. Sean gave him an odd look, and felt kind of... embarrassed for a moment. It was obvious Jack was making sure he ate every day. Lately, he'd taken to sharing food with him in public places. It was gay. But not the kind of gay Sean liked.

Still.

"Yes," Sean snapped. If he was going to eat popcorn with Jack, he was going to be a dick about it.

The line was fairly short, about two people in front of them, and they saw Itey filling up a cup with soda behind the counter, looking tired. "Jobs suck."

"Mom'll want us to work over the summer," Jack reminded Sean.

"Too bad I won't be emotionally stable enough to work," Sean said with a smirk.

"You lazy shit," Dutchy laughed.

"I think maybe you aren't an asshole, you just want people to think you are so you can get out of things," Jack said.

"Where's your wife, Jackass?" Sean answered.

"David, who is not gay and is definitely not my wife, is out with friends," Jack answered, huffy.

"Oh, the people from his school he likes more than you?"

"He does not!"

Sean snorted. That was never going to stop being funny. He kind of wondered what David's other friends were like, because he couldn't picture losers and stoners at that rich fucking school. Nerds, yeah, but guys like Jack? Nah.

They stepped up to the front of the line, and found Itey standing behind the register, wearing an ugly purple and green uniform, and a nametag. He looked like he might collapse at any moment.

"Good evening, how can I…" He saw who it was and grimaced. "I don't suppose one of you could kill me and put me out of my misery? Sean, you could plead insanity or… general assholeness, right? Please?"

"No, but we'll have two large popcorns and four medium sodas," Jack said.

"That's a combo, thank god," Itey mumbled. "Oh, you get free candy with that."

"Sweet!" Blink yelled.

"So, how you doing, Itey, baby?" Dutchy asked, as Itey started to fill popcorn bags.

"Friday nights suck," Itey answered. "Especially when there are new releases. And the managers here are—"

_"Lopez!"_

The voice echoed across the lobby, and Itey winced. He finished his comment in a hiss, "The managers are on the warpath."

An overweight man, with a red face and a nametag that said 'Ted,' stormed over to Itey. "You having a nice chat there, Lopez?"

"I was just-"

"Why not stop the yapping and get the orders going! There are lines in customer service, and right now, you're holding one up."

Itey sighed, nodded, and quickly finished ringing up the order. "I'll be right back with your order," he said to Sean and the others in an odd, friendly-sad kind of voice, while Ted the manager finished the transaction.

"And while you're at it," Ted snapped. "Clean the washrooms."

Itey kind of shifted. "I did. Forty minutes ago."

Ted turned, and snorted. "And now you'll do it again."

"Okay, but usually I wait until-"

"No habla eeenglish?" Ted snapped. "You finish up the popcorn, Tonto, and then you do what I say."

Everyone went kind of silent, and when Itey finished the popcorn, he slammed the tubs down on the table and stalked over to where a broom and dustpan were sitting in the corner. Jack cleared his throat and forked over some cash to one of the other employees, and nudged Blink's arm. They started off towards the entrance to the theater, but Sean, standing right in front of the manager and register, grabbed Dutchy's arm before they could run off.

"Wow," he said, enunciating clearly and glaring at the manager. "So that's why all those kids at school said they didn't want to come to this theater any more."

"What?" Dutchy asked, blinking stupidly.

"Because of the _fucking racist, asshole manager_," Sean clarified. "Makes me wonder why Gabe stands up for this place. If it were me, I'd _quit._ What a fucking douchebag."

Then he walked off, and Dutchy kind of gaped and followed him. The manager stared at him, and then looked over at Gabe, who looked back at him, stood up a little straighter, and walked off with the broom and dustpan.

"Dude," Dutchy hissed, as they showed their tickets and breezed into the theater. "You're bipoloar! You're such a dick and then… Like, out of nowhere…"

"Shut up, Blondie," Sean snapped.

"You were just nice to Itey!"

"No, I told off an asshole."

"Yeah, but—"

"That's all I did. Shut up." He glared at Dutchy, who blinked. He didn't say anything else, and Sean kicked his feet up over the seat in front of them, satisfied. Sometimes, it _was_ more satisfying to turn his powers of evil against people who deserved it.

* * *

David stared down at Race's homework as Race munched away on some leftover spaghetti. David sighed. Race ignored him. David sighed louder. Race slurped louder. Finally, David snapped, "When are you going to try to get this right? I'm not going to do all of your homework for you, okay, I said I would help."

"Go easy on Tony," Mush said, peering through the Higgins's fridge. "He's not good at chem."

"Yeah, I'm not good at chem," Race said with a cocky smile.

"It's kind of eerie, being in this house without anyone in it but us," Mush said, peering around the kitchen. "It's so huge."

"Yeah, well, Dad didn't feel like seeing me tonight, so the whole family gets a nice dinner out at a nice restaurant, and I get this," Race snapped, with a fake smile.

"Yes, you're very hard done by, Tony," David muttered. Race made a face at him.

"Can I have..." Mush considered. "Some of those tomatoes in like, sauce? There's a tupperware container in here with-"

"Yeah, have whatever you want," Race said.

Mush smiled at him, but Race looked down at his plate before Mush noticed. Mush sighed. "I really need a boyfriend."

"You could have any guy you wanted, Mikey, you know that," David said kindly.

"No..."

"You're whining again," Race said, unhelpfully.

"Of _course_ I am," Mush answered, plopping the Tupperware container into the microwave. "I'm frustrated. Tony, can you die of sexual frustration?"

"I wouldn't know." Race's voice was incredibly smug.

"Oh, yes, Tracy Marshall, there's someone to brag about…" David mumbled.

"Quiet, you," Race said, pointing at him. "At least I got some."

"Actually, I hear you wimped out at second base," David said.

Tony glowered. "I didn't wimp out. I chose not to take advantage of a drunk girl. I'm Catholic, god damn it!"

"Yes, because I hear you Catholics are encouraged to swear like that," Mush said.

"Why are you both being jerks all of a sudden?" Race sulked.

"You make it way too easy," David said, smiling. "Now, look, half of these mistakes are just stupid little math—"

"Dave, it's Friday night and my parents aren't home. Don't you think we could do something a little less lame than homework?"

"Like what, cocaine?" David shot back.

Tony looked genuinely offended for a second, and David sighed. Mush's food dinged in the microwave and he pulled it out.

"No being mean, you two," he declared, resuming his seat between them at the table.

"We should watch a movie. Tony, didn't your dad just get a new flatscreen TV?"

"Yeah, last week," Race said, avoiding David's gaze.

"Let's go watch a movie," Mush suggested.

"We should watch like, Sopranos or something," David said. "Jack got it on DVD, we could watch it. He lent it to me, I could-"

Race shifted. "Nah."

"You have a good movie collection," Mush said to Race.

"I don't feel like watching movies on my dad's stupid television set," Race snapped. "Let's just go out or something. Find a party."

"Yes, Tony," David said. "Because Mike and I are definitely people welcome in the households of rich kids everywhere."

Race rolled his eyes. "Then we'll hang out with your stupid friends."

"No."

"Why not?" Race snapped. "You ashamed of us?"

"You wouldn't like them," David said.

"Why not?"

"'Cause you're a snob?" David said lightly.

Race paused, almost flinching for a second. "I'm not a total snob."

"Okay, so," Mush interrupted. "Hey, maybe we can go out for supper. At a restaurant, since Tony didn't get to."

Race glanced at Mush, and sort of grinned. "Michael..."

"It'll be fun!"

"You are so gay," Race said, and pushed Mush a little, playfully.

"I am," Mush agreed. "And I need a boyfriend. Oh! We could go to a gay bar. I'm too fabulous for them to ID."

"I'm not going to a gay bar!" Tony yelped.

David snickered. "Imagine if _that_ got out at school. You could be an outcast like us."

"I already am, just for being friends with you. The things I do for you guys…"

"Like being seen with us in public. Bless you, Tony," David said, mock serious.

"Shut up. You know, I used to be popular…"

"And you gave that all up for us." Mush batted his eyelashes. "You must really love us."

"Not at times like these…" Tony slumped in his chair. "I want to do something _fun._ Why can't we just be normal?"

"Normal? Like the assholes who beat Mush up last weekend?" David asked.

"No, normal like… I don't know, not sitting around my kitchen doing homework on a Friday night!" He groaned. "Let's go play pool and try to avoid getting IDed. Dave, I'll cover you if you want."

"Well, with an offer like that, how can I resist?" David grinned. "Don't think this means I'm not making you do your own chem homework."

"Yeah, yeah…"


	13. All Good Children

_**Take Good Care of the Poor Boy**_

Venom radio and venom television  
I'm afraid of everyone, I'm afraid of everyone  
They're the young blue bodies  
With the old red bodies  
I'm afraid of everyone, I'm afraid of everyone  
- I'm Afraid of Everyone, The National

**_Chapter Thirteen: All Good Children_**

"You're a nice guy," Itey said with a smile, while Jack fiddled with the lock on his locker. "A wonderful, very, very, nice nice guy."

Jack smirked at him. "It's no big deal."

"You dropped me off at school on time, Jack, that is the most awesome thing ever."

Jack laughed. "You're the biggest nerd in the world. Besides Davey." Jack smiled to himself. "Davey's the supreme nerd King."

Itey decided that it was so nice of Jack to drive him that morning, and make it to school with five minutes to spare, that he should not crack a gay joke. Not crack a gay joke.

Not crack a...

"Supreme nerd queen?"

"Yeah, we're never gonna be on time again. Go away."

Itey decided it was kind of worth it. He laughed as he walked by Jack, and then felt his smile fade away when he saw the girl walking towards him with...purpose. Sarah, who was at her prettiest when she was at her most natural, looked very, very nice. She was bundled up in her winter clothing (probably had to wait for the bus since Jack didn't drive her anymore), wearing an adorable pink hat, and her cheeks were all flushed. But she looked very, very serious.

"Uh..." Itey started, but she gave him a dangerous look and continued by him. Itey hurried off.

"Jack?"

Jack glanced to his right, then snorted and went back to his lock. "Fucking thing..." he spat at the lock.

"Jack, I have something to say."

"Good for you." Though Jack couldn't help but notice just how pretty Sarah looked with her cheeks flushed and her big, wooly hat and scarf on.

"Jack, I was thinking about… you and me," she said, pushing her way between him and his locker door, so he had to look at her.

"Right, there is no you and me," Jack reminded her. "You cheated on me."

"You cheated right back," she pointed out.

"No, I broke up with you, then, as I was single, decided to play the field. I didn't cheat, we were broken up."

Sarah scowled. "That's only a technicality."

"No, it's actually pretty much true. You slept with Carl when you and I were dating. I slept with Mandy after we broke up. Not even close to the same thing."

Sarah sighed and looked down at her feet. Even her winter boots were cute. "You're right," she said.

"I know I am," Jack answered.

"Everyone knows you are," Sarah said sadly. "It's written in the boys' locker room, don't pretend you haven't seen it."

"Seen… seen what?" Jack asked.

"Jack, you lift weights every other _day,_ you must have seen it. I don't want to talk about it."

"Seen what?"

"I went in and looked. In the boys' locker room, by the showers—"

"I never shower at school, those showers are gross." Jack said. "What does it say?"

"Someone wrote on the wall."

"Yeah… that happens a lot. What…"

"It says I'm a slut, Jack. I went in yesterday to scrub off my phone number. We've been getting calls." Sarah crossed her arms over her stomach and slumped against the closed locker. Not knowing what Jack would say.

But Jack stared at her. "Who wrote it?"

"I don't know—"

"No one gets to call my girl that!"

"I thought I wasn't your girl anymore?" she asked.

Jack stopped, like that hadn't occurred to him.

"Well..." Jack trailed off. "Uh...I just..."

Sarah was looking up at him, and she blinked, and he'd forgotten how long her eyelashes were.

"Jack?" she said, and her voice suddenly sounded very full and sad. Like she was going to cry. "I'm really, really sorry..."

Jack melted, a little.

Especially when she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his middle, sniffling into his shirt. Which meant she was crying.

Jack didn't quite hold her back, but he did wrap one arm around her waist.

"You're not a slut," he murmured.

"Yes, I am..."

"No, you're not."

"I'm really sorry..."

"Shhh..." Jack knew that by this time, probably one cheerleader must have spotted them hugging each other like this, which meant news would be around the school by noon that they were 'back together'.

Which didn't bother him too much.

"I'll find out who wrote that," he said. "Okay?"

Sarah was quiet for a moment, before she said, "You're a little taller."

Jack kind of smiled. "...Really?"

"Just a bit."

"Oh." He pulled away from her. She looked up at him, sniffled. "Sorry, babe, but you're exactly the same. You know. Cute. Smell nice. It's a shame, really."

Sarah smiled and laughed a little. Jack had forgotten her laugh was so cute.

"Don't do it again, okay?" he mumbled. "It really, really sucked, Sarah."

"I know," she said. "I was drunk and, like, mad at you, and Carl was… I don't know. I was stupid. I'm so sorry, Jack."

"Yeah, well. I can't just say it's okay, but… I care about you, so just _don't_ do it again, and we'll… be fine. Once I find out who wrote that and kill him."

"Jack!"

"What?" he asked. "It's my right… my _obligation_ to find out who wrote that about you." He leaned down and kind of tentatively kissed her cheek. "So I guess this means we're back together?"

"I'd like that." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'd like to see Sean's face when you tell him."

Jack snorted. "That's just mean."

"So's he."

"Fair enough." He took her hand. "Come on, babe, I'll walk you to class."

* * *

Sean's face twisted into a grimace. "They're back together? Aw, fuck."

Blink snickered. "Don't like sharing your brother?"

"Not with a _whore."_

Itey, the bearer of the news, sighed. "Don't call her that, Jack'll freak if he hears you. Someone wrote her number in the locker room, he wants to find out who."

"Carl," Blink said immediately. They both stared at him. "What? I was skipping out the back door and saw him doing it. I wanted to tell him off, but I wanted to skip gym more."

"Well, someone better report to Jackass, then," Sean said.

"We can't have Jack going around beating people up," Itey said, opening up his lunch bag.

"Why not?" Sean scoffed.

"He's...strong, when he's mad," Itey said.

"Jack has no restraint," Blink continued. "He gets, like..."

"Like a bronzed _god_," Dutchy finished, sitting down next to Sean and grabbed one of Itey's juiceboxes.

"Don't call Jack that ever again," Blink said, making a disgusted face.

"Says the guy who hits on him high."

"Well, I quit smoking!"

Sean glanced at Blink. "You what?"

"Quit pot," Blink said.

Sean considered him for a moment. Then shrugged. "Good."

Blink smiled.

"So who's gonna tell Jack that it was Carl?" Dutchy asked. Everyone looked at him. "What? Everyone knows."

"You're not everyone, you wiry uggo," Sean said.

Dutchy ignored him. "I heard Jessica talking about it with her friends."

"You stalker," Itey said.

"I'm not a-"

"I guess I'll tell him," Blink said.

"No, Ryan!" Itey insisted. "No more stupid fights!"

"But Bronzed God Jack..." Dutchy trailed off.

"Guys," Itey interrupted. "Promise you won't tell Jack."

"Funny, coming from you," Blink said. "You're supposed to be the good one. You'd never call a girl a slut."

"I know, but… Jack'll get into a fight."

"With someone who deserves it," Blink said.

Itey sighed. "Don't tell, please?"

"He'll find out anyway."

"Yeah, but…"

"I won't tell," Blink said, and looked at the others.

Dutchy sighed. "I won't, but I'm following Jack to see when he gets word and gets all hot."

Itey looked pleadingly at Sean, who snorted. "Like I care if someone called Jackass's whore girlfriend a slut?"

Which meant he wouldn't tell. Itey blinked. Sean was being… totally human lately. Ever since he ran away, or even a little before. And even if he wasn't nice, he was seriously not horrible any more. Relatively. For Sean.

"You don't have to call her a whore," Blink pointed out. "That's almost as bad. Unless…" He smirked. "You're upset because she was mean to your brother."

"Shut up, Jack can take care of himself, anyway," he muttered. But he didn't deny that Jack was his brother. Itey smiled a little.

* * *

There were ten minutes left of class, and it seemed Jack didn't know yet who had written in the boys' showers. Which was kind of a relief. However, someone had wised Carl up on the fact that Jack was on the look out. And despite his big talk, Carl knew very well that Jack was considerably bigger than him. So Carl was hoping to make a quick exit as soon as the bell rang. He had it on good authority that Jack's last class was on the other end of the hallway from his, so if Carl hurried, he'd be clear.

Hopefully, though, no one told Jack it was him. And if they did, well...Carl could run very fast. And he could carry a baseball bat or something. Normally, he'd get Steve to help out or something, but Steve had been laying low since he'd gotten in trouble for fighting before. Carl glanced at the clock. And made sure his backpack was zipped up and ready to go.

* * *

Jack still had no idea who it was that had written the comments about Sarah in the showers. It was killing him, because it seemed like all of his friends knew something (since they were all bad liars) and no one was giving him any news.

He swore, and slumped in his seat. Next to him, Jessica gave a look of concern, and finally sighed. She leaned over.

"Jack?"

"Un?"

"Sean told me you were okay, or that I…misjudged you, or something, and uh..."

Jack glanced up from his desk. "Oh. Gee. I'm _so_ glad." Granted, he was a little glad. Now he could check out Jessica all he wanted without her looking at him like he was a perverted predator.

"And uh...Sean told me who wrote about Sarah on the-"

Jack scooted his chair next to hers in seconds, causing the entire class to turn their heads. His teacher folded his arms. "Problem, Kelly?"

"Nuh uh."

There was a pause, until the class continued.

"Who?" Jack asked.

Jessica sighed.

* * *

Carl stared down the clock. 3...2...1...

"Homework is-"

Carl booked it to the door, threw it open, and into the hall.

Right into Jack Kelly's chest. Jack grabbed his arm and shoved him against the lockers, and Carl, who was half a head shorter, winced. "Jack!"

"What?" Jack snarled. "You shit, you manipulate a drunk girl and then call her a slut behind her back and—"

"Hey!" Carl yelled, trying to worm his way out of Jack's grip, but it didn't work. "I didn't—I didn't manipulate her! She came on to me—"

Jack slammed him back against the lockers. "Yeah, right," he snarled into Carl's face.

Carl finally twisted out of Jack's grip and tried to retreat, but a wall of students had formed around them. It was only moments until the chanting began. With no other options, Carl clenched a fist and took a swing at Jack. It went wide and Jack moved easily, then walloped Carl with a fist of his own. Carl winced and tripped, and in a second Jack was on him, punching him hard in the face.

"Kelly!"

The voice ripped through the crowd, it belonged to Mr. Thibbs. Everyone fell silent as he shoved his way through the group. Jack preemptively stood up, and left Carl on the floor, bleeding.

"Talk about her again, and you're dead," Jack snarled, even as he was hauled off to the office. Behind him, Sarah was looking more thrilled than horrified, and Sean smirked. Dutchy sighed dramatically and Itey rolled his eyes.

"You're right," Blink said to Dutchy, nodding. "Bronze God. I want a boy who's ripped enough to do that if someone ever calls _me_ a slut."

"I thought you wanted a girl with a dick?" Sean asked.

"Why shouldn't my nice, feminine boy be buffer than Jack? It's just a fantasy anyway." Blink sighed. "A nice one, though."

"Well, I guess we're done here," Dutchy said, but Sean grabbed his wrist.

"Carl's getting up."

Which was funny, since no one helped him, and no teachers had stuck around to be of any assistance, so Carl wobbly made his way to a standing, slumped position, wiped his mouth (where there was some blood, from a split lip) and started to hobble off.

Until Sarah kicked him in the shin, then ran off giggling with her friends. Then he fell to the ground again.

Itey glanced at Dutchy, Blink and Sean. "This is a really, really violent school."

Jack, despite the Bronzed God glory, did have to face reality.

"What the hell, kid?" Denise demanded. Jack shifted in his seat. "I don't think it was great of this jerk to write about Sarah either, you know, sure, he's an ass, but can't you _think_? Do you always have to act like a kid?"

"He called Sarah names..."

"Jack..." Denise sighed. "I understand, I do, but...well, you can't handle all of your problems like this. You really can't. I respect you, and you're starting to give me reasons not to." Jack looked at her, wide eyed. "I love you, kid, but you're really trying my patience lately."

"Mom…"

"I said, pretty specifically, not one week ago—I said, no more fighting, either one of you. What's gotten into you, Jack?"

Jack crossed his arms. "They were calling her house, Mom. Someone called and yelled 'slut!' into the phone _at Esther,_ and they think it's some big joke! David said they unhooked their phone yesterday, the fucking basketball team wouldn't stop calling!"

"Be that as it may," Denise said, forcing herself to take deep breaths, "you're grounded. So it's good that you and Sarah got back together. I hope she'll wait for you, because it's two weeks."

"Mom, that's so unfair!"

"No, it's not."

He crossed his arms and scowled. "Two weeks? But Blink is having a party this weekend!"

"Which you will not be attending." She crossed her arms firmly.

"But—"

"Sean!" Denise greeted Sean, as he walked into the house. "I talked with Jared and Dr. Manuel today; they said it's okay to lift the ban on you being home alone."

"Goody."

"It's irrelevant, however, because Jack will be home at all times he's not in school for the next two weeks."

"Mom!"

Sean snorted. "Carl had it coming."

"Fighting is not the answer!" Denise half-yelled. "You two, I swear…"

Sean looked at Jack, then back at Denise, and said, "If you don't let his boyfriend come visit, he'll keep us up at night, crying. I'm out."

"Where are you going?"

"Blink's," Sean said. "Should I send over Davey-wavey when he gets there?"

Jack scowled and looked at Denise. Who glowered, but said, "Fine. David can come visit. No one else! Two weeks, only David, no going out! And only because David is a good influence."

Jack grinned. "You're so cool, Mom."

"Jack, you… just behave yourself, for god's sake," she snapped. "Sean, don't encourage him."

"Like I have to," Sean answered. "Bye, Jackass."

"Have fun," Jack sulked.

* * *

Itey thought he had his mind made up, until he'd walked into the locker room. He thought he was ready to just deal with all the bullshit, and pretend he didn't hear all the crappy comments about him, and more importantly, his friends. Because Itey really, really liked basketball.

But the moment Carl and Steve saw him, he knew he couldn't handle this.

"What the hell, Enrique?" Carl snapped, his voice cracking. "You and your fucking faggot friends!"

"I..." Itey breathed. "Listen, you shouldn't have said that about Sarah..."

"She came on to ME, you stupid fuck!" Carl snarled.

"Listen, I'm not here to explain them, or anything, okay, and I shouldn't have to," Itey said. "You deserved it."

Carl laughed, and Steve came in behind him. "Listen, Lopez, if you're on the team, you're part of OUR team, so tell Kelly to calm the fuck down before we really get pissed off."

Steve and Carl turned around then, and walked towards their lockers. Itey was distinctly aware of everybody's eyes on him. And it made him so uncomfortable he could barely stand it. Fuck it. He didn't like basketball this much.

"No. Jack does what he likes. And so do I."

Steve stopped, and glanced back at Itey. "Oh shut up, panty waste, you've been the team bitch since you were a benchwarmer."

"I'm not a benchwarmer anymore, you know," Itey said, the words coming out of him before he had a chance to stop that. "Because I'm as good as you, plus I'm not an asshole, so I'm pretty sure I'm a lot more useful than you are."

Steve stopped smiling then. "WHAT did you say?"

Itey gulped. "I-"

"I don't _hate_ you, Enrique, so take my advice and keep it that way, and shut up," Steve said through clenched teeth.

Itey bit his lip. Everyone was staring at him, but he still had a chance to shut up and pretend it hadn't happened. Steve knew how he felt now, and would probably be an asshole to him for it, but he could shut up and still stay on the team. Just like at work, when he shut up and didn't report the manager who treated him like shit. Until Sean had spoken up.

Itey thought about Sean and Blink. His friends, who Steve hated for no real reason. And Jack was on his shitlist too, and Dutchy would be if Steve had any idea that Dutchy loved Jess. Steve, who was such a dick to Jess all the time…

So Steve was saying he had to pick a side. Itey reached for the hem of his practice jersey, which he'd been putting on, and pulled it back over his head. He threw it down at Steve's feet. "If this is _your team_ and that's how you treat people, I don't want to be a part of it," he said.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means you need a new team bitch." He reached for his backpack and his coat, and glared at Steve. "And my name is Gabriel, you fucking bigot."

He pushed past Steve and Carl and the rest of the team, and left his jersey on the floor. And apparently, stunned everyone else so much that they didn't say anything at all.

* * *

Dutchy was just getting ready to head into the gym, to watch Itey and his team practice (Dutchy's Itey kick had gotten particularly bad), when he saw Itey storming down the hall, jerseyless, and most definitely angry.

"Gabe?" Dutchy said, and Itey walked right by him. Dutchy quickly followed. "Practice?"

"I quit."

Dutchy stopped in his tracks. "You _what_?"

"I quit."

"_Why_?"

"Because Sean and Jack and all of you have balls to stick together, and to stand up to these shitheads, and it's time I did too."

Dutchy stopped for a moment. And watched Itey walk away. He'd never seen Itey so hot and bothered and mad before.

So Dutchy grinned and enjoyed the view...until Itey turned around, yelped, covered his ass with his backpack, and said in his same old, almost whiney voice, "DUTCHY! Cut it out!"

Dutchy hurried and caught up with him. "Sorry, but you're hot when you're defiant."

"God! I just hate them all!" Itey growled and shoved open the doors to the school, and Dutchy followed him out quickly. "Come on, we're gonna go practice. Is Blink home? Of course Blink's home. Good."

"You don't want to… like, put on a jacket?" Dutchy asked, sounding kind of concerned. There was snow and ice on the ground, and Itey was parading around in an undershirt. Which was hot, but still.

"I'll put on a jacket in the car!"

"Gabe, Jack gave us a ride today, and he's already home and grounded. No ride for us," Dutchy reminded him.

"Yeah, well… Damn it!" Itey kicked a trashcan angrily, then froze. "Ow ow ow son of a bitch, ow, Dutchy, why did you let me do that?"

Dutchy tried not to laugh, as he took Itey's bag from his hands and held out his jacket. "What did they _say_ to you?" he asked. "To make you this mad?"

"Do you think I'm everyone's bitch?"

Dutchy blinked. "No. But if we're talking a gay sex orgy kind of way, you could be my bitch. Or I could be yours. Whichever makes you more comfortable, Itey."

"Dutch, get your hand off my ass!"

"You are so hot when you're angry."

"Arrrrrg!"

* * *

"I'm bored, fairy," Sean muttered.

Blink shrugged. "Well, I have to stick around and wait for Itey to finish practice, and for Dutchy to finish watching him practice, and until then, I'm doing homework. Sorry."

"I came out for _this_?"

Blink smiled. "You came out to see me," he sang.

"Shut up."

"Spotty is my best friend!"

"Go die."

"He wants to love meee!"

Sean picked up an empty bottle and chucked it at Blink. Luckily, Blink picked up his binder in time and blocked the attack.

"Sean! That could have really hurt me!"

"Well, it didn't."

Blink pouted at him. "You're an ass."

"Hm. Interesting."

Blink sighed as he set the binder back on the table. "So Jack's grounded, huh?"

"His wife is allowed to come over, so it's barely grounding."

Blink nodded, then paused. "So..." he finally said. "Do you think Jack and David..."

"Have sex? No, but only because David's too shy and Jack's too self absorbed. Want to? Fuck yeah."

"Okay." Blink nodded. "Sean, I'm really horny."

"Don't change topics like that! I don't want to fucking hear about it, fairy! You go on about this all the fucking time!"

"I really want a boyfriend. I don't care if he's more butch than me—"

"Blink, you psycho, everyone is more butch than you. You wear girls' pants!"

"Because they make my ass look fantastic!" Blink objected, sounding catty.

"Jesus, you are such a fucking woman. Just get the operation done and have done with it."

Blink made a face. "They do get the fabulous clothes… but boobs are gross."

Sean snorted. "You've never touched one. It was…" He trailed off, shuddering.

"Yeah, can't believe you had sex with a girl."

"At least I've _had_ sex."

"With a girl."

"And a guy. Unlike you, who will never get any. Ever."

Blink sighed and leaned back on the garage couch. "I really need a boyfriend, Sean."

"I'm not fucking volunteering!"

"Not you! Ew, I need a boyfriend who's _sweet._ Or at least not… you."

"Look, either go out and meet someone or stop whini—"

"Itey yelled at Steve and Carl!"

Dutchy and Itey strode into the garage. Dutchy was dancing along cheerfully, but Itey looked pissed off.

"What—"

"He quit the team," Dutchy said, as Itey flopped down on the couch. "He told off Steve and he quit the team!"

"Wow, Gabriel has testicles." Sean looked at Blink. "Looks like you can scratch him off your list of guys as wussy as you."

"Screw you, Spot. Itey, what happened?"

Itey sighed and tried to relate the story. Dutchy provided enthusiastic details, even though he hadn't seen it. And Sean and Blink were both duly impressed.

"Itey, this is a promise," Blink said, "at my next party, we are getting you laid."

"You can't even get yourself laid," Sean snorted.

"I know way more straight girls than gay guys!" Blink snapped back.

"I, uh, don't really want help with that," Itey mumbled. "Can we just practice?"

"Come on, I know tons of girls who think you're cute," Blink said. "Jessica thinks you're cu-"

"No!" Dutchy bellowed.

There was an awkward pause, before Blink continued. "And she has this little blond friend who says she likes nice guys."

"Listen, I already told you. I'm just not interested in any of those girls."

"'Cause they're sluts, Lopez?"

"Sean!" Itey yelped. "No, they're all _nice_, and you know...I mean, they're nice-looking, and I notice, but I don't wanna date any of them."

"You notice girls?" Dutchy asked.

"Of course I do ," Itey said.

"...Do you masturbate, Itey?"

"Shut up!"

"Come off it, he does, the quiet ones always do it the most," Sean said, standing up and stretching. "If you're gonna play your shitty music, I'm going home."

"It's not shitty!" Blink said defensively.

"It is, fairy, but look on the bright side." Sean slapped his hand on Blink's shoulder. "You're the _shittiest_."

And he walked out of the garage.

"Maybe it was better when he didn't talk," Blink muttered childishly.

"You _masturbate_!" Dutchy crowed, grabbing Itey around the middle and picking him up. "I'm so proud of you!"

"_Put me down!_"

"I thought you were asexual, it's so _hot_, you _masturbate_!"

"Put me down Dutchy, I swear to god I can feel everything when you hold me this close."

"I wonder if he always has a hard on," Blink mused.

"I hate you both!" Itey whined.

* * *

Jack glanced up from the television screen when the door opened. "Mom?" he called tentatively.

"Calm down, idiot, it's me," Sean said, shutting the door with his foot and taking off his boots. Jack noticed that Sean never used to take off his shoes when he entered the house.

"She went out grocery shopping. She only does that in the evenings when she's mad."

Sean walked into the living room and slumped onto the couch. "What are we watching?"

"Nothing. Just flipping."

"Okay."

"Shouldn't you be out with your bestest friend?"

"Whatever."

"Mm." Jack flipped channels mindlessly. "Let's see what's on… cartoons, sitcom, news… sitcom, soap opera…"

"So many different words for crap."

Jack laughed. "Mom's really mad at me," he finally confessed, still flipping.

Sean nodded. "Yep."

"Sometimes I think she'll like...stop being my mom. You know, as soon as I'm old enough to live on my own. Since she's not my real mom."

Sean looked over at him. "That's fucking stupid."

Jack kind of laughed. "I don't think it as much anymore. Just like, sometimes, when I don't feel like being responsible and all that. And I'd rather sit around and wallow."

Sean shrugged. "Yeah, well...you punched a guy 'cause he was an asshole, not because you're like, crazy in the head. She'll get over it."

"But-"

"Shut the fuck up, Jackass, she'll get over it."

Jack sighed. "Yeah. Ooh." He lowered the remote. "I love these case file shows."

Sean kind of sneered. "What, this like...criminal stuff?"

"Yeah, analyzing what all these crazy, murdering, serial killer types do, it's-"

"That's trash, change the channel."

"No!" Jack protested childishly. "Come on, let me watch it."

Sean crossed his arms. "Fucking change it, you fucking idiot."

"Okay, uh," Jack said. "Can you go an entire day without defensively swearing?"

"Fuck off."

"Guess not."

"Just change the channel."

"Leave if you don't wanna watch, I love this stuff."

Sean swore, and stood up. "Jackass-"

Jack glanced up at him. "What, you _want_ to hang out with me?" Sean was quiet. "'Cause I mean...I dunno, if you really want me to change it, I'll-"

Then he heard the TV commentary: "…We'll be profiling one of the most prominent, and infamous cases, that of Matthew Jeffery Conlon. Conlon lived most of his life in upstate New York, and through fifteen deaths, including taking the lives of New York Police Officers Philip Garden and Roberta Lichston-"

"Turn this shit off," Sean said, his voice suddenly low, but thin, and very, very serious.

Jack glanced at the television, raising the remote, when suddenly, pictures of Matthew Jeffery Conlon and his family appeared on the screen.

And he may have been young, and his hair wasn't dyed dark, but it was the same wide eyes and heavy, burdened scowl.

Jack looked at Sean, dropped the remote and his hands shot to his mouth in shock.

"Sean-"

But Sean didn't say anything. He was staring at the television, the same expression on his face as the picture on the screen. Before it flickered to images of Matthew Jeffery Conlon, and photos of dead people, and experts on brains, and historians on what he'd done to people, and his family, his wife and little boy...

"Your dad is...I didn't...think..." Jack reached forward. "Sean? Is that you? It's...um..."

"If I say it's not me, will you just change the channel?" Sean asked, his voice sounding… thin. And young. And seriously scared.

Jack dove for the remote and turned the TV off, then turned to face Sean. Sean looked pale and shaken.

"Are you… okay?" Jack asked.

Sean went kind of green, and just made it to the kitchen trash before he threw up. Jack followed him quickly and had a glass of water ready when the puking stopped. But usually when Sean threw up, he was scowling and pissed off afterwards. This time, he just sat there and stared ahead at the ground.

"Sean…"

"They changed my name, for awhile," Sean mumbled. "Because no one wants the son of a psycho. What if I end up like him?" He shook his head. "But someone always fucking figures it out. Then they freak. Every goddamn time someone figures it out."

"Sean—"

Sean looked in Jack's eyes. "Jack, I actually like it here. If you freak out on me, I swear to fucking god…"

"Hey," Jack said, and put a hand on Sean's shoulder. "I could give a fuck who your dad is, okay?"

"Yeah, right. I didn't fucking want you to know!"

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "Do you want to—"

"No, I don't fucking want to talk about it!"

"Okay."

"He… he did shit to me, Jack," Sean mumbled, barely audible. "It was fucking… hell. And they wouldn't fucking execute him because he got off on insanity. He's in a fucking hospital somewhere and they think they can fucking cure him but he's just… he just… fuck!"

"It's..." Jack stopped. It's what? Okay? It wasn't. It really wasn't.

Jack had thought that Sean was like him. Bad childhood. Fucked up home. But...this was beyond anything Jack could have ever imagined. This was beyond unfair. And it occurred to him that considering how fucked up everything must have been for Sean...

He must have been pretty strong, because he'd come kind of far. In Jack's opinion. Sean could have easily been a lot meaner, a lot more dangerous than he was. But he wasn't.

"Sean, I..."

"Fuck..." Sean jammed the palms of his hands into his eyes. Spit and bile were still hanging off of his lip. "It's like some days I almost think I wasn't fucking there ever, I was here or someplace else and it never fucking happened..."

Jack felt his heart start to beat very quickly. Trembling, he placed his hand, gently, on Sean's back. But he didn't say anything. He just rubbed up and down, slowly.

"He's so scary and fucking bad...he's, I...I don't...and my mom...I, uhn...nnn!" And Sean's head jerked and he threw up again into the trashcan, coughing and choking and spitting and vomiting.

Jack bit his lip and tried to breathe as normally as possible. But for some reason he was scared, too.

He didn't know what to do.

"You fucking tell anybody..." Sean muttered. "And...and I..." he raised his head. His eyes were a little blood shot, and his mouth was red and wet. And he looked so terrified, as if his father was going to jump out of Jack's skin and trap him.

The threat in Sean's voice died away and became quiet, and vulnerable. "Please don't tell anyone."

Jack shook his head, and when Sean vomited again, Jack realized that he couldn't stop shaking it.

"I won't," Jack finally said. "Okay, I won't. Ever. No one. No one has to know. But, uh… does… does Denise…"

"Yeah," Sean said. He rubbed at his eyes again. "They told her when she… when she asked for the worst, most fucked up kid they needed placement for."

"I'm sure you're not—"

"Then who goddamn is?" Sean yelled. "Jack… Jack, you don't even goddamn know, okay? You don't goddamn know!"

"Okay, I don't," Jack said, trying to stay calm. "I… I don't, at all. But I know that you're… whatever happened, you're past it, and you're here now. And me and Mom, we care about you. And we won't let anyone hurt you, okay?"

"I'm not afraid of—" Sean stopped abruptly. He was afraid. He was terrified. They both knew it.

"Shit," Sean said, and retched again.

"Do you want me to… call someone?" Jack asked softly.

"What?"

"Like, call someone? A doctor? You're… puking and shaking and…"

Sean shook his head quickly. He wiped his mouth and spat in the trash can, then hung his head and pulled his knees up to his chest. Jack stared a little. Sean was so… small.

"Okay…" Jack said desperately. "Just—just tell me what to do. Please, Sean, I don't want to screw this up. I don't know what to do, but I want to… to help."

He didn't expect Sean to say anything, but he began to talk.

"On my birthday, he… he took me into the garage. He said all this fucked up shit about not growing up to be… evil. Like. I don't know." Sean's voice was haunted, hollow. "He had this… woodshop kind of thing. He showed me this drill. For boring into wood, it had this point on the end. It was a power tool. He showed me how it worked."

Jack listened, suddenly terrified himself.

"He told me. He said if I ever…" Sean gasped for breath. "He'd kill me. He said if I grew up to be evil. He held me down and put the fucking thing against my neck and he…"

Sean Conlon didn't cry. But he did grab Jack and bury his face in Jack's shoulder.

"It was a long time ago, Sean."

"It's the scar below my ear," Sean mumbled. Jack didn't look for it, though. Just pulled his arms tighter around Sean's skinny, fragile frame.

"He won't… he can't hurt you anymore."

"He laughed," Sean said, his voice breaking. "He held the fucking drill to my neck and he laughed and said good boys don't scream. Good boys don't scream and if I was bad he'd k-kill me and…"

"Sean…"

"Shit," Sean said, shaking. "Shit, Jack."

"Listen," Jack said, holding Sean closer to him, feeling much older, and less like a teenaged boy. He didn't think about how he felt at all...only Sean.

His little brother.

"Listen, Sean," Jack's voice cracked, but he kept going. "I won't let anyone fucking near you, okay?" Sean was shivering, a little. "I'll do anything I can...oh my god, Sean, I promise, okay? And I promise I won't ever hurt you. Or laugh at you. Or scare you."

Sean didn't say anything. He just hunched closer into Jack.

"We're your family now, okay?" Jack mumbled. "They're gone."

And Sean, so quiet Jack could barely hear, but could feel the rumbling against his neck, said, "Okay..."

They stayed like that for awhile.


	14. The Beginning

**_Take Good Care of the Poor Boy_**

You've got lots to say, don't take this too seriously  
(There's plenty of believers)  
We hang on every word, almost deliriously  
(Yes, we're the believers)

You could say it's borderline fanatic  
Hit the chord, we're basically ecstatic  
We can't afford to lose you, can't you see

You won't sit around waiting for it to happen to you  
(There's plenty who will listen)  
If you hide yourself away, your country may honour you  
(A brighter future glistens)

Pulled alarms in shows of mere defiance  
Draw the looks, don't choose this reliance  
Crown of our creation, we're on our knees

Take good care of the poor boy  
Oh well he's new in town and he won't settle down  
Take good care of the poor boy  
Oh well he's new in town and he won't settle down  
Good luck saving the the poor boy  
Oh when the city's down and he's gone underground

Hey poor boy, hey poor boy, he'll never settle down

-Sloan

_**Chapter Fourteen: The Beginning**_

Denise walked in to find Sean and Jack sitting on the couch together. Sitting close together. Close enough that if Sean had been a girl (or, Denise thought wryly, David) she'd have wheeled right around back out of the room. But it was Sean, and so the fact that he was huddled against Jack was suspicious.

They were watching something on TV. It was an old cartoon movie about dinosaurs.

"Uh, boys?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

Jack said nothing. Sean looked up at her, looking… not good. "I feel shitty," he mumbled. "Puked a few times."

"You need a doctor?"

He shook his head no.

"Okay… are you sick, or…?"

"Or," he said. "Look, uh, I don't… don't want to talk. Just veg."

"Okay, kid," she said. She threw a glance at the TV. "Are we regressing?"

"My childhood was crappy and Sean didn't have one at all," Jack said lightly. "So we're reliving it. For the first time."

Denise smiled. "Is it okay if I join you?"

Jack glanced at Sean. Who finally, barely, nodded. So she dropped her briefcase, kicked off her shoes, and sat in the armchair.

"I always liked cartoons," Denise said. "I like how unreal they are."

"I wish I could make an anvil drop out of the sky," Jack said.

"They aren't going to be anvils in a dinosaur movie, Jackass," Sean said, but without his usual malice. Just monotone.

"I like dinosaurs, too..." Denise trailed off. "Ooohhh, it was a long day. You guys want take out?"

"Chinese," Jack said.

"Sean?" Denise asked, as casually as she could.

"Sure."

Denise started to stand, but Jack glanced at her, and said, "Watch for a bit."

So she did.

* * *

The take out arrived around eight, and Denise was glad that Jack got a call from Sarah around the same time. He was hungry, and the thing with having Jack around when there was food was, you had to be quick. Or else he grabbed it and you starved.

"They made up again," Denise smirked, as she heard Jack shut the door. "I don't know about those two."

"She's a total brat," Sean said, slumping into the kitchen chair.

Denise chuckled a little as she took out the containers from their plastic bags. "I don't know, I like Sarah. She's smart." Denise smiled at Sean. "Doesn't put up with Jack's shit. And Jack does have shit."

"I'm aware," Sean muttered. He was staring at his fingers, and picking at a hangnail. Denise sighed a little, and went for the drawers to take out some chopsticks. Obviously, something had happened that Sean and Jack weren't about to tell her.

But it didn't worry her...after all, they seemed closer, somehow. And that made her very, very happy.

"Hey," Sean said suddenly.

Denise looked at him, and handed him a container of plain rice. "Yep?"

"You have a shitty childhood?" Sean asked.

Denise blinked. "How do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Like Jackass. And me." Sean didn't look like he had much control over the questions coming out of his mouth. Which might have been a good thing.

Denise clucked her tongue, and took a container of sweet and sour pork. Took a slight breath. "I guess so."

"I can tell."

She looked at him with a smirk. "Oh, can you?"

"Yeah, you can always tell."

"Well, it was a long time ago," she said, and took a bite of pork. "And I'm happy now, with how my life as is. It's the past."

Sean looked at his rice, before fumbling with his chopsticks.

"...c'nIhaveafork?"

Denise spared him the laughter. The thought of Sean Conlon being unable to use chopsticks was...quite cute. "Here, okay," Denise said, placing her food on the counter. She took his hand in hers, and she was a little startled.

They were very warm. And soft.

And his fingers were so thin.

"Just...hold it firmer, here, and in between..." She shifted his fingers around, and for some reason, looked into his face.

He seemed completely cut off guard, but not exactly afraid, or angry. But Denise didn't push her luck. She pulled away, put her hands on her hips and said, "Keep practicing, we don't use forks with Chinese food in this house."

Sean blinked at her. "...k." But he didn't go for a fork. Denise sat across from him at the table with her food, and they ate in silence for a couple of minutes. However, Denise could tell Sean wasn't in the mood for quiet, for once.

"I guess I had it harder then some kids," she said. "But it's okay."

"You get hit like Jack?"

Denise found it interesting that Sean could have a conversation like this, all the while staring at his rice, and focusing completely on his wobbly chopstick form.

"Well..." Denise said. "I suppose my step-father was...a real asshole, I'd say," she laughed a little.

"You have a dad?"

"He left my mother," Denise answered. "And she developed quite a dependence on men in general."

Sean gave her a quick look, then stood up. "I'm having some of the squid stuff with the big noodles."

"Sure, go right ahead."

Sean turned his back to her. She wondered if this was a strategic move, so it would be easier for him to talk to her about something like this. She was very aware, all of a sudden, of the connection they had.

After all, when she was young, she could tell when other kids had fucked up childhoods, too.

"So I guess your mom sucked, too," Sean said.

"She had problems, yes."

"So what?" Sean turned around. "You like, make yourself feel better by taking in fuck ups?"

Denise looked at Sean for a long moment, and suddenly found herself feeling so fond of him, so affectionate. Like she felt about Jack. Jack used to think she only felt sorry for him, too.

"No," she said. "I always wanted to be a mother." She looked at her nails now, too. "You know, at the right time."

Sean turned his back again and took a small bit of noodles, placing them on top of his rice.

"So?" Sean said. "How come you didn't just have a kid like a normal person?"

"I did have a kid. Not like a normal person."

"What's that mean?"

"It was my step-dad's."

She let it stay there in the air, quiet. Sean could probably guess, and if he didn't guess or didn't want to know, well, she wouldn't blame him.

Sean dropped a chopstick, swore, picked it up, and angrily stabbed at the rice. Finally, he looked up at her. "That's fucked up."

"Yeah, it was."

"So…what happened? I mean…" Sean looked back down at his food. Not at her.

"My mom didn't want to hear it, didn't want to believe me, and wouldn't let me get an abortion. Then I threatened to paternity test the kid, he knew it was his, so… I was out on the streets. Mom wanted him more than me."

"Like Jack's mom," Sean said.

Denise nodded. "Jack doesn't really know," she said, and gave Sean a long look.

"I got it," Sean said, then, "You turned out okay, I guess."

"Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah, it just took me awhile. I didn't finish high school until I was old enough to drink, and that was years after I gave up the kid. I didn't have a choice, I was living in a shelter when he was born. I didn't want him, but didn't want to abandon him. Rock and a hard place."

"So you gave up the kid," Sean surmised, "and to make up for the guilt, you take in fucked up little boys."

"Something like that," she admitted.

"Uh." He stared down at a plate of food, but didn't eat it. "So are you… you know…"

"It was a long time ago," she said. "And I've been through a lot of therapy, had a lot of help. I got away from the people who hurt me and found people I love." She paused. "That's you and Jack, by the way."

"He really loves you," Sean said. "He's afraid you'll go psycho on him."

"I won't," she said, and then looked at him. "I won't on you either, Sean."

"I… know," he said slowly. Maybe just realizing it.

They didn't say anything else after that.

* * *

"Look at me," Mush sighed, staring hard into his mirror, while Tony lounged on Mush's bed and David did his homework. As usual. "Look at me, guys, why don't I have a boyfriend?"

Tony and David both groaned.

"I'm serious!..." Mush pouted. "Maybe I'm not as cute as I thought I was?"

"Nah, you're okay," Tony said. David gave him a look. He shrugged. "Not that I'd know."

"You think I'm cute?" Mush asked.

"You don't need to be told that, you fag," Tony snapped. "You don't have a boyfriend because everyone is a homophobe-"

"Even Tony, a little," David interjected.

"Even me, a little." Then he snapped his gaze onto David. "Wait, no I'm fucking not!"

David raised an eyebrow. "Fuck me right here."

Tony scrambled backwards, as far away from David as possible. "WHAT?"

David grinned at Mush. "See?"

"It's because _you_ said it, I'm surprised you even know what fucking is!"

"Shut up, Tony."

"He knows what it is," Mush beamed. "Jaaaaccckk-"

"That's getting old," David said in a low voice.

"It'll never get old!" Mush crowed.

David snorted in irritation. "Maybe you can't get a boyfriend because you're annoying!"

"No, I think it's more the homophobe thing," Mush said, smiling now. Friends were like that.

"You know, we really do need to get him laid," Tony said to David. "I mean… he gets such a hard time from everyone. He should at least get something out of being gay."

"Tony, that was kind of empathetic," David said.

"Shut up!" Tony paused. "Wait, was that a compliment?"

"You're so dumb." Mush smiled fondly. "I'm in favor of the getting me laid plan… Wait. No. I want _love._ I want a boyfriend!"

"You can't just whine, you have to actually go out and meet someone!" David snapped.

"Well, you were going to introduce me to that blond eye patch kid, but you never did," Mush sulked.

David sighed. "Look, you guys. I'd… like to do that, okay? I would. But I don't know…"

"Don't know what?"

"You guys have noticed that in three years, you've never once been to my house, right?" David asked.

Mush and Race exchanged glances. "Well, yes," Mush said. "But we figured you… I mean, were embarrassed or-"

"I'm not embarrassed!" David interrupted, snapping. "I'm not embarrassed about anything. But you guys are… uh… well, look, I love you and all, but you're _snobs._ Both of you, when you get down to it. And you mean well, but you are. And I don't want my other friends to get the wrong impression of you guys, which they would, and then it would be awkward and just bad and weird, and…"

"Oh, I get it," Race said. "You're not ashamed of your neighborhood."

"Right, exactly."

"You're ashamed of _us."_

"No!" David squawked, then sighed. "Well, yes, a little bit. Guys, you're so… rich."

"But that isn't our fault!" Mush insisted.

"Yeah, way to judge us," Race snapped.

"Yes, your life is very hard," David sighed. "You're both amazing friends, okay? And I _like_ being your friend, but...just, I dunno, you guys sneer if someone wears sneakers from last spring."

Mush kind of laughed. "Because that was _ages_ ago."

"Yeah, and some people can't afford to keep up with that sort of crap, or they look past it," David sighed. "Because it doesn't _matter_."

Mush let out a slight gasp. David rolled his eyes.

"Look, if meeting my friends is that important to you, you have to know that...they're not wealthy." David paused. "At all."

"Neither are you," Tony said with a shrug.

"Yeah, but you make fun of my sweaters and my like, shoes and stuff, all the time."

"But you know we're kidding," Mush assured him.

"Yeah," David said. "But my friends are a whole lot more defensive about it than I am. Plus, they don't know you like I know you. And Mush, you're cute and charming, you can win people over eventually, you really can, but Tony..."

"_What_?" Tony asked with a glare.

"You're a jerk to people, Tony, you know that!"

Tony sighed. "Yeah," he said finally. "I know. Sometimes, I don't even like spending time with me."

"Awwwwww," Mush cooed. "Tony, baby, don't talk like that."

"I was joking, fairy!"

"Well, don't!" Mush pouted. "Sometimes when you get all… like that, you do really stupid stuff like cocaine! So don't joke!"

"It'll be two years this month since I did cocaine, so shut up!"

They stopped yelling and stared at each other. David sighed. "All I meant, Tony, was that… you have to grow on people. You don't always make great first impressions."

"No, what you meant is that I'm a snob." Tony threw David a dazzling grin, which all three of them knew was fake and plastered on. But it was dazzling, nonetheless. "David, baby, I'm gorgeous and rich and fabulous. I'm genetically designed to be hated by everyone."

"Okay, that's it," David snapped. "Tony, enough with the fake… whatever that was. You're not a bad guy, but you act like… arg! And Mush." David turned to glare at Mush. "Enough whining. If you want a boyfriend, you go out and meet someone. You don't just pine longingly for things you know won't ever, ever happen."

"It could happen," Mush sulked.

"It won't."

"What?" Tony asked.

"Nothing!" they both chorused, and glared. Finally, David flopped down on Mush's bed.

"Okay, here's my plan," he said. "Blink-Ryan is having a party on Friday. You two will both be on your best, least-snobby behavior, and will come with me. Mush, you'll meet Blink and fall madly in love and get married and adopt 2.4 children and a dog. And Tony, you'll… you'll… you'll probably scar my friends for life, but there'll be alcohol. But you're going to be on your best behavior and have a good time, or so help me god…"

Mush and David exchanged startled looks. And finally, Mush said, "David… I don't know what's come over you. But I like you like this."

"Shush," David said. "So are we clear?"

"Yeah, Mommy, we're clear," Tony said with a grin.

"Don't be a wiseass."

"And we get to see you and Jaaacckkk in a social situation," Mush cooed.

"Yeah, well, he's back with my sister, so we won't be seeing much of him. Or her. Unless you walk by one of the bedrooms." David considered that and shuddered. "Ugh."

"Sarah's pretty," Mush said, defending her.

"Um," David said. "I...don't care."

"Kind of a brat," Tony added.

"Yes," David agreed. "Okay, now you two shut up, I have homework to do."

Mush and Race rolled their eyes. Tony grabbed a book from Mush's desk and flipped through it, and Mush went back to primping himself in the mirror. Then Mush paused, thought for a moment, then turned to Tony and said, "Tony, did you just call yourself _fabulous_?"

"It's never gonna happen, Mush," David said, without looking up from his books.

Tony blinked, oblivious, as Mush went back to pouting at his reflection in the mirror.

* * *

Sean shifted his position on the leather couch. He hated fucking leather couches. The noise they made when you moved was so loud and obnoxious and impossible to ignore, yet everyone ignored it anyway, which made it _more_ impossible to ignore. He hated their smell, that new car smell, that never went away...he hated how precious everyone treated them. Like they were babies or something.

It was stupid to treat furniture better than you treated people, was Sean's opinion, and a lot of Sean's primary opinions of his shrink, Dr. Manuel, had been based off of his stupid leather couch, and the widely displayed degrees and certificates gracing his wall.

But, Sean supposed, he could be worse.

"So, Sean," Dr. Manuel said, with a slight smile. "You're looking well." Sean snorted. "You have color to your cheeks... less ashy-toned in the skin."

Sean recognized that as a Dr. Manuel type joke. "Yeah. Eating my vitamins."

"Are you?"

"Hn."

"Eating?"

"Well, not like you," Sean said, glancing at Dr. Manuel's waist. Dr. Manuel chuckled. Sean supposed he almost kind of liked how he never got under Dr. Manuel's skin, unless he was going through a really fucked up period. Well, Sean was always going through a fucked up period. But sometimes, there would be worse ones, and Sean didn't talk during those.

That was when he got under Dr. Manuel's skin. But he wouldn't get mad at Sean. He would just sit there with this worried look on his face.

"But," Dr. Manuel prompted.

"I dunno. Not yesterday. Until then, though."

"What happened yesterday?"

Sean stared off into space, then shifted and made a rude noise with the leather couch. He smirked and Dr. Manuel smiled.

"Sean?" Dr. Manuel prompted.

"Yeah, well, Jack figured out about my dad and I puked a few times."

"Ooooh." Dr. Manuel nodded. "So you two got in another fight?"

"No."

"No?"

"No, I said that I fucking puked, not that I kicked his ass."

"You wanted to?"

Silence.

"Sean?"

"Not really. Who the fuck cares?"

"So you don't think that's important?"

"What?" Sean snapped.

Dr. Manuel raised an eyebrow. "You've spent most of your adolescence pretending your father never existed, and have had serious episodes whenever he's been discussed in the past. So you don't think it's important that Jack found out about your father, and though you had some problems… well, they weren't problems with Jack?"

"Jack's just Jack," Sean finally said.

"Meaning?"

"How the fuck should I know? You're the shrink."

"Well, I don't want to assume something about you that isn't true, Sean, that isn't fair."

Sean rolled his eyes. "Right, and you've never done that."

Dr. Manuel nodded. "Yes, I have done that in the past. And with your help, I think, we've come a long way. You've come a long way."

"How do you figure that?"

"Jack's Jack?" Dr. Manuel asked. "Is it important to you that he is?"

Sean made a face. "What? What the fuck does that mean?"

"That Jack is who he is. Is Jack important to you? Is Denise?"

Sean blinked. Then averted his eyes. "I dunno."

"Are your friends?"

"I don't have friends."

"Sean, look at me."

"No!"

"Sean."

Sean sunk further into the couch, and the only thing that filled the silence was the sound of leather, and, to Sean's ears, his thumping heartbeat.

It was scary, Sean guessed, when you realized your guard had been let down.

And it was scarier when you realized that you were kind of happy about it.

"I don't mind," Sean mumbled. "Them. I guess. I don't mind them."

"Do you feel as if they've become family?"

"I dunno. I guess."

"In what sense?"

"I dunno, okay?" Sean snapped. "I've never _had_ a fucking family, how am I supposed to know what it feels like?"

"Well, compare it to other homes where you've stayed."

Sean snorted. "That's it, right? I've stayed in other people's homes. I never fucking had a home."

"And Denise's…?"

"I don't know, okay? I have my own room. I've got posters. Is that fucking normal enough?"

"We aren't trying to make you _normal,_ Sean. We're trying to make you healthy."

"Who the fuck is we?"

"Me. Jared. Denise. And when you aren't being too stubborn, you."

Sean snorted and stared out the window for a while. Then he said, his heart beating faster than he would have liked, "I'm going to a party. Tonight. At my friend's house."

"Care to elaborate?"

"What the hell do you want me to say about it? My friends are all slackers and screw-ups. Blink gets beat up all the goddamn time and is a total fairy. Dutchy's a pothead whose only goal is to fuck a supermodel someday. Jack just got grounded for beating the shit out of some guy who called his slutty girlfriend a slut. David is a fucking princess. And Itey, uh." Sean paused, searching for a thing could have done that could be considered interesting. "Itey dropped off the basketball team."

"You have five people you actually consider friends?"

"You know, I really hate these fucking sessions."

"I'll take that as a yes, then."

"Don't take anything-"

"You've gained weight, too," Dr. Manuel continued. "Couple pounds, or so. Not enough to make you _healthy_, but certainly something..."

"Stop giving me doctor's eyes," Sean said darkly. "I hate-"

"You hate doctor's eyes, yes," Dr. Manuel finished. "I'm not going to make you one of my cases for a book. You know this." Sean dropped his gaze again. "You're a very smart young man. You wouldn't have let anything past me if I was like that."

"Yeah, well," Sean said. "You're not a total fucker. Except for your office. Look at this fucking office." Sean looked up again and spread his arms wide. "Take down your degrees, oh my god, we get it."

Dr. Manuel laughed. "I will if you stop wearing 'fuck' on every single article of clothing that you own."

Sean smirked slightly. "Fuck you."

"So how are you feeling, Sean?" Dr. Manuel said, in that kind voice that he tried to hide, because he didn't want to sound like he pitied Sean.

Sean knew he did. But he let it go. Dr. Manuel wasn't the worst kind of guy.

"I dunno."

"Better?"

Sean stared out the window. Coughed a little. "Yeah."

And Dr. Manuel smiled at him, and Sean kind of let him.

"So… you're going to a party tonight?"

"I said I was."

"Small party? Big party?"

"It's all the alternative kids and emo losers and assholes. The cool kids won't go to Blink's house, even though his dad bought him all this fucking beer and there won't be any parents or anything."

"You're planning to drink?"

"I'm planning to get fucking smashed out of my mind. Oh, and chain smoke." He gave Dr. Manuel a challenging glare, but Dr. Manuel just nodded.

"We'll work on that once your mental health is-"

"I'm not fucking mental." Sean's voice dropped dangerously.

Dr. Manuel blinked. "I didn't mean to imply that. However, you have been… ill. Considering you've refused every prescription we've tried to give you, you've coped well; but you have been unhealthy. Eating disorder, anxiety-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Sean yelled. "Goddamnit, I gave you the benefit of a fucking doubt and I never fucking do that!"

Dr. Manuel took a deep breath. "You don't want me to lie, Sean. I don't lie to you. My point was that yes, you've had some problems upstairs. But you're getting better. Look me in the eye for a second." He waited, and Sean slowly turned to him and glowered angrily. "Sean, you've been unhealthy, but you are _not_ your father."

Sean's mouth opened a little, as if he was about to say something. And he winced slightly, and turned a little whiter.

Dr. Manuel was intelligent. He understood Sean, in ways that Sean didn't like people understanding him. Or maybe, in ways he wanted his...friends to understand him. Because it was pathetic that all he had was a shrink, and he didn't even want to talk to him.

"I know that," Sean said. But the uncertainty was evident, and Sean's eyes turned very young.

Dr. Manuel didn't push it. That was for another day.

"So," Dr. Manuel said in a lighter tone. "Have you got a boyfriend, Sean?"

Sean snorted. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because everyone at my school is either straight and an asshole, or gay and fucking annoying." Sean paused. "Wait, don't ask me shit like that! It's none of your business. 'Do I have a boyfriend,' do _you_?"

"Yes," Dr. Manuel said with a smile.

Sean's eyes widened. "...Oh."

"It only seemed fair to tell you. I trust you."

"So what, you don't want people to know?"

"I don't really care who knows. But I don't tell most of my patients, no. Sessions aren't about my personal life. So." Dr. Manuel stretched. "It is my business to ask you; your life is my business. No boyfriend?"

"No." Sean snorted. "Who the fuck needs a boyfriend? I just want a piece of ass."

Dr. Manuel raised an eyebrow. "You want to be sexually active?"

"I _am_ sexually active, queer. Just, uh, not in… a few weeks. I fucked a girl, it grossed me out."

Dr. Manuel looked suitably shocked at that. "You were intimate with a girl?"

"No, but we fucked."

"Do you think you might not be gay after all?"

"_Fuck_ no," Sean snapped. "I'm a fag."

"Interesting that you use such a derogatory word for yourself. You only called _me_ a queer. So if you're gay, why…?"

"You look grossed out," Sean snorted.

"No, no." Dr. Manuel paused. "Just surprised."

Sean snorted. "How the hell did I not know you were gay before?'

"I'm a professional, Sean."

"A professional? So what's the going rate for a blowjob?"'

"Sean," he snapped, but then smiled a little. "A professional therapist; these sessions are not about my personal life. They're about yours. So either you tell me why you call yourself a fag, or you tell me why you had sex with a girl. Your choice."

Sean made a noise, a whine, almost, and finally said, "Because it's funny."

"Derogatory terms?"

"Yeah."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"And as for intimat-"

"It wasn't intimate," Sean said, grossed out. "I dunno. She has this fucking boyfriend who's..." Sean paused for a moment, thinking of Steve and his sweet, sweet ass. "Hot as hell, and the biggest dickhead, and she's this total puppy who does whatever the hell he wants, so I was-"

"You were teaching them both a lesson?"

Sean snorted. "What's that supposed to mean? I don't care what they do."

"Is she a friend of yours?"

"I don't _hate_ her."

"It's very troublesome, Sean," Dr. Manuel said. "The way you view sex, and devalue it." Sean gave a short laugh. "If you're having sex with someone you are in no way emotionally or sexually attracted to-"

"Just drop it!"

"It could mean you're looking for any means to feel good about yourself, be it sexually, emotionally, mentally-"

"I'm not mental."

Dr. Manuel sighed. "Were you able to...with this young woman, were you able to-"

"Come?"

Dr. Manuel gave a disapproving look, but was otherwise unfazed. "Climax."

"Yeah."

"Did you enjoy it?"

Sean made a face. "Do you ever _not_ enjoy getting off?"

Dr. Manuel waited.

"No, I didn't fucking enjoy it. Her tits kept getting in the way and…" He shuddered. "Christ, I didn't want to relive that, _thanks."_

"So you had sex with her to climax, even though you didn't enjoy it."

"Yes, Jesus, what the hell are you, some kind of fucked up pedophile? You get off on-"

"No," Dr. Manuel interrupted sharply. "I'm your doctor. That act says a lot about your mental state, and not a lot that's very positive."

Sean snorted. "Sure, that's it. Do you want me to describe it to you? Maybe tape it next time?"

"Are you planning on having sex with her again?"

"Fuck no!"

"No? Regardless of everything that drove you to in the first place?"

"Her boyfriend and his asshole friends jumped me in a _non_-sexual way in the parking lot that week. Jared said if I get in another fight too soon, I'm out of Denise's house. I'm not going to fuck Jess again just to piss off her dickhead boyfriend."

"So you care more about maintaining your placement with Denise and Jack than about proving a point to some… boy?"

"You can say dickhead."

"No, I can't." Dr. Manuel smiled, amused. "But am I right?"

"How should I know? You're the one who went to," he squinted at the diplomas on the wall, "fucking Harvard and Columbia and Princeton. Jesus Christ."

"I'm proud of the things I've accomplished," Dr. Manuel said, and raised an eyebrow in a way that reminded Sean all too keenly that he was… well, he was probably the best adolescent psychologist in the northeast, if not the country. The man had written half a dozen books and published a bunch of articles. He was off speaking at universities and conferences all the time. He'd turned down three different teaching gigs.

He was really fucking good at his job. And his job seemed to consist of being a pain in Sean's ass.

"I know what you want me to say," Sean growled. "Yes. I fucking like Denise. She's the best fucking foster mom I've had, and no, I don't want to end up in some school again. Yes, Jack is a complete and total asshole most of the time. And yes, he's the closest fucking thing to a brother I've ever had. Yes, I have friends. They're assholes too, but they don't hate me and I don't hate them. Yes, I'm going to a fucking party and I want to get some ass. No, I don't want to fuck to make myself feel better. If I wanted that, I'd _be_ fucking Dutchy. I'm not. I'm just horny. Like a normal. Fucking. Teenager."

"Well!" Dr. Manuel smiled brightly, irritatingly cheerful in response to Sean's angry rant. "As soon as we can get your compulsive need to swear in every sentence taken care of, I'd say you were cured!" Sean stared. "Just a…little joke…" Dr. Manuel cleared his throat, and Sean almost laughed a little. "No, you aren't cured. Sorry, but even though most of what you're saying seems to be true, and I do think you're doing much better, trauma doesn't just go away. But you're making progress." He smirked. "Besides, how many times have you bothered to tell me what I want to hear before?"

"Who says I'm telling you what you wanna hear?" Sean snapped.

"I am."

"You _like_ hearing I fucked a chick?"

"I like hearing you talk."

"How romantic."

"I'm very proud of you."

Sean stopped, just as he was about to say something. Oh. Great. A _dad_ moment. Not that Sean knew what those were like. If Denise was supposed to be his mom, Sean was never going to have that other thing...he'd never really thought about that before.

"Uh," Sean muttered. "...K."

"You've really, really impressed me. Have you impressed yourself?"

"Don't get lame."

"Aren't I always lame?"

"Yes," Sean crossed his legs. The couch made a noise, and finally, Sean snapped, "Would you get new fucking couches? They're so fucking loud."

"Sean," Dr. Manuel continued. "I want to hear you say, 'I'm proud of myself'."

"No!"

"Sean-"

"This isn't fucking television, I'm not proud of anything."

"Nothing?"

"...No."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't know! Get new couches!"

"'Get new couches'?" Dr. Manuel quoted. "Now who's being lame?"

"Fuck you!"

Dr. Manuel smiled. "I suppose proud might not be the right word, then, Sean. Here's a hypothetical situation. You come home after school and these people-Dutchy and Ryan and whoever-they're gathered around, playing video games."

"Yeah?"

"Well, how do you feel about that?"

"How do I _what?"_

"Feel? These people are in your house, hanging out; what do you do? How do you feel?"

Sean started to snap something out of reflex, then stopped. Because the thought of seeing Dutchy and Blink and everyone else after school, just sort of hanging out… Well. He probably wouldn't tell them to fuck off. He'd probably actually sit down and read or something. And maybe join in if they were talking. Maybe.

Sean coughed uncomfortably. "Do you have, like, water or anything?"

"Hm?"

"Fucking water! Jesus."

"I, uh..." Dr. Manuel started. "I could get you-"

"I already told you I don't completely hate them, what else do you want?"

Dr. Manuel laughed a little. "So you did, okay. All I want, Sean, is for you to be getting what you want, and need, to grow. And move on. And do you think you have? Moved on, a little?"

Sean scratched behind his head. "I guess. A little."

Dr. Manuel smiled at him, and then glanced at the clock on the wall behind Sean. "And we're out of time."

Sean looked a little surprised. "Oh."

"Passed by quickly."

"Yeah, I guess."

Dr. Manuel stood up and walked out from around his desk, as Sean stood and sneered at the leather. "I'll see you next week. It was a very good session today." He led Sean towards the door and opened it up.

"All we did was talk," Sean said stepping outside.

Dr. Manuel smiled again. "Exactly."

Sean paused, then sort of nodded slightly, as if trying to get out of smiling back, and then turned and stalked off, his hands in his pockets.

Dr. Manuel watched him go, and then glanced at the woman in the waiting room. "Nadine, hello."

She followed him inside, and they settled themselves. Dr. Manuel paused, and glanced at Nadine across from him on the leather couch.

"Nadine, how do you like the couch?"

"It's a little noisy."

"I see," Dr. Manuel made a note. "So, Nadine..."

* * *

"Jack!" Denise said, halting Jack as he put his hand on the doorknob.

"Yes, Mom?" Jack sighed.

"I believe," she said firmly, "that you are grounded."

"Busted," Sean laughed, following Denise into the room.

"Mo-_om!"_ Jack whined. "I'm just going over to drive David over to pick up his friends. He's worried about it."

"Jack," she repeated.

"He's stressing out that they won't get along with everyone," Jack continued. "He wanted them to meet me first so they won't be _totally_ overwhelmed."

Denise raised an eyebrow.

"Also because he can't get his dad's car for the night, and he doesn't want his friends to have to take the bus."

Denise waited.

"Please, Mom? I'll just drop them off at Blink's and then I'll come _right_ home. No partying, I swear."

She stared.

"Okay, I _was_ going to go to the party, just a little bit… but I won't!"

She stared.

"Please, Mom?"

"Oh, stop whining. You got yourself into this mess," Denise answered, but at Jack's pleading look relented. "You can drive David and his friends around, but no time at the party. Period."

"But-"

"No buts! Now scat, and I won't hesitate to drop by the party and make sure you aren't there, so come right home."

Jack grumbled and started off.

Sean gave him a smarmy grin. "I'll drink eight beers in honor of your absence."

"Go die."

"'I _have_ to go pick up my Davey...'"

"I didn't call him that!"

"Okay okay, enough of this," Denise said. "Just get going. Jack, you and I can rent a movie or something, I won't make your evening a complete loss. And if David gets sick of the party, he can come too."

Jack rolled his eyes and kissed his mom on the cheek. "Okay. Spot, lets go."

"Don't call me that."

"Have fun, Sean, don't be out late," Denise said, settling into the couch and pulling out a magazine. "You're on the clock, Jack."

"Yeah, yeah..."

Sean glanced at Denise, flipping through her magazine, and then at Jack, grumbling as he opened the door and slumped down the pavement towards the car. Sean stopped in the doorway for a moment, then said, "Haveagoodnight," before shutting the door behind him.

He saw Denise glance up just as he closed the door.

"This is fucking ball," Jack moaned, waiting for Sean at the van. "I've been waiting for this fucking party forever, and Sarah and I _finally _made up..."

"Your voice is just the most fucking irritating sound I've ever heard," Sean said swiftly, opening the door and making himself at home in shotgun.

"Yes, and swearing every second word is so original," Jack grumbled.

"Let's hurry up and pick up your stupid friends," Sean said, with a grin.

"They're not my friends, David is my friend." Jack pulled out of the driveway. "Rich kids are the worst, this is gonna be brutal."

"Why the hell should you care what they think? They're just some fucking snobs."

"Well… Davey likes them," Jack admitted. "And he's always hidden me from them before, I know he has."

"I wonder why the hell that could be." Sean snorted, as Jack pulled up at David's house and a minute later, David and Sarah both hurried out. Jack kissed Sarah quickly before announcing that it hadn't worked, and his mom wouldn't let him go to the party after all. She scowled, but when he said that David had been invited over to watch a movie, she glowered even harder.

"Queer," she snapped at David.

"Whore," David answered, and let himself into the van.

"Don't call her a whore," Jack sighed, as he pulled away.

"Jack, she cheated on you… and, anyway, she's my sister. I'll call her what I want." David glanced at Sean. "Sean, don't kill my friends, okay?"

"Give me a good reason not to."

David sighed. "Look, I just… urg… Sean, you can't… Jack, make him behave."

"Like I can make Sean do anything," Jack scoffed.

"Yeah, that's right," Sean answered, smug. "You're both my bitches."

David ignored him. "Jack, I can't believe you won't even be there! I was really counting on you…"

"Well, I didn't mean to get grounded," Jack mumbled.

"Don't be stupid, next time!" David snapped. "Caught bringing pot to school, honestly, Jesus."

"I didn't mean to…" Jack trailed off.

Sean snorted and stared out the window, letting David and Jack's bickering fade away. He was feeling kind of horny and was in kind of a good mood after his session that afternoon, which had never happened before… He thought momentarily about giving Dutchy another go, since he was pretty sure no one else gay would be there (except Blink, who didn't count) and he wasn't willing to even _consider_ screwing around with a girl again.

But still, as they drove, Sean had that nagging feeling. He kind of wanted to get laid.

And there was something else. A weird feeling, in his lower belly. It was like, a total, impending hard on. As if his dick was just waiting for something. Which was kind of weird.

"So, gonna molest Dutchy again?" Jack asked. "Because honestly? He's so jittery, I should warn you, I think he'd come all over the place."

"JACK!" Sarah said with a shriek. "That is gross!"

"That _is_ gross," David agreed.

"You been messing around with Dutchy lately?" Sean asked Jack, who flipped him the bird.

"No, but since you two hooked up, it's like, made him more horny. Like, more is worse for him."

"Ugh, Jackass, how long is picking up these rich fucks gonna take?"

"Sean..." David said weakly. Sean gave him a grin.

"Is Tony bringing any friends?" Sarah asked.

Jack gave her a dangerous look. "Why do you wanna know?"

"Because," Sarah said shrewishly, "I don't _like_ his friends."

"That better be the reason..."

"Jack, I apologized!"

"Don't listen to her, Jack."

"Fuck off, Sean!"

"Eat me, whore."

"I don't eat diseased, moldy meat, asshole."

"You'd better not be eating anyone else's meat…" Jack muttered.

"Can we not discuss Sarah eating anything?" David whined. "Ew."

"Yeah, for Christ's sake," Sean muttered. "Ew."

Sarah glowered at Sean, Sean stared out the window, and Jack drove, taking directions from David. Half an hour later, they pulled up outside a house with a spacious lawn, a picket fence, and several expensive looking cars in the driveway. One was a bright red convertible, which Sean stared at lustfully. He wanted a car, any car, but a car like _that…_ well, it was just sexy.

He shifted in his seat. Dutchy or someone else, he was going to have to do something to relieve this frustration.

"I'll just go ring the bell and, uh, be right back," David said, and hurried out of the van. When he returned a few minutes later, it was with two other boys.

Sean looked at them both in turn, the darker skinned one first. He was average height, with a sweet looking face, light brown skin, puppy dog eyes, and tight curls. And judging by his posture, his outfit, the way he walked, and a million other details, he was incredibly, incredibly gay. Maybe even as gay as Blink. If that was even possible.

Then Sean turned his gaze to the other boy.

Sean felt his mouth drop open, a little, not out of shock, but by pure, uncensored lust.

The boy was clearly Italian, with sharp cheekbones, black spiked hair, and eyes so brown they seemed black. He had some light freckles across his nose, and wore a tight shirt and rich-looking black tailored pants.

This was a very, very hot, very, very well built Italian.

And when Sean remembered to start hearing again, once he regained senses other than sight and horniness, he heard his name.

"Yeah, it's a dirty old van, Tony, get over it."

'Tony' sneered as he pulled open the door, nodded his head for Sean to move over, and took a seat next to Sean.

Tony.

"Okay, guys," David said, sitting down in the very back next to Michael, or whoever the guy who wasn't Tony was. "Mikey, Tony, you know my sister Sarah," Sarah didn't look totally enthused to be seeing Tony again, but she smiled at Michael, "and that's Sean and, uh, Jack."

"Oh, so _this_ is your mysterious lover, up close and personal," Michael said, smiling broadly.

"Shut up!" David squawked.

"So they noticed you're gay, too," Sean muttered.

"It's kind of obvious," Michael said. Sean glanced at him again. Michael was clean cut and just… pleasant. Perfect for Blink, sure. But kind of dull, really.

Not like (Sean licked his lips just thinking the name) Tony.

Tony hadn't said a word yet. He stared out the window, looking bored, then asked, "There's gonna be booze, right?"

"You drink?" Sean asked.

Tony looked at Sean for the first time, his half-bored, half-disdainful expression never wavering. "I don't drink anything domestic," Tony answered finally.

Sean snorted. "Good luck at this party, pure fucking PBR all the way."

"Ught, why?" Tony snorted.

"Because it's cheap," Sean answered.

"Figures," Tony snapped back.

Sean bristled. Tony was a complete and total snob, with an attitude that Sean could almost smell over Tony's vastly overpriced aftershave, and it all combined to make an already hot guy even hotter. Sean really found that he wanted to pin Tony against the car seat then and there, and fuck until Tony dropped the attitude and his hair was deliciously messed up.

Sean blinked.

Definitely horny.

Now the million dollar question… Did Tony fuck boys?

"So how long will this drive take?" Tony asked.

"You have your snooty voice on," Michael said.

"If you didn't live all the fucking way across town..." Jack muttered.

"Stop complaining," David scolded.

"Nerd," Jack snapped.

"Yeah," Tony said. "You're a nerd, Davey."

"_David_ is not a nerd," Jack snarled, even though he's the one who'd just said so.

Tony raised an eyebrow, smirking, and Sean just about came right there. He turned to Tony and asked, "What are you, then? Nerd? Snob? Fag?" Sean asked.

Tony shot him such a defensive look that Sean kind of laughed. "I'm _not_ gay."

"Ah," Sean said. Denial. "So, how much did you say you like to drink?"

"I didn't."

"Then, by all means, indulge me."

It was at this point that the rest of the car seemed to catch on to what exactly was on Sean's mind. Jack slowly glanced at Sean, with such a dangerous look that he forgot to stop at a red light and was thus honked at for a good ten seconds as he Jack shot his head back forward and gained control of the situation.

"'Cause there'll be a shit load of booze," Sean continued. "But I doubt you rich fucks can handle it."

"Try me, you scrawny, pasty, poor piece of shit," Tony snapped. Sean smiled then. He had a temper.

This was amazing.

"I'll have to see it to believe it," Sean said.

"_Sean_," Jack and David both said, clearing their throats.

"What? I'm trying to get to know Tony over here."

Tony snorted. "Why? I don't give handouts to scrawny assholes."

"Who wants your fucking charity?" Sean snapped. "All I'm saying is, for a little man, you sure fucking talk big."

"Tony, _please_ don't get too trashed," David sighed.

"Are you kidding? I want this whole fucking night to be a blur by the time I get home."

"Then why bother coming?" Sean asked, secretly pleased he got to say 'coming' to Tony. "You can't get smashed on your imported beer all alone?"

"I'd much rather get smashed on my imported beer all alone, actually," Tony answered icily. "I'm here as a favor to Michael and David."

"Yeah?" Sean challenged.

"Yeah. Why the fuck else would I want to party with the guys who're going to be gassing up my car in five years?"

Sean was suddenly sure the gorgeous car in the driveway had been Tony's. But what he said aloud was, "At least my daddy won't be buying my way into a job while my mommy still packs my lunches."

Then Tony, seemingly reacting without thinking, reached across the seat and shoved Sean, hard, against the door of the car. "_Don't_ talk about my family, asshole," he said icily.

Sean just smiled. Like, actually smiled. And said smoothly, "So we can't talk about your rich mom and dad, but you can run your little pretty mouth off about how little money we have?"

"Listen-" Tony said dangerously.

"So did your mom buy you that fag perfume?"

"I'm _straight_," Tony snarled.

"Oh, I bet, that's a really straight little outfit you got on." Sean ran his eyes down Tony's body as obviously as he could, and was quite turned on by the way Tony was squirming in place but trying to pretend he wasn't.

He straitened his back and shoulders and glared at Sean. "It's called 'style'."

"Yes, for fags."

Jack snorted in the front seat. Sarah, in the meantime, glad to have switched shotgun with Sean when they picked up David and her, turned back and said, "You aren't gay?" to Tony, in a very innocent voice.

But she wasn't fooling anyone, and was clearly sour about Tony's remarks about their wealth. Or lack thereof.

"No!"

"He's not," Michael sighed. "Believe me..."

"Whassat mean, Mushy?" Tony asked, in an entirely different voice.

Sean kind of liked him better when he sounded mean. But the nice voice wasn't so bad either.

David snorted and Michael sighed. "Nothing, Tony," Michael said lightly. "Just that you're not gay."

"Goddamn right I'm not."

"You, on the other hand," Sarah said, twisting in her seat to regard Michael. "You're as flaming as Blink."

"That's what David told me," Michael agreed. "I don't know what it means, but whoever he is, I hope he's pretty."

"He's a pansy," Sean snorted.

"As scrawny as you?" Tony asked sharply.

"You like what you see?" Sean asked back, smirking. "For a straight boy, you look awfully interested."

"Don't be disgusting," Tony answered. "I'm not gay."

"I am!" Michael said cheerfully, interrupting the simmering fight. Sean seethed inwardly. The more Tony protested, the more Sean was convinced that Tony was completely and totally gay.

"Yes, Michael, you're very gay." Tony rolled his eyes. "Dave, you said you found him a piece of ass, right? Because I cannot take his whining any more!"

"I have a friend who he might-"

"Blink will see him, blow his load right there, wrap himself around the poor fairy's ankles and never let go," Sean interrupted.

"That's disgusting," Tony said.

"And probably accurate," Jack said. "I mean, I love Blink and all…"

"Not like you love David," Sean smirked.

"Shut the hell up, Spot," Jack snapped. But Sean wasn't paying attention, he glanced over at Tony instead. And Tony looked mildly amused.

Michael sighed dramatically and turned to Sean. "Is this boy _pretty?"_ he asked.

Sean made a face. "No! I mean…" He grumbled. "His hair is okay. His ass is okay. Whatever. Blink's okay. Ught."

"Why are you shuddering if he's 'okay'?" Tony quoted. "Dave wouldn't hook Mushy up with someone not good enough."

"Because he's _Blink,_" Sean said. "You have to meet him to get it."

"Oookay," Tony said, and leaned back against the seat. "Jesus, Dave, are we there yet? How fucking long is this trip?"

"Not much further," David said. "Not much further till this aaaall starts."

"What's with you?" Jack asked.

"I have a weird feeling."

"Like, 'Jack is gonna do something stupid' weird, or 'something major is gonna happen to Davey tonight' weird, or-"

"Oh god, shut _up_, Jackass," Tony said.

Jack turned and gave Tony such a furious look that Tony's wince was almost noticeable. "Only people I like are allowed to call me that."

"He likes you, he really likes you," Sarah said dully to Sean.

"Is it hard, your grace, that your boyfriend wants to stick it in your brother's ass?"

"Is Crazy talking?" Sarah asked Jack. "I just hear a gay lisp."

"I don't wanna stick it in Davey!" Jack whined.

"Who do you wanna stick it in?" Spot said smoothly to Tony.

Tony inched away. "Someone far away from you, you fag, shut up."

"Defenses are up," Spot grinned.

"He has this slut he likes," David muttered.

"Ugh, _total_ slut," Mush agreed, sounding oddly bitter.

"I don't _like_ her," Tony shrugged. "I just wanna bone her."

"What do you see in her?" Mush asked angrily.

"She's a _slut_," Tony said again. "I don't see anything in her. I want to have _sex with her_. In fact, if I wasn't here tonight, I'd _be_ having sex with her, so you freaking owe me!"

"You would not," David said, shaking his head. "You'd get to second base and pussy out again."

"Dave!" Tony hissed angrily, as the rest of the van burst into laughter. Sean was pleased, though, because Tony immediately turned a glare to him.

"So you're a pussy," Sean said, smirking. "Or a fag?"

"I'm not-"

"Or both," Sean said.

"Fuck you!" Tony yelled. "Unlike some people, I can get some whenever the hell I want, so I don't need to fuck every ho I run into."

"You run into a lot of hoes, there, stallion?" Sean asked.

"You ever met a Catholic school girl?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow. Most of his cool was back. He smirked, and Sean felt that urge to rip his clothes off again.

"Catholic school girls?" David repeated. "Like your sisters?"

The atmosphere got thunderous. "SHUT. UP."

"Oh, your sisters are all so stunning in their own little ways..." Mush said with a deep sigh.

"Isabella is terrifying," David said bluntly.

"Yes, but her neck..."

"Stop it, Mush," Tony snapped.

"This is pure homosexual admiration for grace and beauty," Mush said in an irritated tone.

"I don't want to hear anything about my sisters' necks."

"More denial?" Spot ventured.

Tony turned very serious all of a sudden. "Shut the _fuck_ up."

"Well-"

"My sisters are off fucking limits for all fucking jokes!"

"You make jokes to them..." David reminded.

"Shut the hell up, Davey."

"Look at the mood you have put him in," Mush said to Spot. "You're poison! Good looking poison, but poison."

Spot sneered. "You ain't my type."

Mush snorted. "Please. I like meat on my men. I also like my men to resemble men."

Spot narrowed his eyes. It was one thing that the people he knew and had, he admitted grudgingly, come to sort of be friends with, joked with him…but not some pretty boy rich fag. "Shut your goddamn mouth, cocksucker," he snarled, and started to reached back to shove him. Not hard, just enough to get the message across.

But at the same moment, Mush winced and Tony wrapped a hand around Sean's arm and yanked. "Touch him and you're a fucking dead man," he snarled.

Sean was both enraged and incredibly turned on. He didn't doubt for a second that Tony would get into a fistfight with him without a second thought…which was kind of erotic, in an unhealthy way. Tony, a little bit sweaty and bloodied up, maybe with a ripped shirt, putting his hands on Sean's body… Yes, hot. And since Sean was sure that he'd win in the fight, he'd get to pin Tony down and maybe tear off his clothes…

Good fucking god, this kid was making him horny. In an obsessive way. And he'd only known him for about twenty minutes.

But he did have a reputation to keep up. He turned his death glare on and looked down at Tony's hand on his arm. "Move your hand, or I'll break every one of your fingers," he said in his lowest, deadliest voice.

To Tony's credit, he didn't flinch. He waited another few seconds, then let go slowly, a finger at a time. But he added, "So much as _look_ at him again and I'll kill you." His accent had become gloriously thick.

Sean snorted, but before he could say anything, David spoke up. "Sean, please. Michael's had a really rough week, okay?"

Sean glanced back at Michael and was pretty sure he could see some fading bruises behind expertly applied foundation. He snorted. "Whatever you say, Princess," he muttered disdainfully.

"_Thank_ you," David muttered.

The next ten minutes were fairly quiet, with David and Mush making light conversation along the way.

Finally, they slowed down next to Blink's battered house with its hammock on the front lawn, half of it not even hanging from a tree. Sean was reminded briefly of one of his foster homes, and thought to himself that he would _not_ have a good night unless he was loaded or having sex.

His eyes drifted to Tony...who sneered at him.

The more Tony was a dick, the more Sean just wanted to nail him.

"Well, here we are," David said. "Do I have to give the 'be nice' talk, or are you all going to _not_ be eight years old?"

"It depends on if you'll _not_ be a total fairy," Sean said.

"Shut. Up!" Tony snapped.

"Make me."

"Eight years old it is..." David sighed. "Let's just go and have a good time and not kill each other, okay?"

No one said anything as they filed out of the car. Sean deliberately hung back, so he could slump behind Tony and watch him _walk_. And he did. And he grinned. And enjoyed the view.

They slumped in the door and stopped. Tony looked around, sneering at the drab insides of Blink's house. It was shabby, with a stained rug, faded couches, and frayed curtains. It was also slightly full – all the alternative and emo kids were there. No jocks or popular kids, obviously, as Sean had predicted, but it was a pretty high turn out. Of course because Blink's dad wasn't there. Unsupervised parties were the best.

"Whoa, hey, everyone!" Blink yelled, pushing through the crowd towards them. "Five bucks." He stood in front of them, surprisingly daunting.

"Excuse me?" Tony said.

"For the booze," Blink said. "C'mon, it's not a lot, but I've gotta recoup _something_ on this."

"PBR?" Tony said. "Why not just serve fucking tap water and save the money you so obviously need?"

Blink looked a little stricken. Sean licked his lips. Tony was so _good_ at being an asshole. Like he'd practiced. Like in some way, maybe he was a kindred spirit to Sean, who had made asshole-ness into an art form. What a delightful thought.

"Tony," Michael sighed, pushing up to stand next to him. "Don't be a dick, okay, just pay and…" He trailed off. He and Ryan were now face to face.

Sean blinked, watching them. It was like something out of a movie, even he could swear that the lights and the music went dim as their eyes met. Michael had gone silent and Blink had forgotten how to speak.

Sean was just about to interrupt with a snide comment, when Michael finally stammered, "I…I'll pay for him," and reached for his wallet.

"No, no, don't, you come…you can come in free. Both. I…you can just come in. Yeah. Come…in…"

"Yeah, come in, we get it," Sean snapped, pushing his way into the room.

"_You_ have to pay," Blink answered, but he hadn't looked away from Michael.

Sean snorted. "Yeah, that'll happen never." He walked on, and Blink didn't stop him, or Tony, who followed. He smirked, pleased. "Beer's this way, dickhead," Sean added, to make sure he'd keep following.

Sean glanced over his shoulder, at Tony, then past Tony, sneaking a look at Blink and Michael. Who were still staring. He raised an eyebrow.

"One-Eye your boyfriend or something?" Tony asked.

"Jealous?" Sean said swiftly, grabbing a beer from a small boy with glasses and sauntering on, taking a huge sip.

"Get your own drinks," Tony snapped.

"Don't like bullies?" Sean said, turning around and grinning at Tony, finishing off his beer in one more large gulp.

"You're probably the biggest dick I've ever met, and I know a ton of dicks."

"I _bet_ you know dicks."

"Listen-"

Sean cut him off by grabbing two more drinks from some girl passing by, neither of whom said anything after Sean glared. Sean considered one cup and glanced at Tony. "Want?" Tony paused, before yanking the cup out of Sean's hand and knocking it back...though he wasn't as good at is as Sean was. He coughed and some beer dribbled out of his mouth.

"Sexy," Sean said.

"I don't care what you think," Tony sneered.

"Can't seem to handle your alcohol."

"I can handle it fine."

Sean. "Right."

"I _can_."

Sean grinned. "Whatever, Tony." And he walked away, pretty sure Tony was watching him. He didn't say anything, though. Scoring with Tony would mean not freaking him out, so he had to play it a little cooler. So when Sean grabbed an untouched six pack and took a spot at the wall to lean on, near where the door opened to the garage, he wasn't surprised when Tony joined him. "So now we're hanging out? Best buddies?"

Tony smirked meanly. "It's cause you have beer, fuckhead. Give me one."

Sean started to say that there was a lot he was going to give Tony, but instead dropped the six pack on the counter, then pulled the plastic rings connecting them off. "Help yourself. Try not to throw up."

Tony yawned. "Fine. You wanna fuck with me? Shotgun contest."

Sean raised a steady eyebrow. "I'm not doing that."

"Scared? No money to bet with on the winner?" Tony sent a critical eye to Sean's jeans. "Not surprised."

"I've got forty bucks in my wallet." It was the rest of his stolen money. Damn expensive cigarettes. "I'll bet it. I just don't want to be around a drunken mess all night." Sean considered Tony's height. "You don't look like you can hold a lot of it in you."

"Forty bucks is pocket change," Tony snarled, and dug out his wallet. He dropped two twenties on the counter. Sean followed suit. He reached for the first beer and so did Tony. "Cheers," he said. "And…go."

He wasn't paying a lot of attention to Tony as they keyed their beers and knocked their heads back. It was messy. But Sean was proud, and even if the game was stupid, he was going to win.

But Tony seemed to be a seasoned player, and when they dropped their empty cans, both looking wet and slightly out of breath, Tony had a huge grin on his face.

Not that Sean was angry he lost. Tony had a kind of nice smile.

"Not bad, for a rich fuck," Sean said, pushing his money closer to Tony.

Tony wiped his mouth, his eyes on Sean. "Best out of three?"

Sean snorted. "Are you serious?"

Tony didn't look like he was joking, just raised an eyebrow.

"Fine."

* * *

"No, I'm having a good time," Sarah said waspishly. "I wanna stay."

"I _can't_ stay," Jack said. "You know that."

"That's your fault, not mine. I don't have to do everything with you."

"I'm not asking you to!" Jack exclaimed, running his hands through his hair and darting his eyes around, as if searching for a way out of an argument. "YOU'RE the one who always talks about how we never spend any time together. This way we could go to my place-"

"I dressed up!" Sarah stamped her foot. "I'm wearing my most uncomfortable bra and my most uncomfortable shoes!"

"Then you can come back to my place and take them _off_."

"No! That isn't the point!"

Jack stared at her. "That makes absolutely zero sense. Davey!" David had been trying to sneak by them, and was spotted by Jack, who was always completely aware of David's presence. "Talk some sense into the brat, okay?"

"Keep calling me brat, I'll be _dying_ to go home with you," Sarah said, narrowing her eyes.

David looked at Jack. "She wore her shoes, she won't go home after she's put those on."

"But she says they're uncomfortable," Jack said.

"I think that's the point."

"Ha!" Sarah cheered. "I'm gonna go drink. Bye." She patted Jack's shoulder and sauntered off, aware of how nice her chest looked.

Jack glowered after her. "I asked her _nicely_..."

David looked at Jack staring after his sister, and for some reason felt red when he asked, "I'll come with you, okay Jack?"

Jack smiled at David. "That's even better."

"Okay."

They started off together, but David paused, looking at Tony and Sean. They were arguing and drinking, and vaguely wet; he was pretty sure he heard the word 'drum' yelled across the room, and let out a breath. Okay, so if they were arguing about that, it meant that Tony was being a bitch, but not a _total_ bitch. He was okay. But still…

Mush and Blink were standing quietly, speaking awkwardly. He hated to interrupt them, but… "Mush," he said, stopping. "You two getting along?"

Mush blushed and said, "We, um, were just talking about…um…shopping."

"Wow, that's pretty gay." He grinned at them. "Have fun, you two. I'm heading…"He sighed and nodded at Jack. "But, look, Mush, when you're ready to go, drag Tony over to my place so I can drive you guys home. But if you could check on him once or twice…"

"Yeah, no problem." Mush was still grinning stupidly.

"Okay." He glanced at Blink, and sighed. "Blink, don't let Sean hurt him, okay?"

"Uh huh," Blink said distractedly. And David saw how Blink's eye stayed firmly on Mush as Mush twisted slightly to wave goodbye.

"There's my good deed for the year," he murmured, as he and Jack walked away.

"So distracted they didn't even make a gay joke," Jack agreed.

Behind them, Mush and Blink were still talking.

"So. Um. That… Tony guy? You…you said you would pay for him, but, like…I mean, is he here with you?"

"Yeah." Mush paused. "I mean, no, shit, no! He's just my friend! We're not…He's straight, and I don't think like that about him!"

"You don't?" Blink smiled, looking relieved.

"I…don't." Mush tried it out, not liking the lie. But he paused, and looked into Blink's face. Into Blink's eye, at his smile. And he realized abruptly that he couldn't even remember Tony's last name at the moment, and that he knew for absolute sure that he was about to start the rest of his life. "I don't!" Mush said again, cheerfully.

"Oh…good. Because, honest to god, I think if you said he was your boyfriend, I might kill myself or something." Blink shrugged. "I mean, it's so hard to even meet another gay kid my age…and I just lucked out and met this totally gorgeous, awesome, wonderful boy, and…if you were already taken, I'd _die_."

"I'm so very, very single," Mush assured him, and tentatively reached out to brush a hand against Blink's neck. Blink sighed happily.

Blink and Mush stared at each other for a long time. Smiling stupidly. And maybe it was because the music on the stereo changed tracks to a slower, softer melody, and maybe it was because some people in the room filed out to look for a missing six pack, but as the music flowed around them, Mush and Blink leaned forward as one and kissed.

And Mush forgot about every time he wanted Tony to notice him, and every mean

thing the jocks said, and how he was bruised and humiliated.

And Blink forgot that his dad wasn't home, that he had a ridiculous eye patch, and how he suddenly wasn't nervous if he was a good kisser or not.

* * *

Tony took a deep breath in, and slumped his head on the table in front of him. Sean grinned. "Wow, can't take your booze."

"Eight's too much for ANYBODIES!" Tony shouted. He had shouted more and more as he consumed more beer.

"Not me," Sean said, though he kept a firm grip on the table in case he teetered. But he wasn't loaded.

At least, not like Tony was.

"Ugnn..." Tony muttered, unable to control it. Sean looked around the room, and saw Michael and Blink kissing. He wrinkled his nose.

"Oh fuck, I'll never hear the end of that shit."

"Wha?" Tony said.

"Your boyfriend is kissing a cyclops."

"Wha?"

Sean snorted in irritation, grabbed Tony's face, and wheeled it around to face the two idiots. "Woo!" Tony yelled. "Get some, Mushee!"

Sean grimaced in annoyance, and the couple looked up at them, startled. They had a hushed, quick conversation, and hurried over. As Mush asked Tony, "Are you drunk?" Blink grabbed Sean's arm and dragged him away.

"What the hell do you-"

"Sean," Blink snapped, interrupting. "Look at those two."

Sean looked. Mostly at Tony. But okay, Mush was now kind of fawning on the guy, trying to make sure he was okay. Tony lilted to the side and almost fell; Mush caught him and steadied him.

"So?"

"So that's his best friend who I think he used to have a thing for."

"So? Failing to see how this concerns me, one-eye."

"So!" Blink growled. "So he's going to keep running over here to check on him if he thinks you're going to, like, hurt him. So promise me you won't."

"Oh, I don't want to hurt him." Sean leered. "Well, maybe he'll be a little _sore_."

"Oh, no." Blink groaned. "Sean, please. _Please_ promise you'll leave him alone."

"I'm not even doing anything. He got himself drunk," Sean smirked.

"If you do something, then I'll…I'll…" He glowered. "I'll lose whatever shot I might have, and this guy is perfect. He's sweet and gorgeous and gay and he smells like mint and raspberry, and I really, really, _really_ need him to at least ask for my number, and if he's distracted worrying about Tony he won't, so I NEED you to say YES and look over at them and nod like you give a shit and will do what I asked."

Sean started to tell him to fuck off, but saw Mush look over at him and smiled, then turn back to Tony quickly. And Sean realized that if he was going to get to spend any more time with Tony, alone, he'd need Mush out of the way. So he nodded, and did it again when Mush looked over again. "Whatever you say, buddy."

Blink blinked. "Buddy?"

"Just fuck off. Take the fairy and go get laid."

Blink looked torn between wanting to agree and wanting to object that his motive was _pure_, but finally just said, "Don't traumatize him, okay?"

"Whatever. Go away now."

And he went, walking over to take Mush's arm and pull him away.

Leaving no one between Sean and Tony.

* * *

In the living room, Jack was singing along to Paradise By the Dashboard Light, which was playing on the stereo.

David laughed. "This song is ridiculous. And the fact you own a Meatloaf CD is more ridiculous."

"If by ridiculous you mean awesome!" Jack bellowed.

"You sure you don't mind me being here? You didn't have your heart set on..." David shuddered. "You know, with my sister?"

"Nah." Jack shrugged. Then smiled at him. "_Ah-let me sleeep on it_!"

"Please don't sing along."

"Sing with me."

"Let's please be more gay."

"But don't dance."

"HEY!"

Jack laughed. "You're like, the worst dancer I've ever seen in my entire life."

David snorted. "Bit rich, coming from you."

"I got mad pelvic skills," Jack said confidently.

"Please don't demonstrate them to me."

"I'm kind of glad I'm not at a party," Jack said, bobbing his head. "We can watch movies with Mom or something. You, me, Mom. There. Perfect." Jack smiled.

Sometimes, David observed, Jack was so boyish. Like the childhood he missed was happening in little two-second spurts of happiness.

"Yes. Perfect. Okay. I'm not a bad dancer."

"You're the worst."

"No!"

* * *

Dutchy walked in like he owned the party. This felt good. It felt right. He was going to get laid. Nevermind the fact that his nose had been bleeding earlier, he actually felt happy. Even if he knew it was just the cocaine. He really didn't give a shit. He didn't feel good when he wasn't high, and the worst thing that happened when he was? Bloody nose, so why the hell shouldn't he just get high?

He grabbed a napkin and wiped the left over, dried blood from his face, picked up a beer, and looked around. A hot dark haired chick was standing by herself, looking kind of lost. "Dutch to the rescue," he said to himself, and walked over to her. "Hey, you." He grinned and she looked over at him and smiled.

"Hey."

"You look lonely."

She shrugged. "None of my friends showed up. Just me."

"Ooooh, that sucks. But I tell you what, I'll be your friend for the night." He leaned down to look at her better. "My name's Dutchy."

"Kirsten, and I think you're in my math class," she answered, but before it could get further than that, someone grabbed his elbow. He started to snap in irritation, but stopped when he saw Itey.

"Gaaaaabe," he said instead. "What's up? You getting laid tonight, bud?"

"Ught, Dutch." He made a face. "I'm not like _you_."

"Like what?" Kirsten asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Like…" Itey trailed off guiltily, but she gave Dutchy a huffy look.

"I'm out of here," she snapped and stalked off.

"Thanks a lot." He pouted. "Now _you_ have to have sex with me to make up for it."

"Nooo, it doesn't work like that," Itey said.

"But it _should_," Dutchy said, and pinched Itey's ass.

"Ow! Dutch! Hands to yourself!"

"I'm so horny tonight, Itey, you have _no_ idea. I wanna get laaaaaid." He put an arm around Itey's shoulder. "Let's find us some chicks, man."

Itey made a strangled noise.

Dutchy grinned. Somewhere inside, he knew he was driving Itey away, but he was high enough that it didn't matter at the moment. And when he dragged Itey towards a pair of girls, a redhead and her brunette friend, he didn't squirm away.

So it was all good.

* * *

Blink led Michael out to the back stoop. It faced his shabby back yard, with other, equally shabby yards around it. It was a little embarrassing. Michael was obviously wealthy, he probably had never seen a house so crappy before.

"It's such a nice night," Michael sighed, and leaned close to Blink. "Maybe a _tiny_ bit chilly."

"We can go back in-" But then he realized Michael meant it purely as an excuse to put their arms around each other. He did so, obligingly. It really was a little chilly out; it was only the beginning of March. Still winter, really. "So," Michael said. "Um. I…I have something to say."

"What's that?"

"You'll laugh at me…."

"Never." Blink knew it was true, too.

"You're the first boy I ever kissed."

And Blink smiled. "Same here. I just couldn't help myself…You're so fucking cute, I just…I could kiss you all night."

"Please do," Michael breathed, turning towards him. Blink smiled as their lips met again.

* * *

Sean clicked the door shut behind him as Tony stumbled ahead of him, flopping onto the floor and leaning against the bed in Blink's room. It was dark, with one small, square window, barely large enough to let in an inch of sunrise. Sean wondered how such a huge fairy could have lived in such a realm of dark

He cleared his throat. "You passing out?"

"Naaah," Tony drawled.

"Good, because I'm not taking care of you."

"I don't think I'd want you taking care of ANYONE. You'd probably kill kids you babysat. Deliberately!" Tony then laughed. "True evil lives in very few; if I took church more seriously, I'd think you were Satan."

"Plus I'm a fag, Luigi," Sean snorted. "So I fit the bill of what your parents hate."

"You mean me?"

Sean paused. Was this gonna be one of those weird drunken confession things? "What the fuck does that mean?"

"My dad…" Tony trailed off, looking absolutely wasted. "Hates me. He thinks I'm gay with Mush!" He giggled.

"Mush is so gay he makes everyone around him gayer," Sean said.

"Nuh _uh_. I'm not _gay_." Now he sounded childish.

"I'm not so fucking sure of that."

"I'm _not!_" Tony reached over and shoved Sean. Sean stumbled, drunkenly, and for some reason this deeply embarrassed him. Sean growled. Tony was drunk, and apparently aggressive, but still, he didn't like being shoved.

"Don't shove me, Luigi," he snapped.

"Why not?" Tony mumbled drunkenly. "Whatcha gonna do about it…runt?" He shoved Sean again.

Sean shoved back, and Tony fell back against the bed. His hair was a mess and his shirt was rumpled now. It was irritatingly sexy, seeing him all disheveled like that.

Sean considered just going in for a bite on his neck or pushing his palm into Tony's inner thigh...but Tony was drunk. And Sean was an asshole, but not the kind of asshole who took advantage of drunk guys who didn't know what they wanted.

So he wouldn't do anything.

Unless Tony did first.

"Don't. Touch. Me," Sean said through his teeth, opting that over any physical contact.

"Ugh...fine. I'd kill you anyway. And your parents would sue me and I'd have to deal with that."

"Or I'd kill _you_ and your parents would sue Jack and his mom, and I wouldn't care."

Tony looked at him, squinting his eyes. "You barely look like a guy anyway..." He said, his voice going quiet. "Your lips are all...girly. Are you a girl?"

"Fuck you!" Sean snapped. "I'm sexy as hell."

"Yeah, sexy like a girl!" Tony answered. "I mean, lookit you…" He reached forward, to Sean's hair. "Like a girl's, see? An' your lips…"

Sean felt a kind of pounding in his chest. "What about my lips?"

"They're like…" Tony went to move again, but fell. Fell closer to Sean. "Like…pouty. Like a girl's…"

"Fuck you. My lips are awesome." It was a struggle not to smirk. Tony was staring at his lips. Staring. Almost salivating. Sean tried to think of something else to say, but he felt oddly…tentative. Which was annoying.

"Nuh uh…" Tony leaned in, breathing against his skin. Sean could smell the beer on his breath. "You look like a girl…close up, too."

Sean's hand itched to grab Tony's arm, to pin him to the bed. But he didn't. Instead he said, "Get the hell out of my face."

"Fuck you," Tony answered. "I'll do whatever the fuck I want."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means I do what I want," Tony answered.

"And what do you want, rich boy?" Sean asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because in our short acquaintance, I don't think I've ever seen you get off your ass to do anything on your own."

"You don't even know me..." Tony wasn't talking very loudly now. He was just watching Sean's mouth. He took his hand and tapped his finger lightly on Sean's forearm. "Skin soft like a girl's..." he murmured.

Sean considered a remark. But Tony was getting closer and closer and Sean's breath hitched and he was suddenly nervous.

For a moment.

But it was nothing.

"I'm just gonna...try to...it's not...anything-" Tony cut himself off by pressing his mouth against Sean's.

Sean had just enough presence of mind left to pull away. "You sure you want this, straight boy? I don't want you regretting this in the morning." Tony blinked. "I mean it," Sean said, trying to sound less…'mean'. "Now's the time to back out, cause," he swallowed. He was feeling the drunkenness as he tried to find the right words. "I'm just saying. You sure?" Sean was glad no one he knew was around. He was being WAY too nice. And what was weirder was that…he kind of wanted to be nice?

"I do what I _want_," Tony repeated, and kissed him again. Sean kissed back this time, and finally let himself grab Tony's arm, press him against the bed. Tony squirmed underneath him for a second, but not in an attempt to pull away. Actually he seemed comfortable. Excellent.

Sean shifted over, straddling him, a knee on either side of Tony's legs. He gripped Tony's shoulders and kissed harder, glad Tony was kissing just as fiercely-just like Sean had figured he would. And when Tony finally stopped for a second, Sean moved and kissed his jawline, then further down, his neck. He had to admit it, he loved Tony's neck. And when he began to suck on it, nibbling slightly, Tony exhaled sharply and hissed something in Italian.

_Italian._

Sean didn't know what he fuck it meant, but it was sexy as hell.

As Sean kissed and kissed and bit at this Italian rich asshole who represented everything that Sean hated more than the _usual_ stuff he hated, there was something else. A weird comfortable familiar sort of feeling. Like Sean knew Tony's lips incredibly well.

They kept kissing, for a long time.

And for lack of a batter word, Sean decided it was: awesome.

"…kiss like a girl…" Tony murmured into the air.

"Whatever," Sean mumbled. He didn't care if Tony thought he was a girl, it didn't matter at the moment. Not until they had their pants off, anyway. He went back to Tony's neck, and Tony ran his hands up and down Sean's back rhythmically, slipped them under Sean's shirt. His hands were warm. Sean responded in kind, tugged Tony's shirt up, and finally over Tony's head. And oh, god, Tony's chest…Tony was everything that was sexy about the male body. Sean wasn't sure he could imagine a sexier torso.

"Hot damn, Italiano, you work out or what?"

"Mmm…" Tony was playing with the hem of Sean's shirt now. "Take it off."

Sean was torn between snapping that he didn't take orders and doing as requested. And in the hopes of getting further with Tony, he pulled his own shirt off. "Not like a girl?" Sean mocked.

"Good enough." With surprising confidence, Tony tipped his chin up to lick at Sean's nipple.

Sean sucked his breath in a little, and grinned. "Eager little heterosexual," he said. Tony either ignored him or was too gone to hear a word anyone said. He took a handful of Tony's hair, yanked his head back, and kissed at his neck, again, and Tony let his fingers play with Sean's nipple, still writhing underneath Sean.

And Sean could feel a stiff erection poking through Tony's expensive, tailored pants. He trailed his hand down Tony's torso, and...

And Tony burped.

Loudly.

And vomited on the carpet.

Like, _everywhere_.

"Oh you're fucking kidding me," Sean snapped.

"I don't…" Tony started, but stopped abruptly.

"Don't-"

But it was too late, and Tony hurled again, this time directly on to where both of their discarded shirts were lying. "Oh, fucking _Christ_," Sean snapped.

"I don't feel so good," Tony mumbled again, sounding weaker now. "Uhng…Where's…where's Mush?"

"Yeah, good question." He looked down at the vomit, as Tony wiped at his mouth. The downside was that he was no longer turned on at all. The upside was that it wasn't in _his_ room. He stood up and opened one of Blink's drawers, and found the least glittery, flamey shirt he could.

For himself.

Tony got a pink shirt with silver glitter snowflakes. Why the fuck Blink owned it, he didn't know.

"Put this on, lightweight, and we'll go find your boyfriend."

"I'm _not_ gay," he mumbled, trying to pull the shirt into place.

Sean snorted. "You're the faggiest fairy I've ever met. Come here."

He hoisted Tony up by the collar of the pink shirt and dragged him out of the room, sort of trying to keep him steady so he wouldn't throw up anymore.

"BLINK!" Sean yelled at the top of his lungs. He ignored the stares aimed in his direction and continued dragging Tony around.

"Noo, don't..." Tony whined.

"Pipe down." He spotted, out the window, Mush and Blink kissing out on the porch. Ah.

"Gross," he sneered, and stormed over to the door, flung open the door, and shoved Tony directly into Mush's arms.

"Wha?" Mush started.

"He's all yours, lady." Sean saluted, turned and left.

He hovered inside the door, listening, though. "Tony! Oh, god, honey, you…are you okay? What happened?"

"Puked…"

"Oh, god."

"I don't feel good…"

There was a long quiet, and finally, Blink said, "You should take him home."

"He can't go home like this, his dad would kill him…and…I'm not ready to leave yet."

"I don't want you to, but…Why is he wearing my shirt?"

"Puked on mine," Tony put in.

"Where?"

"Dunno…upstairs bedroom."

"Oh, son of a…SEAN!"

Spot didn't answer, just smirked.

"Oh, man, I have to go clean…ught, what a little asshole."

"I'm so sorry. He didn't mean to, really, Ryan. I, I'm sorry…"

"Oh, honey, Michael. It isn't your fault. You're perfect."

"SO GAY!"

"Tony!" Michael yelped. "…I should go find David."

"He's at Jack's. I'll walk you over."

When Blink and Mush stumbled through the door, carrying a short Italian who was much heavier than he looked, Sean just gave them a cheeky smile, actually smiled, and watched.

"You. Are. The. Biggest. Dick," Blink snapped.

"It is big, yeah. Better get drunk boy home," Sean said arrogantly, and attempted to saunter off in search of more booze, but he kind of stumbled, too drunk to hide it. Blink glared, and finally sighed and continued to help Mush with Tony (who was mumbling under his breath).

"Sorry," Mush said. "He's really not this bad. He's just...well..."

"It's okay, you didn't do anything," Blink said kindly.

"But he puked! And Tony pukes _everywhere_."

Blink winced. "I'm gonna kill Sean. He's such an asshole! Gah." He scowled. "Oh, man, my roooom..."

"Where's his shirt, do you think?" Mush asked. "I should wash it for him. He can't wear this home tomorrow." Mush paused. "That's your shirt?"'

"Yes..." Blink waited for the mockery. Mush was very gay, but he didn't look like the type who wore sparkles.

Mush smiled. "It's really cute, I bet it looks awesome on you."

And Blink beamed. Even if he spent an hour cleaning up some asshole's vomit, this was totally the best night of his life. "I'll find his shirt, if you can hold him."

"No problem." Mush propped Tony up against the wall. Tony reeled and fell onto his shoulder, and Mush sighed. Blink hurried off, and found Sean drinking in the hallway. He grabbed the beer from Sean's hand.

"You didn't pay, no more drinking, you ass."

Sean tagged around as they walked up to his room. "He kissed _me_," he said helpfully.

"You suck."

"Well, someone was going to suck on _something_, but he puked."

"I wish he'd puked on you."

Sean laughed.

"I used to think it'd be nice to see you normal, you know, with a laugh and all that," Blink ranted. "But nope, no, I liked you better when you glowered and kept quiet."

"Blah blah," Sean yawned. "I'm leaving."

"You're waiting for me to finish grabbing his shirt!"

"But it's gross."

"Shut up!"

"But you're gross too, and I'm around you all the time, and I'm okay-

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. Oh god..." Blink knelt down, looking at a pukey shirt on the floor. "Oh that's gross, it's _everywhere_."

Sean maybe had a pang of guilt, but still laughed, and Blink glared. Though, admittedly...Sean looked very different when he was laughing.

Even at someone else's expense in an assholeish way.

Blink winced and found a dry portion of the shirt, picked it up gingerly, and went right to the bathroom with it. He tossed it in the shower and let it run for a minute, then shut it off, shook it, and picked it up again. It wasn't clean, but at least it as less disgusting. "You wanna wash my shirt when you're done?"

"Shut the fuck up," Blink snarled. "I'll burn it."

"I've only got, like, six shirts, you dick!"

"Five now." Even though they both knew he'd never do it.

Sean followed him back downstairs. Tony had his arms around Mush's neck, but it was clearly to keep upright more than anything else.

"Hey, lightweight," Sean said.

"Hey, _cazzo_," Tony answered drunkenly. Sean wondered what that meant.

"Here. _You_ carry this." Blink dropped the wet shirt onto Sean's arm before he had a chance to pull away, and put an arm around Tony's shoulder. "Come on, you drunk idiot..."

"'M not an idiot..."

"Yes, you are," Mush said. "I turn my back for ten minutes, Tony, and look what you do."

"I didn't do nothin' bad, did I?"

Mush sighed. He gave Blink a pained look. "He really, really didn't mean to, honey."

"I know, babe. I know."

"Gag me," Sean said, as they dragged Tony down the road to Jack and Denise's house.

* * *

"This movie is so weird," Jack said.

"It's Taxi Driver, it's a classic," David said.

"Exactly," Denise replied.

"But it's weird. NO ONE is talking to him."

"Ugh, don't even talk," David sighed.

The doorbell rang at that moment, and there was a pause and a dead silence as the three people watching the movie did nothing to indicate movement towards the door.

"FINE, I'll get it!" David snapped, and he hurried off to the door.

Denise and Jack shared a smile.

"Obedient puppy," Denise said.

"Good moms would tell me to treat him like a guest," Jack joked.

"Good sons keep their mouths shut."

David opened the door. Stared.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked.

"Nooo..." Mush said. "I'm sorry..."

"Hey, _Davey_," Sean said cheerfully, brushing past David and going indoors. David watched him, and looked at Blink and Mush quizzically. "He's in a good mood."

"Don't ask..." Blink muttered.

David sighed. "Tony, what are we going to do with you?"

"I don't feel good..."

"I'll bet." He looked at Mush. "What-"

"I was busy." Mush shifted guiltily.

David raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah?" he said archly.

"Tony's not my kid, I have a life, you know!"

"No, you don't."

"I do _now_..." Mush looked over at Blink. "I hope. I've never had a boyfriend..."

"Me, neither," Blink said.

"GAY!" Tony put in.

"Oh, that is so very helpful, Tony." David groaned, then turned back towards the couch. "Denise, can Jack drive us home? I was going to crash at Mush's tonight..."

"But we're watching a movie," Jack whined.

"That you were complaining about!"

Denise rolled her eyes. "Go on, kids. Will he be okay?"

"He'll be fine. The hangover will serve him right," David muttered

Sean plopped down next to Denise on the couch. "Yo. Are you talkin' to me?"

"_You're_ in a good mood..." Denise said suspiciously. "Don't you wanna drive with the kids?"

Sean sent a second-too-long glance over to Tony, before saying, "Nope."

David looked at Sean with an arched eyebrow, and then at Blink and Mush, both of whom averted their eyes. As if saying anything would be tattling.

David was a mother hen, however, and no one was smarter than a mother hen.

"What did you do?" he asked Sean.

Sean beamed at him. "Nothing."

And Sean smiling was so eery that everyone decided what he did must have been very evil, and not to ask.

"Okaaay, lets go," Jack groaned. "Mom, pause the movie?"

"It's on TV, dear."

"Aaaww...but who's talking to him?"

"You're an idiot," Sean said.

"You're ridiculous," Blink shot back. Then he groaned. "I should get back and start cleaning and try to keep everyone from, like, setting the house on fire...But I don't want to."

Mush hesitated, then dumped Tony onto David and stepped onto the porch with Blink. "So...Ryan...Blink," he said, trying the nickname out. "Blinkee?"

Blink smiled. "Anything you want to call me is fine with me," he said.

"Blinkee," Mush decided. "I, um...I..."

Blink took his hand. "Um. So. You know. I don't have any plans, like...this week, you know."

"Me neither!" Mush said. "We could, like..." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a slick looking cell phone. "What's...what's your number?" Blink grinned and gave it to him. Mush saved it. "So...um, if I called you, would you want to, like, go out or something, sometime?"

"Oh, hell YEAH I would!" Blink said. "I mean, uh..." He shrugged. "I just think I might really like you."

"I think I might really like you _too_," Mush cooed. "Oh, Blinkee, I'm so glad we met. I can't believe...I've been waiting for you my whole life."

Blink had this odd sensation of being overwhelmed, and yet, completely comfortable. Like he was suddenly living in his dream home, but it wasn't new. He'd always been there.

The door opened behind them. "Come on, guys, Tony's dying and I can't hold him up," David said, dragging him out. "You can see each other again soon."

"Really soon," Michael insisted. "Like, if I don't see you soon, I might die."

"Groooossss!" Tony sang.

"You got that right..." David muttered, dragging Tony and thrusting him towards Mush. "Jack, get the door!" He hollered.

Mush looked at Blink, and Blink looked at him, and they both leaned in at the same time and shared a small kiss, before David took the other half of Tony's weight and they took his body to Jack's car.

Blink watched as Mush, not breaking eye contact with him, plopped Tony into the van, climbed in the back, and drove off.

Then he slowly started to walk home. Feeling like he was floating.

If it were raining, he would sing.

* * *

Sean collapsed onto his bed, still feeling buzzed from the party. He yawned. Blink's beer was cheap, but what the hell did he care? It was also free. And anyway, the night had had a lot of ups and downs, but he was in a great mood. He got to make out with a really, REALLY hot guy, he got to fuck up Blink's room, he got drunk. Sure, he hadn't gotten laid, but still. Not bad.

He stared up at his posters. It was weird. He'd never even thought about what a room would look like if it was _his_, he'd never had one before, really. Now he did...and he liked it. He liked that he could shut the door and shut out everyone, even Jack and Denise. It was private, and it was all his.

Actually, he liked the house, too. It was shabby and messy but comfortable. Denise wasn't too strict and Jack was only kind of an asshole. Living there wasn't the worst. He'd been in so many worse situations...really, this wasn't bad at all.

And the people around...not bad either, not really. Blink was an okay guy. Dutchy was a screw up, but not a terrible person, either. David and Itey, they meant well.

Weird stuff...very weird.

Now if only he'd gotten laid, this would be perfect. He stretched out and made himself comfortable, staring at the ceiling. Then he thought about Tony. Not about the throwing up part, but about the making out.

Sean didn't exactly know how he remembered, but he could still feel Tony's lips on his. He was pretty drunk at the time, and it hadn't been like they were on something gay like a date. It was making out in a bedroom that smelled like dust.

But he remembered it. And he remembered what Tony smelled like, too.

And tasted like.

He glanced around his room, taking in its smell, faint cigarette smoke. No potpourri. He thought of the smell of the living room carpet as he and Denise had watched _Taxi Driver_.

He thought about how it had all become familiar all of a sudden, behind his back.

Which was weird, because he'd just met Tony.

He groped for his book on the bedside table and found it, but then changed his mind. He hit the lights instead and the room went dark, illuminated only from under the door and around his curtains. He shut his eyes.

It was weird. He was lying here comfortable. Not cold. Not hungry. Not even angry, really. He remembered what Dr. Manuel and Jared and everyone insisted on, that he had friends now, and family, at last.

He rolled over and began to drift off, and his last thoughts were of a hard body and phrases murmured in Italian.

He fell asleep smiling.

* * *

**AN from B:** Wow, so. That's done. It doesn't quite match up with the details in the first chapter of EYDW, but that's the sort of thing that happens when you work on a project sporadically for nine years. And hey, holy crap: we're less than a month from the nine-year anniversary of posting the beginning of EYDW. That's…kind of amazing. And ridiculous.

Anyway. Looking back at this whole 'verse, there are a lot of things I would do different. There are places where the writing (MY writing, to be clear, not Funkie's!) makes me cringe; there are places where the content does the same. But as rough as it is in some places, I honestly can't believe the response this 'verse has gotten over the last nearly-decade. It's been overwhelming and amazing and I'm so grateful to every single person who emailed us, who reviewed, who drew art or commented or even just lurked around.

If you're still reading this after all this time, or have just waded through everything more recently to get to this note, thank you so much for everything.

(And if you've reading this, and you've read the future stuff on lj…yes. They do get back together in the end. It just takes them a really long time.)


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